Complications, chapter 13

A/N: So here is the latest chapter for those of you still reading. Thanks for all the support, especially those of youwho have supported me from the very beginning. The funny thing is this last chapter is one of the first I had imagined when I began this journey. I hope it was worth the wait.

Jack walked from the hospital parking lot to the front entrance, squinting in the bright sunlight despite the dark glasses he wore. He and Kate had spent over an hour with their son and probably would have spent the entire night had he not noticed Kate nearly asleep where she sat. It was then that he had forced her to bed, convinced her to sleep and had spent the better part of the night just watching her. At some point, he had realized how dirty and rundown he felt; evidence of the mental and physical stresses he had endured. Shortly thereafter, a nurse had encouraged him to go home and shower, at least, if he couldn't be convinced to sleep.

After heading home to quickly shower and shave, he had found himself faced with the other instruments of his daily morning routine. At that time, he was well past the twenty-four hour mark since his last hit and had found himself torn between satisfying the growing need inside him and the knowledge that were he to give in to that need, he would undo the road to freedom that he had unconsciously begun. Several minutes had passed, during which he had silently argued with himself, until eventually, he had managed to force himself from the room. He had dressed while a fresh pot of coffee brewed, but returned to the bathroom several times before finishing his first cup. He had won the battle each time, but continued to find reasons to delay his departure. Finally, having recognized the true reason behind his procrastination, he had strode purposefully into the bathroom and gathered the needle and heroin to stow beneath the sink. That act of willpower had somehow turned into one of submission and, seemingly without any directed actions of his own, the needle was once again plunged in his ever-willing vein.

Dismissing the memory of his failure, he walked down the hallway that lead to Kate's room. Once there, he shook his head, clearing the last traces of the haze that clung to the edges of his mind. Opening the door, he was surprised to find her awake and sitting up in her bed.

"Kate," he smiled as their eyes met. She didn't smile in return. "I thought you'd still be asleep."

"Where did you go?" she asked quietly.

"Just home to have a quick shower." He moved to the side of her bed as he answered and leaned forward for a kiss. She turned away from the kiss and his lips barely brushed her cheek. Straightening, confusion evident on his face, he tucked her hair behind her ear. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"Is that all you did?" she asked in answer. "What else did you do while you were at home?"

He slumped into the chair at her bedside. "What are you talking about?"

"Jack, please. I'm too tired to play games."

"Kate, honey, I know you're tired. That's why I'm so surprised to see you awake already. You should be resting."

"I woke up, Jack, and noticed that you were gone. I couldn't imagine where you could have to go that would be more important than staying right here with me and Connor. That's when I realized that Hector was telling me the truth."

Jack dropped his head in shame, realizing that Kate had learned his dirty secret and had learned it in the worst possible way. He had known that eventually he would have to reveal his habit to her, but he had wanted to do so on his own terms.

"You left me and your son to go and get high." A tear slipped from her eye and traced a path down her cheek. "Were you high when you were trying to get us away from Hector, too?"

"Kate," his voice rasped with emotion. "I wanted to tell you about the heroin. I was just waiting for the right time."

"The right time," she answered incredulously. "When exactly is the right time to tell someone that you're a drug addict?"

"Okay, I'll admit it. As soon as I said it, it sounded pathetic even to me. But, it's not that simple. It's a long story and there seemed to be so many more important things to talk about."

"Jack, you're addicted to heroin. What's more important than that. You're not even seeking help. You shouldn't be working. You probably shouldn't even be driving."

"You're right, Kate. And, I was going to get help. I am going to get help. I was just waiting… for the right time… until I had closed up the Salazar case and…" Jack hesitated, running out of explanations and excuses. The silence stretched between them for several minutes. He searched her face for some sign of hope, of acceptance, of forgiveness.

"Did you kill a man and then sleep with his wife?"

"Kate…" he hung his head again, partly in shame and partly to avoid the look of disgust that had crossed her features.

Taking his failure to deny the accusation as an admission of guilt, Kate continued: "You're not the man I used to know, Jack. First drugs and now… these unspeakable things… I just don't know how to make sense of this new you compared to the man that I thought you used to be."

"I was undercover, Kate. You have to know that I wouldn't do those things if I didn't have to, if I wasn't maintaining my cover."

"I don't know, Jack. I thought you were a great man. And maybe I'm just too naïve, but I can't imagine a situation where you would have no choice but to sleep with the wife of the man you had just killed. And what's even worse is I really have a feeling that there are so many other things that happened while you were gone that are so much worse than what I can imagine."

"Kate, that isn't me. Those things, the drugs, all of that was the man I pretended to be while I was in Mexico. You have to know that."

"But that's just it. I don't. You're sitting here, weeks after coming home, and you still haven't done anything to try to regain the person that you were before you left."

Jack didn't respond. He didn't know how. Kate sat with her hands clasped together, resting on her abdomen. A tear escaped to slide slowly down her cheek. The silence continued between them, broken only by the quiet ticking of the clock on the wall.

Kate wiped at the errant tear and broke the silence at last. "Jack, I used to love you. Maybe I still love you in spite of all this, but I don't know if it's enough. At one time, I thought that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But I can't just think of what I want now. I have to think about Connor, too. I have to do what's best for him." She paused before continuing, dreading the words she knew that she must speak next. "I think it's best for Connor if you're not a part of his life."

"What!"

Pressure had built in Jack's chest as Kate had weighed her assessment on his character. The layers of truth in that assessment threatened to smother him, but he reinforced his defences and continued to endure the assault mutely. He hadn't been prepared for her final attack however. He could feel his chest caving in under the pressure, suffocating him until he fought for air.

"Kate, I'm his father. How can you think that I shouldn't be a part of his life?"

"Because I'm his mother and I love him more than my own life. The day I brought him into this world should have been the happiest day in my life. Instead, I was terrorized, almost killed and then terrified that my son would die because of the things that you had done. And now I will have to spend the rest of my life wondering if there are long-term effects of him being born too soon. Every time he gets a bad grade in school, every time he acts out, every time he fails at something new that he's tried. Every time something happens, I'll wonder if it was because of this day."

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry that you got caught up in all this." Jack laid a comforting hand on her forearm. "But, I promise you that I will be there with you to help you with all of those things and everything else that comes with being a parent. We will make better parents together rather than apart."

"You're right, Jack. Normally, it helps to have someone to share the burdens of raising a child, but this isn't a normal circumstance. You've already put Connor's life at risk. That will be the last time I let you put my son in danger."

"Kate, you act like I did this intentionally. You have to know that I would do everything in my power to keep you and Connor safe."

"I know that you would try, Jack, but we both know that with your life, there are no guarantees. I know you didn't want us to be hurt by Hector, but we were. It's unavoidable. Just look at your past. You know that I'm right."

Kate paused while allowing him to digest the truth of her words. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm not going to give him your last name, Jack. And, I'm not listing anyone as the father on his birth certificate. When he's ready, we'll move to a different hospital where no one has seen you. And then, in a few months, we'll move to a different home, maybe even a different city. There will be no way of knowing that he has any connection to you."

"What are you going to tell him when he asks about me?" Jack's voice grated on the question as the finality of the situation forced itself upon him. Yesterday, he had feared that he might lose Kate and his son forever. Today he was faced with that reality, just in a different form. He knew that he would never force her to allow him into their lives. He knew that he didn't deserve it. He knew that there was more truth in her reasoning than he wanted to admit. Teri had paid the price for his chosen line of work. Kim had almost been sacrificed, too. He had no right hoping that he could begin again with Kate and Connor. Beginning again would only mean ending again and the end was never pleasant in his life.

"I won't tell him that you're dead. It wouldn't work. He would want to know too much about you and I'd have to tell lies upon lies that I would never be able to keep straight. I'll just tell him that his father isn't a part of his life."

"Kate, he's going to hate me. He's going to think I abandoned him. He's going to grow up cursing the ground I walk on."

"I promise you that I'll do my best to make sure that that doesn't happen. If anything, he's going to end up hating me. He's going to find out the truth one day and never speak to me for the rest of my life. But, that doesn't matter. At least he'll be alive and well to hate me. I can live with that."

Jack moved his hand between hers, replacing one of her hands with his own, gripping hers tightly.

"I won't fight you on this, Kate. I'm not happy, but you're right, our happiness isn't what's most important." He stood, still holding her hand tightly, and she raised her eyes to meet his. "Please remember that I love you and Connor both." A tear dropped from his eye and he brushed it away hastily, breathing deeply to regain his composure. "I love you, Kate. I won't stop, so if you ever change your mind, or if you ever need me, know that all you ever have to do is call. I'll be there for you."

Kate nodded silently, unable to force the words past the emotions caught in her throat.

"Love Connor for me. Love him enough for both of us."

He raised her hand to his face, turning it so her palm faced him. Closing his eyes, he pressed a kiss in it's centre, lingering for a moment in this last connection they would share. He closed her hand over his kiss before releasing her and walking from her room. The door closed behind him, closing him out of her life forever. The despair escaped her then and her sobs filled the room. She curled up in her bed while tears shook her viciously. Finally, her tears gave way to exhaustion and her eyes slipped shut, closing the chapter of her life with Jack Bauer.

A/N: So when I first started this story, I knew I would end up here. In fact, this was how I was going to seamlesslyblend my story with the real 24 universe. A few detours (like Hector being the bad guy - once the thought entered my mind, I couldn't get it out) have caused this to slightly move into an Alternate Universe, but the whole virus (sans Salazars) and Stephen drama could still take placesometime after where I've left off.

I may have an epilogue to follow if anyone is interested. It'sstill in theearly stagesandmay take some time as I'm leaving for vacation in a few days and my computer is not coming with me:)

Thanks to everyone whose travelled this journey. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. By the way, reviews are more than welcome at the end of it all. In fact, they make the trip so much more worthwhile. So please review. I promise I'll respond:)

Scarlett