Disclaimer: I don't own Devil May Cry or any of it's characters.
(Or the Muppets)
Thanks for all the reviews that you've been sending. No thanks to the person who read this but didn't review, you know who you are, you're days are limited!
Here's my reply to the first of you who did review.
myshadow: thanks for the suggestion, I already think I have another story thought up (it's not a parody). Yay! I made it on to someone's favourite list!
VergilSparda666: you sent the first review I've ever gotten, thanks.
Scorch the Hedgehog: I've been reading some of your fics, I'll probably be reviewing you soon.
Chaos Sparda: thanks, I think that I've been reading some of you're fics too, I'll be in touch soon.
By the way, I'll be trying a different writing style because I noticed that you couldn't tell when the story started and when it ended in my last chapter, I'll also try and make my chapters longer, but that will make my updates slower.
Anyway, here is the third chapter of Yet Another DMC Parody.
Oh, and the Muppets will be making another appearance,
CHAPTER3: THE BIG SHINY SWORD AND THE SPIDER
Dante saw another notice in front of him, it read (even though Dante can't read)
Mission 2: Coach of Death: Destroy the annoying Coach
"Huh?" said Dante.
"Find out what it means for yourself, jackass!" came the familiar voice.
"What what means?" asked Dante
"What the notice means"
"What notice?" asked Dante.
"The one right in front of you"
"There's a notice in front of me?"
"YES! IT'S RIGHT THERE!"
"That's a notice?"
"YES! What did you think it was?"
"What what was?"
"THE NOTICE!"
"What notice?"
"THAT ONE!"
"Cool, a notice!"
"Just get on with it, braniac"
"Okeydokey"
Dante found himself in a corridor filled with Muppets.
"EEEEEEEEEEEK!" he screamed (Muppets still scare him), heading for the door.
Once he was inside, he locked and barricaded the door.
He realised that he had shut himself inside his worse fear.
Dante slowly turned around.
He was in a library. Books were surrounding him; all of them filled with education.
Dante doesn't like learning
Dante started crying in the corner.
It wasn't fair, first Muppets, now a library and learning? thought Dante.
"Wimp" came a voice.
Dante jumped, after looking around he realised that the voice came from a shiny statue.
Dante's eyes widened. "Shiiiiiiiiinyyyy" he said dreamily.
"Imbecile" muttered the statue.
"Huh?" asked Dante.
"It's an insult" answered the statue.
"Oh" Dante started picking his nose.
"Ignoramus" grumbled the statue.
Dante copped on to what was going on; this statue was inside the library for God knows how long, he must have become a nerd.
"Heh, I used to beat up nerds like you in high school!" teased Dante.
"Spare me your absent-minded hooliganism" came the reply.
"Huh?" said Dante for the umpteenth time that day.
"Just shut up, please! Before you hurt yourself and let's get to business" the statue replied.
"Who are you?" asked Dante.
"I'm the god of time"
"What kind of stuff can you do?"
"I'll sell you items and teach you moves"
"What's that got to do with time?"
"Absolutely nothing"
"Then why-"
"Just shut up, please! I chose the name because it sounds cool, there! Are you happy!"
"Muffins" said Dante randomly.
"idiot" muttered the god.
Dante bought lots and lots of the shiny stars. Remember all the orbs he got in the last level?
He went back into the hallway. The Muppets were still there.
Dante sprayed them all with the shiny holy water.
Muppets, being pure evil, were wiped out.
Dante skipped down the corridor (while admiring his shiny stars) until he came to the end.
Dante's heart skipped a beat.
There was the mother of all shiny swords stuck into a painting of a clown; it was sparkling with electricity.
For the God-knows-how-many-ith time that day Dante was about to hear a voice in his head. By now he had to put some of the voices on hold.
"I am Alastor!" Started the sword.
"Sorry, I'm gonna have to put you on hold" replied a voice.
Alastor had to wait for some guy named Earl to finish his conversation with Dante.
"Hello?" said Dante after a while.
"I am Alastor! The weak shall give me their heart and swear their eternal-"
Suddenly the sound of a phone ringing stopped Alastor.
"Sorry, just a sec" said Alastor.
"Hello?" she asked (or he but I always imagined Alastor to be female)
"Alastor, this is your mother! How come you haven't visited me lately?"
came the other voice.
"Mom, this isn't a good time!" replied Alastor.
"It's never a good time!"
"Goodbye, Mom"
"Don't you dare-"
"Anyway," said Alastor, "where was I? Oh yeah, I am Alastor! The weak shall give me their heart and swear their eternal loyalty to me!"
Alastor went spinning off the wall, going towards Dante.
She missed.
"Déjà vu" said Dante.
The sword went spinning back into the wall.
"Let's pretend that never happened, ok?" said Alastor.
She went flying into Dante's chest.
"Painification" squeaked Dante.
Nothing happened.
Traffic went on.
Birds chirped.
Dante coughed.
"Can you do something?" asked Alastor. Dante got up with Alastor still stuck in him.
Dante picked up Alastor and noticed something.
"The dream came true!" said Dante "I am shiny!"
He tried a few combos when a voice interrupted.
"You call that a combo?"
Dante turned around. The picture off the smiling clown was replaced with something that looked like a gym teacher.
The coach of Death.
There was an indent in the sculpture to put something.
"Swing that sword harder!" demanded the coach.
Dante swung harder.
"HARDER!" screamed the coach.
This went on for a while.
Dante realised that the only way to make the coach shut up was to give him the thing that was missing.
He walked away from the coach and went through the door at the side.
In there he found a shotgun.
"Pretty" he said.
He got the key, unlocked the door (after forgetting again how to unlock a door and Alastor having to explain) killed the Muppets, knocked back the altar and fell down the trapdoor.
He found what he was looking for, it was a whistle.
The thingie behind him rotated, letting him into the shotgun room.
He was just at the door when it blocked itself.
"AAAAAAGH!" he screamed "letmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeoutletmeout!"
Three grim reaper wannabes holding scissors floated towards him.
These were known as sin-perverts, they like to castrate any man that got in their way.
They were once gay barbers when they were young humans, but Mundus took their soul and changed them.
Dante took this as a chance to become shiny.
"NYAHAHAHAHAH!" he screamed.
The sin-perverts were immediately frightened of this freak and tried to float away, but Dante managed to shoot one of them with his shotgun.
"Oh, be nice!" said the dying pervert in a high pitched voice.
Dante scared the other two off with the look on his face when he seen the shiny things left behind by the dead pervert.
The door unsealed itself.
Dante arrived back at the coach of death.
"What took you so long?" he barked "you need to work on that speed! Jog on the spot! Hup hup!"
Dante put the whistle around his neck to make him shut up.
"Waddya think you're doin'?" he snapped.
There was a silence for a while.
Then suddenly the coach yelled out "OOOOWWW MY MOUTH!"
His mouth opened wide and a light came out of it.
The mouth stretched wider and wider until it covered the whole wall.
Dante walked in.
Mission Complete
Time: 00:30
Orbs: 1123
Ranking: B
"Wow, a B!" Dante had never got a B in his entire life.
Save?
Dante tried to read it.
"A Shave? Yes please"
Saving……………
"Where's my shave?" asked Dante angrily.
Starting Next Mission
"Where's my shave?" Dante repeated a bit louder.
Mission 3: Employer of Ardor: Receive the Hide of Lion.
Mission Start Power Up
"What's that?" asked Dante.
"It lets you buy stuff from the god of time"
Dante selected it.
The god of time appeared.
"How may I help you-" he started, then he saw Dante "Oh, great, the Neanderthal"
"Huh?" said Dante.
"I don't want to put up with you for long, so either buy something or get out!" snapped the god of time.
Dante bought all the shiny purple stars, the shiny yellow ones, and the shiny faces.
He then proceeded to roll around on the floor.
"Pleasure overload" he said in a robotic voice.
"Whatever brain I had about to self-destruct"
There was a bang, and Dante started laughing maniacally.
"Dante, are you all right?" asked Alastor.
There was a silence.
"Kangaroos" said Dante.
"He's ok, no difference whatsoever" said Alastor.
Dante then bought all the moves for Alastor.
Mission Start
Dante was standing in a big cathedral-like place.
He walked up to the top and saw a lion Halloween costume.
There was an engraving on the stand that the costume was on.
It read "The Hide of Lion is given only to those who are willing to pay 50 cent for it".
Alastor had to read it out for Dante.
Dante didn't have 50 cent.
He then saw a neon sign point to the front door.
It read "50 cent thataway"
When Alastor told Dante what it meant, Dante ran as fast as he could towards the door yelling "Moneymoneymoneymoneymoney" etc.
Miraculously it was still day.
He ran up the bridge and Alastor told Dante what the notice said.
(Go back from here with thy lion heart, and thou shall receive the Hide of Lion)
Dante then received a shock from Alastor when he told her that he didn't have a lions heart.
Dante ran back to the door rubbing his butt where Alastor shocked him.
The bridge got struck by lightning and it blew apart, sending Dante into the sea.
He landed in the circular room and suddenly lots of paper mache heads floated down.
Dante saw a glint of metal by one the heads. It was a 50 cent coin.
Screaming maniacally, Dante started killing them all.
When he got to the last one, the head said "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!"
"I want 50 cent" replied Dante.
"Well sheesh, you could've just asked!" said the head, giving Dante 50 cent.
A light glowed in the middle of the room, sending Dante flying upwards.
"Am I dead?" Dante asked Alastor.
Alastor shocked him for being so stupid.
When Dante arrived back at the Hide of lion the ground shook.
The roof smashed and a giant spider in a business suit came down.
He landed on Dante, making a squishing noise as if someone stood on an extraordinarily large slug.
"Haha!" the giant spider said "the Hide of Lion!"
"Hey!" said a muffled voice "I got here first, it's mine!"
Dante crawled out from under the spider.
Dante immediately recognised him as John Phantom, the maker of was basically Ebay with another name.
"It's mine!" said Phantom "and I'm gonna sell it on Ardor with a starting price of over $1,000,000!"
"Aaaaaaaagh!" said Dante, pointing behind Phantom "What's that?"
"Come on Dante," said Alastor "what are the chances that he'll fall for that old joke?"
Phantom, being even more of an idiot than Dante looked behind himself.
"What?" said Phantom.
Dante grabbed the Hide and ran for the door.
"Wait a minute," said Phantom "I don't see anything!"
"It's really small" said Dante.
He made it out the door.
Mission Complete
Time: 00:15
Orbs: 47
Ranking: C
Wow, that went a lot faster than I thought it would.
You know what to do if you want more. REVIEW!
Ahem, sorry about that.
Anyway, if you have any suggestions for the story, just send them to me, though I mightn't put them in, but a little help would be great.
REVIEW!