Disclaimer: I don't own Devil May Cry or any of it's characters.

I'm Baaaack! (and probably going to be killed for taking so long)

I know, I know, it's been a while since I last updated, but only recently I got a new computer and all my files were gone so I lost my workings for this chapter.

Yes, the fonts are all gone, this is because when I got my new computer, the word processor that it got couldn't be loaded onto the site, so I had to transfer the story to a Notepad.

Thanks to all those who reviewed.

And about Dante's hairstyle, the whole world has a problem with it and we'll never have any peace as far as it's concerned.

And if you're concerned about the quality of my work for the past while, I'm a victim of writer's block.

Chapter 7: Misty Confusion

Mission 10: Canyon of the Mist: Come Out of the Canyon Alive.

Dante walked through the big windy door.

He looked around; all that was in sight was covered in thick mist.

Dante put on his confused look.

"Alastor?" he asked with a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

"Hmm?" replied Alastor.

"I thought that I was too young to have cataracts in my eyes,"

Ifrit burst out laughing while Alastor introduced Dante to a world of pain.

"ITS MIST, DAMMIT!" she screeched, her patience once again tested.

Lets keep in mind that Alastor's patience is the size of an ant's brain.

Still sniffing, Dante walked on.

Straight ahead was the pillar with the riddle on it, but since there was so much mist around, Dante walked right into it with a loud THUNK!

Dante started crying; he stubbed his toe. Alastor soothed him.

"There, there," she said comfortingly "it'll all be over soon."

Dante took off his boot and wiggled his toes. He looked at Ifrit hopefully.

Alastor explained; "he wants you to kiss it better."

Ifrit looked at the foot.

It was unbearably smelly, there were pencil perrings and lumps of hardened glue on it.

There was also a piece of mouldy pizza on it.

Ifrit raised an eyebrow. Alastor was disgusted. They both stared at him.

"Second grade art project" murmured Dante.

"You mean to say," said Alastor in a strangely calm voice "that that pizza slice has been there for OVER A DECADE!"

"You like it?" asked Dante.

Alastor groaned. "Get on with it!" snapped Dante.

Ifrit took a closer look at the foot.

There was a dead fly that had gotten stuck there while trying to get to the pizza, there was a pile of dirt on his big toe that had what appeared to be mushrooms growing on it, and there was something moving between his third and fourth toe.

Ifrit took a final gulp before kissing it.

-Skip Scene-

WHAAAAAOOOOOOOO, WHAAAAAOOOOOOOO!

An ambulance was speeding down a road.

Ifrit was lying on the stretcher, groaning.

Alastor was on the seat beside him, looking worried.

Dante, on the other hand, was playing X's and O's with the life support system.

He was, of course, losing terribly.

"THAT'S THE TWENTIETH TIME I'VE LOST!" he shrieked.

There was no response.

"Fine! Be that way!" mumbled an irritated Dante.

-At The Hospital-

Doctor: I'm afraid that Ifrit here won't last the night.

(Alastor gasps)

Doctor: I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do…

Meanwhile, Dante is playing poker with the life support system.

He loses miserably, even though the machine has yet to do something.

"Awww!" he groaned "how can you win so easily?"

"Beep"

"THAT'S IT!" yelled Dante angrily "I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU!"

He then punches the machine, mushing his fist against the buttons.

An electric discharge is sent through the cables and into Ifrit.

Ifrit jerks awake.

Alastor: he's alive!

Doctor: …… umm, yes. I knew that. Now for the matter of the bill…

Dante: RUN!

The three of them sprint out of the hospital as fast as possible.

-Back to the Story (which has seriously gone off track)-

Dante looked at the giant stone.

"What does it say?" he asked.

"You have to follow the light or…" started Alastor.

"You'll be lost in the mist forever" finished Ifrit.

There was a muffled tinkling sound; Dante wet himself.

"Follow a light?" he asked.

"Yup," said Ifrit.

"Lost in mist for ever?" Dante pressed on.

"Bingo," said Alastor.

"AAAHAAAHAAA! I'M DEAD!" wailed Dante

Alastor and Ifrit had to work hard to inflict enough pain to make him shut up.

Dante realised that the light was really shiny and stopped crying.

He followed the light without taking his eyes off it, and for some reason his eyes were unfocused.

Soon the three came up to the sin perverts and the light was absorbed by one of them.

Alastor groaned and Ifrit murmured a prayer.

Dante's eyes focused but they turned red. A faint glow of light swept around him and electricity flowed freely around his body.

The perverts seemed to be enjoying themselves. They floated around Dante, giggling.

"What's wrong with him?" asked one in a high pitched voice.

"Ooh! He's the strong silent type!" squeaked another.

Soon they were all chatting amongst themselves while giggling.

Dante snapped.

"SILENCE!" he roared in a deep, booming voice that was not his own.

The sins immediately stopped.

"Spoilsport" muttered one.

"Meanie" said another.

Dante spread his wings, preparing for a serious ass-kicking.

He raised one of his hands backwards.

"Mother!" whimpered a third.

ZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP!

A sin was sent flying.

Dante turned to another. The sin in question raised a white flag, signalling peace.

Fat chance.

THUMP!

Dante screw-dived into it.

The shiny light came out. Dante's light faded. His wings shrunk back in.

He fell from forty feet in the air.

Ouch.

But it was ok because Dante saw the light, and to him, nothing else mattered.

Dante started drooling and his went unfocused again.

He followed the light towards another pathway (the other sins had fled).

When everything became clear Dante looked around.

He was surrounded by stoned Blades.

When the Blades saw him they burst out laughing.

Two of the Blades charged at him, flailing their arms as if they had wings.

That would have been strange enough, but the fact that they were making clucking noises was disturbing.

The two Blades started circling Dante.

Dante was completely and utterly confused. He opened his mouth.

"Don't bother asking!" said Alastor, who was just as confused as Dante was.

Another Blade mooed.

Dante started walking slowly through the Blades, taking each step carefully.

Before he managed to get out, he took a look back.

All the Blades were Morris Dancing while singing "We Are The Champions".

Freaked out, Dante hurried away.

At last he managed to get out of the mist.

But, as Dante's luck would have it, he ended up right in front of a giant spider made pout of rocks.

Dante screamed and hit it with Ifrit.

The spider didn't seem to care. With a swing of it's massive claw, it sent Dante flying.

Dante seemed to prefer it this way; he was much further away from the spider than he could have hoped.

Panting, he slowly got up.

Little did he know that there was another one behind him.

THUMP!

He was sent flying again.

Right in front of the other one.

Poor Dante.

THUMP!

The giant spiders had quite a nice game of tennis, but Dante was in no mood for sports.

While in the air, Dante managed to convert into a flying kick.

That was one of the smartest things he ever done in his life.

Luckily, he hit one of the spiders straight in the eyes.

He actually managed to hit it in one of its two weak spots.

Screeching, the spider dissolved. The other spider wasn't too happy about this.

It cracked its knuckles. Dante whimpered.

Just as it was about to hit him with a killer blow, Dante raised his right foot sharply straight between it's legs. This was the other weak spot, though for some strange reason, it's only present in males.

There was a silence. The spiders eyes unfocused and watered.

It joined it's partner in the large space known as oblivion.

Dante walked happily through the giant greenhouse doors.

Mission Complete

Time: 00:31

Orbs: 567

Ranking: B

Saving………

Sorry, that was kinda short, but I had to update as fast as possible. I had more to come after this, but I realised that it was so long since I last updated and cut off the rest.

This was rushed, so I'll probably be getting a lot of complaints. I don't mind, as long as I get some sort of review, good or bad.

Also, any ideas for the next few chapters are all welcome.

Any choices picked from the next story that I'll be doing will be gladly accepted.

Hopefully be updating soon.