A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and let this story reach over 100 reviews. I don't know if this is funny since I've read it like a million times but here is chapter 5. (Special HUGE thanks to Paper Bear for catching my mistake on one of Vincent's Demons, thanks pal)
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7, Advent Children, Barry White and any of the companies mentioned.
Chapter Five: Sleepover
After Vincent politely escorted Cloud to the nearest cell phone store at gunpoint, he was now in the creepy comfort of his mansion. The store didn't have the phone that Tifa had successfully taught him the directions to. And so he dropped Cloud off at the church and wanted nothing more than to go to bed and get some well-deserved sleep.
After a relaxing hot shower, Vincent came out toweling dry his long hair. He felt a cold draft from the window near his bed and wondered if he indeed left it open before he went to the bathroom. He shrugged and went over to close it. Going to his dresser, he retrieved his lotion and turned towards the bed where Cait was standing. Vincent almost dropped the bottle.
"Hi Vincent!" the robotic cat chirped.
"Cait, what are you doing here?" he asked holding tightly to the towel around his waist.
"You said we could have a sleepover don't you remember?"
Vincent raised an eyebrow.
What Vincent yet again didn't know, was that Reeve, to complete his Vincent Valentine collage, wanted nude pictures since he knew that Vincent slept naked.
"Cait, I never said you could come here."
"Yes you did! Remember?"
Flashback
Cait was in Reeve's office where a framed picture of Vincent Valentine stood on the desk. Cait jumped on his master's chair and stood in front of the picture.
"Hi Vincent!"
Silence.
"So... how are you?"
Silence.
"Great! Can we have a sleepover?"
Silence.
"Yay! I'll be there at ten tonight!"
End Flashback
"See, you told me so!" he said and began to dance and sing about sleeping in bed with him.
Vincent sighed. There was no use in arguing if the freaky robot was going to do it anyway.
'What exactly is a sleepover?' Hellmasker asked
'I'm surrounded by idiots I swear,' Death Gigas said annoyed by the question.
'WELL, A SLEEPOVER IS WHEN UNDERAGED WOMEN GET TOGETHER IN ONE BEDROOM TO CONVERSE ABOUT IMPORTANT ISSUES LIKE BOYS, POP CULTURE AND WHICH SHIRT GOES WITH WHAT SKIRT,' Galian Beast roared.
'So why is it called a sleepover?'
'Because they sleep in the same bed you imbecile' Chaos said rolling his eyes.
'Do they sleep naked like Vincent does?' Hellmasker asked.
'God I hope so,' Death Gigas smirked.
'Will you all stop being ignorant and perverted?' Vincent asked trying to tame them.
'Hey, since we all live in Vincent's head and in a sense sleep in the same bed, don't we have sleepovers?' Hellmasker asked
'TECHNICALLY WE DO HAVE SLEEPOVERS SINCE WE ACCOMPANY HIM ON THE ROAD HIS PATHETIC EXISTANCE GOES THROUGH. ALSO WE HELP HIM DECIDE WHICH FEMALE COMRADE IS THE PRETTIEST'
'I still think Yuffie' Death Gigas voiced.
'SILENCE, I'M TRYING TO PROVE A POINT'
'Will all of you stop? We do not have sleepovers! You are merely parasites that are living in my mind trying to destroy my being by bringing up tortured past involving the love of my life!'
There was a silence in his head and Vincent felt proud that maybe these demons were getting the idea of his profound pain.
'With an attitude like that I don't think you should come to our sleepover.' Chaos said.
Before Vincent could answer the doorbell rang. He turned and gave Cait a sharp look who only giggled and did some type of pose.
"I invited Yuffie to our sleepover!"
Vincent paled at the mention of her name; he rushed towards his closet and quickly put on anything that would cover his body. He went down stairs and took a deep breath; he didn't want to look like he was going to have a heart attack. He was Vincent Valentine, if he was going to have an anxiety attack he wanted to look cool doing it.
He opened the door and what awaited him surprised him. Yuffie did look different, she was taller and her body finally lost its stick figure complex. What stood before him was a young woman and not the annoying brat that tormented him during their journey.
"Hi Vinny!" she jumped on his and gave him a bone-crushing hug. At that moment Vincent came to the conclusion that looks were definitely deceiving.
She let him go and went to get her sleeping bag that was ten times her size.
'Hey, Yuffie does look different' Hellmasker said surprised.
'YES, HER BOSOMS LOOK QUITE FRUITFUL' Galian Beast joined.
'But her butt is too small, I still think Tifa'
'Yuffie' Death Gigas said sternly.
'Tifa!'
'Yuffie!'
'Aeris!' Chaos didn't want to be left out.
'Tifa!'
'Yuffie!'
"Silence!" Vincent yelled already feeling the vein on his forehead ready to pop. He wished he had his stress ball so that he could squeeze all his problems away.
Yuffie looked startled and took a step back. The silence was thick enough to choke on and he cleared his throat regretting that he was even alive.
'Great the first chick since Lucia who comes to him willingly and he blows it.' Death Gigas said rolling his eyes.
"Well…. I heard about the sleepover you were having from Cait and I decided to come for the party" she said with a smile.
"I'm sorry to inform you but Cait has lied. There is no sleepover."
"Really?" she said her face going soft. "But I came all this way."
Her eyes got all glazed and big and she began to pout, it was the 'pretty please let me in' look he usually got from stray animals.
'Awww, how can you say no to that cute face?' Hellmasker asked
'How can you say no to that chest?'
'Death Gigas!' Vincent scowled.
'What?'
He sighed; knowing that arguing with the ninja would result in her coming in anyway.
"Come inside Yuffie, it's too cold."
She quickly wiped the frown off her face and ran past him. He closed the door and went upstairs to his room where his night was surely going to begin. When he opened the bedroom door he saw that Yuffie was already unpacked. On his bed were a variety of objects that he had never seen before in his life.
"Vinny! Here!" Yuffie said giving him a small metal object that was the size of a stick of gum.
"What is this?"
"Your new phone! Cloud called me up crying, saying he dropped the phone he was going to give you in Aeris' house."
Vincent looked at this 'phone'. It only consisted of two bright buttons and a small screen.
"Yuffie are you sure this is even…"
"Of course Vinny, it's made to make things easier in life, plus its sooo cute!" she said.
He looked towards the bed and looked at the other objects. He pointed to one that looked similar to her phone only it had some headphones tied to it.
"What is that?"
"Oh that's my ipod-mini-nano!'
Vincent raised an eyebrow.
"It plays all types of music and hold up to one thousand songs, go on the web, talk to my peoples in Wutai, and show music videos!"
"Yuffie can I use it?" Cait said jumping up and down on the bed
"Sure!"
Vincent ignored the robotic cat and looked at the other objects she had brought along with her. He picked up a flat rectangular object that had the letters DVD.
"Oh that plays movies! And it can record what you want from the TV and burn CDs" she said and plugged it into the outlet. She also plugged in the charger for a camera, a small television, a laptop, a radio, and a cable box. The point was the outlet was now beginning to spark.
Vincent was trying to figure out the science of the tiny object that now rested in his claw. It was so tiny.
Cait was too busy using Yuffie's ipod-mini-nano and began dancing and singing a song with his microphone on Vincent's bed.
"Fever, fever, baby I got the fever," he sang in a low deep voice.
Vincent had trouble placing the lyrics to the artist who wrote them. But if he had been paying attention to the 80s, instead of mourning the death of the woman who would never love him, then he would have learned that Cait was singing a Barry White song. Which Reeve programmed into his hard drive to one day seduce Vincent with sexy songs by a black dude and a deep voice.
"Can you help me use this phone?" he asked Yuffie who was done plugging in the rest of her electronics.
"Sure! It's all easy once you get the hang of it!" she smiled.
"How does it work?"
"Well, you press the right button two times to get the menu screen and to scroll down you press the left button three times. Then and only then can you access the call guard which allows you to make a three minute call but pressing the following code: right, right, right, left, left, right, left, right, right, left, left, up, left, right, left, up, down, left, right, right, right, left. Then you can call who ever you want as long as you can do it within twenty seconds and enter this code: right, left, left, right, right, right, left, down, right, left, right, right, left, right"
"Yuffie breathe!" he said noticing her face going beet red from the lack of oxygen.
She took in a deep breath and let it out. He looked at the small object in his hands and thought it would just end up making life more complicated.
"Oh man! No more music" Cait pouted not knowing that he was singing wasn't even singing along with the songs.
He jumped off the bed and walked towards the outlet, which was now smoking. Yuffie looked up and her eyes grew wide.
"Cait no!"
Vincent looked up and saw the robotic cat plug in the ipod-mini-nano. It shook violently as it was electrocuted and its head began to spin. The robot was walking around drunkenly trying to take control over its body.
Vincent stood up with Death Penalty in his mind.
"Don't worry Vinny, I'll save you!" Yuffie yelled throwing her over sized ninja star towards the cat, but this is Vincent Valentine and Karma is one mean bitch. The star did a boomerang move and flew back towards Vincent's head.
Vincent woke up the next day surprised that his home wasn't on fire. He sat up and felt something strange below his waist. He looked down to see that Cait's face was buried into his crotch. He froze, afraid that if he moved Cait would turn on again and shock his goods with one thousand volts with electricity.
'Vincent! You sick bastard,' Death Gigas shouted.
'Eh, you learn something new every day, Tifa's clingy, Cloud's crazy, Yuffie's hot and Vincent likes to 'play' with toys.' Hellmasker said indifferently.
'What are you implying? I didn't touch it!'
'When you think you know someone,' Chaos shook his head 'it's always the quiet ones.'
'VINCENT, I SUGGEST YOU GET HELP, IT'S NOT HEALTHY FOR A MAN YOUR AGE TO MOLEST A TOY ROBOT. MAYBE YOU SHOULD BEING TO DATE THE FEMALE SEX SO THAT YOU CAN RELEASE THE TENSION…UNLESS OF COURSE THE MALE SEX IS MORE TO YOUR LIKING THEN I WILL UNDERSTAND.' Galian Beast said
'Are you insane? I didn't touch it and Lucrecia is the only one for me!'
'I'm sure Lucia is somewhere in the life stream banging the day lights out of Hojo while thinking of you.'
'Burn!'
Death Gigas and Chaos high-fived each other.
'Guys that wasn't nice' Hellmasker said in a motherly tone.
'THE FIRST STEP TO THE ROAD OF RECOVERY IS ADMITING THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.' Galian Beast roared.
Vincent heard something stir and turned his head to look. The flash of Yuffie's camera blinded his crimson eyes.
He rubbed them until he was able to see clearly again and saw Yuffie with the picture in her hands.
"Yuffie, you wouldn't" he asked hoping that the ninja wouldn't damage his 'I'm too cool for this $h!t' reputation.
She smiled and pocketed the picture. Blackmail was such a beautiful thing.
A/N: thanks for reading and remember to review. Chapter 6: Barret's one smooth MoFo.