Chapter 24

The next day, after school. Lizzie and Gordo are talking on the couch in her suite.

Gordo: I can't believe your folks never told you about Joshua.

Lizzie: Yeah. I wish they had. Maybe if they had, we wouldn't be in this situation.

Gordo: Do you regret having this baby?

Lizzie: No, of course not! I love this baby. I love you. I just wish we had waited to start a family.

Gordo: Me, too, but the baby's coming. He looks into her eyes. Do you want to keep the baby or place it for adoption?

Lizzie: I want this baby. I could never give it up. Do you?

Gordo: I...I, uh. Sometimes I don't know.

Lizzie: Becomes angry. Whaddya mean you don't know? This is our baby, yours and mine. Are you saying you wanna give the baby up?

Gordo: No.

Lizzie: Do you want the baby?

Gordo: Uh. I don't know.

Lizzie: Do you?

Gordo: Lizzie, I'm scared. I've never done this before. I'm only 15.

Lizzie: And I'm not? Of course I'm scared! There's not a day that goes by that I'm not scared. And I'm confused. I'm scared that I'm not going to be a good mother. I'm scared that I'm not doing the right thing by keeping the baby. I'm scared that the baby might die of SIDS as Joshua did. I don't wanna lose this baby! I'm only 15 too! Yes, we're too young to have a baby, but here we are! Gordo starts to speak, but she cuts him off. Gordo, I think you need to go right now. Don't come back until you're sure of what you want. Gordo leaves and Lizzie hugs a pillow cushion and cries. She hears a knock on the door. Come in.

Jo: Are you okay? I saw Gordo hurrying out. Lizzie throws her arms around her mother. What's wrong?

Lizzie: Gordo. He told me he wasn't sure he wanted the baby. I didn't think he would walk out on me.

Jo: I'm so sorry.

Lizzie: What am I gonna do?

Jo: Do you still want to keep the baby?

Lizzie: Yes!

Jo: Okay, whether or not Gordo's around, we'll help you as much as we can. We'll be here for you. Understand?

Lizzie: Uh, huh.

Jo: What exactly did Gordo say?

Lizzie: He said he sometimes wasn't sure if he wanted the baby and that he's scared. He asked me if I regretted having the baby. I got mad.

Jo: Your father and I were scared too. We had this same conversation. We fought about it and I kicked him out.

Lizzie: Laughs a bit. Like mother, like daughter, I suppose.

Jo: I guess you're right. Honey, perhaps you need to talk to your dad about how he felt about having Joshua.

Lizzie: That's a good idea. Do you think Gordo will come around?

Jo: I think so. Give him some time. Maybe your dad could talk to him too? Even if he doesn't, we'll be there for you and the baby.

Lizzie: Thanks, mom. They embrace. Sam knocks on the door. Come in!

Sam: Enters, carrying Mark. I think someone needs to be fed.

Jo: Oh! Thanks. She takes the baby. Hey sweetheart, are you hungry? She whispers in Sam's ear, talk to your daughter. She leaves the room.

Sam: What's wrong?

Lizzie: Gordo's not sure he wants to be involved with this baby. Mom said you felt the same way with Joshua?

Sam: Feeling a sense of deja vu. Yeah, I did. We were so young. We'd only been dating for a little over a year, and we get pregnant. Your mom seemed so excited, like we were playing house or something. All she could talk about was the baby this and the baby that. I tried to be supportive, but I was so scared. Plus, both our parents were pressuring us to give him up for adoption. Your mother would hear none of that. I wasn't so sure. Maybe I was weak, but sometimes I thought about how much easier my life would be if I wasn't saddled with a baby. I told her how I felt, and she got mad at me.

Lizzie: Just like I did. She feels a bit guilty.

Sam: She wouldn't speak to me for weeks. I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and if that meant starting a family early, then so be it. I came back, groveling at her feet. Lizzie giggles. When Joshua was born, I was the happiest man on earth. Your mom, she looked so beautiful, so angelic. Josh was so perfect, so strong. Mark looks a lot like him. Sometimes I've caught myself calling him Josh.

Lizzie: Oh dad, I bet that hurts.

Sam: Yeah. Your mom caught the faux pas once, and it sent her into tears. He would've been 24 this December. My favourite picture is where your mom is still in the hospital after giving birth. She's holding Josh up next to her face. She is holding his hand, as if he's waving to the camera. She's grinning from ear to ear.

Lizzie: I'd love to see it.

Sam: I'll show you sometime. Anyway, after he was born, all my doubts left. Sure, I was still frightened. Who wouldn't be? I bet Gordo will come around too. Would you like me to talk with him?

Lizzie: Yeah, I think that would help. Changes the subject slightly. Why didn't you or mom ever tell Matt and me about Josh? Why am I considered your first baby? All the stories you and mom have ever told me, you say I was your first child. Even my birth certificate indicates I was your first.

Sam: Your mother and I nearly lost it when your brother died. We blamed ourselves, each other. We nearly broke up permanently. We did break up for awhile. Our parents were supportive; they'd just lost their first grandchild. The loss just hurt us so badly, that we put all his stuff in that footlocker and buried the memories. We never spoke about him again, until now.

Lizzie: Does Matt know yet?

Sam: No. We'll tell him. I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. Perhaps if we did, the two of you might not have made the same mistake we did. I'm not saying that Josh was a mistake or that your baby is a mistake, but perhaps the two of you would have waited to have a baby, or the two of you wouldn't have felt so alone. Take it from a teenaged father, cut Gordo some slack. He's a good guy. I bet he'll come around.

Lizzie: He is. Thank you, daddy. She gives him a hug.

Sam: You're welcome.