Disclaimer: I don't own DMC or any of its characters, I don't own the Muppets or
Gollum and Lord of the Rings either.
Last time I forgot to put any authors notes at the bottom and some of you might have been wondering if this is a one-shot fic. Well it's not and you'll have to put up with me for the rest of your membership here and I'll never stop bugging you asking for reviews, NEVER! Bwahahahahahahahahah! Ahem, anyway here's the second chapter to Yet Another DMC Parody.
Chapter 2: The Curse of the bloody Muppets
Dante found himself on an island with Trish.
"Aack! w-where am I?" he stammered.
"Mallet Island" Trish answered "remember? The island that evil is going to spread from? The one I was telling you about?"
Dante thought back:
FLASHBACK
"Here's why I need your help," said Trish.
She started a long and boring speech but Dante wasn't listening.
He felt drowsy.
All he could hear was "blah blah Mundus, blah blah evil" etc.
He fell asleep with his eyes open.
END FLASHBACK
"Bananas" was Dante's reply.
Why do I have to put up with this idiot? thought Trish.
She spent the next half an hour explaining the problem to Dante, who asked questions that didn't really matter (such as "what colour was his hair?" and kept asking "why?" after every sentence).
"Come on, let's go" said Trish.
She then jumped up the cliff.
Dante spent the next two hours trying to jump up after Trish. He soon realised he couldn't after he managed to put a dent in his skull from jumping into the cliff wall.
He went on his way up the path when he seen something that made him stop.
There was a yellow orb that would make him come back after he died.
Dante didn't care, all he cared was that it was shiny, and he wanted it.
"Oooooooooooooooh, shiny" he said dreamily, he then stroked it and admired it.
"My prrecioussss" he hissed like Gollum from Lord of the Rings.
He walked a bit further when his shiny senses tingled he looked up.
"gollum! gollum!" he hissed and then jumped up and grabbed it.
He was just about to admire it when his shiny senses went haywire.
There was millions upon millions of shiny things inside the castle.
He charged inside as fast as a lunatic obsessed with shiny things could.
As soon as he got inside he noticed a large sign in front of him, it read
Mission 1: The Curse of the Bloody Muppets: Open the cursed door.
"missing1, a course in the muddy puppets: open a purse floor" Dante repeated questioningly; he couldn't read.
"No you idiot" said a voice in his head "the curse of the bloody Muppets: open the cursed door"
This made Dante jump; hearing a voice inside his head was strange for him, even realising that something was actually in there was a new and terrifying experience for him.
He walked into the hall and realised that there were lots of shiny things floating around.
Delirious with joy he strolled skipped around picking up the shiny red thingies.
He then came to the red door. Gave 45 red orbs appeared in front of Dante.
It is said that the scream that Dante let out still echoes around that island today.
Still sniffling, Dante continued on. He went up the stairs and came to the crumpled figure on the ground.
A closer inspection told Dante that it was a Muppet.
Dante fought hard to stifle his scream of terror; Muppets scared him.
He jumped up the hole in the roof.
Once again Dante noticed something shiny.
Authors Note: This will happen a lot so get used to it.
He grabbed it without realising where he got it.
As he walked away a dagger went flying past his head.
Dante realised that the thing that threw it at him was a Muppet.
Kermit the frog stood there holding two knives, flailing his arms wildly.
"Hello, hello, hello!" he screamed in that weird kermitish greeting.
Dante was shaking "f-first you t-took over the t.v." he said, stuttering, "and n-now you're h-here too!"
With sudden anger Dante slashed wildly with his sword, making frog's legs out of Kermit.
Shiny things appeared where Kermit once was.
Dante made an important discovery just then.
If you kill monsters you will get shiny things.
He turned around and saw Miss Piggy standing there.
Dante then pumped her with lead.
She ran screaming "IIIII'LLLLLL BEEEEEE BAAAAAACK"
Dante continued on and came to the cursed door (after getting over the fact that he had to sacrifice his Precious shiny key to get there).
He tried to open the door but it wouldn't.
The seventeen Muppets are my masters, there will be no admittance while my masters are here was spoken in his head.
Dante sulked for a while then saw the circular stone in the corner of the room.
For fun he tried hitting it with his sword. It became shiny.
"SHINY" screamed Dante and he kept on hitting the stone to make it shiny. The platform he was standing on sunk into the ground.
He arrived in the circular room.
There stood a hell of a lot of Muppets.
"There he is!" yelled the remains of Miss Piggy.
"Attack!" commanded Gonzo (the purple one with a hook for a nose)
They were about as good at fighting as they were funny, so they were easily killed.
Dante picked up the shiny things and went back up.
The door unlocked.
Dante temporarily forgot how to open a door.
"Open!" he commanded.
The door didn't budge.
"OPEN!" he repeated louder.
The door still didn't budge.
Dante kicked it. Suddenly the door blasted open, the two sides moving, almost like lips.
TRY THE DOORKNOB, GENIUS!
Was screamed into Dante's head, giving him a headache.
"Oh, right, I knew that!" murmured.
He went through.
MISSION COMPLETE
ORBS: 12,353,246
Dante thought back.
Just after freaking out Miss Piggy, he went on a killing spree, picking up the shiny thingies.
TIME: 13:34
RANK: C
Dante couldn't believe it. For the first time in his life he managed to get a C.
SAVE?
"Save what?" asked Dante.
NEVER MIND, STARTING NEXT MISSION.
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