I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
His words stung at her heart so badly that she thought it was going to be ripped apart. But she had known. She had not given her love to any other man bar him. He was her one, her first true love; no man was able to contend with that. She simply would not allow it. There had been men, many of whom had tried to tame her but each left with their heads in the hands, the tears splashing the pavement beneath their feet as their hearts fell apart.
Inside of her, deep down, hidden behind a cold expression plastered onto the hardness of her face, she felt. A soft beating of her heart against her rib cage, the warmth of his breath upon her neck as he held her tight, the joyous feeling of being wanted, having a love returned told her all she needed to know.
And now she stood again, in front of him. Too many times he had ripped her heart apart, too many times she had let him back in. A cycle which repeated it self too many times had turned her fragile heart to nothing more then a black cold stone.
Love, kisses, words of comfort, cuddles and butterflies in her stomach each time he touched her had long since vanished. Had such a simple thing as loving caused her to become who she was today?
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
Each day that they spent together he led her by the hand, like she was only a small child, not capable of holding her own, out in the big bad world. And why? Because he liked the power, the strength which it gave him when he took care of her. But in actual fact he never did take care of her.
He screamed abuse at her, he reminded her of the ways of her life, her mistakes. He took away her self confidence, her esteem was no more. A young care free girl which had once stood happily circled by her friends was now replaced by a woman who stood alone, friendless and unable to trust her self.
Her life had become so shallow, so empty, nothing in which she did could ever be enough for him. A feeling of loathing passed over her as she watched him in front of her, begging for her to allow him to return into the warmth of her bed, to lie beside her like he had done so many times.
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
With everyday of her life passing by, with every ounce of happiness gone and invisible to her eyes, she became withdrawn and powerless. No longer did she believe that love would touch her heart once again, in a way which no one had been capable of doing.
She longed for the touches and kisses which came with love; she yearned to be held and to hear the soft words of love and devotion whispered in her ear. But no one would ever guess that this was what she wanted, this was how she felt each day when she awoke.
He had left her again, but now returned, begging like a worthless dog. He had misunderstood who she truly was. He had neglected to realize that she was powerful, that she was loved, but she did not know this, he had destroyed her, broke her down and led her into a life of darkness.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
Could she be strong enough to find the inner strength which flickered like a candle being starved of oxygen? Was she capable, underneath her hard face, cold heart and insane brain to stand up to this man and say NO?
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
Eileen Snape held her head high as she slammed the door to the house on Spinner's End shut in his face. Yes, she had turned her life over to him, into his hands, where he destroyed it. But now she would stand defiantly against him, he would not come back here to her, she had just walked all over him for the first time in years.
A soft smile played upon her lips as she watched him sulk off away from the house. With an air of new found strength she pulled the curtains over the window of the lounge and fell backwards onto the sofa, still with that same soft smile playing on her lips.
Up stairs asleep in his bed was her only son, he would understand surely why she had done it. It was for him that she had to say no to her useless abusive husband, she needed to protect Severus from the hurt which Tobias had inflicted on her. He would understand and he would go to Hogwarts and make the most of his life, to be something and to love.
Oh Eileen Snape had real dreams, hopes and plans for her son, but she did not know what the path of destiny had bestowed upon her young son and that his life would be exactly like hers. Empty. Alone. And unloved. This was what life had dealt to her and now it was what life had dealt to Severus Snape.