Pure Jealousy

The Trust Foundation

M

Will/Jack

Not owning anything

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I stared at the door after he had left. Any comfort? What did he mean by that? He had looked at me so intense, like he was trying to say something, but what? Any comfort…ANY comfort! Could he possibly mean..? My eyes widened at the thought. I put off the music and sat down at the table. My mind racing with thoughts. No, he couldn't possibly have meant sexual comfort. I told myself. I knew he would do many things for me, but not that, never that.

Jack loved me, sure, but our relationship was more or less based on the fact that we never touched each other. Of course we touched each other in a friendly way, sometimes even a bit flirtingly, but it never meant more. Or did it? He had loved me when he was younger but that was over now. Or so I thought. I knew that I had lusted after him before, it would be silly to deny that fact. We both knew from each other that we had had sexual feelings for the other one, but we never acted at them. But what I was feeling now was more than just sexual attraction, it was love, and not older brother love, no it was the kind of love you feel for your partner.

I groaned out loud. Jack was so transparent sometimes but now, of all times he had to start being difficult. What had he meant? I thought again, I was starting to get frustrated. I needed help, but not from Grace, she didn't know him good enough. I would have to call Karen. Sighing I picked up the phone and dialed her private number.

"Hello."

"Karen?"

"Yes, who is this?" Karen said irritated.

"It's Will."

"What is it? I'm very busy you know."

"I need your help, it's uhm, serious."

"Okay…"

"And I'll buy you a bottle of gin."

"Fire away honey."

I hesitated. Karen would probably tell him, and I certainly couldn't have that. Was this a good thing to do? I decided it was too late to turn back, I was desperate and Karen was the only one who could help me right now.

"I got an offer from someone, and I'm unsure whether to take it or not."

"Honey, you know I'm not good at business things."

"It's a sexual offer." I whispered.

"A sexual offer? Someone offered you sex? Well, take it then! Last time I saw you, you looked like you could use some."

"You don't get it, it was from someone I'm not sure of whether it is a good idea or not."

"Why, is he ugly?"

"No, he's, uhm, he's Jack." Karen was silent for a while.

"Jack?"

"Yes, Jack."

"What Jack, because for a moment here I was thinking about my little poodle."

"That's the one."

"Jack offered you sex!" She sounded down right disturbed.

"I-I'm not sure okay? That's why I called, I need to know for sure! He said I was stressed and that I needed something to make me less tense. And, and he said that if there was anything he could do he would do it. He said he was there for comfort. ANY comfort."

"Oh my God." She whispered.

"What?"

"Jack offered you sex."

Later I lay in bed thinking about what she had said. She wouldn't tell him I had talked to her, but knowing her, well, it would only be a matter of time before he would find out. She had tried to make me tell whether I would take his offer or not, but I talked around it. Because I wasn't sure. I couldn't say I didn't want it, but it would not be a good idea. It would just be sex for him, I wanted not just his body, I wanted his soul. I wanted him to be mine.

His offer had confused me so badly that I lay awake for hours. What would happen if I accepted it? We would have sex and we would move on. He would continue to lay every guy he saw and I would grow more and more bitter with the day. But if I decided not to do it, I would never have sex with him.

I knew he was at the club at that very moment. I couldn't handle clubbing two nights in a row, but he sure could. He would pick up yet another stranger and have sex with him. He had sex with ten different guys a week, this normally didn't bother me, but now it sure did. He should be in my bed, he should be mine to touch, it should be me who was inside him.

I turned so I was laying on my back and stared at the ceiling. Why did Jack have sex with so many guys anyway? Wasn't it nicer to have someone just for you than have someone different every day? I wanted him so badly at that moment it made me near the verge of tears. Jealousy was eating me alive and I knew I had to do something about it soon, or I would go completely mad.

Tired of the day I finally fell asleep.

I pressed him against the shower wall and kissed him passionately on the mouth. His hands moved over my body lovingly and he pulled me closer to him. He pulled away from our kiss and smiled at me wickedly. His hands slid down my body as he slowly moved down to his knees. Jack grinned up at me and started to kiss my pelvis.

"DING!DING!DING!" I cursed out loud and hit the alarm clock. Of course, right when my dream started to get good did that stupid thing have to go off. I got up immediately, the sooner I started the day, the sooner it would be over. If I continued to lay in bed I would only think about Jack anyway.

I took a very short shower and started to clean the apartment. I didn't dare to stay in the bathroom for too long, because it would remind me of my very vivid dream.

Just as I started cleaning the kitchen Grace called.

"How are you, Will?"

"For the last time, I'm fine!"

"Look, we all know how possessive you are, so doesn't the fact that Jack sleeps with everything that breaths bother you?"

"Yes, but there's nothing I can do to change it anyway."

"You could tell him you are in love with him."

"He would just laugh."

"No he wouldn't, he cares for you, a lot."

"But not in that way."

"You don't know until you ask him do you?"

I started to get irritated. There was no way I would ever tell Jack, I didn't need to get hurt. Especially not this early in the morning.

"Look, I got to go, there are tons of things I need to do."

"Uhm, okay, see you later then."

"Bye." I hung up and buried my head in my hands. My mind started to wonder. I had known Jack for so long and now, all of a sudden, I had fallen in love with him. Or maybe I had loved him all along but I just hadn't known it. I never should have went to that club, because now everything was different. It had awoken jealousy and with that, love. I used to get jealous whenever any of my boyfriends as much as looked at another guy and Jack, well Jack, he didn't really look at them. He just had sex with them. My jealousy and possessiveness had ruined more than one of my relationships, so I knew for sure that if I ever started to date Jack it wouldn't be for long.

"I thought I told you to do something about that?" A hard voice rang through my thoughts. I jerked up.

"Wow, you have been cleaning, you really are stressed." Jack said matter-of-factly. He had brougth his muffins and started eating them at the couch. I tried to say something but I couldn't find any words. He only wore his boxers so thinking, let alone talking, was very difficult.

He looked at me a bit scared.

"Will, I'm eating. On your couch. Muffins. Which have a lot of crumbs."

"Yeah, yeah, that's okay." I said, not really taking in any of the words he had just said.

He got up and stood in front of me.

"Will, what's the matter with you?" He sounded worried. People seriously needed to stop worrying over me, I could take care of myself perfectly.

"I. Am. Fine." I gritted out and looked at the ceiling. Jack was making me rather nervous, standing nearly naked in front of me.

"Will, please. I want to help you. You obviously need help." I looked at him. My mind racing with his words. Help, you need help. He wants to help me. His eyes burned through mine. He looked so innocent, yet I knew better, he was anything but.

"There's something-." I started, but I stopped. I couldn't be doing this. It was wrong.

"What?" he whispered. My eyes traced the lines of his face, taking in every curve and finally landed on his eyes. I loved him so much right then, it nearly made me choke.

"Will?" He asked.

I said nothing but took a step closer to him. His sweet smell wafting over me. The warmth of his body radiating through my clothes. I looked at him and subconsciously licked my lips. He looked at me expectantly. He was not nervous or tense, he was calm and willing.

He put his arms around my shoulders and pulled me closer. Our nose were nearly touching. I had forgotten about the world, about Grace, about everything. He was there, so close, so warm, so loving. I only needed him. He rested his forehead against mine and I felt his hands move over my body, dipping lower and lower. I wanted to stop him, it was wrong, it would ruin our friendship. But as his warm hands neared my belt buckle I couldn't protest any longer.

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