Note to the reader: Thank you for the readers and even to those who just visit my page. As I've mentioned, there might be a probable sequel to Confessions. I hope you like it as well! The sequel might be shorter anyhow.
Sorry for the late update! Exams went in my way.
Summary: Distance does not agree with Time to conquer One's Memory. Affection, Passion, Intimacy—Love judge what must be Forgotten and Reminisced… however long… however far…
CHAPTER IX- What Must Be Recalled and Forgotten
"WHAT?" That was a waking question Sasuke and Sakura said together that breakfast. Their eyes were showing both surprise and irritation as they stared at Naruto who was scratching the back of his head. Their looks seemed to ask him to repeat the confirmation and so he chuckled while his eyes turned into slits.
The breakfast room for all dorm users was slightly crowded with people since it was vacation. But, as consideration for the overseas students, the dorm was also open during the vacation. Sakura looked around and met the eyes of both students and staffers who looked at them when their uproar was heard. She forced an apologetic smile and turned to Naruto who sat opposite her and Sasuke.
"What did you do that for?" Sakura asked calmly. "Why didn't you even call me to turn?"
"Well, Sakura-chan, you ran away in a speed of lightning before I could even utter your name!" Naruto took a large amount of ramen with his chopsticks.
"What are you doing outside the corridors anyway? And why are you moaning like hell?" Sasuke spoke after some silence.
Naruto heard the most annoying voice in the world. "Sasuke bastard, I think it's normal to walk along the corridors." He sneered and took another sip of ramen. "And I was in pain."
"Pain? What was wrong with you?" Sakura showed bit sympathy. "It was really weird for you to moan like that."
"Expired milk." Naruto shrugged.
"Dope, that's the second time around." Sasuke leered. "You never learn."
"Shut up Sasuke bastard! Being popular and god-damn sexy doesn't make you any smarter."
"Is that a compliment?" the raven head raised his eyes in a cynical way.
"Why you—"
"Quit it Naruto!" Sakura hushed and brushed her pink hair with her fingers. "We are not the only ones here mind you."
"What?" Naruto's jaw dropped. "You're actually scolding me Sakura-chan? I mean only me?" He gave her a long stare. "Go tell Sasuke bastard to shut up too please." He seemed not to ask her but rather order her to do so.
"Well—Naruto, just act like an eighteen year old." Sakura avoided his look as she took chop in her mouth.
Sasuke gave Sakura a curious look before he continued with his breakfast. The minutes went on silently until such time that Naruto began babbling about his 'greatness' in all aspects of life—especially in being a leader. It was boring but the two listeners subtly agreed that Naruto could really rule the place with his will and determination. He was so enthusiastic about becoming the next Lieutenant and promised that he would show what he learned in the class.
At last by nine in the morning, they parted. Naruto went to college school to clarify something with Lt. Kakashi; Sakura was to study in the public library, hoping to be with Sasuke as she studied; but Sasuke excused himself and went off somewhere he didn't tell where. Where did he go? He went to the same bar which provided him salary at the same humiliation.
That frosty noon, he found his way back to the place he once called his 'life'. It looked strange now that it had been weeks since he last worked there. It was also somehow queer to feel that he never missed being hailed as the 'sex god'—for all he knew, he still held that title. He sighed as his feet halted in front of the bar. Father Luis is right… he took a step closer to that dark place, I have changed. Uchiha Sasuke took silent strides into the unusually open disco bar. It was awkward knowing that it was daylight and practically, no one was there. But still, Sasuke passed through dismantled tables and piled chairs, going deeper into the bar. The faint glimmer of whisky and scotch caught his eye as he looked at the bar counter where a bartender must be. He smiled… how could he forget those nights? Those nights of loud ecstasy and futile time spending… those nights of pure darkness and lustful sensations… those nights of terrible drinking and fucking… those nights were unforgettable. And I stopped… abruptly.
Sasuke found himself in the corridor lined with locked rooms. Those rooms were awfully familiar and even he had his personal choice when he was still under the influence of money and lust. It was the room (love room) third from the right side of the corridor. It was the room where he fulfilled his customers' desires for three years until—.
There was a loud thud from behind and Sasuke just had to look over his shoulder. He saw a figure of a person with a long hair walking towards him. He turned to face the man and he felt himself shiver.
"Surprised to see me?" It was the voice of the man he wanted to forget.
Sasuke looked at him for a few more seconds before he found the words to reply. "Orochimaru, what are you doing here?"
Orochimaru, the pale faced man with a natural sinister smile, moved closer to the Uchiha to take a better view of the teen. "Ah, Sasuke, is that how you greet an old friend?" Sarcasm was, no doubt, his forte.
Sasuke didn't know if he was to retort or reply with the same juicy sarcasm. He just looked at those menacing eyes which observed his every move three years back—or even until now. "What do you want now?"
Orochimaru gave him a quick glance before gazing at the doors of the 'love rooms'. "I heard from the owner that they lack one man in the bar. Do you know who that might be?" He gave Sasuke seconds to reply before he supplied the obvious answer. "You."
The Uchiha crossed his arms and said, "I do not work for you anymore."
"Who are you to tell me that?" The snake-like man spat and held Sasuke by the chin. "It was I who found you there, shivering one winter night. And now you're proving me that you are a total ingrate."
Sasuke turned his face from the man to free himself of the man's hold. He took a few paces backward to place a distance. "Do not make me repeat again." His voice truly was firm and decisive that Orochimaru's smile faded at an instant and then came back again.
"Maybe you need a little smoking to bring you back to reality." After these words, Orochimaru produced a familiar cigarette with the distinct smell of paradise over the flames of hell—Charlatan. Sasuke couldn't deny that he needed one—or perhaps he had led himself confused with what he needed and what he wanted.
Sasuke bit his lip and turned away as swiftly as he could or else he would be under Orochimaru's orders again. And then, he suddenly felt a cold hand slip under his bangs to get in contact with his skin. The words, the events and every second came back to him…
A winter night…
There were a lot of strangers passing me and it was as if I did not exist. I waited for my brother but he did not come for me. Where was he back then? I didn't know. All Itachi told me was: "Father is dead as well as mom and now, I have to take care of you." I was thirteen and I still believed him? Itachi was always a liar.
He left me in front of this same bar. I didn't like it first because I didn't know anyone until…
"What are you doing here, boy?"
I looked up. I was frightened.
But he smiled. And so, I learned to do the same.
"I'm waiting for my brother." I replied innocently.
"Since when?"
"Three days ago… I have lost track of time… I am not sure."
He looked at me for a while with his yellow eyes. "I'm sure you're hungry. Why don't you come with me?"
I resisted. He was a stranger. But I was also dying out of thirst and hunger. I nodded and stood up.
"What is your name?" He asked as he placed his hand on my cheek. His hand was cold but it felt comfortable.
"Uchiha Sasuke."
"I am Orochimaru, by the way. From now on, I'll take care of you."
And he was true to his word. He did for four years. He taught me how to live and I did… only that… it was not right. But it felt good… and unreal for years…
Charlatan, it affected me much. That drug kept me going until—.
Uchiha Sasuke broke through reality and moved a few more paces back. "I don't need you anymore. I have paid all my debts."
"Yes, in fact you already have Sasuke. But I know—"
"You don't know what makes me live Orochimaru. I don't need Charlatan to forget reality or customers to keep me happy." The Uchiha was silenced for a while. "I already have what I need…"
Orochimaru seemed agitated though he still got the smile plastered on his face. "You'll find me Sasuke, when you realize that you are actually lacking something."
Uchiha Sasuke gave him a sharp dagger look before walking past him in a hurried manner. He wanted to forget that man but he also felt that he must be grateful still because he helped him live a life which was not agreeable in some sense. He was also curious of what his past acquaintance meant. He didn't give a damn but he knew they would meet again, because of the reason Orochimaru mentioned or not, and he hoped that the next time, he would consider Orochimaru a stranger once again.
The disco bar doors flung open for the Uchiha to exit. The sun, that noon, was up high but the wind was cool. The road and the other structures were slightly blanketed by snow. He moved through the crowd without knowing how deep his feet went into the snow until he bumped into someone. Sasuke lost his state of sturdiness and balance and fell backwards. The person he bumped into seemed to be a little dazed as well because he did not respond for seconds. Sasuke finally caught sight of the person and said in mild surprise, "Gaara?"
It was really Gaara, identified by his insomnia eye marks and the red blood tattoo on his forehead. Gaara looked at him before holding out his hand and muttering a soft, "Sorry."
"What are you doing here?" Sasuke managed to ask after recovering his stance.
"I just got my medical papers." Gaara plainly replied.
"You're picked in your school as well?" the Uchiha began the interview as the two walked.
The more silent one nodded in response. There was silence between the two army students.
"You are going to the civil war right?" Gaara suddenly asked.
There was curiosity in Sasuke's eyes. Since when did he care? "Yeah. Tomorrow."
Gaara muttered something like, "you don't have to" but it was not heard. "See you in the battle field then." He left Sasuke standing at the pavement walk with a questioning look on his face.
That night, Uchiha Sasuke was already preparing his things for the 'mission'. He was packing up a first-aid kit and other weapons for better armament. He did the packing in his almost abandoned apartment instead of the dormitory for the most obvious reason. But he was not at all successful.
By eleven in the evening, three consecutive knocks were heard on the door. Sasuke stopped compressing shirts in his luggage and listened if the person outside would step away. But the knocks were heard again, now a little bit more earnest in sound. Sasuke looked at the door but he didn't want to open it.
"Sasuke, I know you're there." There came a voice he feared to hear. "Please open the door."
The Uchiha lowered his head, still hesitating if he'd open the door. He straightened up and opened the door slightly ajar to see the visitor. "Haruno, what are you doing here?"
Sakura looked anxious and pissed for a moment before taking out a photo from her pocket. The photo contained Ino and Sakura but Sakura's face was cut out. Sasuke's eyes went from the photo to Sakura. "What about it?"
Sakura's cheeks flushed red. "What about this? I think you see that my face was cut out. And there's no possible way that anyone else in the world could go in our dorm room and cut it. Maybe I am bound to be used in a voodoo ritual because I don't see any reason why my face should be cut out."
"Haruno…"
"Or maybe one of your fans had barged into our room without any trace of forced entry. But hey, that is our room and only two people have keys for that. You and I. Or maybe you gave yours to someone—"
"Sakura please shut up for a second." Sasuke lifted his palm against his forehead and sighed heavily.
"I'm listening." Sakura crossed her arms.
"Okay, I cut it."
"Sasuke—"
"Sakura, listen… okay?" Sasuke interrupted her rant. Haruno nodded in compliance. "I cut your face because I'll place it in this locket." After that statement, he produced the silver locket Father Luis gave him. He opened it and showed Sakura the interior. There was Sakura's cut up face with the sweetest smile on it. He, afterwards, closed it and wore it. Sakura was silenced and gazed straight into his eyes.
"Why?" That was the only word she uttered.
Why? Explaining why was the hardest part. Sasuke gathered his thoughts for a moment before parting his lips. "I'm leaving."
"What?" Sakura was obviously pained.
"I'm going to the Snow Country—"
He didn't have to continue. Sakura automatically held him by his wrist and articulated sobbed words, "To the civil war? Why didn't you…" she paused, perhaps to take the whole impact.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" Sakura flung herself against Sasuke's firm chest and began pounding on him with clenched fists. She was half-crying, half-shouting and all she could do was hurt Sasuke. But she didn't have to do that—he was chastened deep in his heart already.
"Sakura!" He pushed her against the bed and panted. He watched her trembling body under the faint moonlight. Her face was wet with tears and her hair was messed up on her face. She looked terrible and it didn't take long before he took out a handkerchief and lied down beside her. He brushed her pink hair away and gently wiped her cheeks.
"Why didn't you… tell me…?" He heard her mumble.
"You never asked." Sasuke tried to be composed.
"Didn't you think that I'd never care to know?" Sakura raised her voice only to sob once more. "Didn't you think that I care?"
Sasuke watched Sakura lie down motionlessly for a while. He placed the handkerchief away and drew Sakura close to him. "No." He finally answered and placed his arms around her slim figure.
Sakura didn't answer. She just placed her hands against his chest.
When did this start?
Sasuke… was against the wall with… Neji… kissing him… a torrid kiss… she could say. That scene beside the lockers shook her insides violently.
That was when Sakura first noticed the mischievous Sasuke.
"I knew that it was you… your pink hair is so unique." Sasuke twirled his finger around her hair. "Enjoyed the view?"
Sakura just stood there: silent and confused of what to say.
"Why are you silent? Do you want to know…" the Uchiha drew closer to the pretty face. "The feeling of being kissed…?" Sakura felt the warm breath of Sasuke against her cheek.
That was when Sasuke first took notice of Sakura.
And it was weird now that they were close against each other as their heart beat as one. Sasuke kissed her gently on her trembling lips. He kissed her face until she fell asleep, sobbing still. He did not dare touch her because he did not want her for lust anymore. He wanted her for love. After which he relaxed his head and fell asleep.
Sasuke woke up by half past three a.m. and Sakura was still asleep with her body tangled with the blanket. He sat up and kissed her before taking another shower. He left a red rose on the bed side table before he picked up his bag and left the apartment.
Sasuke went into the car where his other teammates were. The time was already five past four but he made it in the ride. He placed his bag down and touched the locket under his army polo. Tenten and Kiba looked at him for seconds before Kiba spoke.
"I thought you have a girlfriend. Why did you still join?"
Sasuke's head was lowered as he replied, "She's not my girlfriend."
Tenten jabbed Kiba and explained. "Most boys are really unaware of the meaning of true love." She gave Sasuke a look before referring to Kiba again. "If you really love someone, you must not give away all your love to that person. You must not, of course, neglect your dreams. Because if you forget all your love for yourself, what more can you give to the one you love?"
Kiba stared at her. "Really?"
"Of course!" Tenten said proudly. "If Sasuke's passion tells him to join the army, then that's how he wants to love himself—by knowing how far he had gone after his trainings."
Kiba looked at Sasuke for confirmation but the teen did not respond. "Fine."
Sasuke's eyes closed as he placed his chin over his interlaced fingers. He recalled the face of the girl he left lying on his bed. He felt her grief and anguish but as Tenten had confirmed, fighting was his life. Strength was his goal. And, yes, Sakura was his love.
The army vehicles finally moved toward the exit of Konoha. The army students waved good bye to their families. Mothers fainted, Fathers supported their wives and siblings ran after the trucks bearing the soldiers. The army students looked through their windows and watched the intensifying snow falling obliquely from the sky. In a matter of hours, they might not see the same place again. The tracks made by car tires, as well as the shoe prints of people were gradually fading. The people's faces were blurred by distance and all they could do was look back.
Perhaps that was life: You need to leave a mark, however temporary, before you die.
END
For clarification, this chapter is not yet the end of the story. Please leave me reviews so that I'd have some things to look back to when I end Confessions. Thank you very much.