The Peace party greeted the small delegation that had just arrived to say good-bye to them, Veltra's President at the head of it.
"I want to thank you once more for saving my life and the lives of my entourage," he said. "We will be forever in your debt. Please, count on our total cooperation." He reached out his hand to Anakin, who took it in his own and shook it warmly. "Our Security Forces will have a report for you shortly."
"Thank you, Mr. President." Anakin bowed his head respectfully. "We appreciate your assistance."
"And we appreciate your kindness in visiting our wounded. It was a gesture our people will never forget. All those in critical condition are already out of danger. You must know that before you leave."
"Thank you for letting us know, your Excellency. That's the best farewell present you could possibly give us." Anakin did his best to hide his knowing smile.
"I wish you a safe flight home," the President told them. "The bravery you showed when you made your appearance at the ceremony was a momentous breakthrough for the galaxy. We are honoured to be the first. Live in Peace, Anakin Skywalker." The President gave the older Jedi the holiest Veltran salute, his eyes conveying a genuine sincerity.
Moved beyond words by the unexpected gesture, Anakin didn't know what to say. He opened his mouth but no sound came out of it.
"Live in Peace, Mr. President. You and your courageous people." Luke took over, stepping forward, repeating the salute and bowing his head, respectful of the true forgiveness his father had been given. His eyes conveyed the personal gratitude he felt for that gift, and for what it meant to the man who had sired him.
They shook hands, and then the President addressed Lando, Han and Chewie and thanked them solemnly for protecting him during the attack.
In a gesture of friendship that said it all, the delegation remained on the landing platform until the Falcon took off and disappeared from sight.
"We'll arrive at Coruscant at 14:25 PM," Han announced after they jumped to light speed. "The flight will last 5 hours and 35 minutes." He rose to his feet, leaving Chewie in the copilot's seat, taking care of the final adjustments. Six months on drydock had given the two friends all the time in the world to leave the old ship as good as new.
"A game of dejarik, Father?" Luke asked Anakin with a smile.
"Sure! I'm a glutton for punishment." Anakin made a face of infinite suffering.
Luke nudged his father's ribs with his elbow playfully and they took seats facing each other. Lando sat beside them and set himself to watch their game, as an improvised audience.
Han took his usual seat by the Falcon's computer, and punched a few buttons, verifying their coordinates. Next, he sat back and took out the carving he had been working on for a few days now - a present for Leia.
The four friends had been engrossed for a few minutes, when Chewie walked in and entered the ship's pit with the intention of putting away the tools that still lay scattered everywhere. He'd bought a complete tool-kit a few weeks ago, and he wanted to make a full inventory of the other tools they had, what were still useful and what could be disposed of.
He had been engaged in his task for a while when he found a box he'd never seen before. He turned it around, trying to guess what could it be, but there were no distinctive marks on any side. He couldn't open it, so he put it aside, continuing with his clean-up.
Once everything had been put away and with an armful of several old tools that had no use anymore, Chewie's gaze settled again on the unknown box. He grabbed it too and exited the pit. It had aroused his curiosity, and he returned to it after disposing of the useless tools. It was locked, so he opened it with his special picklock and looked inside.
The first thing that greeted his eyes was the numbers. Red and big. It couldn't be a clock, because it was counting backwards.
BACKWARDS!
Chewie's eyes opened like two saucers.
00:22... 00:21... 00:20... 00:19...
A terrified moan left his throat.
The stark fear in it made Han look up at him from his carving.
"What is it, Chewie?" he asked, alarmed.
Chewie held out the box to him, his shaking hands almost dropping it. He moaned again.
"A BOMB?!" Han, Luke, Anakin and Lando cried out at the same time. They stood and hurried to the Wookie's side. They watched the counter, petrified, realizing it was too late to do anything.
00:10... 00:09... 00:08...
Time stopped for Anakin. He couldn't be standing here, watching that clock sign their death sentences! Chewie's, that fiercely loyal, one-of-a-kind, priceless Wookie friend. Lando's, whom he'd met under the darkest of circumstances, and a man he'd come to respect and care about as one of his best friends. Han's, the bravest pirate, and more upright and decent than many Kings and Princes. That young man was halfway between a friend and a son to him.
And his children! Luke couldn't be about to die with him! He wanted his precious son to live a long and happy life. He wanted both his children to live long, happy, fulfilling lives, and make this galaxy a safe and beautiful place for all.
His Leia! What would become of her? It was always toughest on the ones left behind. She would be left alone. Totally, utterly alone! She would never survive this!
No, NO! This couldn't be happening! It was wrong! They couldn't die today. They just couldn't!
00:05... 00:04... 00:03...
"NO! STOP IT!" he cried out, releasing all the feelings storming inside him in a torrent of emotion.
And the counter stopped. Just like that.
00:03.
The five friends looked at the frozen numbers, breathless. Their ragged respirations were the only sound in the central hold area for quite some time. Until, little by little, they dared to look up into each other's eyes, still not believing what had just happened.
"I-it was you, wa-wasn't it?" Han asked Anakin.
A drop of sweat rolled down the side of the older Jedi's face.
"I-I guess," was all he could say.
"Let's sit down?" Lando asked, afraid to move a single muscle, lest the slightest movement set off the bomb.
As one, the group walked up to the table, and Chewie put the bomb on it with the utmost care.
The counter didn't move.
00:03.
All five slumped down onto the vacant seats.
Immediately, Anakin grasped his child's sweaty hand in his own and squeezed Han's forearm with the other. He needed to verify all of them were safe and sound.
"I suppose we finally uncovered your 'special gift'," Lando commented, in pretended nonchalance.
"So it seems," Anakin smiled tremulously.
None of them could look away from the box with the bomb inside.
"And what now? Is it disabled or did you just stop the counter?" Han asked, daring to blink.
"I'm not sure," Anakin replied honestly, trying to concentrate on his feelings. "I... I think I disabled the counter only, but the mechanism is intact." He felt Luke squeezing his hand, and he returned the pressure.
"Then, as long as we don't touch it, we're safe," the Corellian said, standing up gingerly. "I'll call home. They'll have to clear all the landing platforms before we arrive, and have the bomb squad waiting for us there. I doubt there are any fingerprints or any clues in that baby that can lead us to whoever are behind this, but it's worth a try."
"So! Did Veltra's report and the bomb squad come up with anything useful?" Mon Mothma got straight to the point, once everyone was seated.
"They came up with several things, but none of them very useful, I'm afraid," Lando replied, dejectedly.
"Let me be the judge of that," the President replied sternly.
"The traffic droids received a signal from somewhere in close proximity to the park where everything happened. The Security Forces have got no idea how all those droids ended up with blasters in their bellies. All droids undergo a thorough overhaul once a week, and there's no way anyone could put those blasters inside them without someone noticing it before the overhaul. Whoever did it, slipped in the warehouse where the droids were kept by tampering with the security system, so they could have all the time in the world to arm and reprogram them after the overhaul. Then, once in the street, with thousands of signals coming and going, they only had to use a remote to activate the droids' new programming and either stay there to watch the show or leave, as any normal pedestrian or driver. Right now, Veltra's authorities are investigating all those who had access to the warehouse in question, but there are literally hundreds of people. Frankly, I doubt that lead will take us anywhere," Lando ventured to say.
"I agree," the President nodded. "What about the bomb in the Falcon?"
Lando couldn't prevent a shiver from running up and down his spine at the too recent memory.
"The bomb squad disabled it after we landed, and even though their plan was foolproof and we shouldn't have found the box by any means, there were only Chewie's prints on it." He made a brief pause. "We're dealing with pros here, no doubt about it. The bomb itself is an old but not uncommon TX-101 model, used in the mining business everywhere in the galaxy. In short, another dead end."
Mon Mothma looked down and let out a soft sigh. But a moment later, she looked up, her eyes flashing again.
"What do you get from all of this?" she asked everyone sitting at the table.
"All the weapons they've used so far 'seem' to indicate they're short in the resources department. They've been using old models of land-mines and bombs, and tampering with traffic droids. Nothing too costly and with a minimum risk for them. This method 'seems' to point at the typical guerrilla group," Areen Worzzlek suggested.
"As you said, it 'seems' to indicate a typical guerrilla method," Anakin promptly intervened the conversation. "But a guerrilla only seeks to throw out some occupier army or military force, and they soon make their demands known, so they can win over as many sympathizers to their cause as possible. The fact that we still don't know who're behind this shows they're misleading us deliberately."
"Only a fool would suggest the idea of a guerrilla," Han said, a bit too aggressively. The bomb in the Falcon had upset him greatly and it was taking him some time to calm down, contrarily to his usual way of handling things like that.
"I didn't suggest anything," Areen Worzzlek defended himself with the utmost dignity. "In case you didn't notice, I put the verb 'to seem' in quotation marks quite intentionally."
"I see no point in mentioning a theory that no one at this table's going to take seriously," Han argued.
"Please, let's calm down." Captain Ylek tried to soothe the two men's understandable, but still disturbing outbursts. "We're only thinking out loud and trying to come up with some answers."
Leia reached out and squeezed her beloved's hand. She could understand how Han was feeling, and through touch, she received the barrage of his raw emotions. She used her newly-developed Jedi powers to try and assuage her beloved's inner turmoil.
Han squeezed back and turned his head, smiling at her shakily. He took a deep breath and nodded.
"I'm sorry. I apologize," he addressed Areen with a sincerely contrite face.
Areen swallowed hard and nodded once, still a bit upset.
"Let's not allow this situation to disturb us more than it already has," Mon Mothma advised them all. "We survived years of war against the Empire because we were able to stick together in the darkest of circumstances. This time is no different. Let's contribute with everything we can think about, no matter how irrelevant it may seem. In any passing comment could lie a clue or a lead that could help us to put an end to this unwelcome challenge."
There was a short silence, as everybody regained their composure.
"I am convinced we're facing a very dangerous threat," Anakin continued in a firm voice. "They've targeted the very people who embody the former Alliance's cause against the Empire. Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Lando Calrissian... they're more than just names or people, they're symbols. Kill them, and you'll have destroyed the New Republic's very core."
"Wait a minute," Captain Thazzel interrupted the older Jedi. "Many other people also embody the former Alliance here. Princess Leia, our President, Areen Worzzlek... blast it, even you embody the Alliance and the Republic now as much as all of them. If they had wanted to kill them off, why use guerrilla tactics, and off Coruscant at that? They could have tried it here first, and with more chances of success. We're all more vulnerable at home, especially when we're not expecting an attack."
"True," Anakin agreed, his eyes conveying his admiration for the young Chiss' reasoning powers, "but on attempting a terrorist attack on Coruscant, in this building, the heart of the New Republic, there would have been no mistaking their intentions. It would have made it crystal clear the Republic was their target. On the other hand, by using guerrilla tactics, they create confusion and even though they're not as likely to succeed, they have their possibilities nonetheless. As you can see, they're still way ahead of us, cause we're all sitting here, trying to guess who they might be," he pointed out.
An ominous silence befell them all.
"They've made Captain Skywalker, Generals Solo and Calrissian, Chewbacca and incidentally myself their objectives because we were the easiest targets; but I'm positive they will strike here, if they can." Anakin went on relentlessly. He needed all of them to be aware of the grave danger they were facing. "We must take extreme security measures and make it as difficult for them as we can."
"I completely agree with our Vice-President," Luke intervened for the first time, nodding at his father respectfully. "This is no personal vengeance, or some terrorist group trying to vindicate some unknown revoked privilege or whatever. This is a thoroughly meditated and flawlessly executed plan to bring down the New Republic."
"If I didn't know better, the Empire would be my prime suspect." The words left Mon Mothma's lips before they actually formed in her brain.
Anakin raised an eyebrow and a little smile formed on his lips. His neverending admiration for the absolutely outstanding person they had as President increased yet another notch.
"Mine too," he said.
"The Empire doesn't exist anymore," Areen Worzzlek reminded them all unnecessarily.
"That we know of," Vaughan Worthwing spoke for the first time. "But there's something about this whole scheme that smells of some twisted tactics I remember very well." The young man's eyes turned to Captain Thazzel, who looked back at him and nodded. They were well-acquainted with the Empire's methods. They had used them for years.
"All twisted schemes resemble each other in some way or another," Admiral Ackbar pointed out, a sad edge in his voice. "But feelings make poor evidences."
"Does this mean we're supposed to sit here and wait until they strike again, until there are more innocent victims, like the married couple on Veltra and their now-orphan children, and Lieutenant Dobson and his family?" Han's voice resounded in the silent chamber.
"No," Mon Mothma replied firmly. "We'll take all necessary measures to ensure the civilian population's safety; and ours, as well."
"It's difficult to take any security measures when so little is known about the threat itself," General Madine observed.
"It is indeed, but we can only do our best," Anakin replied kindly. "At least, our Fleet, buildings and staff already have the latest security measures. We'll resume the drills until they're 100% successful. Let's pray we never have to put those lessons into practice."
There was another short silence, broken by the President's determined voice.
"For the present, Jedi Skywalker's assignments are suspended, unless an unexpected crisis that requires his urgent mediation arises. I'm aware of the fact that this implacable rhythm we have been imposing on him lately wasn't healthy, and I thank him for his efforts," she smiled softly at Luke. "I regret we have been abusing our only available Jedi's abilities, but it's understandable when he performs his duties so exceptionally well." She made a short pause. "Now, it's time for all of us to think carefully what our next move will be." She couldn't help a small sigh from escaping her. "We'll sleep on it and discuss any ideas we come up with tomorrow morning at eleven hundred hours." She rose to her feet and everybody followed her. "Dismissed."
Little by little, the Great Hall became gradually empty as people left, discussing the situation in small groups.
Leia approached Areen Worzzlek and softly touched his arm, drawing his attention. She wanted to apologize again on Han's behalf and share a few pointers with him. The two of them left.
"Captain Skywalker," Mon Mothma addressed Luke.
"Yes, your Excellency?" The young man walked up to her.
"I read your report, along with Generals Solo and Calrissian's, and the Vice-President gave me a detailed account of what happened on Veltra. I intend to follow all your recommendations and give Commander Worthwing a commendation for his actions."
"I am delighted to know that," Luke smiled. "His quick thinking saved us all."
"He addressed me before the meeting started, requesting to be reassigned as a member of the special team that's acting as your personal escorts."
"He's one of our best pilots and I wouldn't want him to waste his abilities as a bodyguard. But at the same time, if he hadn't been with us on Veltra, we wouldn't be here today," the young Jedi pondered.
"I know," the President nodded. "I told him he would be allowed to accompany you, as long as it didn't interfere with his duties in the Red Squadron."
"Wise decision," Anakin approved, walking up behind his son and placing his hands on his shoulders.
Mon Mothma half-closed her eyes when she saw Han Solo, Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca approaching her, too. She looked from one to the others, taking in the serious expressions on their faces.
"Why do I have the feeling that you're about to tell me something I'm not going to like?" She tried to relieve the tension in an easygoing but still dignified manner.
Right then, the doors opened and Princess Leia walked in, engaged in the last stages of a conversation with Vaughan Worthwing, and followed by C-3PO and R2-D2.
"The remaining family member makes her entrance!", she commented fondly. "If all of you are in on this, I fear the worst."
Anakin smiled, understanding her need to bring some levity to the moment.
"We're not here to suggest any outrageous course of action, but to inform you of some highly disturbing suspicions."
Mon Mothma's face lost all colour for a second, but she pulled herself together with an admirable self-possession.
"In that case, I suggest we take a seat. I can guess this won't be easy for any of us."
Quietly, everybody sat around the big round table, next to each other.
"So," the President cleared her throat and interlaced her fingers on the table, "what did you find out?"
After exchanging a meaningful look with his children and his friends, asking their permission to act as their spokesman, Anakin took a deep breath and began his exposition.
"From the beginning, this threat had a peculiar method of working. They've been mysteriously elusive, striking only when it was absolutely safe. They left us wondering at their unusual style, that way keeping us from focusing on what was really important - the attacks themselves. The land-mine on Ansion, the ambush on Veltra and the bomb in the Falcon not only indicate they were thinking ahead of us, but they knew exactly where we were, what we were going to do and when we were going to do it."
Mon Mothma nodded slowly.
"And your conclusions?" she asked.
"There's only one conclusion," Anakin replied with a kind and sad smile. "Someone from the inside. Someone with access to everything they need. Logistics, Communications, Security, Records... Someone who was with us on Veltra. Someone capable of improvising in a matter of hours when the ambush failed. Someone close to us, who probably sat at this table only a few minutes ago."
Mon Mothma raised a hand immediately, putting a stop to Anakin's speech.
"Now wait a minute!" She was honestly shocked by what her Vice-President was implying. "I've been working with these people for as long as the Alliance existed! There's absolutely no chance of a traitor lurking in our Government. I refuse to admit any shadow of a doubt about anyone's commitment and integrity!"
"It's also very difficult for me to admit that trusted people I recommended to you when we formed a Government could be involved in this," Anakin said, knowing only too well how she felt. "But we'd better take this seriously, before it's too late."
Mon Mothma shook her head, as if trying to reason with a stubborn child.
"I'm telling you Anakin, there's just no way."
"Mrs. President," Leia spoke for the first time. "I've been part of the Alliance for many years. It has been terribly hard for me to accept the possibility that a trusted friend could be trying to kill my brother, my father and the people I love. But sooner or later, there comes a moment when we have to put our feelings aside, and open our eyes to the truth."
"What truth?!" Mon Mothma exclaimed. "You're asking me to consider the possibility that people who've been ready to die with me and for me are trying to bring down the New Republic, when they could have killed me - all of us - these past years, and spared themselves this scheme now."
A loud silence resounded all over the room.
"I'm afraid you'll have to come to me with something more than mere 'suspicions' and 'feelings.' It's easy to slander and plant the seed of distrust, but to pull it up after that is next to impossible," she reproved them all with a wounded look.
"The seed of distrust was planted the moment a land-mine almost killed my son and my friends," Anakin's soft voice echoed in the Great Hall's walls, awakening them all to the simple truth in his words. "There is no turning back now."
The President set her jaw and looked down at her entwined hands, lost in the turmoil her Vice-President and her counselors' speculations had stirred in her. And yet... her little voice was already beginning to whisper into her ear, telling her to listen.
But it hurt. It hurt too much. It was too terrible to contemplate.
"As I said, come to me when you have proof to support your suspicions. Not a moment before."
Her words were clearly a dismissal. Reluctantly, everybody stood up and headed for the door slowly, casting hesitant looks behind them, at their unyielding leader.
Anakin remained sitting beside her in silence, trying to soothe the agitation their words had caused. Several minutes passed thus until, seeing there was nothing he could do, he rose to his feet. He looked down at her fondly, and placed a warm hand on her shoulder.
"You're the most open-minded and intuitive non-Force sensitive I know. Listen to your inner voice and make the right decision. They're already one step ahead of us. Don't let them take another, or it will really be too late."
With a gentle squeeze and a compassionate smile she couldn't see, Anakin left the Great Hall, leaving her alone with her troubled thoughts.
Anakin came out of his bathroom and prepared himself to get into bed. He took off his robe and put it on the back of an easy chair next to his bed. Then, he sat down cross-legged on the covers, and prepared himself for his customary few minutes of cleansing meditation before going to sleep.
For some reason, he felt restless and uncomfortable, as an animal anticipating an earthquake. But the restlessness came from inside him, not outside, and he knew what that meant.
The older Jedi sighed in resigned defeat. Nightmares would plague him tonight again. With quiet acceptance, he prepared himself. He raised a mental block, separating his subconscious from his son's, that way preventing him from being awakened by the bleeding of his father's psyche onto his own.
He had been doing it since the first, and hopefully last, time, when his vivid nightmares had brought Luke at a run to his bedroom months before, after he had awakened, distraught and soaked up in sweat, crying out mentally for comfort.
Luke had been so shaken by what he had seen in his father's mind, that Anakin had resolved right then and there never to subject his child again to the horrors and fears that lurked in his memory. He had no right to make his son go through that, never mind Luke's claims that it was his right, as his child and someone who loved him.
Since that night, every time he felt that a certain night would be one of those nights, he raised a mental shield that kept his subconscious apart from Luke's. Not his conscious, because Luke would feel it, then. Fortunately, he knew some mental techniques that allowed him to keep those shields raised even in his sleep, when he had no control over his thoughts and dreams.
And thus, he had existed these past six months. Mercilessly chased by his past crimes, but content, because he was keeping his beloved son from them.
Anakin shook his head, disdainfully. The galaxy had much bigger problems than former Darth Vader's psychic traumas. He set his mind to analyze and consider all the facts they had currently at their disposal, and try to come up with an answer or at least, a clue. It was amazing what the brain could do during deep sleep. From solving the greatest mathematical equations to more mundane matters of the heart. If he could coax his mind into reflecting on the threat looming on the New Republic, perhaps he would be spared a night of sheer horror.
The big man smiled sadly. Whom was he trying to fool? Certainly, not himself. This was the price he had to pay for being alive. And he was more than willing to pay it. His head turned to the small holograph on his bedside table. Himself, Luke on his right, laughing at a joke his father had told, and Leia on his left, looking at her brother adoringly, trying to control her mirth.
Anakin's heart filled to bursting with love. Yes, those two little angels were worth the most terrifying nightmares. They were worth his sanity, every drop of his blood. They were worth his very soul, unworthy as it was.
He reached out to the holograph, but his hand stopped a few inches away from it. He drew Luke's face with his fingertips lovingly and then, he reached out to his daughter's smiling face. He hesitated and turned his hand into a fist.
Even in the privacy of his quarters, he was wary of touching his daughter's holograph.
Force, what would he give to have a normal father-daughter relationship with Leia! He needed her so desperately!
He knew she was trying, and they had come a long way already, but still, it was not enough. It wouldn't be until he had her in his arms and they could embrace, not only physically, but also embrace everything they had been, everything they were, and everything they would ever be. Their past, their present, and their future.
With a throbbing ache in his heart, Anakin moved his hand back, opened the bedcovers and got into bed. He tucked himself up and as he always did, he looked at the empty spot beside him.
"Good night, my angel," he whispered into the now dark room, "take care of us from wherever you are. I love you, and I always will, my love."
It was hot. Very hot. But not around him. The burning heat came from inside him.
And that foul smell was somehow familiar... It was like... Like...
NO! It was his own flesh! His own burned flesh that he was smelling!
Anakin's panic rose like a tsunami, and he began writhing helplessly on the hard surface where he lay. He tried to raise on his elbows.
He had no elbows to support him. He was nothing more than a head and a trunk of roasted flesh. At the ends of his four extremities there were only stumps.
He cried out the name of his beloved wife.
But he had no wife anymore. He had nothing left. Padmé and his unborn child were dead. His life was over.
He cried out to be allowed to die. He didn't want to go on living when there was nothing worth living for.
'Yes, there is. You can live to take your revenge. Revenge on those who caused this,' a soothingly dark and ominous voice whispered to him. 'There's an immense comfort in hatred and evil. Destroy as much as they've destroyed you. Release all the anger you've rightfully accumulated all these years deep inside you.'
No, no! He clung to the remaining love inside him. Padmé wouldn't have wanted him to surrender to hate and destruction. She would have wanted him to go on living.
But what kind of life lay ahead of him? A life of pain and madness. Of being permanently attached to a life-support system that would never allow him to lead a normal existence. A life of mourning the loss of the only beauty and perfection he had ever known.
Any remaining goodness in him had died with Padmé and his baby.
His baby! What would it have been like to hold it in his arms, as he had dreamed of? To cradle it, to soothe its crying, to see it smile and coo, and feel its tiny hand grabbing his finger and never letting it go? How would it be to hear its first word? To see it walk? To see it running on its short little legs, swaying unsteadily and falling into his arms, giggling and clinging to his neck? How would it be to feel its touch? How would it feel to hear it say "Daddy" for the first time?
He cried out, insane with grief.
"LET ME DIE!" he screamed, leaving what was left of his vocal cords all raw and torn. Blood gurgled in his throat and he choked on it.
'No,' the voice whispered into his mind. 'You can still be useful, if you want to. The Jedi took away everything you loved. Make them pay for it. You'll see how fulfilling it can be to give back as much as you got. Let me show you a whole new way. No love, no weakness, no softness. The Dark Side will realize all your dreams of revenge and power. Power as you've never known. Immediate and satisfying as you can't possibly imagine. Surrender to the darkness in your soul and join me. This galaxy will never be the same. We'll show them all. We'll wipe out all those preaching hypocrites who made so much harm for so many centuries. All those who oppose us will be annihilated. No mercy, no compassion. For anyone. Me and you, together.'
The lure of that voice was almost irresistible.
'Yield to the Darkness. Nothing will hold you back, then. In the Dark Side, everything is possible. The power will be IN you. YOU will be the power. Let it dominate your destiny. Come with me, my young apprentice, and I promise it won't hurt ever again. Leave behind a lifetime of maudlin self-sacrifice and unrewarding abnegation that took away everything from you and gave nothing in return, and give yourself to the passions that could never be satisfied. You always knew this was the way. You could feel it. This galaxy doesn't need any unsufferable do-gooders, but someone who knows how to dominate all those who can only be led, but still dare to tell what's best for themselves and the others. We know. We'll obliterate all those little cynics with small minds. Only the strong will survive. Come with me. This is just the beginning, Lord Vader. I will be your guide in your new life.'
A wave of invigorating evil and hatred seemed to fill his bloodstream, as the new light dawned on him. Anakin felt it strengthening him, giving him a new purpose for his wretched life. If this was his reward for following the rules, obeying and always trying to do the right thing, it was high time for a change. It was time to take control and impose what was truly right; by force, if necessary. In the end, people would understand. And if they didn't, too bad... for them.
'Yes, yes, that is the spirit, young one. That is the way. The only way. Give me your soul, hand me your destiny, and I will fill them with a glorious greed and thirst for power that will never end. An eternity of Dark fulfilment. Give in to me, and you will never feel empty and alone again.'
'Yes. I will follow you, my master. From now on, nothing else will matter. I will be nothing but yours to lead. Show me. Show me everything. There is nothing else for me.'
'Good, my young apprentice. Excellent. Let my droids complete their work. Soon. Very soon...'
A thrill of greed and thirst for revenge boiled in Anakin's blood. He bared his teeth and snarled, like a wild animal waiting to attack and relishing the wait. He eagerly anticipated the ways he would get his sweet revenge, each of them bloodier and nastier than the last.
And before he knew, the task was completed.
'See?' The voice was obviously pleased with him. 'The Dark Side already helped you to make the time go faster, it kept the physical pain at bay, and now it is done. Are you ready to begin your new life, Lord Vader?'
'I am, my master.'
A soft noise above his head made him raise his eyes. A black mask loomed above him, ready to be his shield and his protection against the outside world for the rest of his life.
'Say the word, and it will be done,' the voice said.
'Proceed,' he replied unhesitatingly.
As the mask was lowered over his face, there was a flash of light in his head. He saw a young face, very similar to his own, looking down at him. A young man in his early twenties. He had blond hair, blue eyes, noble features, and a warm and caring smile.
And then, he knew. It was his son's face he was contemplating.
How could that be?! He had no son!
But he had! He had a son named Luke! And a daughter named Leia! He had friends, and a family! He belonged! He wasn't alone anymore!
'You are alone. You will always be, because no one will ever understand. No one, except me. Come with me now, and everything will be forgiven and forgotten.'
'NO! This isn't really happening! This is a nightmare. It's got to be! I love and I am loved. I only have to open my eyes and I will be lying in my bed, in my bedroom!' he fought back, struggling to wake up.
But he couldn't wake up. That dark presence was restraining him with a superhuman strength, and the black mask was closer and closer to his face.
And then, it was Luke's face that was being covered with the mask.
NO! Not his son! Not his Luke! His beloved son!
'Nooo! Take me! Take me, but don't take my son! I will do everything you want, but don't defile my child, I beg you!'
'You have no son. He is mine now. Just like you. You both belong to me and I will do with you as I please. I will kill him before your eyes. I will dismember him slowly, delighting in his pain.'
Rotten teeth framed in a twisted smile edged closer. So close that he could smell the foul stench.
He couldn't breathe, sheer terror had gripped his soul. He wanted to react, he wanted to grab that thin neck and squeeze the life out of that evil creature, but his very soul would be forfeit to the Dark Side again if he surrendered to his hatred. He was caught between a rock and a hard place, frozen on the spot by more fear than he had ever thought it could possibly exist.
'You cannot kill me. I will take away everything you ever loved. I will turn your son and your daughter, and then you will beg me to kill you. But I will not. You will live and belong to me again. For all time. The entire Skywalker family will be mine. Mine!'
'NOOOOO! Leia! Luke! My little angels! Take me! Take my heart, my mind, my soul. Take all you want! I will give it freely to you, but don't touch them!'
And then, Luke's face began to change. It aged horribly in a heartbeat. His face became ashen, his eyes sunk in their sockets and looked at him filled with hatred, devoid of any warmth and innocence. And yellow. Yellow!
He had lost his little one for good.
His own silent scream awakened him. He sat up with a jolt, his arms flailing in the dark. He searched blindly for the lights and heard a loud crash. He couldn't find the wall, he couldn't even remember where he was. He was in that blurry place between dream and reality, where everything's so vivid and intense that death seems a welcome relief.
His mind cried out his son's name, the only goodness in his life that had remained steadfast and true; his only constant when everything around him had fallen apart.
And then, he was being wrapped in strong, warm arms. His head was pressed up to a muscular chest that sheltered him and enveloped him in a warm blanket of love and security. Soft, gentle fingers buried themselves in his hair and began a soothing, rhythmic stroking, massaging his scalp and relieving the unbearable pressure there.
Helpless as a baby, Anakin clung to the person who was holding him, recognizing him at a purely instinctive level.
"Luke! Luke! OhLukeLukeLukeLuke...' he chanted, unable to stop. Only that name could make the fear go away. That name was his light in the dark, his sanity in the bottomless pit of madness that was swallowing him alive.
"Yes, Father," the most beautiful voice calmed him. "I'm here, with you. You're safe in my arms now. Nothing and no one will harm you, and certainly not him," the voice oozed venom then. "He's dead and won't touch you ever again. Ever again!"
But Anakin was beyond reasoning. Logic had deserted him and he could only be reached through feelings, through touch. Through love.
"I could smell my own burned flesh. He... He turned me again and then he threatened me with turning you and your sister if... if I... and then..." he moaned, hiding his face in his son's breast, unable to say the words.
"He turned me, I know. I felt your dream," Luke said, holding back a shiver. But he had to be strong for his father now. He held Anakin tighter. "I am safe. You are safe. We all are. Everything's all right."
"There was so much hatred in your eyes when you looked at me... I had lost you. I had lost my little one forever!" Anakin cried, grabbing his child's pyjama top and almost tearing it.
"You will never lose me, Father. Nothing will take me away from you. No one will take this away from us!" Luke exclaimed passionately, nuzzling the hair on the top of his father's head and kissing it. He began rocking the brutally trembling body, caressing the long back up and down with one hand, and sinking the other in the wavy blond strands. His father was keeping his hair longer than usual these days, and he liked it. "It's all right. Everything's all right. Just hold on to me."
Anakin obeyed the soft commands and little by little, the mindless terror began receding. He wrapped his own arms around the body holding him, completing the circle of love.
"Yes," Luke whispered to him. "Breathe deeply. Let the Light soothe you."
"You are the Light, my little angel of Light," the words left Anakin's lips of their own volition.
"Oh, Force!" Luke exclaimed, exploding at last. He rained dozens of kisses on his father's head and pressed it closer to his chest, almost crushing it.
"I love you, Luke," Anakin murmured, closing his eyes and rubbing his face against his child's breast.
"And I love you, Father," Luke leaned back against the padded headboard and accommodated the older man more comfortably against him. Anakin followed him blindly, his long arms tightening their hold around his son's torso. "Sleep now. There will be no more nightmares, I'll make sure of that." His fingertips searched in the darkness for his father's face and wiped the tears away.
Anakin moaned softly.
"What would I do without you?"
"You'd probably still be scaring the shit out of everybody," Luke joked, using the curse word intentionally.
Anakin let out a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob.
"Watch your mouth, young man. I'm still your father," he mock-chided.
"And I wouldn't change you for any other," Luke replied immediately.
A big hand reached up in a heartbreaking display of need and vulnerability. Luke took it in his own and interlaced his fingers with it.
"Not even when...?"
"Not even then," Luke didn't let him finish, and hugged him for all he was worth. He grabbed the rumpled bedclothes and covered his father with them. "Are you comfortable?" he asked softly.
Anakin nodded.
Luke closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat, resuming his caresses. Now that the worst was over, the delayed shock of his father's nightmare was beginning to settle in. He realized what his father had been doing these past months, and it infuriated him.
"Never, ever shield your mind from mine again. Don't you dare to deny me what you would take from me without second thoughts, do you hear?" he ordered, his voice strained and edgy. "Only together we will beat this. You are my strength, Father, as I am yours. Don't do this to us again. Promise me you won't!" He looked down at the flushed face, and his anger dissipated at the sight of the wounded eyes.
Anakin pursed his lips and nodded his head contritely.
"I just wanted..."
"To protect me, I know," Luke smiled. "But we can't hide from each other. We should know that by now. Our destinies are inextricably bound. What happens to you, happens to me." He took a deep, calming breath. "Please, promise that you won't shield from me ever again."
Anakin looked up at his son, a pleading expression on his face.
"Luke, I have nightmares almost nightly. Your mind couldn't possibly..."
"Promise!" Luke demanded, his unyielding eyes boring into his father's.
Anakin's eyes opened wide at the stubborn firmness in those blue orbs. The boy would never give up. With a resigned sigh, he reached up and wiped away the tear tracks on the pale cheeks.
"Is this what you want to be subjected to, night after night?" he asked, with haunted eyes.
"YES," the young man replied resolutely.
Anakin's tormented mind cuddled up to the warmth his son offered. Relinquishing all control, he allowed Luke to cradle and soothe him, until he thought he would pass out.
'Where does so much peace come from?' he asked in wonderment.
'From you,' was the immediate reply. 'Getting you back gave me the completeness I had been seeking all my life. Let me be your shelter now. It's easier to carry the burden when there are two sharing the weight. You don't have to go through this alone. Let me accompany you on your journey. It is my destiny, too.'
'Force, you're crazy! You know that?' Anakin exclaimed.
'It runs in the family,' the young man cracked. 'Close your eyes, Father. I will be here, watching your sleep. You are safe; don't be afraid.'
"I don't think I can fall asleep now," Anakin said out loud.
Luke's gaze was drawn toward the windows. The sky wasn't black anymore, but dark blue. A new day was dawning, and for some reason, the young man felt a ray of sweet hope making its way from deep inside him. His arms drew his father closer, and he rested his cheek on the older man's head, eyes fixed on the increasingly lighter sky.
"Tell me something happy," he asked all of a sudden.
"Happy?" Anakin asked back, not quite understanding what his son meant by that.
"Yes," Luke nodded, caressing the wavy hair. "Something that makes you smile just thinking about it."
Anakin's mind wasn't in the mood for wallowing in memories that could turn out bad all too easily. The only thing that made him smile just thinking about it was his children.
And then, his face broke into a smile.
"I named you," he said simply.
"Really?!" Luke's heart skipped a beat in his chest at the totally unexpected bit of information that meant more to him than all the riches in the universe. "Tell me!" he asked, unable to hold back his impatience... and his emotion.
Pressing closer against his child's breast, Anakin's voice got all soft and dreamy, lost in the sweetest memory from so long ago.
"One night, when your mother was six months pregnant, something awakened me. A vague feeling of disquiet and fear. I couldn't shake it off, until I realized that those feelings didn't come from a nightmare your mother was having, but from you."
"Me?" Luke asked.
"Not you, exactly. The baby. We never knew there were two of you. We wanted to be surprised when you were born. We didn't even want to know the baby's gender," Anakin explained. "So, when I realized the feeling of restlessness came from the baby, I slipped down in the bed and talked to you."
"You talked to me? To us?" Luke was too moved to form coherent thoughts. He felt as if with every word that left his father's lips, he was becoming more and more real, more attached to his past. A past he and his father had shared for several months. His parents, his sister and him had actually been a family before everything went wrong. Just knowing that gave him a sense of belonging like he had never known before. The four of them. His mother, his father, his sister and him. His eyes filled with tears.
"I tried to soothe you through the Force," Anakin continued, apparently oblivious to his child's state of mind, "and it worked. I told you that you only had to worry about growing healthy and strong, and your mother and I would take care of the rest. Then, a few bulges appeared in your mother's stomach, and I kissed them."
Luke shuddered.
Anakin reached up and took hold of his son's right hand lying on his head, brought it down to his lips and kissed the wrist. A smile lit up his features.
"Then, I asked you whether you were a girl or a boy." There was laughter in his voice, and it pulled Luke together immediately.
"And what did we say?" he asked, smiling helplessly too.
"You teased me like two little devils," Anakin laughed softly at the remembrance.
"We did?! In what way?" He wanted to know everything about the moment they had shared, so many years ago.
"You told me you were a girl, only to deny it later and tell me you were a boy."
Luke spluttered in bashful amusement.
"We did that? How?"
"By kicking," Anakin replied fondly. "But the funniest thing was that you were telling the truth. You weren't only a girl or only a boy. You were a girl and a boy, but had no way to tell me. And it never crossed my mind that we were expecting twins."
"And what happened then?" Luke asked, looking in utter fascination at the shades of pink and gold appearing in the sky, as the images his father was planting in his mind filled his heart to bursting.
"I told you that I loved you even if you were a tease, as I absently drew a pattern on your mother's belly. And then, you drew it back at me."
"What?!" Luke exclaimed, tearing his gaze away from the splendid vision of Coruscant's horizon, to look at the dream come true in his arms, who was already looking up at him, his face shining with joy.
"Yes, we communicated empathically that night. The three of us," Anakin said, with the wonder of the Universe reflected in his eyes. "I felt your love for me reaching out and enveloping me completely. For the first time in my life, I felt I belonged to something bigger than me. Something meaningful; the only thing truly worth dying for." He looked down at the hand he held, and pressed it to his cheek needfully. "The most beautiful part of me that would go on living when I ceased to exist. I understood right then and there. You and your mother were my life, but that night was the night I truly felt the connection between all living things that the Masters kept talking about, and I couldn't quite comprehend. It was Love. My love for my wife and my unborn child and your love for me were the Force. You were my Love, my Universe. My everything." He took a deep, trembling breath. "I pressed my face against your mother's belly, and I felt you pressing up against me. We touched for the very first time then, my son."
Luke had never felt like this before. Every empty place inside him was full to overflowing. He felt joy beyond anything he had ever experienced. It was like floating in lukewarm waters, soothing and purifying. Lukewarm... his eyes opened wide.
'Yes, that's when I knew what your name would be if you turned out to be a boy,' Anakin's voice whispered into his mind. 'That was the feeling you evoked in me. Never alone, never unloved. Always warm inside. Belonging forever.'
'Oh, Father!' Luke exclaimed as the happiest tears rolled down his face. 'Thank you for sharing something so private with me. I feel... Oh, I feel...'
'I know how you feel, Son, for I feel the same,' Anakin smiled lovingly.
'Lukewarm,' both minds sang in unison.
They laughed and hugged fiercely.
"I awakened your mother, then, and told her what your name would be," Anakin finished his tale out loud. "She loved it, and your name immediately triggered your sister's name in her mind. But she refused to tell me."
"She knew when to be a tease, too," Luke commented, adoring his mother for that.
"You have no idea," Anakin smiled. "It took me more than twenty years, but I found out at last."
"Yes, at last," Luke sighed in contentment.
"We fell asleep holding your mother's belly," Anakin reminisced with a bittersweet feeling; but he quickly snapped out of it. "That was the most perfect moment of my life." He made a self-deprecating face. "And I didn't learn anything from it."
"You did," Luke corrected him, "although you only became aware of it decades later."
"That's my boy," Anakin smiled fondly. "Always looking at the positive side of life."
"Yep, that's me!" Luke admitted unashamedly. "And I bet you're feeling much better now."
"I am," Anakin admitted after a short pause. "You can go back to bed now. I will be fine."
Luke didn't move.
"Luke?" Anakin looked up at his child curiously. "I'm all right. You can return to your quarters. You can't be comfortable like this, Son."
"I am very comfortable here," Luke settled the matter. He sat up a bit straighter and leaned back against the padded headboard again. He pulled his father's body closer and placed Anakin's head on his heart. "Let us sleep now, and let's hope for a brain-wave to hit us in the next few hours. We're in desperate need of some clues."
Anakin bit his lower lip guiltily. He knew that sleep tonight without the blinding source of Light and Love that his son was, would be impossible; but he had already abused...
'I need it as much as you do, Father," Luke's thoughts were the sweetest balm to his psyche. "Allow me this, please,' he asked.
Anakin closed his eyes in surrender and took a deep breath. He enveloped his son's ribcage with his arms, desperate to give as much as he was receiving.
'My little angel,' he sent, before succumbing to the most restful sleep he'd had in decades.
Luke remained awake a few minutes more, drinking in the peace and contentment emanating from the sleeping form in his arms.
He was shocked at the wall his father had put up between them to protect him from the horrors that lurked in his mind. He wondered how his father had survived all this time without going mad.
And this was what Anakin had agreed on, when he'd returned to him in the Death Star? Remorse greater than anything he'd ever known, overwhelmed the young man.
Looking down at his father, sleeping so trustingly in his arms, Luke felt his heart shattering into a million tiny pieces.
If only.
He took Anakin's hand in his own, and felt him return the pressure automatically in his sleep.
Biting his lips, Luke wrapped the covers more securely around his father. No more nightmares for him tonight, even if he had to fight them one by one.
With a last look at the slowly rising sun and burying one hand in the soft light hair, Luke joined his father in the foggy realm of sleep.
TO BE CONTINUED...