A/N: I'm so happy everyone liked Tifa! And I'm very grateful for all the reviews, which makes this little author very happy and pumped to write. I figure I can update every two weeks until things smooth over in school so with out further ado here's chapter four, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7, Advent Children or any cell phone companies that I mention.
Chapter Four: Cloud Nine
Vincent went to the spot most associated with Cloud and the word 'self pity'. He went to Aeris' church. He was surprised he didn't find Cloud rolling in the flowers talking about his 'light'. So his demons came up with a solution to his problem. Cloud was likely to be found in an area where there was basically no cell phone reception. And thus Vincent Valentine was now walking through the thick forest, where he was sure Cloud said was the place where Aeris was taking her infamous dirt nap.
He wasn't sure where the location of Aeris' grave was specifically and the florescent trees weren't helping him.
'Vincent, are you lost?' Chaos asked.
'Of course not, I simply forgot where her grave is,' Vincent retorted.
Vincent made another turn and he ended up in an opening surrounded by the bright trees. They bothered him and he wished that deforestation would reach that part of the planet really soon. He looked around trying to find a suitable exit that didn't require him to trip through rocks and twigs. And he didn't want to get his red cape more torn up that it already was on branches. He took great pride in his gothic look, he didn't want to over do it and end up looking like a punk.
'Admit it! You are lost' Chaos said snorting down a laugh.
'Chaos please, I know where I'm going'
'What is it with men and directions?' Hellmasker asked.
'WELL TECHNICALLY HE CAN'T STOP AND ASK FOR THEM.' Galian Beast causally brought up.
'That doesn't excuse him from being lost now does it?'
'What is he trying to prove anyway?' Chaos asked.
'The fact that he is Vincent Valentine, a man with hand-eye coordination and demonic voices that mock him on a daily basis bent on degrading him on every level possible by bringing up his tragic yet mysterious pathetic past.' Death Gias interjected.
'DON'T FORGET LUCRECIA. SHE'S DEAD.'
'Oh yeah I forgot, thanks Galian Beast.'
'YOU ARE WELCOMED MY FRIEND.'
Could his ears possibly be deceiving him? How dare they talk about him like he wasn't there! They lived in his head for God sakes.
'MAYBE WE SHOULD DRAW UP A MAP OF THE AREA SO THAT VINCENT CAN READ IT TO GET HELP' Galian Beast was very proud of his idea.
'Why? Didn't Cait say he was illiterate?' Hellmasker asked remembering the dancing robot.
'What makes you think he'll look at a map when he won't admit he's lost' Chaos said
"QUIET!" he yelled.
He took in deep breaths and counted to ten, then fifteen, and finally twenty. His body shivered as it gave off a heat that was battling the cold air around him. There was silence in his mind and he hoped that his outburst had scared the demons into submission.
'PSST…DO YOU THINK HE KNOWS WE WERE CONVERSATING ABOUT HIM?' Galian Beast whispered or at least tried to.
That was the last straw. He geared up, feeling his throat tighten up with rage as he prepared himself to give every demon a well deserved talking to. He didn't care if they were his 'peeps'. They just crossed the line and broke rule number 6 of the 10 friendship rules they set up after a drunken game of Parcheesi some months ago.
Vincent felt a hand on his shoulder and he violently spun around to meet the person who dared interrupt his dramatic outburst.
"Vincent? What are you doing here? Is something going on?" Cloud asked.
"No, I am here to merely acquire the extra cell phone you have."
Cloud gave him a blank stare. Vincent sighed.
"Do you have an extra phone I can borrow?" he said in a monotone manner.
Soon the words made more sense to Cloud and he smiled.
"Of course! Why didn't you ask me that before?" he questioned.
Vincent had a sudden urge to slap him. Instead he cleared his throat.
"Come, let's get out of here, I know a spot where we can hang out" Cloud seemed like he hadn't been in human contact for a while.
They made their way to a pond, which oddly looked familiar to Vincent.
"Aeris, honey, I brought Vincent." he said shoving some leaves with his foot. "Sorry the place is such a mess" he smiled.
Vincent raised an eyebrow his behavior. He surveyed the area more and then it all clicked to him. This was where Cloud told him he had buried the flower girl. When Vincent told him that after a while a dead body retains water and floats, Cloud being a sensible man, swam to the bottom of the pond. He tied a large rock to Aeris' body and now the poor woman had no choice than to be worshipped by necrophiliac.
"I hope you don't mind that this phone has water minutes," he said giving his extra phone to Vincent.
"Water minutes?" he hoped that it wasn't some new technological movement that he wasn't yet again aware of.
"Yeah, for when I want to call Aeris."
There was a silence between them as Vincent took a small step back from the blond young man.
'Poor Cloud, holding on to the slim chance that the love of his life will come back to him,' Hellmasker said.
'She's deceased, the man is insane.' Vincent replied.
Chaos snorted.
'This coming from a man with demons in his head.'
'But look at him.' he gestured towards the edge of the pond.
Cloud at the moment was throwing petals at the water singing a song about him and Aeris K-I-S-S-I-N-G in a tree followed by an off key line about marriage and a baby carriage.
'At least he's creative in mourning her, all you do is reminisce about your past and sob over the fact that Lucia picked a short unattractive bobby head to procreate with instead of you'
'Her name is Lucrecia!'
'Same thing' Death Gigas said rolling his eyes.'BUT WHEN YOU REALLY THINK ABOUT IT, CLOUD'S PAST CAN'T MEASURE UP TO VINCENT'S. HIS PAST RELIES ON MOURNING A WOMAN WHO WOULD NEVER LOVE HIM WHILE CLOUD MOURNS A WOMAN WHO HE COULD HAVE SAVED BUT DIDN'T FOR THE FACT THAT HE THOUGHT SEPHIROTH'S SWORD WAS LONG AND SHINY. AND LET'S NOT FORGET THAT CLOUD'S MEMORIES RELY ON ZACK WHO AERIS ACTUALLY FANCIED AND THE REAL REASON WHY SHE WAS ATTRACTED TO CLOUD. LETS FACE IT; HE RESEMBLED ZACK IN LOOKS BUT NOT IN SMARTS OR CHARM.' Galian Beast explained.
'Yes, yes, but what is the point of your useless knowledge?' Vincent asked tapping his foot.
'He's saying that Cloud is a bigger dumbass than you.'
Chaos laughed. Vincent didn't know whether to feel offended or completely relieved that he wasn't Cloud. He went with the latter.
Vincent looked at the phone that he was given. He had to admit that it looked cool and when he flipped it open it lit up brightly.
"It's a P900iV made in some foreign place called Japan or Toshiba something like that."
Somehow Vincent had a feeling of Dejavu.
"It can tell time, make calls, end calls and best of all it can ring"
"Isn't it supposed to do that anyway?"
Cloud gave him his signature blank stare.
"It has shiny numbers!"
Vincent sighed as Cloud continued to list more useless features. How did he end up the ninth circle of hell?
"It can be a flashlight, flip over and take pictures, provide a radio signal, summon Bahamut, record my voice, plant flowers, avoid Tifa, make my deliveries…"
He gave up on listing to him and began to press random buttons again. It annoyed him that his fingers slipped over the shiny buttons and it pissed him off to see that the buttons were locked. Cloud had stop talking and was now asking questions.
"Vincent, do you think people will notice that the whole thing with Geostigma was cheaply solved?"
"I don't know Cloud" he said pressing more buttons.
"I mean the cure came out of no where and why didn't Aeris cure it before, why did she had to wait until I got it?"
"Cloud?" Vincent found something that maybe Cloud could explain.
"Why didn't I use a Phoenix Down or White Materia when Aeris died?"
"Cloud!"
"And why won't Tifa leave me alone? Doesn't she know that I'm a guy mourning over the death of the love of my life and will come to her when I realize that she has always been there for me and then let her decide it's too late, making me mourn over her lost and commit suicide?"
"Cloud!"
"Well, I don't know about the suicide part…hm….do you think Yuffie is single?"
"Cloud!"
"Oh! Vincent! What are you doing here?"
Vincent resisted the urge to smite him. He sighed and pointed to a bright green button on the phone.
"Can you show me what does this button do?" Vincent asked pointing at a green button hoping that by doing this he could get Cloud to explain something useful.
"Hm…I don't know, never really noticed it before."
"It's bright green."
"I wonder what it does?" he said scratching his chin.
"You mean you have two of these phones and you don't know what this button does?"
"Umm….no?" he said hoping it was the right answer.
Vincent growled but was interrupted from transforming when the phone in his hand rang. He almost dropped it from the vibration. He looked at Cloud in hopes that he knew what to do but Cloud just stared back with a blank pale face.
"Aren't you going to answer it?" Cloud asked.
"It's your phone" Vincent said and throwing the phone to Cloud, who fidgeted with it and threw it back.
"But you want it."
"I wish not to answer it."
"But Tifa is scary and clingy!"
They played hot potato with it until Cloud, being the sensible man that he was, threw it in the pond. There was an eerie silence between them as they saw the bright object slowly dim and sink to the bottom. Cloud scratched the back of his head and laughed slightly.
"Um…sorry?"
Vincent's eye twitched. He just lost another phone in less than twenty minutes.
'Get ready boys, looks like we're shopping for another phone.' Death Gigas mused.
Chaos screamed.
A/N: Thank you for reading and remember to review. Chapter 5: techno Yuffie…yes the Yuffie chapter