Ooh Woopdee Flipping doo... ; I just got my inspiration for this...So..uhm..this is a bunch of random stories and such..all fit into one chapter...I believe they are called drabbles..o.o...But...I think drabbles are shorter...So I'll just be quiet and shut up about them...-.-'

At first I had no clue what to call this...So I'll just call it Baka Moments. I...thought of this...while I was in the bathroom...YES THE BATHROOM, SO BE QUIET! -goes to cry in a corner-

Disclaimer - I do not own fma or any characters..just..the plot...If I did own it..Hughes wouldn't have COUGHDIEDCOUGH. -runs-

Roy Mustang sat in his giant new chair in his office. He threw out his old one and got a nice big new spinny looking one which, according to him, made him feel "very special,". So now that he felt 'very special' he could actually concentrate on his work for once and actually not have his angry, crazy, and overly obsessed Riza Hawkeye come over and tell him to sign his papers.

Riza Hawkeye looked from her desk over to Roy's and noticed that he was for once working. She supposed he must've gotten a new girlfriend and wanted to go out of work early. But...didn't Roy always have a new girlfriend? She got back to her own work only to look up again 3 seconds later to see Roy getting up from his desk.

"Where are you going?" she asked, dropping her pen on her desk to face Roy.

"Coffee.." Roy grabbed from his desk a new coffee mug that Riza hadn't noticed until now. And sweat dropped off her head when she actually did see it.

"Sir..."

"It's new! Don't you like it? I got it yesterday and I thought it would look awesome!" Roy exclaimed as he saw her blank expression on her face.

"..." Riza was silent. She didn't know how to take this new piece of information that was on the mug. "I...love...yaoi?" she read off the words spread out on Roy's mug. She didn't know what else to say.

"SHIT, Wrong mug!" Roy yelled as he threw that mug in his desk and reached out for another in it. He pulled it out and held it up to Riza. "This is the new mug I got,"

"WHAT THE HELL, SIR!"she screamed as she read this mug that Roy was holding up. "I LOVE RIZA HAWKEYE!"

"No! This must be some misunderstanding! I didn't buy this!" Roy angrily looked in his desk again. He pulled out more mugs. "I love yaoi. I love me. I love Jean Havoc." Roy read off the mugs as he placed them with a bang on his desk. "Who did this!"

Right then Maes Hughes burst through the door with his brand new camera and was laughing his head off. "That was perfect! Those were perfect pictures!"

"You..." Roy glared at Maes and grabbed his gloves unnoticed from his desk. "YOU BASTARD!" Roy began snapping away trying to catch Maes on fire. Maes and his camera that is.

"Aw, but at least you expressed your love to Haw-"

BAM

Roy's foot made contact with Maes's stomach. Maes fell backwards and abruptly stopped speaking. "You could've just said if you wanted me not to say anything. But I was telling the truth with the yaoi thing,"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Roy yelled out. For one thing, he didn't want Hawkeye to know he loved her. For another, he didn't want Hawkeye to think he was gay.

"Denial is the first stage, Roy!" Maes yelled out and stood back up, patting Roy's shoulder. "Soon enough, you'll be happy to tell the world you like yaoi!"

"Why are you doing this to me! What have I done wrong to you?" Roy yelled out into the air.

-in heaven-

"Oh my! It seems as if my Roy-Mustang-is-yelling-at-me senses are tingling! I guess I should go see what's wrong." God arose and was about to start walking.

"Ooh ooh! Can I come too!" Ishbala clung onto his robes and wouldn't let go. "Pllleeeease!"

"..."

-back in Amestris-

"Oh I'm sure things will start looking up for you Roy!" Maes said, happily. He started walking toward the door and opened the door and was about to leave before he said something else. "Maybe if you're lucky, Hawkeye will say yes to your proposal!" He slammed the door shut after that comment and breathed heavily. He was glad he shut the door because after that Roy began having a fit.

Jean Havoc started walking back after hearing the loud commotion in the Colonel's office. He wondered what was going on, but now that he actually thought about it he didn't want to get in the middle of whatever was going on. Maybe he'd go in after the thing was over. He reached Roy's office door and saw a happy looking Maes, with a burnt camera hung around his neck. 'You'd think he would've broken down by now because of the loss of his 'precious' camera,' Jean thought as he stared at Maes. Well too bad he did break down, right in front of Havoc that is.

"Whyyy? It was so young! It didn't deserve to die!" Maes yelled out and clung to Havoc. He started crying but Havoc didn't care and continued smoking his cigarette, until ia piece of it fell off and fell onto Hughes's head. Aah. Too bad for Hughes, because his hair just caught on fire.

"OH MY GOD, IM GOING TO DIE!" he screamed out, let go of Havoc, and began screaming down the hallway until he was out of sight.

Havoc let himself into the Colonel's door and walked up to Roy. "Just what the hell was going on before I-" His eyes caught sight of Roy's mug which said "I love yaoi". "Sir..."

"Shut up, Havoc,"

"I never knew sir.."

"SHUT UP!"

Havoc did as he was told but then his eyes caught up to the mug which said "I love Jean Havoc".

"WHAT THE HELL!" Havoc screamed and pointed to Roy's mug.

"SHUT UP!"

"BUT, COLONEL!"

"SHUT. UP." Roy ordered as he picked up the mug and threw it out of his open window. "I don't love you! Understood?"

"No, sir. I don't understand..." Havoc replied as wondered what on Earth Roy was doing with that mug.

-outside-

Kain Fury was about to walk in Central Headquarter's military base when he heard a loud crash behind him. Apparently someone just threw a mug outside their window. He looked around and bent down to look at the fragments, wondering if anything was written on it. Fury picked up a piece and looked at it closely, rubbed his eyes, looked at it again, rubbed his eyes again, and looked the piece of the mug he was holding. He was pretty sure that it said "I love Jean Havoc" but that would be completely absurd. He knew the right thing to do. And that was to show this to Roy Mustang and ask if he knew who it belonged to. He stood up straight and casually walked inside Headquarters.

-inside Roy's office-

"I don't want to talk about it," Roy said stiffly, sitting back in his nice comfy big chair, while ignoring Kain Fury's 'discovery'.

"But ,sir! There could be someone stalking him! I know that if someone was stalking me I would want to know about it!" Kain exclaimed, trying to get the Colonel to understand. But Roy understood more than Fury thought he did.

"I don't want to talk about it," Roy repeated.

"I know what this means!" Fury jumped back at pointed viciously at Roy.

"Eh?" Roy raised an eyebrow and frowned.

"YOU'RE Havoc's lover!" Fury yelled aloud and Havoc fell to the floor from his chair and nearly choked on his cigarette.

"NO WAY!" Havoc yelled from where he was lying on the floor.

"NO!" Roy yelled. He never thought that Fury could think in a way like that. And most importantly, how he could think about him in a way like that. "I don't flow that way!"

"That's what you want us to think," Hawkeye said from over her desk.

"You're supposed to be on my side!" Roy yelled at her.

"Wow...Maybe I've done enough damage," Maes said from outside the door. "But I sure wish Roy hadn't burnt my camera..."

He opened the door and looked around. Fury was pointing at Mustang. Mustang was looking evilly at Hawkeye. Hawkeye was busy with her work. And Havoc was lying on the floor, choking on his cigarette.

"Now I really wish you hadn't burnt my camera, Roy,"

"Shut up, Hughes."

okay..o.o...doney with the first...thing