This is a rather twisted excuse of a fan fiction between Harry Potter and a few ideas from Weekend at Bernie's. Neither series is mine and the owners of said Books and Movies would probably perform a Killing Curse at the thought.
Forget all those things known as facts. They're just inconveniences that get in the way. This is just for a laugh so ignore anything that doesn't work in the HP series.
Chapter 1
The Dark Lord is dead.
The Dark Lord is Dead.
If it was to happen, it was supposed to be some sort of dramatic final battle between him and Harry Potter for the fate of the Wizarding World.
But in the end it wasn't.
It ended up being Potter and those Weasley Twins (my worst fear besides Owls and Cats)
sending a misfiring prank that did him in. ( AN: Oddly enough, the power the 'Dark Lord
Knows Not' was a Weasley Twin Prank. )
And it was my fault. The Dark Lord knew my worst fears and always had me check and deliver his owl mail. When that particular mail came, I panicked.
I'll admit that when I saw that Owl deliver a Cat shaped envelope from those Weasley Twins, I ran out of the room in fear. The Dark Lord saw it and picked it up while I was out of the room and under my bed.
I had come back into the room and found the expired Dark Lord on the floor. My first thought was 'Ding, Dong, the Witch is Dead'. I shook my head and tried to forget the horrid memory of that prank. ( That is the reason why I joined Voldemort. It wasn't for power. It was because James and Sirus pranked me at least 10 times a day for a whole month while Snape was in the hospital wing. During that month, I snapped and joined the Dark Lord. So don't blame me. )
Once I recovered from that, I dragged him into his Throne Room. Maybe if I made look like he expired while sitting there sleeping, I can get out of the country before someone finds out.
I huffed and puffed and seated him on his throne.
"My Lord." I twitched. It was Malfoy. Lucius had gotten out of Azkaban due to mistake found in the procedures during his capture. ( Oddly enough, Fudge's campaign coffers are full for some reason. )
Oh what should I do. "He is sleeping. Do you really want to wake him up?" I kept my voice to a soft whisper. "You do know what happened to the last person who woke him up. I do, I had to clean those walls off."
Lucius paled. "Did he leave any orders Wormtail?"
I hid a smile. "Get several of the new recruits and go torture someone."
"Where should I - "
"Do you really wish for me to wake Him?" Lucius shook his head frantically at me. It felt good to see him so panicked. "Just go and do what he says."
The Elder Malfoy quietly but very quickly got out of the room.
I choked down a few laughs. This gave me an idea. Maybe a way for this Rat to get out of here alive.
I just have to convince all the Death Eaters that Voldemort is still alive and stall until such time I can leave the country.
It should be easy enough.
Famous last thoughts.
Preview of next couple of chapters
Wormtail's dasterly deception continues
The OOtP wonder how the Dark Lord
has become so competent.
If you thought Voldemort was ugly before, wait until you see him now.
And a Blond gets a little suspicious