Chapter 44: The Truth is Shared
Kaori mumbled as she woke up to an empty cave. Yes, sometimes she wanted to be alone, but not when she woke up. She pulled the furs to her chin and shivered. What if Naraku had come to finish the job while Kaori slept? Kaori shivered and saw Sesshomaru round around the corner of the cave. He seemed in a dull mood, even when he saw Kaori was awake. He sat on the furs, missing her feet and took her chin in his hand. She looked into his eyes and didn't shutter, since Naraku had not touched her chin.
"Can you please tell me the truth? I want to know what happened, Kaori. I hate being in the dark," Sesshomaru said. Kaori lowered her head and Sesshomaru removed his hand from her chin with anger on his face.
"Sesshomaru, I was just a little delirious last night," Kaori lied. She saw Sesshomaru stand and looked up to see him glaring down at her. "Sesshomaru?"
"You have one last chance to tell me the truth, Kaori. Or I'm going and never returning. You can raise that child on your own," Sesshomaru growled. Kaori's eyes went wide. She didn't want that! "One last chance Kaori."
"Sesshomaru please," Kaori begged.
Sesshomaru turned, his boa nearly smacking her in the face. But his anger had already done that. He paused at the mouth of the cave.
"I trusted you with everything. Told you my worst past, and yet you can't tell me a simple thing. You can't tell me why I can hold you, help you, or even touch you," Sesshomaru said, holding his hand out. He clenched it into a fist. He turned to her with a glare. "I wish you good luck raising that child. Tell her about me, all right?"
"Sesshomaru, don't go!" Kaori cried out. Tears were running down her face. "You tell her about yourself. Please, Sesshomaru don't go."
Sesshomaru looked back outside. Was she going to tell him or just keep him there, promising soon that she would tell him? The sobs he heard behind him were getting to him and he almost felt like telling her it was all a plan. He couldn't live without her, but he needed to know. He would leave, but probably be back in less than a day. He sighed and just listened.
"I'll tell you, just please, please, don't leave," Kaori cried. Sesshomaru lowered his head and turned to sit in front of Kaori again. Her hands covered her face. "Please, Sesshomaru. I can't live without you. Joo-yun needs you too. Please Sesshomaru. I'll tell you, just don't leave. Please."
Sesshomaru gently took her hands from her face and wiped the tears away from her cheeks.
"No more tears, ok? Just tell me, Kaori," Sesshomaru said. His tone was no longer stern and angry, but more soft and caring.
Kaori sniffled and he sat, rubbing her arm as she calmed down enough to be able to speak.
"Sesshomaru," Kaori started and he stopped his rubbing at looked at her, "please don't touch me while I do this. It will help."
Sesshomaru put his hand to his side and looked at Kaori with sincerity. She wiped her eyes again and then started.
"When... When you left, Naraku showed up," Kaori started and sniffed. Sesshomaru wasn't angry yet. "He gave me an offer; this Jewel Shard to kill you and Inuyasha."
"Did you except?" Sesshomaru asked in an angry tone, which made Kaori glare at him.
"What type of idiot do you think I am?" Kaori snapped. He put a finger to her lips.
"Continue," Sesshomaru said, putting his hand back down. She lowered her gaze to the floor.
"Well, he, um, he licked the side of my face. Then his body pressed up against me and he... he kissed me," Kaori stuttered, trying her best to not cry. Sesshomaru glared, but didn't say a word. "He travelled his, um, hands everywhere."
"When you say everywhere, what do you mean?" Sesshomaru asked. If Naraku raped her, he was going to be dead in a moment.
Kaori held her arms and closed her eyes. Tears rolled down her cheek. "He touched me everywhere. Every single body part. But he didn't go any farther, if that's what you're asking. He didn't rape me, but I think the next time he saw me, he's going to," Kaori said. She couldn't stop the tears now and she was now sobbing into her hands. "I felt so violated. So dirty. That bastard had touched what wasn't his!"
Sesshomaru finally understood why she didn't want him touching her, and why she was so silent. He smiled comforting at her and just sat still.
"The worst part, Sesshomaru, is that I had to feel that disgusting, rough tongue go almost entirely down my throat!" Kaori snapped, the tears still falling. She sniffed and looked at him. "You don't hate me, do you? Do you not want me anymore? You think I'm now used property?"
Sesshomaru's eyes went wide and pulled Kaori into an embrace. How could she think such a thing?
"Kaori, no. I don't. We'll just have to wash every inch of your body until every trace of that bastard is gone. That might explain all your baths," Sesshomaru said, rubbing her back and cooed her until she stopped sobbing. She nodded and pulled away.
"Sesshomaru, it's just, every time you touch me, these sick memories return. I don't want them, Sesshomaru," Kaori sobbed.
"No one would. But I'll try to erase them, ok? We'll take it slowly. You don' have to touch me if you don't want to and I won't touch you without your consent," Sesshomaru cooed, rubbing her hands with his thumbs. He added with a smile, "This will be torture, you know. We finally are alone and this is happening. But I'll be careful with you now. All you had to do was tell me. I would understand. I'll always understand."
"Sesshomaru, what would I do without you?" Kaori sobbed. She blinked tears away and held his hands. "I really hated that you were so confused, but you always say that no man is allowed to see me unclothed and no man can touch me, and when this happened, I thought you might disown me. Just walk out, like you were going to. Sesshomaru, you scared me so much."
"I know. I scared myself," Sesshomaru said. Kaori and Sesshomaru embraced each other. "But how about we just deal with this, huh? Little by little. Won't do anything unless you want to. I really don't want you to be uncomfortable while with me, ok? And never be afraid that I'll leave you. You are my life. You and Joo-yun are my family and I would never leave you. I love you both too much."
Kaori smiled and looked outside. It looked wonderful outside.
"How about I wash my face and we spend a nice day on the field?" Kaori asked, wiping her eyes roughly.
"That's a great idea. Perhaps even a picnic," Sesshomaru suggested, remembering that they didn't have any berries for dinner the night before. There was also a nice bed of daisies of every colour, except red, in the forest. Perhaps he could take her there.
Kaori smiled and nodded, standing up. Sesshomaru followed and watched her leave the cave. He just got the pouch of berries and tucked it into his shirt. He stood outside and took a breath of fresh air. It was a wonderful day.
Kaori returned looking better and they sat in the grass, enjoying the soft breeze that blew momentarily and Kaori was even smiling actual smiles. She held Sesshomaru's hand without any resistance, but she wanted to feel his lips again. She missed him, like he had gone on a long trip for years. Sesshomaru laughed at a comment Kaori made and looked to the sky. Kaori placed a hand on his cheek and let her thumb fall over his bottom lip. He blinked with shock and then looked down at her. She smiled while looking into his eyes and then looked at his lips.
"Hey, you don't have to if you don't want to," Sesshomaru said, placing his hand over the one on his cheek. His eyes closed with contentment to have her touching his cheek. He leaned into the touch a little, but he was worried Kaori might be rushing it.
He opened his eyes to see that her eyes were pleading into his.
"What is it?" Sesshomaru asked.
"I feel like I forgotten how to kiss you," Kaori sighed, looking away from his face. Her hand stayed on his cheek because Sesshomaru kept it there with his.
"I'll teach you," Sesshomaru said, taking the hand that had Kaori's and parting her lips. She gasped, but smiled slightly. "Now, just keep them like that. I'll take it easy, but tell me when it gets too far, ok? I don't want to push you too much."
Kaori nodded with her smile and moved closer to him. Her face tilted at the right angle and Sesshomaru just wanted to take her lips now. But he was slow and paused just as their lips touched. Both had their eyes closed.
"Are you ready?" Sesshomaru asked in a whisper. He felt her shutter and smiled, but wanted to hear her answer. She wouldn't nod and change her position.
"Yes," Kaori whispered. Their lips locked and he heard Kaori moan. He backed off immediately, but Kaori's hands forced his head back to her. She moved in synch with him and she moved closed enough that they were nearly touching completely. Her eyes were closed, and she was glad or they would be rolling in her head. It felt so good to feel Sesshomaru's lips.
She felt something touch her tongue and realized somehow, someway, Sesshomaru had snuck his tongue into her mouth. She moaned as her back arched, their bodies finally touching. He just lightly tapped her tongue until she felt that she was ready to play. Her tongue reached up and she smiled, finally happy. Her hands were twined into his hair and his hand were on her back. He was rubbing her back at random times and Kaori eventually got tired and broke away. Sesshomaru and Kaori were in a daze. There eyes half-open, their lips were rubbing against each other, their hot breaths mixed into one.
"Sesshomaru," Kaori moaned. He carefully brought his hand to her neck.
"Just be quiet, Kaori. Just relax," Sesshomaru whispered, looking at her lips and eyes.
Their lips locked millions of times during that day and Kaori moaned every time.
They got tired late in the night. Kaori and Sesshomaru still sat in the same place, out of breath and their foreheads touching. Kaori closed her eyes for some peace and for once, saw Sesshomaru instead of Naraku. She smiled and Sesshomaru kissed her briefly.
"Are you getting tired?" Sesshomaru asked. "Or even hungry?"
"You're my meal, Sesshomaru. Never too little, never too much," Kaori said, her hands rubbing his neck. Sesshomaru had brought her almost into his lap. They were so close, they could have been mistaken as one person.
"Kaori, you too are my perfect meal," Sesshomaru said, his hand on her neck moving to her waist. "But sometimes we need actually food."
"Not tonight Sesshomaru. You can nourish me on your own," Kaori whispered.
"Kaori, I love you so much," Sesshomaru said, pulling Kaori even closer.
"Oh, Sesshomaru, me too. I love you with all of my heart," Kaori moaned, and felt something awkward hit her leg. She blushed and Sesshomaru smiled. "Sorry."
"I'll stand it for tonight. You aren't ready for it yet," Sesshomaru said, letting his breath nearly wash over her.
"I thought I was the judge," Kaori teased.
"Well, even if you thought you were ready, I don't think you are. Just wait a little while, all right? Maybe a few weeks," Sesshomaru said, he brought Kaori into an embrace, her head resting on his shoulder. "Just not yet."
She nodded and sighed in his arms. How she loved to be doing this again. It would be a while before she got back to normal. She hated Naraku for making her fear her love in only minutes and it was probably going to take at least a month to get back to normal. She sighed again and Sesshomaru smiled.
"I promise you Kaori, we'll get back to normal," Sesshomaru said, he pushed her away to look at her straight in the eye. "Believe me."
"I do, Sesshomaru. I believe you," Kaori said, looking at his amber eyes. Their lips locked again and then they just relaxed in each other's arms for the rest of the night. Kaori felt good falling asleep in his arms and knew she had made great progress that day.
Kaori woke up and pulled way from her "pillow." Sesshomaru greeted her and she smiled at him and then rested on his shoulder, her eyes getting used to the light.
"You moved?" Kaori asked, seeing that the area was slightly different than when she feel asleep. First off, Sesshomaru was against a mountain.
"Yeah. I couldn't support you just sitting in the field," Sesshomaru confessed, stroking her hair. His look was intense and Kaori was almost flattered with all the attention. She blushed, lowering her face, but Sesshomaru took her chin and raised it for a kiss. She was all right with it and smiled. "So, where are we going today?"
"Uh, where do you want to go?" Kaori asked.
"Oddly enough, Inuyasha seems like a good idea. We were supposed to meet a month ago, but we were slightly busy. Do you wish to come?" Sesshomaru asked. Kaori smiled and nodded. "Well, get dressed. That kimono has tons of wrinkles in it. Plus, that red one I got you looks flattering on you."
Kaori blushed again. Sesshomaru was showering her with compliments.
"Why are you so shy today?" Sesshomaru asked, stroking her cheek slowly.
"Why are you complimenting me so much?" Kaori asked, cupping his cheek.
"I feel generous today. And you look wonderful. I mean, we have never spent an entire day kissing, so it must be the reason of my great mood," Sesshomaru said, looking up to the sky.
"I guess we need to do that more often," Kaori said, moving so she could kiss him. He kissed back and then turned so that her back was against his chest.
"So, you go get dressed and I'll get Ah-Un. He's in the field nearby," Sesshomaru said, standing up with Kaori. He gave her one last kiss before departing their separate ways.
Kaori had been bending over to pick up some hair supplies she had knocked over when two hands grabbed her waist. She yelped and turned, a pin as a weapon to find Sesshomaru chuckling. She glared while putting the hair supplies away except for the rose pin she was going to be wearing. Sesshomaru took it from her hand and put it in the perfect position. He smiled, kissed her long and passionate and straightened her kimono. The pin and kimono were perfect together. The kimono had many shades of red. The background was the darker red, the roses the lighter red. She looked very nice and even Sesshomaru said he couldn't take his eyes off her.
"So, do you want to walk or ride?" Sesshomaru asked. "I got a horse because Ah-Un seems to have gone home."
"Aw, how sweet," Kaori said, kissing his cheek. "I'll ride later. I want to walk next to you."
He nodded and took the reins and walked next to Kaori and the horse. Kaori was very nervous about the horse. She had gone horseback riding as a child, but she was an adult now and she didn't remember how to handle a horse. Sesshomaru saw her staring at the horse and stopped.
"You want to ride?" Sesshomaru asked. The horsed neighed.
"No. I was just thinking about my childhood when I rode horses. I just can't remember how to control them," Kaori said.
"Here," Sesshomaru said, switching places with Kaori. She felt small compared to the horse, but Sesshomaru put her hands to hold the reins and told her how to stop the horse and lead it. She smiled and led the horse down the path. Sesshomaru couldn't stop smiling. It was like falling in love all over again, just with the same woman.
They stopped at a village where they found Inuyasha and his friends. Kagome adored how Kaori looked and Kaori was flattered. Inuyasha was a little pissed that Sesshomaru had delayed their attack again, but Sesshomaru said why and Inuyasha understood completely. Kaori stayed relatively close to Sesshomaru, and Kagome noticed this. While the men were arguing, Kagome pulled Kaori to the corner to talk privately.
"Why are you staying so close to him?" Kagome asked.
"He's been so sweet today, so why not?" Kaori answered. Sesshomaru saw Kaori alone with Kagome, but didn't march over. He had somewhat accepted the friendship with Kaori and Kagome, but it didn't mean he had to like her too.
"Really? Well, take advantage of it while you still have it," Kagome joked. Kaori laughed and caught the signs Sesshomaru was giving her. She said farewell to Kagome and ran over to Sesshomaru.
"Yes?" Kaori asked.
"We're leaving. Inuyasha and I have decided that we'll find Naraku and kill him in a few weeks, if that's all right with you," Sesshomaru said, placing a hand on Kaori's shoulder. Kaori nodded and untied the horse from the pole.
Suddenly the horse freaked. Kaori screamed and backed away, but the horse reared on its hind legs and Kaori was frightened beyond belief. Her eyes were wide with fear as the horse reared up again and again, its legs kicking. Sesshomaru rushed over and calmed the horse, but Kaori was nearly petrified. Sesshomaru came over to her to see if she was ok, and she was, but was still a little shocked.
"I'll take the reins, ok?" Sesshomaru said, taking the reins from Kaori's hands. She complied and walked next to Sesshomaru down a path. "Are you ok? You just froze. What happened?"
"That happened when I was a child and now I remember why I stopped going. A horse trampled over my arm one day, breaking it and I never went back again," Kaori murmured.
"But you know how to ride?" Sesshomaru asked. Kaori nodded. "May you show me?"
"I'm in a kimono, Sesshomaru. I really can't," Kaori said.
"Change, of course. I'll ride with you, so that if anything goes wrong, I'll help," Sesshomaru told her.
"You ride as well?" Kaori asked. He nodded.
"Father insisted it as a skill of man, whether human or demon," Sesshomaru said. He put his free arm around Kaori. "I guess it's coming in handy now."
Kaori giggled and they stopped at the next village to get another horse and to allow Kaori to change. She came out in some track pants and a tank top. She threw her bag into a hut they would be preoccupy for the night and mounted the horse. Sesshomaru walked his out of the village before mounting it and they race down the pathways. Kaori couldn't stop laughing, but it was obvious Sesshomaru had more skill with horses. He beat her to a field and could even rear his horse with perfect skill. Kaori and Sesshomaru trotted next to each other after the excitement, looking at the scenery as they passed. They had a few more races before it started to get dark and Sesshomaru decided they needed to return to the village and rest. Kaori agreed and turned her horse around. But the horse freaked and reared on its hind legs, almost making Kaori fall off. She calmed it down just as soon as Sesshomaru got off his horse to help.
"What is up with horses today?" Kaori asked out loud.
"I'll walk them to the village. You can stay on, if you wish," Sesshomaru said. Kaori decided to stay on and enjoyed the peaceful trot to the village.
Sesshomaru returned the horses and Kaori nearly fell into her furs. The riding had taken a lot out of her. She leaned against a wall as Sesshomaru quickly changed. Kaori turned her back and changed as well. She wasn't exactly ready yet, as Sesshomaru had said. She was bending over to get her pyjamas when she tripped on her pants and fell. Sesshomaru was already dressed and turned in time to catch her before she hit the floor. She looked up at him and then pulled the clothing over her to hide her private areas. Sesshomaru helped Kaori upright and then turned. Expecting a large whack on his head, he kept his eyes closed.
Kaori was shocked. Yes, she had seen his body and he had seen her body, but something was odd. It was like they were starting over again. Like they weren't married yet or even had a child. She smiled and dressed quickly into her clothes and placed a hand on Sesshomaru's shoulder. He turned and Kaori just giggled.
"Hey, thanks for catching me," Kaori said. Her eyes opened wide when Sesshomaru didn't say a word. "Something the matter?"
"It's like we're starting over, haven't you noticed?" Sesshomaru asked.
"Yeah, I have. Like we're shy and scared again. We're nervous and going for the first time," Kaori said, crawling into the furs. Sesshomaru kneeled next to her.
"Going for first time? I was your first times?" Sesshomaru asked. Kaori's eyes went wide and she covered her face, but Sesshomaru lowered them. "Was I?"
Kaori nodded. "I really didn't mean to spill that," Kaori told Sesshomaru.
"What type of firsts?" Sesshomaru asked.
"First husband, first... well, can't say fiance... Um, first kisser... First lover," Kaori mumbled.
"Are you lying?" Sesshomaru asked, laying down next to Kaori and putting an arm around her. She shook her head no and covered her face. "Shocking."
"What is?" Kaori asked, lowering her hands. Lips met hers and when they left, Sesshomaru spoke.
"You were my firsts as well," Sesshomaru said in a husky voice.
"Lies!" Kaori exclaimed. He shook his head no.
"I do not lie," Sesshomaru said.
"Wow. And I thought you had kissed other people before or had tons of experience," Kaori mumbled, snuggling into Sesshomaru's warmth.
"Same here," Sesshomaru whispered. "Shocking how you learn new things the second time around."
Kaori had to laugh and they kissed each other good night.
"Perhaps we will exceed tomorrow on you. Huh?" Sesshomaru suggested just as Kaori dosed off. A small nod was his answer and then her breathing evened out and he smiled. Just like old times.