Disclaimer: I don't own Devil May Cry or any of it's characters.
Sorry about the wait, but as I keep saying, progress will be slow (and there's the fact that some motherfcking hacker changed my password and it took me ages to change it back!).
The chapters should be getting better, because I'm getting more and more used to writing this thing (It's my first fic) and I'm also getting into the more interesting part of the game, I'm also keep putting a bit at the start to thank the people who reviewed.
Chaos Sparda: I could've sworn that I read a story written by you, oh well, I guess the doctor was right when he said that I'll keep losing brain cells, anyway, hope you post your first fic soon.
Slash 101: Cool! I'm a good chappie! Good chappie! I deserve a dog treat!
Sydon: Don't worry, I'm going to write an idiot v idiot fight pretty soon. If not this chapter, then the next.
My old style of writing wasn't very good so I'm going to try a new one, review and tell me if you think I should change back or try a new one. And I'm going to keep my stories longer.
Also, before I forget, a friend of mine got insulted because I based Dante's obsession with shiny things on him and he wanted me to spread this message to all of you reading this: ALL HAIL THE MASTER OF ALL SHINY THINGIES! ALL SHINY THINGIES WILL SOON BE UNDER HIS CONTROL! DO NOT BE MISLEADED NY THIS "DANTE" CHARACTER, HE IS NOT THE MASTER OF SHINY THINGIES!
So anyway, without much further ado, the fourth chapter of Yet Another DMC Parody.
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CHAPTER 4: Chips and Sprinkles.
Mission4: Dark knight: Acquire the Melancholy Soul and defeat your brothe- I mean the Dark Knight.
Dante was running for his life.
He had already forgotten why.
Soon Phantom was right behind him.
"GIVE ME THE HIDE" he screamed.
As well as forgetting why he was running, Dante also forgot about the giant volcanic spider that was more than happy to rip him limb from limb.
"Hello" said Dante pleasantly "what's your name?"
He stuck out his hand.
Phantom, being an idiot as well, forgot who Dante was as well.
"My name's Phantom" he replied, shaking Dante's hand, "pleased to meet you".
They then continued chatting pleasantly for around 15 minutes, when suddenly, both their memories came back.
"AAAAAAAAAAACK!" screamed Dante and he then proceeded to run down the hallway screaming, his arms flailing wildly.
"COME BACK HERE YOU MISERABLE MEATBAG!" yelled Phantom.
Suddenly Phantom tripped and crashed into the ground, making one of those fire portal thingies that he makes.
"DAMN IT!" he shrieked.
Dante wondered what was down there and tried to dive in. As soon as he was an inch away, the portal closed and he managed to mush his face into the ground. He began crying. "Aw, not again" groaned Alastor.
He gave Dante a shock. Dante sprung up immediately. "Good morning!" he said stupidly. "Just get on with it," said Alastor.
Dante went through the door and stood in front of the statue of the lion. The barrier thingie vanished. Dante noticed the lion statue "AAAAAAAAAAAGH!" he screamed, he then began running in circles. Even if the lion was alive he could've just got him then and there, Oh, well, lucky that didn't happen. Anyway, after a shock from Alastor Dante calmed down. Dante started hitting the statue for fun. It broke and collapsed.
Dante whistled and walked away. "You broke it, you idiot!" said Alastor.
"I didn't do it," replied Dante in defence "it was that black kitty thingie that's trying to kill me". Alastor rolled whatever eyes a sword has. The black kitty thing in question, however, did not like being a scapegoat, it then, as Dante said, tried to kill him.
Authors Note: By the way, I'm gonna base this story on normal mode.
It charged at him. "KITTY!" shrieked Dante. He picked up the shadow and proceeded to hug him very tight and shake. "Can I keep him Alastor?" he asked with puppy-eyes.
"I dunno" said Alastor with a thoughtful voice "he's gonna be a big responsibility"
"Pwetty please?" asked Dante. "And there's the fact that he's gonna keep trying to kill you" said Alastor. "What if we neuter him?" asked Dante. "I suppose you can" replied Alastor. Upon hearing that, the shadow started struggling wildly. "I'm gonna call him Sprinkles!" stated Dante. Dante pinned the shadow down. With a swish, Alastor swung through the air and through the target.
With a shriek, the shadow bit Dante and limped away as fast as it could (it was a male). "Come back Sprinkles!" said Dante, tears began to flow down his face.
"I hate it when he does this" muttered Alastor.
Dante went through the door and fell down the tower. He hit the circle thingie and went up to the top. He got the sword, tripped and fell back down to the ground.
There was a sickening WHUMPH as Dante landed on his head. The "WHUMPH" was almost exactly the same sound as an iron bar hitting a hollow tree.
Dante remained balanced on his head for a while. "Thank god he didn't land on a place where it was possible to get damaged" said Alastor. Dante took this as a compliment.
He went back up to the door and went through. He was in a bedroom. He heard grunting noises. He turned to the corner and there was the god of time with another statue. They seemed very busy. The god realised that Dante was watching. "CAN'T I GO A HALF AN HOUR WITHOUT YOU BEING THERE!" he screamed.
"Cookies" stated Dante.
"Never mind" muttered the god.
Dante saw the sculpture of the woman with the soul in her mouth.
"DIE BITCH!" yelled Dante with sudden anger, he stabbed the sculpture with the sword he got.
"OW!" it screamed "FINE! Take it!"
The soul fell out of it's mouth. Suddenly Dante felt a strange feeling, as if someone was watching him. He noticed the mirror. He groomed himself. "Who's a handsome devil?" he asked the mirror. "Not you" it replied. Dante jumped. The mirror wasn't supposed to do that. His reflection walked out of the mirror and turned into Michael Jackson. Dante screamed like a little girl. "DAMN IT!" yelled Michael "WRONG FORM!" It changed into Nelo Angelo. "Hello Vergil" said Dante. Vergil realised that he forgot his mask. He went back in the mirror and came back out wearing a mask.
"I'm not your brother" he stated. "Okeydokey Vergil" replied Dante. "STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Nelo screamed, stamping his feet on the ground.
There was a silence for a while. "Who're you?" asked Dante. "That's better" said Nelo. He clicked his fingers and the door opened. He jumped out. Dante followed.
Dante landed in the court-type thingie. He looked around. No one else was there. Suddenly Nelo jumped down. He landed flat on his face. "The pain" he whimpered.
Dante swiped at him with Alastor. "OWCH!" he yelled.
A fight scene commenced. Nelo was slashing with all his might, while Dante was running in circles around him.
Eventually Nelo hit Dante. Dante started to cry and sucked his boo-boo.
Nelo picked Dante up by the collar. Dante's pendant slipped out and touched Nelo.
Nelo thought it was a bee and flew away, screaming.
MISSION COMPLETE
TIME: 23:12
ORBS: 500
RANKING: B
Dante was in tears of joy "my first B!" he said.
RANKING BONUS: 200
BOSS BONUS: 500
SAVING…
MISSION 5: The guiding of the Soul: Reach the destination before the time runs out.
Dante looked at the door. The shadow came through. "SPRINKLES!" squeaked Dante "I knew you'd come back!" Sprinkles jumped into the air and turned into a spinning blade. "CHOP MY BALLS OF, WILL YA!" it yelled. It missed Dante. Dante took out his trusty saddle that he always brings with him. He put it on Sprinkles and got on.
"Giddy up!" he said like a little schoolboy. "GETHIMOFFMEGETHIMOFFME!" Sprinkles yelled and ran as fast as he could. Dante arrived at the door within seconds.
MISSION COMPLETE
TIME: 00:00:42
ORBS: 0
RANKING: S
RANKING BONUS: 800
SAVING…
MISSION 6: Evil of the Waterways: Get Through the Sewers Alive
Dante was in a sewer. He was waist deep in … well… you know.
"CHOCOLATE!" he yelled, he started to eat the sewage.
"Dante, that's not chocolate, that's.." started Alastor. "Hmm?" replied Dante, his face was covered in manure. "Never mind" said Alastor.
When he had taken his fill, Dante went on through the tunnel.
He went into the pipe room. He took the key. Suddenly insects crawled out of the pipes. "Ewwww" Dante said; he didn't like insects. He cowered in the corner. One of the insects made a disgusting noise, Dante stood up; that was it, and he wouldn't let his fears take over him. He tried killing an insect. The insect flapped its wings and buzzed. Dante screamed and charged through the locked door. Who was he kidding?
He crossed the bones on the floor. The barriers went up and the demon floated in.
This was a new one. It was called a Death-pervert. It was like the sin-perverts, but this one was more gay-ish and more deadly.
But, being gay, it screamed like a little girl when it saw the manure on Dante's face.
To top it all Dante wiped it on the perverts cloak. It floated away screaming "CURSE YOU! I'LL NEVER GET THAT STAIN OUT!"
Dante went to the shiny thingie and picked it up.
MISSION COMPLETE
TIME: 20:05
ORBS: 0
RANKING: D
RANKING BONUS: 50
SAVING…
MISSION 7: Holding the Key of Bring the Key to the Destination Before It Destroys You
The shiny thing was a microchip. On it was labelled It started hurting Dante. He started running down the hallway, screaming.
Meanwhile…
Phantom got out of his portal. The microchip was gone. Without it, he wouldn't be able to turn on "WHERES MY CHIP?" he roared.
He looked down the corridor. There was Dante, running away, holding the chip.
He chased after him. "GIVE ME THE CHIP!" he yelled.
Dante looked back and screamed. He also thought back; he had been in a similar incident just the day before.
FLASHBACK
Dante was sitting in a diner with no money. He had his puppy-eyes on and hoped that someone would feel sorry for him and buy him something. He suddenly noticed that an incredibly large man had just bought a packet of chips. Dante grabbed it and ran like hell, the fat man in hot pursuit. "GIVE ME BACK THE CHIP!" he yelled. Dante slammed the door in his face.
END FLASHBACK
Dante realised that he should do the same thing again.
Phantom was just about to grab Dante. Just a little closer he thought.
Dante slammed the door in his face. "Take that, fatty!" Dante screamed.
"What the hell?" said Phantom.
Dante arrived at the bedroom and was just about to put the chip where he was supposed to when he tripped. He got up again. He tripped again. He re-tied his shoelaces. They came apart. He tripped. This went on for a while, much to Alastors amusement.
Dante finally put the chip in the thingie.
MISSION COMPLETE
TIME: 00:03
ORBS: 0
RANKING: C
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Whew, that was long. I actually managed to put 4 missions in the one chapter.
AND a whole chapter without Dante becoming obsessed with shiny thingies.
Oh, and by the way Sydon, you'll get your Idiot v Idiot fight in the next chapter.
You know what I want you to do, people, REVIEW!