A Not-So-Scruffy Saint

Lorelai was still holding her breath as Luke cleared away the dinner plates; it had been very hard to eat that way.

She kept glancing at her mother, sure and certain that Emily was saving all her vitriol and vengeance for dessert, since she hadn't spent any of it during the salad- when Lorelai had accidentally called one of her father's business associates a fruitcake- or during the main course, when Lorelai and Rory had debated whether or not Britney Spears had had a boob job. They hadn't reached a successful conclusion, since Luke had appeared to refill glasses and rolled his eyes at Lorelai, who interpreted it as a sign that maybe she should switch conversation topics. For some reason, there hadn't been any awkward silences tonight- they'd talked about Richard's business, Emily's social functions, Rory's school, and had actually spent much more time than the subject warranted discussing the Da Vinci Code. Rory had had to pick a recent bestseller for a school book report; at the time she had complained that everyone would pick that book, but, she said, there had only been two Da Vinci Code's because there had been eleven Harry Potter's. Miraculously all four of them had read it, though Richard only admitted to it under extreme duress- Lorelai and Rory's constant teasing. He'd actually taken the ribbing pretty well, probably because the heat had suddenly been taken off him and aimed at Luke, who had accidentally let slip that he'd read Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, which Lorelai was still laughing about.

"Ya-Ya!" she cried suddenly at Luke, who almost dumped her dinner plate in her lap- not on purpose, of course.

"Geez!" he glared at her. "Would you stop with that? That's the third time you've Ya-Ya-ed at me-"

"And you jump every time!" Lorelai finished gleefully. "I cannot believe that you spent the little free time you have reading that."

"It was a bet I had with Jess," Luke said, exaggeratedly patient. "He lost, I got to pick the book, I lost- which I obviously did- he got to pick. That kid has a very twisted sense of humor."

"Been telling you that for months," Lorelai said in a told-you-so voice.

"Oh, Lorelai, leave the poor man alone," Richard broke in. Lorelai sucked in her breath- here it was: the lecture, the dressing-down, the why-are-you-acting-in-a-way-that-confirms-that-you're-such-a-huge-disappointment-to-me diatribe. Luke eyed her regretfully- he enjoyed bantering cantankerously with Lorelai, and she never failed to bite every time he baited her. But he hadn't thought that maybe her parents might disapprove of the playful insults being hurled back and forth, and if it would help, then he'd take the bullet for her.

"No, it's fine," he tried to mollify Richard. "I knew very well that she'd tease me about the book, but I mentioned it anyway."

"Yeah, he goaded me," Lorelai agreed eagerly.

Richard just shook his head. "Luke, you must have the patience of a saint."

"Well, I have heard of a Saint Luke," Luke answered insufferably. "Who knew they were talking about me?"

"You are so not a saint," Lorelai mumbled so only he could hear.

"Aren't you supposed to kneel when you talk to me?" he muttered back.

"Dinner was lovely, Luke," Emily was saying. "And I must say, I like your new look. Why, I almost didn't recognize you when we arrived!"

"Oh, well," Luke shrugged uncomfortably.

"Yeah, he cleans up pretty good," Lorelai smirked. He resisted the urge to cuff her on the head as he leaned over to clear an empty plate. He never reached it, because she grabbed his hand as it snaked over her shoulder and inspected his sleeve. "You missed a button," she announced, fastening it for him while he stood in a funny, bent-over position. He exhaled loudly and let her do it, since he couldn't do anything else. Rory hid a grin and slid her eyes over to her grandmother, who was smiling pretty smugly herself.

"You done?" Luke demanded gruffly, when it appeared that she'd finished with the button but was still holding his hand.

"The thread's loose," she chastised. "Give me your shirt before I leave and I'll fix it for you."

"I'm not giving you my shirt," he protested, alarmed that Richard and Emily might take her invitation at something other than its face value.

"Luke, it'll take me ten seconds to sew that button on properly, but unless you have a sewing kit here I have to do it at home," she said impatiently.

"Fine, I'll bring it by tomorrow," he said hurriedly, as he yanked his arm away and practically ran into the kitchen.

An awkward silence fell on the diners for a short moment.

"What?" Lorelai mouthed at Rory, in response to the strange looks everyone was giving her. Rory only shrugged, smiling.

"That duck was absolutely delicious," Richard declared contentedly.

"Yes, your Luke certainly is a fine chef," Emily agreed. Rory's eyes sparked and she looked at Lorelai expectantly- that comment practically begged for a quick retort of 'He's not my Luke!'- but Lorelai just smiled in agreement.

"I can see why you never learned to cook," Emily continued. "With Luke and Sookie to feed you, why should you?"

"All part of the master plan," Lorelai said agreeably. "I'm going to train Miss Patty from the dance studio to do my laundry along with all her costumes, so pretty soon I'll have absolutely no need to do any kind of domestic chores ever again."

"Or you could just get a maid," Rory suggested mischievously.

"But that's what I have you for, darling," Lorelai replied sweetly.