I know, it's been done! I've seen so many Mary Sue and Gary Stu parodies that you're probably going to groan at this more than anything else. However, I've been reading a couple of fics recently that have just fired me up enough to do one of these myself. So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Lemurians and Proxians, I proudly present:
The Adventure of Mary Sue and Gary Stu(I don't own Golden Sun!)
The telephone rang, sending the neighbours into a shouting match. "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times! Change that bloody phone, or else!"
Jogging from her bedroom, Mary ran into the hall to answer it, rolling her eyes at her loud neighbour. Picking up the receiver, she turned, and her perfectly average blonde hair caught some sunlight, making it look slightly above average. Her perfectly average blue eyes narrowed in annoyance, and she sat her perfectly average body on the edge of the table. "Hello?"
"Mary!" A voice shouted down the phone. It was Gary, her best friend. He bore the looks of a perfectly average male, with perfectly average brown hair and perfectly average brown eyes. "Wanna come over and play some Golden Sun? And then, we can role-play if you want! Remember where we were last time? Kierah and Satron were going into Sol Sanctum!"
Kierah and Satron were Mary and Gary's creations. Tired of the canon characters, Mary and Gary had invented these characters to liven up the story.
"Sure!" Mary's perfectly average blue eyes shone with excitement. Oh, the fun she was going to have with Kierah today! "I'll meet you in the park."
Mary jogged to the park, taking her Game Boy Advance SP with her, which bore a copy of Golden Sun. No doubt, Gary would be bringing his Game Boy Micro, with his copy of The Lost Age sitting inside it. The two always played through the games together, and whenever they got to a cut scene, they would place their characters in them, and invent lines for them. Sometimes, Mary and Gary even acted out parts of the game as their own characters.
Kierah. She was perfect. With her long ebony hair, dark emerald eyes, and impossibly toned and shaped body, she was enough to make any of the male characters swoon. Sometimes Kierah even induced a little shouju-ai, with Jenna and Mia falling at her heels. Not Sheba. Mary hated Sheba. Kierah was also a Luna Adept, having been born under the eclipse of the moon at the exact time Alex came up with his plan for the Golden Sun. Because of this, Kierah could use both Jupiter and Mercury Psynergy. Of course, in Mary's eyes Alex was about five years old when he thought of possessing the Golden Sun, so Kierah and Alex would be about the same age. Mary smirked. Kierah and Alex simply belonged together, and Kierah had this immense ability to make Alex fall in love with her.
Meanwhile, Gary was also jogging to the park, checking every five seconds that his Micro was still in his pocket. His character, Satron, was clear in Gary's mind, ready for the role-play. Satron had deep red hair with a blue hue, and had deep amber eyes, only a few shades darker than Picard's. Not Piers – Gary couldn't stand that name. Satron was a Sol Adept, having been born at the exact moment of the total eclipse of the sun. Every single Golden Sun girl was attracted to him, even the Item Shop girls, and Menardi couldn't resist him. In a dream Satron once had, Menardi dropped to her knees in Sol Sanctum, and told the Sol Adept that she couldn't live without him. As a Sol Adept, Satron could control Fire and Earth Psynergy.
Gary spotted Mary standing beside a large, shady tree, catching her breath, and jogged up to meet her. "Hi Mary!"
"Hi Gary! Ready to role play?" Mary grinned at Gary. She was going to enjoy this immensely. Gary nodded eagerly. Both dropped their bags by the tree, and immediately imagined the scene...
"You can do it, Isaac and Satron!" Kierah shrieked, jumping up and down and cheering the two on. Garet wasn't there because in Kierah's eyes he was an idiot, and nobody wanted that old Kraden blabbing on about nonsense standing with them. Jenna stood next to Kierah, also shouting her support, and every now and then, she glanced at Kierah's hair, envying the shininess.
Satron and Isaac reached the statue bearing the Jupiter Star, having already retrieved Mercury and Venus. Satron took a moment to wave at Kierah and Jenna, making the Mars Adept swoon. Isaac took the third Star from the pillar, and turned to grin at the two ladies on the other side of Sol Sanctum. Kierah went weak at the knees – that Isaac always managed to make her dizzy with happiness.
As this was happening in the two minds, they were acting as their characters. Mary was in character as Kierah, and Gary had already made the transformation to Satron.
Suddenly, a noise behind them startled the four, and Isaac's eyes widened. "Behind you!" he shrieked. It took a moment for Jenna to turn, as she was still gazing at Satron, but Kierah, her senses telling her she was in danger, turned, and immediately spotted the two antagonists.
Letting out a melodious shriek, Kierah backed off toward the edge of the platform. "I'm going to fall!"
Seeing that this was true, Saturos' eyes widened, and he immediately rushed forward to catch the Luna Adept. Grasping her arm, he gently pulled her forward and made sure she was safe. "Sorry," he said softly, before backing off and putting on his antagonist mood again.
"I'd advise you to give me the Stars," Saturos explained quietly but forcefully to the two young men. Behind him, Menardi's jaw dropped. Who was that mysterious young man standing next to the blonde? His hair was...and his eyes were...and...Menardi found the room was starting to spin.
"Oh, Satron! Help us!" Jenna pleaded with the Sol Adept, her brown eyes wide and fearful. Satron nodded, and stepped forward with the Elemental Stars. Isaac looked toward Kierah, feeling worried.
"Don't worry, Kierah! I'll rescue you!"
"Relax!" A new voice joined the fracas, and Felix stepped through the barrier. Kierah turned, and her immediate thought was that the handsome, chestnut-haired man couldn't be a baddie! Felix glanced at Jenna, and his eyes widened in fear. What if she recognised him? His eyes then turned to Kierah, and his eyes widened even further. Who...who was she?
Getting annoyed with the others, Alex then teleported just in front of Satron, holding out his hand for the Stars. "Hand them over," he demanded softly. Satron, fearing for Jenna's safety, complied, and gave Alex the three bags containing the Stars. Behind him, Isaac grinned at Kierah.
"You're gonna be all right!"
Felix's eyes narrowed. What did Isaac know? They might have to kidnap her...yes, that sounded like a plausible plan. Saturos, wondering why he couldn't see Menardi's blonde hair in his peripheral vision, looked down to see her crumpled on the floor, eyes wide in Satron's direction. "Menardi?" Saturos questioned.
"I'm sorry, my legs wouldn't support my weight," Menardi didn't look at her fellow Proxian, rather at the Sol Adept standing next to Alex.
"Speaking of Alex," Mary glared at Gary, unable to wait any longer. She really was looking forward to this.
Alex took the Stars, and teleported back to the large platform. "There's one missing, Saturos." Turning back to Isaac and Satron, he grinned at the two. "I'm afraid you'll have to go and get the Mars Star, too." Turning back to say something to Saturos, Alex's azure eyes fell on Kierah, who was still looking to Isaac for help, and his breath caught in his throat. Her amazing hair glimmered even in the dim light of Sol Sanctum, and as she turned to look at Alex fearfully, Alex almost fainted. Her large, glittering green eyes were enough to send him into shock.
"Wh...who...who are..." Alex couldn't find words, and as he stared at the dark-haired beauty, he realised something else...
"LOSERS!" A beer bottle flying in Gary's direction sent the two from their role-play back into reality. A few louts in tracksuits were laughing at the pair, and Mary's cheeks flared. The group of boys slouched off, and Gary and Mary looked at each other.
"To be continued," they said simultaneously. Mary was angry; it had just been getting to the good part.
Gary was also annoyed – Menardi was just about to declare her obsession with Satron. What a cruel world they lived in! "Stupid yobs...Anyway, shall we play?"
Mary nodded eagerly. At least she would be able to play out the Sol Sanctum part for real, without getting disturbed by young lads who wanted to cause trouble. Well, at least Mary and Gary had active imaginations!
"One, two, three!" The two turned on their respective Game Boys simultaneously, and it was then that it happened. A mysterious flash of lightning lit the two, and when the group of troublemakers passed again a couple of seconds later, Mary and Gary were no longer there.
They had been sucked, ladies and gentlemen, into the world of Weyard.
Mary woke up with a splitting headache. Groaning, she placed her hand to her head, and immediately something felt different. It took a couple of seconds to realise that her hair had changed. Heart stopping for a second, Mary grabbed some of the strands, and almost passed out again in delight. They were a deep ebony colour, and shone with unimaginable shine, even in the dim light of wherever Mary was. "What the...I mean…WOW!"
"You're awake." It was a statement, and the person speaking didn't sound happy, like she should have. Mary turned her ebony head of hair, and saw a young blonde girl staring at her. She was leaning against a doorframe with her arms crossed, and her green eyes almost glared at Mary. I'm in a bed? And that girl looks an awful lot like...like... It wasn't possible.
Mary sank backwards, reeling in shock. She had been sitting in the park, playing Golden Sun with Gary, with her perfectly average body and perfectly average hair and perfectly average eyes, and now she was...
"Where am I?" Mary asked, wondering if she was hallucinating.
"Vale, of course," The blonde looked at Mary suspiciously. Mary reeled again.
Either you've gone mad...or you really are on Weyard. Mary suddenly grinned – this was PERFECT!
"Of course," Mary smiled at the girl, playing along. Dream or no dream, Mary was going to enjoy this. "What's your name? And how did I get here?"
"I'm Sheba," and immediately Mary's good mood vanished. The Sheba? The annoying little Sue from the Golden Sun games? 'Child of the Gods', as Mary had so hated calling her? Sheba was obviously aware of the sudden mood change, because she glared at Mary. "You're Kierah, right?"
"I-how did you know?" Mary really was Kierah. This was no role-play. Sheba shrugged, and then walked out of the room. Mary took this time to gather her thoughts. My name is Kierah. I have dark hair, presumably green eyes, and...Staring at her body after ripping the covers away, Mary let out another shriek. She was drop dead gorgeous!
Gary then ran into the room, hearing the shriek, and because of Mary's detailed descriptions, he recognised her instantly. "Mary!"
Mary did a double take. The red hair with a blue hue...it could only be...
"Gary!" Gary grinned.
"It's Satron, remember?" Gary looked happier than ever. "Isn't this amazing? Look at us! We're in WEYARD!" Gary's amber eyes widened. "That means Jenna's here! And Mia! And...Menardi!"
Mary jumped out of bed and squealed. "That means Isaac's here! And Felix! And ALEX!" The two groaned in happiness, unable to believe their luck. "All right," Mary looked at Gary. "We are not Gary and Mary. We are Satron and Kierah. Got it?"
"Satron and Kierah...wow..." Gary grinned. "Let's go meet them, shall we? We're in Vale, and everyone's downstairs! Come on!"
Neither paused to contemplate anything. EVERYONE couldn't be downstairs – for one, Alex and the antagonists were enemies with Isaac and company. And they didn't even know what the date was – Mount Aleph could have collapsed by now, or the whole quest might not have taken place yet.
But sure enough, a few of the Adepts were downstairs, and looking out of the window, Kierah and Satron could see the other Adepts, even the antagonists, loafing around outside. A chorus of "good morning!" reached Kierah and Satron's ears before either could say anything.
Sitting down at a round table were Felix and Picard, who both stared at Kierah, letting their coffee drip slowly into a puddle on the table. Sheba was standing by the front door, not looking at either of them, and Karst was playing cards with Jenna in a small booth. Both girls were looking at Satron in awe.
"Good morning!" Satron pronounced cheerfully, ignoring the fact that the antagonists were mixing with the protagonists. Jenna and Karst looked at each other, pure loathing in each other's eyes, and both dove for Satron at the exact same moment. Kierah waved at Felix and Picard, and both dropped their coffees into their laps.
Yes, this was definitely a good thing.
Walking outside, Kierah and Satron could see Mia, Garet, Saturos and Agatio. Mia stared as Satron walked past, and he beamed at her. She suddenly went dizzy. Kierah smiled at Garet and the two Proxians, but her eyes were searching for Alex. He wasn't there. Bah. So...Isaac? Nope, he wasn't there either. Feeling disappointed, Kierah didn't notice Saturos, Garet and Agatio leap into a three-way fight.
Turning the corner however, Kierah and Satron saw Isaac and Menardi having a conversation. The two Adepts turned...and Weyard seemed to stop. Isaac's mouth hung open, and a small trail of drool seemed to form from the corner of his mouth. The Venus Adept walked up to Kierah, and she smiled at him, batting her eyelashes.
"Are...are you real?"
Menardi didn't see this, as she was too distracted by Satron. His red hair with a blue hue...it was too irresistible. The Proxian stood still for a whole second, taking in Satron's grin...and then collapsed onto her knees. Satron grinned again.
Then, a shout distracted the four, and Kierah and Satron whipped their shiny hair around, ready to kill whoever had shouted. It was Ivan – he was running from the direction of Mount Aleph, and looked panicked about something. He didn't even look in the direction of Kierah and Satron; something that annoyed Kierah to no end. He was supposed to fall in love with her, like everyone else!
"Felix! Isaac! Picard! Saturos! It's Alex – he's back!"
Adepts rushed toward Ivan from every direction, Kierah included. Alex was back? This meant that Aleph had already collapsed...but what the antagonists doing alive? Oh well, if they liked Kierah and Satron, little details didn't matter.
"He's too powerful!" Ivan explained to the other Adepts, most of who kept glancing and staring at Kierah and Satron. "He says he's back to light the Lunol Lighthouse, whatever that is, because then it will make up for not having the Mars Star in the Golden Sun!"
"Lunol?" Satron and Kierah suddenly looked serious. Everyone else turned their attention from ninety percent toward them, to one hundred and one percent. Sheba looked annoyed, Ivan panicked, and the rest listened intently.
"Lunol is a combination of the elements Sol and Luna," Kierah explained. They had been through this in their role-plays before, and decided that Sol and Luna separated were too much work. There's a Lighthouse hidden underground, and it's so powerful, it can make up the rest of the Golden Sun, even if there's only Jupiter in the Sun, for example."
Satron continued, "If Alex is after this," and at the mention of Alex, Kierah swooned, "then it could be very dangerous. Only Sol and Luna Adepts can stop the unleashing of this Lighthouse."
At this, Sheba snorted. "Where are we supposed to get Sol and Luna Adepts, if such things exist?" Apart from Ivan, the other Adepts looked at Sheba as though she had uttered a swear word. Apparently Ivan hadn't fallen for Kierah or Satron either.
Kierah glared at Sheba. "It just so happens that I am a Luna Adept." Isaac, Felix, Picard, Garet, Saturos and Agatio swooned.
"And I am a Sol Adept," Satron finished, beaming at the girls. All except Sheba blushed and smiled back.
"Great!" Felix grinned. "So, where can we find this Lighthouse, and Alex?"
Satron and Kierah glanced at each other, grinning. How many times had they acted this out? Clasping hands, they closed their eyes, and concentrated. "Soluna, Lunol, Guide Us Through Sand, Stone, Time, And Bring Us To Your Bidding!"
Sheba and Ivan realised these words didn't make sense, but the others didn't care. A while light enveloped all of the Adepts, and they were teleported to Somewhere Underground. Kierah was practically shaking with excitement – FINALLY, she was going to meet Alex! And she knew that he would fall head over heels in love with him.
They were outside a magnificent Lighthouse that shone white. And standing at the entrance was none other than Alex. His blue hair shone almost as much as Kierah's.
"Alex!" Every Adept shouted to him; even Sheba and Ivan were helping. He turned, and stared at the Adepts in turn.
"So, you found out my secret," Alex smirked. His eyes travelled along the line of Adepts...and stopped when he found Kierah.
All oxygen had gone, and time stood still. A spotlight shone on Kierah, and one on Alex. It was just those two. In this time, Alex completely forgot about the Lighthouse, and he walked slowly to Kierah. Kierah's heartbeat multiplied many times. Alex was so much hotter in real life! Golden Sun the game had done him no justice. Kierah stared into Alex's eyes, and knew what was coming next.
"Kierah..." he breathed, and Kierah didn't bother to ask how he knew her 'name'. "I...I just have to say...I lo-guaaarrgh!"
"Oh, sorry, bit distracted were you there, Alex?" Sheba had impaled the unfortunate Mercury-Adept-and-three-quarter-of-the-Golden-Sun-owner on her mace. Kierah shrieked in horror.
"ALEX!" The other male Adepts looked on in horror, tears shining in their eyes, though secretly they were thankful – now they had a chance with Kierah. Kierah herself dropped to her knees as Alex vanished a la Fire Emblem style, and sobbed her heart out. Felix and the others, apart from Ivan, jumped on top of her in an attempt to hug poor Kierah, to tell her it would all be all right.
All went flying, however, as Kierah stood up dramatically, glaring daggers at Sheba. "You little bitch!" Running for Sheba's throat, Kierah suddenly ran into a tree.
"Wha...?" A tree? Opening her eyes, Kierah could see she was back in the park where she and Satron – no, Gary – had role played Golden Sun. Her eyes widened, and she grasped her hair. Perfectly average blonde.
Next to her, Satron dropped onto the grass, sobbing. "We defeated Alex, and because of that, it ended, and we came back! JENNA! MIA! SHEBA!" And then, the most anguished cry: "MENARDI!"
Mary and Gary shrieked and screamed for the next ten minutes, ignoring the passers by. Then, abruptly, they stood up and faced each other fiercely.
"Well, it was good while it lasted," Mary said to Gary.
"Yes, and we still have our Game Boys," said Gary to Mary.
Three seconds passed.
"So," Mary looked at Gary, "we were in Sol Sanctum..."
This was a Mary Sue and Gary Stu parody! If your characters in any way resemble Kierah or Satron, I'd suggest re-writing your story!
Thank you, and goodnight!