Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne.

Pallium Fatum

By Ryoko Porter

Chapter Three Sollicitus Adveho Verus

'By the accident of fortune a man may rule the world for a time, but by virtue of love he may rule the world forever.'

Lao-Tse

Van had never been so horrified in his life. He was fifteen, and finally old enough to slay his own dragon in the coming months. But it had just been suggested that he should marry Merle and create an heir before he left. There so many things that bothered him about the idea, though none of them derogative towards his friend who was not present to hear the idea about her near future. Of any woman his age he'd yet met, Merle was the only one he could ever imagine marrying. And he had few to choose from, considering most girls' distaste of his growing warrior nature. There wasn't a romantic bone in his body; and though they would be marrying him for politics, the princesses still wanted to be romanced at least a little.

The first problem with the idea of marrying Merle now was their ages, they were simply too young. Aside from the fact that even Van could tell that Merle was not yet physically ready to carry a child, how would they care for one anyway? Assuming that he would come back to find her ripe with child, how could he even comprehend having such a precious life in his care? They would of course have help from the staff, but a child needed love and attention that Van knew that he was not yet ready to give, though he would want to. Though it was of some comfort to remember that Merle did have a natural nurturing nature, he didn't think that she was ready to nurture a child for all the hours of everyday.

Another more personal problem with the plan was the apparent doubt about his return that his advisers had. Did they have no faith in him and his abilities? Perhaps it was his pride, but he was sure that he would slaughter whatever dragon he came upon. He had to do it; he was the last of the family, and of his kind. If he didn't do it, what good would it be for there to be another to be born? What good would it be for a fatherless hybrid creature to be forced into such an ordeal? It was bad enough that he was being forced to do it, a role that by birthright he was never meant to take. But then at the same time, that is what made him fight harder. There was no one else left. The damn dragons had taken most of his family, and he was the only one able to claim revenge and honor for his name.

The last major problem with the idea of marrying Merle for Van was that he wasn't sure that he was ready to do it. Sure he could say the words, and probably even keep his promise to love her forever. However he didn't think that he could take her innocence right now. They'd slept in the same bed before, cuddled close together, even recently. But that wasn't the same as taking her into his bed lustfully. Though it wasn't a problem of physicality, he was old enough to perform. He knew that he could act it out just fine, with all of the practice that he had. The problem was that she was just too sweet a thirteen year old. There were times that she'd be the focus of one of his fantasies, but usually his mind made her older looking and acting. And the few times that he'd dreamed of her as she was, he awoken feeling disgusted with himself. He felt dirty at the idea of still child-like body being in anyway erotic. It was just a return to the age problem, he supposed.

But though Van thought the idea was ridiculous, he let his advisors point out the benefits that they could think of. And mostly the profit of the union circled around the idea of creating an heir, an understandable but quite unattainable motivation. So finally decided to put a stop to the talk, though he was beaten to it.

'A noble idea Marcus,' Balgus said with his attention gaining voice. 'However you must plainly have not noticed that the girl is not yet able to carry any child.'

'Then we must find another girl!' Marcus begged.

'I won't be doing that,' Van said firmly. He couldn't do that to Merle, who'd hate to be replaced by a girl that could offer even less than she. Though it was rarely ever talked about, Merle did have a title and land to her name, given by his mother when she was young for political reasons. And eventually she would be able to give him a child, whether he needed her to or not. 'Tell me Marcus, why are you so eager for me to have an heir? What is your great gain out of it?' Van challenged though knowing full well why the man was so desperate. 'I'll make you a deal Marcus, I will talk with Merle and make my decision tonight.'

Everyone was surprised by Van's offer, most of all Balgus. Van usually never gave them so much; instead he would end the conversation without any reassurances or much consideration. But there was no reason why they should not consent to the prince's idea. There was no harm in it, and they had enough time.

♦♦♦♦♦

Van had found Merle in his room when he left the meeting, as if she knew that they had something of such a nature to discuss. For a while neither of them said anything, letting the air stay peaceful and calm for the time. Van sat next to her on his bed, letting a bit of space stay in between them. For now, touch would suggest too much.

'They want me to marry you so that I can create an heir,' Van said finally as he watched her reaction from the corner of his eye.

'Well that's not very romantic, is it?' Merle laughed ruefully. 'I had been expecting this though. They don't give us very long do they? What do you want to do?' she asked with a wise voice.

'Well it's not like you can…' Van started but was stopped by Merle shaking her head.

'I can.' There was nothing more that needed to be said on that subject. 'So it's up to you,' she supported.

Van was lost; this made it a bit more complicated. Could his conscience contend him using her like that? But then, how would it deal with not giving his people an heir when he had little excuse to not? She was ripe and willing, which was both a blessing and a curse. And it nearly broke his heart that she was so ready to sacrifice her childhood for both him and his country.

Sensing Van's hesitation in any direction, Merle decided to gently show him what she could offer. Leaning over so that she barely touched him, she kissed his temple and cheek very lovingly. She didn't want to scare him with too much forced contact, so she kept it simple with her little kisses.

'It's okay Van,' she said leaving out his title for a more personal affair. 'I love you. It's just like an added bonus that I get to help too. Why don't we just see how far we can go, and decide from there.'

Van couldn't argue with that logic, and her continued kisses felt very nice. So he turned so that he could take her soft face into his hands, and properly kiss her for the very first time. It was a bit awkward, though it wasn't like kissing a sister like he feared it would be. Her lips were soft and yielding, though there was a subtle playfulness about them also. So much like her nature, there was no way to mistake that it was Merle that he was kissing.

'See that wasn't so bad!' Merle smiled as she pulled away slightly, giving him a bit of comforting that she knew that he needed.

'I never said that it would be!' Van played along, letting her keep the mood playful and comforting.

'Well that's good to hear,' Merle blushed a bit. She had always worried that he would never be so willing with her, considering that she wasn't human.

'You are very pretty Merle,' Van assured her. He knew and understood her misgivings, having lived with her for so long and sharing the same experience with his Draconian blood. He then kissed her again, adding a bit more passion into it. By any other's standards, the kisses they shared would be seen as nothing but friendly, as they were so tame. But Van had to fight his own protective nature over her, there being a loud voice in his head that told him not to ruin her.

It was a shock to Van when he finally felt his hormones take over; he had been starting to think that they never would. But as he felt her arms go around his neck, a little switch was turned on. His hazing mind forgot about his anxieties, and focused at the feel of her soft body as his arms wrapped around her. He opened his mouth in the kiss, and she followed suit. It was like all of his feelings for her had suddenly been magnified ten-fold, and new emotions such as lust were starting to join them. He was loosing himself in the wave of new feelings, and was barely aware that he'd laid her down on the bed.

But just as suddenly as his lust had started, it ended with a horrible crash. His hand had been petting her silky hair and long ear, but grew bolder with his losing control. Traveling down her neck, it moved to cup her breast over her dress. But as he felt the flatness of her, his senses came rushing back to him. He suddenly remembered her youth, and was horrified at seeing where his hand lay on her.

Merle watched as Van fell off the bed with the ferocity of the power he'd used to tear himself out of her embrace. She might've laughed, if the situation wasn't so serious. The girl didn't need to look at her friend's expression to know what he was feeling, as his actions were enough. Though Merle couldn't blame Van for it, she too was feeling a wave of confusing feelings. Part of her had felt a bit of trepidation when she'd felt him loose control and lay her down. And yet another had enjoyed it immensely, and was sad that he'd stopped.

Despite whatever feelings that she felt, Merle couldn't let this hurt Van and her relationship. So she quietly followed him to the floor where he sat in a daze, and wrapped her arms around him from the side and she laid her cheek on his shoulder. It was a very platonic and comforting gesture, one that she could feel Van still stiffen in until she spoke. 'It's okay Lord Van, you didn't hurt me.'

♦♦♦♦♦

Instead of tarnishing their relationship as would be expected, the incident of their first kiss only strengthened it. At first it seemed that it had done some damage, with the two avoiding each other for nearly a week out of embarrassment. But on the sixth day, Van sought Merle out with a flower as his peace offering.

They never spoke of it, but there was an even greater ease between them since the encounter. Van was happy because she'd completely forgiven his behavior, and that he had never felt so certain that he could one day love her romantically. And Merle was happy because she was able to be there for her love, and now he knew beyond no bounds. So their combined feelings for it, made their lives much simpler. An easy feeling over their future had settled over them, and both were glad for it. For once, what was to come was something that they could stand to see.

But there was still a great mountain to climb before they got to that nice future, a mountain that could very easily take it away. To comfort the politicians; Van announced that if he didn't return within a month, that they could crown another as king. Everyone was shocked by the announcement, Van was giving himself half of the time that Folkin had. And there were some that hated the idea, saying that they would never accept anyone but him as king. But it was to Merle, that Van expressed his reasoning. If he succeeded, he would make a good king. If he lived but didn't return soon enough, then he would be free to guide his own unimportant life. So secretly Merle's patch of land was being readied for his late return, there she and him could live comfortably. That place that both of them longed to go to, secretly deep in their hearts.

As the weeks went by though, Merle got more and more agitated. The overwhelming stress of her worry clearly showing in her behavior. Van knew that she didn't doubt his power, but more simply couldn't help her fear. They spent every waking moment together, and the resting ones also. No matter what important matter Van was tending to, Merle was present sitting silently beside him. So close they'd become that there was rumor of an affair, and some even wondered if he would leave an illegitimate child behind.

The day that Van left to become a man worthy of kingship was the saddest he and Merle could remember. Even the painful loss of Van's mother couldn't compare to the ache that they both felt as he readied his mount. They were each other's last chance at a family, and now they had to say goodbye, possibly forever.

There was a planned precession to take Van out of the city's walls, but he had no intention to let it. Instead he and Merle secretly got ready in the early morning, and went snuck out of the city before the sun had risen. Merle couldn't go with him, but he took her out far enough from the city so that they could have a private goodbye. She rode ahead of him in the saddle, leaning back into his chest. Both of them ached wonderfully in the feeling of their half-embrace.

No words were said as Van pulled the horse into a stop, and turned his attention fully on the girl in his arms. They didn't need to say anything as Merle turned to put her arms around his chest and rest her head under his chin. The quiet continued as Van returned her hug and kissed her soft hair. He then pulled her out of his arms enough so that he could kiss her tears away, an intimate act that only brought on more tears. Merle then kissed Van's lips gently, a sweet act that promised her faithfulness. Neither of them said anything as Merle then slipped off the horse, and moved safely away. Neither of them said "goodbye", because they couldn't bear to. Instead their eyes made silent promises to each other.

To Be Continued.

Well onto the next chapter. The title for the chapter is "Worries Come True", though it doesn't really fit considering I decided to wait for until the next chapter to have Hitomi appear…. Oh well!

Ryoko Porter