It was late when Hawke approached the cabin and he felt his whole body relax as he landed the helicopter. The cabin looked welcoming; yellow lights blazed from the windows and smoke drifted from the chimney into the night sky in an endless ribbon. Hawke jumped out, grabbing his rucksack. He had missed Caitlin like he figured he'd miss his right arm and he couldn't wait to see her. He'd wanted to surprise her and had asked Michael not to tell her that they were on their way home from Cambodia when they had checked in with the spy. He was a little puzzled that she hadn't come out to meet him at the sound of the chopper but he shrugged the thought away. He felt his heart settle when his hand closed on the door handle; he was home.

Hawke glanced round at the living area and dumped his rucksack by the side of the door as he closed it. His eyes caught on the sofa and he walked across silently. Caitlin was curled up, fast asleep. He smiled at the sight of her whilst he greeted Tet who padded over wagging his tail enthusiastically. Caitlin was wearing one of his sweaters over an old pair of jeans and it hung from her slim frame revealing one freckled shoulder. She'd kicked off the blanket she'd snuggled under. Her hair drifted around her shoulders in a red-gold cloud. Hawke crouched down to kiss her and frowned. Close up he could see she was pale and there were shadows under her eyes. He was suddenly reluctant to wake her. He gave the dog an inquiring look.

'Do you think I should wake her?'

Tet blinked and dropped his head onto his paws. Hawke stood over her debating what to do. He rubbed his jaw and made his decision. He stooped and gently gathered her into his arms. He frowned at her slight weight as he straightened. He had taken a few steps towards the stairs when she stirred.

'Hawke?' She whispered sleepily, halting him in his tracks.

'Yeah.' He murmured against her hair.

'Miss you.' She burrowed into him returning to sleep and he breathed out. He finished the journey to their bed and lowered her onto the mattress where he undressed her and covered her with blankets. He stoked the fire in the bedroom hearth until it was blazing cheerfully whilst Tet wandered up and took up sentry duty at the foot of the bed. Hawke patted the dog's head and went for a shower. Caitlin was still sleeping when he came back. He dried off and climbed into the bed where he watched his wife until sleep finally claimed him.

Caitlin came awake in inches. She slowly became aware that she was in bed and there was a weight next to her. She frowned and opened her eyes, blinking past the last vestiges of sleep. She smiled at the familiar sight of her husband. He was facing her, a hand outstretched toward her.

Hawke looked so vulnerable in sleep, bereft of the mask that kept his emotions hidden in daytime. There were new shadows under his eyes and more frown lines covered his forehead. The trip had obviously not produced the anticipated reunion with Saint John. She reached out, her need to comfort him overcoming everything else and brushed away an errant lock of hair that flopped into his eyes.

Hawke came instantly awake at her touch and she froze as his clear blue eyes met hers across the tiny expanse of bed that divided them, her hand still in his hair. She moved closer to him and he gathered her to him. It was a while before either of them had a coherent thought. They cuddled in the middle of the bed, their arms around each other, legs tangled.

'You OK?' Hawke murmured.

'Much better now you're home.' Caitlin smiled. 'I've missed you.'

He shifted so he could look in her eyes. 'I missed you too.'

She rubbed her thumb over the stubble along his jaw. 'You've never said how your trip went.'

'It was another dead end.' He said and filled her in on the details of the trip. 'We got there months too late.'

'No chance you could have picked up the trail?' She asked, seeing his disappointment.

He shook his head. 'There was just no trail to pick up.' He sighed. 'The only good thing that came out of it is knowing that whatever Saint John is doing, they're obviously minded to look out for him if there was a rescue attempt.'

'I'm sorry it didn't work out.' Caitlin said.

He shrugged, a little awkwardly given his position. 'I'm beginning to think that dead ends are all I'll ever get.' He admitted.

'Well, it sounds as though it got you further than some of the other info you've got over the years.' Caitlin stroked his hand and their fingers twisted together. 'Michael said Larry might be able to reconstitute the missing information if he gets access to the Company systems once the FIRM is integrated with them. You never know what else he may turn up.'

'Maybe.'

Something in his tone caught her attention and she looked at him closely. 'What's going on in your head, Stringfellow Hawke?'

Hawke sighed. 'I guess I'm just wondering whether I should keep looking.' He admitted. 'If he wanted to be found or wanted to contact me, he's had plenty of time and opportunity. He's obviously getting on with his life.'

'And you're wondering whether you should get on with yours?' Caitlin asked.

'Yeah, I guess I am.' He brushed her hair back over her shoulder. 'I hated leaving. I hated leaving you.'

'I hated being left behind.' Caitlin said gently. 'But I understand.'

'I know but…' His hand slid to her flat stomach. 'Hopefully, they'll be whoever else comes along soon and I don't know…I'm not saying I wouldn't help him if he was in trouble but I kinda think if Saint John wants to be a part of my life maybe it's his turn to search me out. I'm going to be kinda busy.'

Her hand slid over his. 'Your search for Saint John is more than just about finding your brother.'

'It is?' Hawke asked guardedly.

She nodded and cupped his cheek. 'It's about finding peace with what happened in that jungle in 'Nam when you got picked up and he didn't; when you went back for him and had to leave without him.'

He was quiet. He knew deep down she was right. 'I'm tired, Cait.' He said finally. 'I'm tired of searching and never finding him. Maybe I should just accept what happened in 'Nam and leave it alone.'

'Is that what you really want to do?' Caitlin asked.

Hawke sighed. 'All I know is right now, I want to be here. Have I told you how much I missed you?'

'You can tell me again.' Caitlin said happily.

He kissed her and they snuggled together, content just to hold each other after their time apart.

'By the way,' Caitlin murmured.

'Hmmm?'

'You told Dom we were trying for a family?'

Hawke briefly closed his eyes and he shifted to meet hers apologetically. 'It was right after he'd been kidnapped.' He explained. 'I was trying to cheer him up.'

'I knew you'd tell him.' Caitlin said smugly. 'I knew you wouldn't be able to stop yourself.'

'Michael told you, huh?' Hawke asked. 'Dom said he'd let it slip to him.'

'Yeah, Michael told me.' She smiled and poked him in the chest. 'Guess what?'

'What?'

'He's asked Marella on a date.'

'He told you?' Hawke was surprised that Michael had confided in her; the spy usually kept his personal life very close to his chest.

'I didn't give him much choice.' Caitlin admitted.

'Well, I hope he knows what he's doing.' Hawke said.

Caitlin nodded. 'Me too. I don't want either of them hurt.'

Hawke raised an eyebrow. 'I thought you wanted to get them together?'

'I do.' Caitlin said. 'I guess I'm just worried after everything that's happened.'

'You should stop worrying about them.' Hawke said. 'We should concentrate on us.'

'You're right.' Caitlin said. 'Especially now everyone's watching to see when we get pregnant.' She poked him again.

He rubbed his ribs ruefully. His eyes twinkled. 'Well, maybe we should try again.'

'Maybe we should.'

He was about to follow up on the invitation in her eyes when Caitlin unwillingly yawned. He smiled and dropped the kiss chastely on her forehead instead. He tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear. 'We'd better get some sleep, huh? We'll try again in the morning.'

She snuggled into him, gave into the tiredness and drifted back into dreams. Hawke watched her contentedly. Where ever you are, Saint John, he mused, I hope you're happy and that you have someone just as special in your life. Hawke's fingers traced over his wife's lips, his arms tightened around her and his hand slid back over her belly which would one day round with his child.

I have other priorities now, Hawke thought, but if you need me, Saint John, I'll be there for you. It was his last reflection as he closed his eyes and drifted back into sleep.