I'd like Nick Sicinaki/diabloslayer21/Anime Ronin for contributing his excellent story, The Tiger and The Dragon, as the core of this episode. I'd sketched out a very similar story, with only the minor Doyle and Dawn parts, and the Buffy vs. car part. And while I'd considered bringing in Joyce in the Final XHD Reset as a Watcher or Mrs. Peel, I liked this better and now.
So, rather than produce what would seem a rip-off, I instead received permission to use it as the heart of the episode. I've left as much of the original work intact, fitting it into the XHD universe as much as possible. So, thanks Nick, this is dedicated to you
Joyce blinked a third
time at the person in front of her and then felt a smile
tug at
her lips as she bowed, "Hello, Master Caine."
'Master Caine' bowed back to her, "Greetings, fair lady. I am here to see if …Buffy and Willow are prepared for our travels." Xander was in a pair of dark, loose pants, had on a loose shirt of white underneath a dark jacket and wore not only the hat, but the satchel, the necklace / pouch, and had what appeared to be a flute poking out of the satchel.
"She'll be down in a second – do you have them?" He arched an eyebrow at her and pulled up his sleeves to reveal two 'fake' burns – one the inside of each forearm were patches of pink burn-scar tissue in the respective shapes of a tiger and one of a dragon, and they looked totally real from her point of view.
"Neat!"
"I take it you're a
fan, then?" She nodded happily, remembering the slight
crush
she'd had on the actor back in her younger years, and then Xander
grinned, "Why Joyce, if I didn't know any better, I'd be forced
to say that you were a bit of a Kung Fu geek."
She gave a
look, "Xander, we all have a bit of a geek in us, and Kung
Fu
happened to be mine."
"I'll try and remember that, mom." Joyce turned and saw her daughter, dressed in a fluffy gown and in a dark wig and confusingly a sword, slowly walk down the stairs, and then smiled at her friend, "Greetings, Master Caine."
"Lady Elizabeth." Joyce was happy to see and hear that Xander was completely into his costume even as he removed his hat yet again, "Is Willow ready? I feel that Principal Snyder … would be most … displeased, if we were late."
Joyce went about finding her camera even as she heard Dawn walk down the stairs in a trench coat, took a picture of the kids and sent them off with a smile before getting her own costume ready for the impromptu party her daughter and friends were putting on at the school. It was surprising how her youngest could plead to get her to go. And really, who in their right mind would ever guess that Joyce was not only a Kung Fu fan, but also had a body good enough to pull of Diana Prince, a.k.a. Wonder Woman?
Tara and Buffy had paired off and were in the general vicinity of Ethan's shop when the spell overtook them and others…
Cassandra looked around, reading the auras of those nearby, the young girl picking herself off the ground having the read of a Slayer and an Immortal, a powerful and disconcerting combination. She drew her own sword and stepped back in a defensible position as she built up magic just in case.
"I mean no harm, Slayer," the Immortal Witch declared softly, "Though I very much would like to know how I came here against my will." The young woman looked at her own fight-inappropriate attire, grimaced and then looked over to Cassandra.
"Seeing as I'm attired for one of my uncle's social occasions, I've no trouble in that," the slayer agreed, "I'm Elizabeth Giles of Oxfordshire, and you would be?"
"I'm Cassandra," the woman smiled, "Lately of Genoa. Any idea of where…or even when we are?"
"I fear I have not a proper answer for you, Cassandra," the younger woman admitted, "But if we stay together between us we should have few concerns this night." They both turned and raced toward the screams of frightened children and swords drawn, the slayer stopping to drop her excessive skirt, but soon catching up with the Immortal as they arrived on the scene of a small battle near a large brick building.
HONK-HOOOONK, HONK
The Slayer lashed out, sword blinding the metal beast thundering down on her, ignoring the shrieking noise it made as it slowed to strike. First, she struck and blinded one of its fire-eyes, as it went by slashing off what seemed to be an ear-shaped piece protruding from the side.
"Hey!" screamed a female voice from deep within, causing her to pause as the rectanguloid thing continued on its way.
"Elizabeth!" Cassandra cried out to her, "That's not a demon, it's a carriage propelled by a steam engine!" Blushing, the Slayer headed for the fight to redeem herself somewhat.
Kwai Chang Caine looked around himself and frowned at the sense of imbalance not only in the air, but in those around him … and within himself, "This … is not right."
He closed his eyes for a second and put his Shambala training to good use, centering himself with several cleansing breaths, and then opened them again to see the world as it really was, drawing in a sharp breath as he saw not only the evil chi around him, but also the disruption of Chaos magic, "How very disturbing."
He set off on foot towards the center of the disturbance, absently passing by demon-children that came at him with a move of his hand and the occasional twist of his body, until he came up against a pirate with a very real sword.
"ARRR, it looks like we have ourselves a Chinaman, boys! I say we split him up the middle and read his innards." The lead pirate, also a victim of twisted chi and chaos, charged him, and Caine found himself forced to strike the man, directing him off into a tree and knocking him out, causing the other pirated to flee.
"Odd," he mused as ht began to walk again. "That felt strangely … good."
SHS parking lot
Diana looked around
again as she felt her strength and power return to her
weakened
body, but then ran her hair through her quickly-darkening shorn locks
again – somebody would pay for cutting her hair. She'd bet it had
been Kyle or Wally, the Green Lantern or the Flash, as both Batman
and Superman knew how … protective … of her hair she
was.
Clearing her head with a shake, she heard the screams of terrified children, and she took out her golden lasso and took to the sky – there was evil about, and Wonder Woman was needed.
Master Lo Si looked around, sensing things were not as he perceived them a moment before. A young woman in a very revealing swimsuit was next to him, looking concerned at strange goings-on.
Master Lo Si ventured a guess based on the mixed auras, that the two humans before him were vampires and others nearby were suffering possession by evil entities. To his surprise the woman of uncertain repute picked up a large stick and attempted to protect him from the vampires.
It was unfortunate that he did not have ready access to his library and materials, or he'd try restoring them. Alas, knowing he could not help the souls, he waited until he could sense the young woman making a poor response to an attack, and he struck out with two finger-forward hands, splitting the flesh between ribs and destroying the dead hearts within. As the two vampires turned to dust, he turned to the young woman.
Young One, he addressed her with a deep nod, How did an untrained girl know she faced off two of the undead? And this attire at night, are you a model or tavern girl?
I-I didn't know, Ancient One, she responded softly, What does my profession have to do with trying to save your life?
Ah, I meant no disrespect, the man replied, It is merely surprising to find a younger person of a trade known for its…ephemeral nature…conduct themselves so well. You have my gratitude for that. She bowed slightly in acknowledgement. So what brings you out on a night like this and in such attire?
My agent set me up with one last photo shoot before I retire, she replied with a smile, something innocent to end a career many of your generation have no favorable opinion regarding.
If I may ask, the old priest presumed, as they turned a corner into the business district, What was the photo shoot?
I do not remember any of it and am now wherever this place is, she replied as they continued their rather quick stroll, But I was having pictures taken at a waterslide park by a young photographer named Xander Harris.
The magic ebbed and disappeared, the various Scoobies making their remaining supply stops before heading back to the Library. The Watcher contingent had noted the extra confusion, especially as there seemed to be dark-clothed teams of special operatives moving through the streets that had not been previously spotted.
Joyce in a trench coat paced back and forth in the Library, waiting for Buffy and the others to return; they'd left a note saying they just needed to fetch some more supplies and not to worry. Joyce wondered just what in the world was going on – her body wasn't as soft as it once had been, she was stronger than ever and her hair, which had always been a nice amber color, was now as black as a raven's wing, not to mention past her shoulders in length. She now remembered what had just happened this last hour or so, being Diana Prince - Wonder Woman - but outside of that, she didn't have a clue what was going on.
"Calm yourself, Joyce." She spun around and saw Xander standing in the doorway of her office, a serene smile on his lips as he walked in, with bare feet, dressed much the same as he had been the previous night, "I know these new … developments … are shocking, but please, calm yourself and I shall explain as best as I can."
"Xander, what's going on here? I shoved a 700-pound wooden crate out of the way half an hour ago like it was a large cardboard box, my body hasn't been this firm in twenty years and I was flying at one point!"
He nodded and took her by the elbow, leading her over to a small couch off to the side and sitting her down, "Joyce, first of all, you look fabulous – if I
were ten years older, Buffy would have a new step-father by the end of the day in that we'd go to Las Vegas and elope." Joyce blushed at that and calmed down, "Secondly, there is much about Sunnydale that you have been kept in the dark about, perhaps wrongly, and I am here to explain a few things."
"Master Caine changed you, didn't he," wasn't so much of a question as it was a statement of fact.
"Yes, he did – not as much as would have been the case a year ago my time - I see the world more clearly now, Joyce, and I think that you shall be the same, once you get your new gifts under control. Now, first off, what was your costume?"
"Wonder Woman," she admitted, opening the coat slightly but in frustration. He stared blankly for a moment, his breathing exercise ensuring enough oxygen to the brain.
"Xander?" Joyce asked with concerned. He arched an eyebrow.
"Linda Carter?" he wistfully smiled, and she nodded and he sighed again, "And you didn't let me see you in the costume yet? Joyce, why do you torture me like that?"
She laughed a little, feeling more at ease as Xander skillfully manipulated her into a calmer frame of mind, "So you're trying to tell me that I have her
powers now?"
He shrugged slowly, deliberately, "For now, you ARE Wonder Woman for all intents and purposes, but for how long, I cannot say. Your new gifts may fade over the next few days, weeks, months, even years, but accept them and use them."
She sighed and lay back into the back of the couch, "You are a wise man, Master Harris."
He joined her on the back of the couch, "Perhaps, perhaps now – we shall see. So, Joyce, just how firm is that body of yours?"
She looked at him and arched a now-dark eyebrow, "Do not make insinuations that you're not prepared to keep, Xander."
He gave her a level look, "Joyce, if I wished to ravish you, I would have done so by now – I want to see just how much of Wonder Woman is there, so I am asking you for a spar."
For a second she felt fretful, but then a large swell of pride came to bear as
the thought of herself being scared of a MAN, of all things, came to the
forefront, "Let's do this."
An Hour later
Buffy looked at Giles, who, like Willow and Faith, was staring quite dumbfounded at something in front of them, something that she herself could not see, "Guys? What's wrong?" She walked forwards and blinked at the sight as well – Xander Harris, in spite of telling them what he'd gone through, the class clown, goof of all trades, and general smart ass of the first order, sat in the middle of a table, which happened to be covered with rice paper. Now, that in and of itself would not have been news except for that Buffy knew just how brittle the paper was and it also left foot prints when walked on – the paper that Xander sat upon had not a single foot print on it, which begged the question of just how he had gotten up there, "Xand?"
"Greetings, Elizabeth." His voice was as calm as a pond without the slightest hint of a breeze, and when she walked around she could hear that not only was his heart beating at a steady rhythm, albeit a slow one, but she could see that he was completely at peace with himself.
"So,
I'm guessing that Master Caine stayed with you, then." She
blushed as
Willow snickered, remembering when she had screamed at
the mere presence of a car, let alone jumping at shadows all
night.
"No, he is no longer with me, Elizabeth. Rather, he
left me his teachings and
has returned to wherever he had
previously been." Xander opened his eyes and she could see the vast
depths of his knowledge there, but also a bit of a
mischievous
twinkle, "So, did you really kill a car demon, Buffy?"
Even as Willow's snicker turned into a full-on laugh, Buffy growled – this was now officially a war; the noblewoman may still be within her, but she would NOT run anymore, "How'd you know that?"
"I didn't – you confirmed it for me, though, and I did see the car out in the parking lot," She flushed even more as Giles chuckled at this and then blanched as Xander placed a hand down and vaulted off of the rice paper, allowing her to see the baggy shirt and pants he was it, but the Slayer part of her mind noticed that his hand left no print and his feet made no noise when he landed his large toned heavily and densely muscled body, not to mention the tiger-shaped burn on the inside of his arm – if nothing else, she was going to get him to teach her that.
"I would be honored to teach you, Buffy," Xander said, bowing, but when he came back up, he wore a smile as she idly wondered if he could read her mind. "No, I am not telepathic, but I can read expressions like a champion." She growled as Giles joined Willow in laughter.
"And that is not all, Fair One," Doyle added as he quietly spoke from just behind her, dodging out of the way as in surprise she lashed out.
"I didn't even sense you!" Buffy exclaimed as she embarrassedly ceased her maneuvering, "How did you do that?"
"Who but Master Lo Si do you think helped Master Caine?" Doyle asked, then smiled at Dawn, "Ah, Morning Light, how are you today? Ready to head off with Xander to the waterslide park?"
"Just stop with the Old One routine, Doyle," a suddenly-tired looking Dawn, "You didn't walk in on what I did twenty minutes ago.
"What do you mean Dawn?" Buffy asked as Dawn blushed and relayed her experience.
Flashback
Dawn followed the sounds coming from the other side of the decorated partition near the office, not sure what to make of them as she got home from school; they were female in nature, and sounded very pleased – but here!
As she reached the partition, she heard her mother gasp out, "Oh, Xander, that feels so good." Dawn's jaw dropped to the ground at her mother's very content purr – Xander? HER Xander? And HER MOTHER? "How did you get this good at such a young age?"
"This is my first time doing this, Joyce." Xander's voice was a little tense,
but it was definitely him, "Are you enjoying this?"
"Oh, Gods, yes! If this is the first time you've done this, then I'm going to
marry you just to see if you get better."
Dawn drew herself up and saw the world in red colors – Xander was having SEX with her MOTHER! That just didn't compute, so she walked around the partition only to find something she didn't expect – her mother, with a solid, muscular body, in the Wonder Woman costume Dawn had chosen for her, on her stomach on the counter, with Xander next to her, in his Kung Fu costume that revealed that the super-developed body that belonged to Dawn and Willow, massaging shoulders and back. "Huh?"
"Dawn? Dawnie?" Both people at the counter looked up as one and frowned before speaking as one, "What's wrong? Is everything okay?"
"Ah, uh, I'm … not sure. What are you two doing here? Because from out there it sounded like …" She felt her cheeks burning and glowing as she looked down, ashamed that she had thought the worst of them.
"What do you mean that …" Her mother's voice trailed off as a knowing look entered her eyes and she then began to giggle as Xander continued to look a little confused, "You mean, you thought that Xander and I were … that we were …"
Her mother began to laugh very hard as Xander seemed to catch on and choke in laughter himself.
"Well, that's what it sounded like from outside the door!"
"Dawn, trust me, if we WERE doing that, we'd have the common sense to at least get a motel room for a few hours." Xander lifted her mother off the counter and began to clean his hands while her mom sat up, smiling contently, "I felt your mother's distress when I got back to the school and we spoke at length about her new gifts."
"Gifts?" Her mother had not only got a harder body, but had put on about an
entire cup size, "It looks like she hit the lottery, Xand."
Her mom smiled, "Don't worry, honey – Xander already told me about the whole Reset and Slayer things and a lot of things since moving here make sense now. I am, however, a little upset at you and your sister for not telling me about all of this."
Dawn glared at Xander, who shrugged deliberately and slowly at her, before
looking back at her mother, "So, just to be sure, you and Xander aren't … you know?"
Xander walked forwards was caught in a side-armed grab as her mother pulled him in front of herself and pressed against his back, "I'm not sure, Dawn – for back rubs like that, I'm willing to let almost twenty years of age difference slide."
Dawn gaped silent for a second before Xander and her mom began to chuckle, then she realized that she was being played, "Hey, sharing him with Willow is bad enough when this is all over, but you too? It'd be too freaky."
End Flashback
Dawn blushed as Willow and Buffy laughed this time, as Tara, Kendra and the others entered the library.
"A-and then she nearly killed poor Faith," Tara sighed, "I'm glad about the Resets, I couldn't tell the insurance company that while I was p-possessed, a vampire slayer in a Lady's ball gown took out a sword and hacked my poor little car to pieces." Buffy with Slayer hearing blushed deeply as she looked over to Tara, then away in embarrassment. The generally-repressed Giles finally let loose with a whooping laugh.
Elsewhere in another
dimension
Peter looked at his pop as he and the Ancient One,
Lo Si, sat quietly on the
floor and sipped his tea, "So, pop, do
you have an explanation for what happened last night? You just kinda
… spaced out … for a while."
His dad smiled a little and
laughed, "Yes, Peter, I did, but I also went on a
journey that
was far more insightful than most. I learned that there are people
out there, young people not yet out of school, who fight against the
darkness without anyone else knowing. One of them does so without any
powers or training at all, and it was his body that I was
in."
"Possessions are very powerful thing, Kwai Chang Caine," Lo Si said with a wise air about him, but also an air of that damned root he always ate, "but also it has unseen consequences."
Peter was shocked when his father nodded, "That it does, Master-Who-Walks-With-Porn Stars – I now find myself oddly fascinated with this thing." Pop held up a clear-plastic wrapped object and turned to him, "Tell me, Peter, what is so good about these …Twinkies?"