Right...so this chapter really took awhile to come up with..and I had an idea after watching Foster's Home...:D wow...that was random..anywaaaay..Ill start now

Maes Hughes sat in his couch at his home after waking up in the morning. He held a cup if coffee in his hands and he was due to go to work in two hours...Why was Maes up so early in the morning? Well...what other things than scheming evil plans!

His daughter, Elysia, had already gone to preschool and he was stuck home with absolutely nothing to do. Poor Maes. He took a sip of the coffee and went on planning.

'So if I somehow get Hawkeye to go out with Roy, it's a perfect way to get them together. Now...I need to find a way to actually DO it...Maybe if I...'

"Maes.." Gracia stepped down from the stairs. "You never get up this early...What are you doing?"

"I'm thinking of kidnapping.." Maes took a pause, "our little angel!" Maes said happily..

Gracia stared blankly at Maes... "Elysia's at school...and you're her father..why would you need to kidnap her?"

"To find Roy a wife!" Maes blurted out.

"Maes! Our daughter is only THREE! Roy can't marry her!"

"No! I mean..." Maes slapped himself mentally.

"Yes...? What do you mean?"

"I'm going to work.." Maes said gloomily. He finished his coffee and went upstairs to change into his uniform. Gracia sighed.

at work

Maes rummaged around his desk and tried to put everything in order. Even as a Lieutenant Colonel, he certainly had a lot of work to do. Now he kind of understood why Roy was so misunderstood about his paperwork...Okay, no he wasn't. But he always had this faint idea of some sort.

He stood up from his desk and pushed in his chair. He walked out the door and made his way to Roy's office with an evil smirk across his face.

Maes let himself in as he reached his friend's office.

Roy looked up for a second and then went back down to his work. "What do you want, Maes?"

"What? Aren't I allowed to just visit my best friend just to find out how you are?"

"No...and it never works that way...You're always here to:

1. Brag about your family
2. Complain on why I don't have a wife.
3. Torment me about how little work you have to do. And
4. Pull pranks on me while I sleep"

"You forgot number 5." Maes pointed out.

"And what would 5 be..?"

"I dunno..I just made that up.

"Joy.." Roy continued to sign his papers and ignored Maes's presence.

"Anywaaay," Maes said finally.. " I came here because I wanted to talk to Ms. Hawkeye!"

Riza looked up from her book. "Yes?"

"Outside..." Maes said.

Riza got up from her desk and walked out the door. Maes followed her.

outside

"Now, Riza...I want to talk to you about marriage.." Maes started out.

"Lieutenant Colonel..I'm pretty sure that you have a wife and child.." Riza said blankly.

"NOT FOR ME!" Maes said and slapped himself mentally again. "For you!"

"..." Riza didn't know how to take this. "Sir..I don't need to get married right now.."

"Yes you do! That's the thing. Roy loves you so much, and you love him so much that you two are blind to see it!"

" I don't think so."

"Then you leave me no choice!" Maes exclaimed.

"...huh?" Riza stared in confusion.

Maes punched Riza in the back of the head really...Really hard. She fell to the floor, knocked out.

"Like I said..you leave me no choice...Than to dress up like you and get married!"

Maes picked her up and went back into Roy's office.

"MAES! What the hell did you do?" Roy yelled from his seat.

" I was talking about things that poor Riza wasn't ready for! So she fainted into my arms!" Maes said dramatically..

"...Maes..."

"Yes?"

"Why does everything you say, sound so insanely perverted?"

"Well I used to be a prostitute!"

"..."

"Okay, yeah I was lying..about that"

"Right.." Roy said, pretty sure he'd never look at Maes the same way again.

"Listen! I'll bring your 1st lieutenant home! She doesn't have to be knocked out and at work!" Maes said.

"No, Maes..I think I'll do it myself..." Roy said, slightly hesitant...He had second thought about Maes bringing Riza home...especially after he told him he was a prostitute.

"No! I'll get her home!" Maes said, bursting out the door.

"MAES! NO!" Roy raced to the door, but by then, Maes was out of sight.

-away from there-

Maes held up a razor.

"I'm sorry Riza, but this is for your own good!" Maes brought it down,

And began to shave his legs.

"OW! Damnit!" Maes was obviously having trouble.

Now, after Maes was done...shaving his legs...(how insanely wrong that sounds), he got up and ran to his wife's closet.

"A nice...dress...no wait..a miniskirt! Roy likes miniskirts..." Maes looked around for any sign of a miniskirt, and finally found one...Just one...It was black...and...really short..

"Wait...what's Gracia doing with this?" Maes questioned himself...but just went around to wear a normal dress.

Maes ran back to the room where he left Riza in. He picked her up and stuffed her in the nearest closet possible.

"Don't worry..I'll get you out as soon as possible!"

Maes locked the door and went back to his room. He put on the dress, pulled a wig he bought earlier on himself, and grabbed some of his wife's shoes...

The door opened. Shit.

"..." Gracia stood in the doorway

"Gracia! It isn't what it seems!" Maes said quickly.

"...Maes...You're wearing a dress, a wig, and you're now holding my shoes..."

"But! There's a reason behind all of this!"

"Yes...there's always a reason..Could this possibly have something to do with you having to get Roy married?"

"Maaaaybe.." Maes lied. He was always trying to get Roy married.

Gracia sighed and just left the room.

Maes pulled on the shoes and stood in front of the mirror...I guess you could say he looked SOMEWHAT like Riza..Pretty weird...but it would do.

"Time to get married, Roy..." Maes ran out the door.

-at headquarters-

Roy pressed his pen down against the dreaded signature paper.

There have been reports in Ishbal about blah blah blah blah including incidents about Scar blah blah blah eating some sandwiches blah blah blah and playing with little children.

Roy signed the paper allowing soldiers to have tea with him.

The door creaked open.

Roy looked up for a second and then looked back down at his paper...waitaminute.

"HOLY-!" Roy yelled as he saw the sight before him.

"Heeeeey, Royyyy!" 'Riza' said as 'she' entered the room. She sounded slightly drunk.

Roy continued to stare in shock. Since when did Riza get so fat?

"Lieutenant Hawkeye! What did you do!" Roy said.

"That's Riza!" Maes said and shook the wig hair around in a sexy way. 'I can't believe I'm doing this..'

"R-Riza..." Roy said slowly.. '...' Roy's mind began to shut down.

"Hey...if you're not busy tonight, how would you like to come and have dinner with me?" Maes asked in his most feminine voice.

"Uhm...I'm actually pretty busy..." Roy said. Normally he wouldn't have put down a date, but this was completely out of the question.

"Nonsense!" Maes said happily and began to drag Roy out of the room.

"N-NO! Waitaminute!" Roy yelled.

Maes stopped for a minute and got an idea.

"Oh, how sweet! You want a kiss!" Maes said happily.

"NO! Not that! I mean-!"

Maes stared at Roy for awhile and got closer.

"...!" Roy jumped back and pulled his gloves on. He snapped quickly and pushed to flames to Maes. "DAMNIT, MAES! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG!"

"Royyyyy...This was my wife's dress! Did you have to ruin it?" Maes asked sadly.. "And how did you figure it out!"

"The eyes." Roy stated. "And I also now know how much you suck at impersonating a woman."

"Oh well.." Maes sighed and sat against the wall behind him.

"So...Where's the real Riza..?" Roy asked...

"Oh..uhm.." Maes wondered how to put this.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" a scream was heard from HQ.

"...Maes..."

"Yes?"

"You stuffed her in a closet in your house, didn't you.."

"Yes.."

Wow..I updated! uhm...kinda...well..that scream..was from Gracia! Because apparently she opened the closet that Maes stuffed her in! XD

Wow..anyway..I'll see what I can do later..xP