Chapter Three: At Loose Ends
Vacantly staring at the unconscious Colonel from the foot of the bed, Teal'c remained with his hands resting behind his back. The Jaffa warrior had been keeping an eye on Jack for atleast an hour, witnessing his friend's struggle to find peaceful slumber. He shifted after several more minutes, moving to the side of the bed when the Colonel's eyelids began to flutter.
Jack's head shifted from side to side and he groaned restlessly before his eyes fully opened. Brows furrowed while the blurry figure beside his bed came into focus. "Teal'c," he whispered, voice groggy from sleep.
The Jaffa smiled briefly and gave a slight bow.
"Where am I?" Jack blinked with confusion, eyes shifting slowly.
Teal'c cocked his head to one side, brows knit together slightly. "You are in the infirmary O'Neill. Do you not remember?" His deep tone held a certain amount of incertitude.
Realization crossed Jack's features and he blinked rapidly a few times, then squinted. "Oh yeh. Right. I knew that," he cleared his throat and was silent for a moment. "Was Sam here?" His voice was hoarse, and he cleared it again roughly, grimacing at the pain in his ribs.
"She was indeed O'Neill, why do you ask?" Teal'c watched him curiously.
Jack blinked away more confusion. "No reason. I just... I thought I remembered her bein' here, tha'sall," he murmured, fighting to keep awake. Slowly raising his right hand, he lightly rubbed his aching forehead, carefully avoiding the bandaged cut above his left eyebrow. Jack shifted against the pillows at his back that were helping to keep him mostly sitting up. He winced when he adjusted the position of his legs, badly bruised knees aching.
Teal'c could see that O'Neill was in pain, but he made no mention of it, knowing that the Tau'ri warrior would much rather suffer in silence. He clasped his hands behind his back and moved to stand by the end of the bed once more. Seeing his friend drifting off again, the Jaffa prepared to look after O'Neill for a while longer when he turned to find Samantha Carter entering the infirmary.
Smiling kindly at him in greeting, Sam gave a slight nod. "Hey Teal'c,"
"Major Carter," Teal'c gave a slight bow in return.
Sam suppressed a grin. Although she had been a civilian for nearly a year, there was no convincing the Jaffa to simply call her by her given name. He insisted upon using the former USAF title of Major. "If you don't mind, I'll sit with him for awhile," Sam gestured toward Jack.
Teal'c nodded. He was wise enough to take the hint. Major Carter obviously wanted to be alone with O'Neill. Offering a small smile, he bowed slightly and made a quiet exit.
Pulling up a chair beside the bed, Sam sat quietly and gazed over at Jack. She scooted closer to the bed and took his hand in an affectionate grasp. Since the previous night she'd had a lot of time to think, and little sleep herself. Her thoughts shifted from the idea of a future with Pete, to one with Jack. The thoughts scared her, the reason being that she could see herself being truly happy with Jack, but she was on the verge of taking the next step with Pete.
"Sam," Daniel stood in the infirmary doorway, calling to her softly.
She turned with brows furrowed in question.
"Someone's uh, here to see you," he cleared his throat and jerked his head to the side, gesturing out in the hallway.
Still staring at Daniel quizically, Sam released Jack's hand reluctantly and stood, striding toward the doorway. She could sense Daniel wasn't happy about whoever was visiting, so she knew it couldn't be her father. Stepping out into the hall, Sam's eyes widened and her mouth gaped open briefly in shock when she saw Pete standing there. "What are you doing here?" Her words came out sounding angrier than she meant them to, and she took a moment to soften her tone before speaking again. "I wasn't expecting you,"
Pete just shrugged and smiled at her. "You got me clearance remember? I thought I'd come and see you,"
Sighing, Sam pressed a hand to her forehead. She glanced over at Daniel who quickly excused himself and scurried off into the infirmary. "Pete, now's really not a good time," she told him, her voice weary.
He took a step closer and placed a hand on her arm. "I got worried when you didn't call me last night. I tried getting ahold of you, but you didn't have your cell on,"
Sam heaved a frustrated sigh and pulled away. "I've been here all night, Pete. You knew that Jack got in an accident, did you expect me not to be there for him!" She regarded him with exasperation, realizing she was getting emotional but no longer caring.
"Hey, hey, I'm sorry," Pete tried to hush her, drawing her close into his arms. "Listen, I know this isn't a good time, but things are always hectic, and with your work schedule and mine, I figure we're never going to find the perfect time." He took a deep breath. "So, anyway, uh...I want to ask you-" he started to reach a hand into his coat pocket, but Sam squeezed his shoulder, looking him in the eyes.
"Please, don't," Sam's blue eyes were glassy and pleading. She shook her head. "I can't deal with this now Pete. Please. Jack needs me right now,"
Pete gave a resenting grunt and dropped both arms at his sides. "Right. Jack," he nearly spat the name, his tone cold and bitter. He had a sinking feeling in his gut that it would never be the right time to ask Sam to marry him. Shaking his head, Pete dropped his chin and started to walk away, waving a hand. "Sorry for coming then." He paused, forcibly lightening his tone. "Gimme a call when you're up to it," Pete stormed off stiffly.
Sam hung her head with a sigh. She leaned her back against the wall in the hallway for a minute, closing her eyes and pressing her palm to her forehead. Breathing steadily, Sam struggled to put the recent encounter with Pete out of her mind. She knew he was hurt, but she just couldn't deal with their situation at the moment. She couldn't deal with him.
Opening her eyes and dropping her hand from her forehead, Sam stepped away from the wall and walked into the infirmary. She saw Daniel sitting on the edge of Jack's bed.
"Everything alright?" Daniel asked impassively. He cared about Sam, she was his friend, but he didn't care much for Pete. Knowing how much Jack and Sam meant to one another, as a close friend, he just couldn't put on a happy mask whenever Shanahan was around. That man was keeping Jack and Sam apart, and he knew they'd both be better off together.
"Yeh," Sam sighed, then edged toward the bed. She noticed Daniel was regarding Jack carefully and became curious. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Daniel answered quietly, still watching Jack. He turned to Sam and smiled somberly. "He's just been mumbling in his sleep the past few minutes. I haven't been able to make anything out yet, but the words are getting a bit clearer each time," The linguist explained.
Tilting her head to the side, Sam closely examined Jack without saying a word, watching his face contort, expression shifting every few seconds.
Jack's mouth opened and closed a few times, eyes shifting rapidly beneath closed lids. "Sam...d..n't.."
Sam's eyes widened at the clear recognition of her name. She instinctively reached out and took Jack's hand.
Daniel's brows furrowed. "He said 'Sam, don't'," he told her as if there was a need to clarify. Shrugging, he kept quiet, listening for more.
"Don't what?" Sam whispered, not expecting an answer. She lightly stroked Jack's hand, her thumb moving slowly in circles.
Groaning softly, Jack's head shifted from side to side. His expression was worried and desperate. "D..n't...d't...ma..rry...'im.."
Clarity came across Daniel's face and he locked eyes with Sam. "He said-"
Sam held up a hand, eyes lowered. "I know," she murmured quietly, the words repeating cleary in her mind. Don't marry him. It was much too clear how Jack felt about her supposedly-upcoming engagement to Pete. Even though he was asleep, Jack's unconscious mind seemed to be reaching out to her desperately, saying what he'd intended to say to Sam in person the night of his accident.
Seeing that Sam needed time alone, Daniel lightly patted her shoulder and excused himself from the infirmary. "Well, I'll be in my lab for awhile. Teal'c said he'd help me with some Goa'uld translations," he smiled briefly, then walked away.
-
Noticing Jack's hand tightening around her own, Sam drew back slowly while she watched his eyes open quickly before he blinked rapidly, struggling to focus. She forced a smile, still thinking over what he'd mumbled in his sleep earlier.
"Sam," Jack whispered when she came into focus, two blurred forms merging into one before his very eyes. He struggled to clear his throat, grimacing at the tug to his ribs.
"I'm here," Sam gave a nod of affirmation. She took his hand, turning slightly upon hearing footsteps closing in. Seeing Janet, she smiled tightly as the doctor approached.
"How are you feeling Colonel?" Janet brought a liquid-filled syringe toward Jack's IV.
"Like I been in a wreck," he mumbled with a groan. Jack still clung to Sam's hand as he lazily watched the drug sliding through the tube in his arm. Talking made his jaw hurt, effects from smashing the side of his face on the driver's side window of his truck.
"Your jaw's bothering you Sir, isn't it?" Janet commented, noticing his discomfort. This made sense to her why he was mumbling so much. She lightly traced her hand along the bruised side of his face. Though Jack made no indication that it was painful, the doctor could see it bothered him. Despite the damage done by bruising, she knew he didn't have a broken jaw after carefully looking over the X-rays herself for even the barest hint of a hairline fracture.
"Yeh," Jack nodded slightly with a grunt, then gave a lopsided smile. "But no more'n the rest of me," His dark brown eyes shifted slowly, distractedly.
"So," Janet smiled, "Other than that you're feeling...?"
"Hungry," Jack grinned lopsidedly, moving the left side of his face as little as possible and avoiding the real question.
Seeing that Jack was now struggling to sit up easier, Sam slowly slid her hand out from under his and stood to adjust the pillows at his back. When he nodded at her in appreciation, Sam smiled and took a seat once more.
"I'll get you something to eat Colonel, and I'll make sure that it's soft enough not to hurt your jaw." Janet smiled gently, nodding at both Daniel and Sam before making her way out of the room.
"I'm sure that's gonna be appetizing," Jack muttered sarcastically under his breath. His stomach rolled at the thought of soft foods the commissary offered. Anything soft and squishy that wasn't pudding or Jell-O didn't sound very good in his book. His gaze shifted to Sam once the doctor was out of sight. He noticed her somewhat-uneasy look, and frowned. "What is it?"
"Hm?" Sam's eyes widened at him. Realizing the question, she pulled a smile that didn't reach her eyes and shook her head slightly. "Oh, it's nothing," she responded quickly and rather unconvincingly.
"Mm-hm," Jack murmured skeptically. His eyes drifted over the delicate fingers of her hand searchingly for a moment, but he didn't know why. Blinking, he shook his head and looked up upon noticing nothing was there. What was I expecting to find? He wondered with confusion, still having the nagging feeling there was something important he'd been meant to do or say.
Sam and Jack locked gazes in a moment that only mattered to the two of them. Blue was boring into brown and vice-versa, an act that had each participant seemingly peering into the other's soul. Heart beating rapidly in her chest, breath quickening, Sam was the first to look away. She couldn't bear to see the longing look in Jack's eyes, even if it was unintentional or unknowing. It was there, and that's all that mattered. Guilt began ebbing away at her soul once more, images of Jack's truck tumbling headlong over a steep embankment to land heavily in the snow invading her mind. Sam couldn't help but picture Jack laying in that overturned truck, cold and alone, possibly dying, with silent snowfall and sleet spilling from the dark night's sky.
Closing her eyes, Sam hung her head in silence. She was frustrated and uncertain, not knowing which step to take next. Desperate to confront Jack about the night of the accident, what he was thinking, where he was going, whether or not he was really planning to confess his true feelings for her, Sam found herself completely at a loss. She didn't want to further confuse Jack's damaged mind by bringing up something he had yet to remember on his own.
Jack could sense Sam's turbulence, the tension radiating off her like physical heat. He stopped himself from doing or saying anything as she rose from her chair and exited the infirmary without a word or second glance at him. His heart sank, and he got the feeling of a sudden loss, but at the moment he didn't know why.
Breathing slowly and steadily, Jack let his mind wander back to thoughts on the night of the accident. Flashes of memory were brought back in slow succession, and he closed his eyes. Seeing Daniel in the commissary. Telling him about Sam's dinner date with Pete... Jack's eyes suddenly snapped open, his own thoughts of that night repeating in his mind. I gotta tell her that I'm in love with her.
-
"Colonel, what on Earth are you doing!" Janet cried out in alarm as she returned to the infirmary with Jack's food, only to find him struggling to get out of bed. He had already managed to disconnect himself from the IV tube and was sitting up, barely, working on putting his feet to the floor. She silently cursed herself for not keeping any nurses around to look after him.
"I gotta..talk...to Sam," he told her breathlessly with a determined look on his face.
"Sam's already left the base, Sir," Janet explained, setting down the tray of food and placing a firm hand on Jack's good shoulder, trying to settle his movements. "She's on her way home right now," A crease formed between the doctor's brows as Jack heaved a heartfelt sigh and stilled, hanging his head.
Jack closed his eyes, relaxing slightly after Janet helped him get both legs back on the bed. He laid quietly, exhausted from his efforts and in pain.
Janet studied her patient carefully while replacing his IV and checking the other monitors. She gave him another dose of painkillers and offered the food she'd brought, but he refused to eat, shaking his head weakly and trying to pull away. "Colonel, please, eat something."
"No," he murmured lowly, shaking his head. "Not..'till I..talk...to Sam," Jack managed to tell Janet through panting breaths, opening his eyes slowly to look at her, his expression pleading. "Doc...please,"
Chewing her lower lip, Janet smiled sympathetically. "Colonel, I'm sure she hasn't even gotten home yet. How bout we give her some time to drive home and then I'll give her a call for you, okay?"
He gave a reluctant nod, realizing it was all he could do.
"In the mean time," the doctor smiled gently and reached for the nearby food, adjusting the tray table so it moved to settle over Jack's lap, "You've got to eat," Janet swirled the spoon around a bowl full of what smelled like chicken soup. "Come on Colonel, it's just soup. It'll be easy on your jaw. And if you finish this up I'll even bring some Jell-O for later,"
"Hmph," Jack snorted, rolling his eyes. He eventually nodded in ascent, then slowly reached for the spoon with his right hand, taking it from Janet to feed himself. He was not going to sit back and be fed like an infant.
-
Upon her arrival home, Sam was both shocked and dismayed to find Pete's car parked in the street, and she instantly regretted ever giving him a spare key to her house. She steeled herself for a warm greeting she felt she didn't deserve, one that she didn't want. Not from Pete anyway. Striding along the shoveled path toward her door with a neutral expression on her face, Sam twisted the handle to find it unlocked. That didn't surprise her. If Pete was inside there was no reason for the door to be locked.
"Hey there, stranger," Pete greeted her with a smile, standing in the middle of the kitchen with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans.
"Hi," Sam returned the greeting with enthusiasm that she didn't feel. She forced a smile as he strode toward with open arms and pulled her into a loving embrace. Hugging him back without feeling, Sam slowly pulled away and set her purse down on the counter, digging through it distractedly as though she was looking for something. Truthfully, she just wanted to avoid Pete's gaze.
"You okay?" Pete asked with concern.
"Yeh, fine," Sam smiled tightly. Remembering how angry and bitter Pete seemed after he went through all the trouble to see her at work and she basically told him to get lost, Sam noticed he appeared to be in a relatively good mood now. It unnerved her slightly as she realized why, eyes locking on the small velvet box drawn from his pocket. She opened her mouth, but no words came out.
"I want to do this before anything else gets in the way," Pete dropped to one knee and opened the small box, holding it up to her. "Samantha Carter, will you marry me?"
Sam's mouth hung open further if that was even possible. She found herself spluttering, unable to come up with a response. Atleast, not the response Pete was so obviously hoping for. "I..uh...Pete..uh.." Although she knew it was coming, she still had no way to be prepared.
"Sam, I'm not asking you for the theory of relativity here. Which I'm sure you could answer in half the time, but... It's a yes or no question," Pete was looking at her with such hope in his eyes, but as she failed to answer, a hurt look crossed his features. He slowly rose to his feet, still holding the ring in the small velvet box. "Sam?"
She froze; simply, utterly, completely, frozen. Her body language showed her uncertainty, and it was obvious how conflicted her mind was. Am I really going to jeopardize my future with Pete because of something Jack mumbled in his sleep? Blinking slowly, Sam was already answering herself. Yes. Heaving a loud sigh, she finally locked eyes with Pete. "I - I really need some time to think okay?"
"Yeh," Pete frowned. "Alright, you...you think about it okay?" He then smiled thinly, gently rubbing her shoulder. "I know it's a big step, but I think we're ready,"
Sam just nodded at him, almost jumping in surprise when the silence was broken by the shrill ringing of her telephone. With a quick smile, she hurried to retrieve it, pulling away from Pete. Saved by the bell, she thought briefly before answering. "Hello?"
"Sam," the voice on the other end spoke gently.
"Janet?" Sam appeared worried. "What is it?"
"It's Colonel O'Neill," the doctor began, but she was interrupted before being able to say anything else.
"Is something wrong? What happened?" Sam questioned apprehensively, unaware that she'd begun pacing back and forth in front of the kitchen counter and Pete was standing there watching her.
"No, no, nothing's wrong," Janet assured her friend quickly, her tone softening. "He's just been asking for you. The stubborn man practically dragged himself out of bed to find you. I managed to convince him that you'd gone home, but I promised I'd call on his behalf."
"Okay, I'm on my way," Sam told her without a second thought or question as to the reason Jack was asking for her. The fact that he'd done so was reason enough for her. She felt her heart fluttering rapidly, and as she hung up the phone, suddenly realized Pete was still there. Shooting him an apologetic look, Sam chewed her bottom lip for a moment before walking past him and grabbing her coat.
"Hey, what's the matter?" Pete followed her down the hall as she went for the door.
She sighed softly. "I have to get back to the SGC," Sam explained vaguely, not offering anymore information.
Pete frowned. "It's Jack, isn't it?" He damanded, eyes narrowing. The question had a double meaning that he knew Sam understood.
"Yes," Sam admitted softly, her hand on the doorknob. Jack's the reason I can't answer you. The reason I can't give you what you want.
"Samantha," Pete called in a warning tone, his voice low and cold. "If you do this, if you go now... I won't be here when you get back,"
Closing her eyes, Sam twisted the knob and opened up the door, the cold air causing a chill to run up her spine. She hung her head for a moment before locking gazes with Pete, her eyes saying everything. "I know," she sighed softly, "But I have to go. I'm sorry Pete, I never meant to hurt you,"
"Hmph," Pete frowned, looking away with an angry expression as Sam left, closing the door and heading down the walkway without another word or even a glance back at him.
-
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