Chapter 49: "Sesshomaru, Please!"
Just as the night ended for Sesshomaru, he walked up the steps in a dark house. He stopped outside the room he was locked out of. How was Kaori doing? Was she all right? Was she asleep or wide awake, thinking or in a daze or what?
He had the urge to pick the lock with his claw and walk in to find out, but thought against it. Kaori wanted to be alone, and though it killed him, he would accept her wishes. He sighed and continued walking to his room, leaving the door open.
He dressed into his boxers and laid sprawled out on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep. His worries of Kaori wouldn't leave his mind to rest. How was he supposed to sleep worried and concerned?
He looked next to himself, hoping to see Kaori sleeping soundly next to him, but found only a pillow. And to his utter most disappointment, it didn't even have her scent on it. Her scent wasn't even in the room at all. He was the only one that had been in there for the past week. He always found Kaori sleeping on the couch when he came home. He sighed and looked back up to the ceiling. What was Kaori doing now?
Well, it wasn't any better than Sesshomaru. She was huddled in a corner of the room, her knees to her chest and just staring at the floor. It was like her worst hangover of her life. She was just so depressed and withdrawn, she just felt like disappearing. Or perhaps she had already disappeared from everyone's eyes. She hadn't heard a single sound outside her room, and she first thought no one was home until she realized she was so in depth in her thoughts, that she wasn't hearing anything. She had just barely caught Sesshomaru's footsteps walking away.
Walking away; that's what she was going to do to her life. She didn't need to worry about the black pearl stopping her; she hadn't put it on since the Naraku incident. She just didn't want to hold power when she couldn't even protect herself. She had just left it in her jewellery box, hoping that she could give it to Joo-yun when she got older. She didn't want that possession anymore. She didn't want that responsibility, that fear of the power. She had once believed she had killed the only man she loved because of those powers and even remembered when she was a child, almost burning all her friends inside her school. She hated this huge burden of responsibility. And the fear of everyone after her didn't help. She just had hoped that after having their child, everything would change. But nothing did! If anything, things got worst!
She turned her head aside, looking at a different spot on the carpet. Why was she thinking of all this? Why would she want to die? She had a family, a husband and many friends. And who doesn't have enemies? She forced a smile at her thoughts, but it faded almost immediately. She wasn't in the mood to smile. She continued to stare at that spot until her eyes slowly closed. She drifted slowly and unnoticeable into a peaceful sleep, somewhat. Her dreams weren't as peaceful. More of her fears and worries; just like when she fell asleep before. Her eyes snapped open at the worst part and saw a small light lighting up her room. Dawn had started and she really didn't want to get up and see Sesshomaru again. She just stayed in that position, acting like she hadn't even seen the light.
But she heard the light rat-tat-ta-tat on the door just as the room lit up entirely. Her name was heard on the other side of the door and Kaori just looked at it. Sesshomaru was trying to get in, wasn't he? Or more like asking if he could come in.
She just looked back at her original place just as she heard scratching. He was picking the lock again. He had done it millions of times during their fights, when she locked herself in their room. Of course, he got through and she would yell at him, but she didn't feel like yelling at him, if he did or didn't get through. But he did, and the door opened quietly by Sesshomaru.
When the sun finally lit up the room he was in, he thought Kaori had enough time to be alone. 'Because of her,' Sesshomaru thought angrily, 'I got absolutely no sleep at all!'
He swung himself up, a glare on his face. But it faded. If he found Kaori and was angry, all that would do was get them fighting again, and he didn't need another sleepless night. At least he was wide awake when Joo-yun cried. But his presence brought Joo-yun peace and comfort and fell asleep almost immediately. He sighed again, closing his eyes. Gosh, how he was hoping to talk to Kaori today?
He looked down the hall from his bed. The door was still closed and still locked, perhaps. And Kaori was, perhaps, still in there. He sighed, looking back up at the ceiling, scratching his neck. Well, he was going to talk to her. Whether she liked it or not.
He quickly dressed into some pants, and unknowingly into dress pants. He put a white, see-through shirt, also dressy. He looked into the mirror with a glance and then took a double take. He was going to talk to Kaori like that! He quickly changed into just some leather pants (his favourite, but he wasn't in the mood to notice) and headed down the hall. He first knocked lightly on the door, asking Kaori's name. When he heard no reply, he inserted his claw into the lock. Whether she was awake or asleep, he was going to get into that room.
When he slowly opened the door, he first looked at the bed. Finding no one, he looked around the room and found her balled up in the corner of the room, staring out into space.
"Kaori?" Sesshomaru asked quietly, closing the door silently behind him. She didn't make any movement to acknowledge she had heard him and he assumed she might be sleeping with her eyes open. But she blinked and lowered her eyes to the ground and he knew she was awake. "How are you feeling today?"
She turned her head away from the wall, but still stared at the floor. "I don't want to talk," Kaori whispered.
"We don't need to talk, if you don't want to," Sesshomaru acknowledged.
Kaori changed her gaze to looked up into space. "Why did you come in here if we aren't going to talk?" Kaori asked, not angrily, but not as soft as she was before.
"I just wanted to see if you were feeling better today. If you wanted to talk, which I see not, or just have some company. Or maybe not," Sesshomaru said, his hand reaching the doorknob.
"Maybe some company," Kaori said almost silent, Sesshomaru nearly missed it. He sat down on the bed and just looked at Kaori. She looked like a real mess. Her hair was messed up and frizzy, her clothes wrinkled and bloody. Bloody!
"Kaori what happened to you?" Sesshomaru asked concerned. She finally looked up at him and then at her kimono, where he was looking.
"Oh, the cut must have excelled in bleeding," Kaori said simply.
Sesshomaru looked around the room. Blood droplets were on the floor and the mirror was shattered, the broken pieces containing blood (Sesshomaru reaction: "What the hell happened here!").
"It's just a little rage," Kaori said calmly, like she got a paper cut, not smashing a mirror into pieces with her bare hands. She forced a chuckled. "My father always said I was violent when I was angry."
"Kaori, you need some help. I'm not letting you anywhere, no guests, nothing, until I figure out what the hell is going on," Sesshomaru told her. She didn't seemed to object, or agree. "No alcohol either."
She shrugged. "I guess you have our work cut out then. We have tons of bottles around here. Better get started, if you like. Also, call everyone as well, telling them this. I bet Kagome will be thrilled, and my mother will kill you!" Kaori's once calm tone turning angry. She glared at him directly.
"Something is going with you, and you don't seem one bit concerned. Why?" Sesshomaru demanded, standing up.
"Because maybe I know why!" Kaori yelled. She saw him about to speak and beat him to it. "And I won't tell you because you'll be all supportive of me, doing things nice and gentle and relaxing and 'little by little' crap and I don't want that!"
Sesshomaru's mouth closed. She knew why and she wasn't going to tell him? Was it actually his fault?
"Fine. I'll leave you to your miseries and loneliness. I'm taking Joo-yun and going to the past," Sesshomaru said angrily. That struck a nerve on Kaori. She jumped to her feet in anger.
"You aren't taking her anywhere!" Kaori ordered.
"If you are going to be so locked up and secluded, then Joo-yun does not belong here. You won't take care of her, but I will. I'll return when I want to. Or how about to come looking for us when you are feeling normal again, huh?" Sesshomaru said, swinging the door open with massive force and thumping downstairs. Kaori ran after him, tears streaming down her face, telling Sesshomaru not to take her.
He got to Joo-yun's room to find her awake and rolling in her crib. When she saw Sesshomaru, she grabbed for him, but Sesshomaru seemed to ignore her.
"Kaori, she will probably not be fed if she stayed here while you are acting like this. In my care she's more protected," Sesshomaru, more calmer than before. But Kaori was still crying, ordering him not to take her.
"Please, Sesshomaru don't," Kaori pleaded.
Sesshomaru picked Joo-yun up and carried her with one arm and started walking outside. But he heard a thump and turned to see Kaori collapse to the ground.
"Don't," Kaori pleaded through sobbed. "Please, Sesshomaru. I'm begging."
"You want me to keep her here!" Sesshomaru demanded, his rage rising. Kaori just sobbed. Joo-yun didn't seem much disturbed by this until she saw her mother's tears. Then Joo-yun started crying. Sesshomaru noticed and tried to calm Joo-yun down. "Shh, it's ok. No need to cry. Mama's just a little upset, that's all. We're taking a trip. A trip to somewhere, ok?"
Kaori just sobbed on the ground until she wiped her eyes roughly. "Take her then. I really don't care!" Kaori yelled, tears streaming down her face. Sesshomaru looked at her with shock. "You're probably right. I wouldn't be able to care for her. So take her. Go protect her. Go, just GO!" Kaori yelled, sobbing at the end of every sentence.
Sesshomaru had hoped Kaori wouldn't give up, but in the state she was in, it didn't surprise him much. Resetting Joo-yun's weight, he nodded and left, leaving Kaori broken and on the floor, crying her eyes out.