There'll Be a Funeral, 'Cause I'm Putting a Hit out on Kirk
They walked to town, Lorelai feeling distracted but looking fabulous. Rory had assumed complete and utter autocratic control when Lorelai had pulled a cocktail dress out of her closet and looked like she was seriously contemplating wearing it to breakfast. She was now dressed in the previously-agreed upon jeans, and a white long-sleeved cotton shirt over a bright blue top. It was a compromise- not as casual as normal Saturday-morning wear, but not too dressy, either. Rory was willing to bet all the money she had in the bank- no, scratch that, she didn't have any money in the bank- make it all the money her grandmother had in the bank, that Luke had not experienced a similar wardrobe crisis this morning. It was always up to the girls, she thought ruefully. Luke would be dressed in his 'uniform'- plaid shirt, backwards-blue-baseball hat, and all. There was a slight possibility that he might have shaved, but Rory seriously doubted it.
Lorelai's steps were definitely slowing as they turned onto Elm, so Rory glanced about for a conversation topic to distract her from her nervousness.
"It looks like the whole town has really gotten on board with your whole, black-Goth theme for the Springtime festival," she remarked, noticing half-a-dozen townsfolk decked out in black shirts.
"Huh," Lorelai replied absentmindedly.
"What is with that?" Rory continued determinedly. "Is there a funeral? Did somebody die and we missed it? Or maybe there's a black-wearing holiday we don't know about…"
They had crossed the town square and Lorelai was quite obviously not listening- or looking, either, as Rory had to perform emergency maneuvers to keep her from walking out in front of a car. Safely across the street (using the first and only pedestrian crossing at the first and only stoplight in town) they stood in front of the diner and waited.
"So…do we go in?" Rory pressed carefully.
Lorelai took a deep breath. "We go in."
She opened the door and entered Bedlam, stepping aside just in time to avoid Andrew as he barreled out the door, followed closely by Taylor who was yelling something that to Rory sounded alarmingly like "should be censored!" Every table was full, even the one in the far corner that Kirk always insisted was directly under a draft of "There's No Place Like Home" proportions.
Rory ducked under an arm wielding a coffee pot- not Luke's- and weaved through the crowd to snag two seats at the counter. Lorelai followed, feeling her knees go wobbly again and like she was about to throw up. Very attractive, she thought fatalistically, but at least Rory's here to hold my hair back.
They sat down just as Luke exited the storage room, carrying a large brown box full of paper napkins. He stopped abruptly when he saw them.
"Lorelai!" the box of napkins hit the floor.
"Luke, hi," she gulped. "I didn't expect to see you. Well, that's not exactly true, of course I expected to see you, it's your diner- at least that's what the sign outside says…well, actually, one of the signs says William's Hardware, but everybody important knows that it's really Luke's Diner, and you're Luke, and it's your diner, so of course you would be here, I just didn't expect to see you right…there."
He smiled awkwardly- there was no response to that ramble- and stood self-consciously for a moment before he bent down to pick up the box he'd dropped. Rory noticed his head when he stood back up.
"Hey, where's your hat?" she demanded in surprise.
"Cesar dropped an egg on the floor," he explained briefly, turning to start a new pot of coffee.
"Oo-kay…" Rory looked at Lorelai so they could exchange raised-eyebrows-and-skeptical-smiles expressions, but she was fiddling with the strap on her purse, avoiding looking at Luke.
He turned back to the counter, taking the cover off the Danish stand and placing two on two plates, just to have something to do.
"Cesar dropped an egg on the floor," he repeated, "so I got down to clean it up, and then he dropped another egg on my head. Well, not actually my head, my hat, which is why it's in the kitchen sink and my head's out here, with no hat."
Rory smiled. Obviously Luke was pretty flustered too- and he had shaved, after all.
"That's a relief- I thought maybe you'd suddenly decided to stop wearing it, and I'm sure that would cause a rip in the space-time continuum," she teased.
"Nah, it'll be back tomorrow," he promised. "It's a great hat." He looked deliberately at Lorelai, who managed to meet his eyes and smile shyly. She'd bought him that hat three years ago for Christmas, and she'd hardly ever seen him without it since.
Another thing to add to the list of 'Haven't You Clued In to How He Feels About You Yet', she thought guiltily. She started to speak, to tell him that she thought it was a great hat too, and it matched him because he was a great guy, but Kirk suddenly appeared at her elbow, making her jump.
"L-O-R-E-L-A-I," he spelled. "Is that correct?"
"What are you talking about?" she demanded, annoyed that he'd interrupted. She hadn't actually been saying anything, but he'd interrupted the process, and she had a feeling that the process was going to be very important with Luke. She glanced at Luke, who suddenly looked very uneasy and started wiping down the counter. It made sense that he was uneasy- this was Kirk, he made everyone uneasy.
"Your name," Kirk explained. "L-O-R-E-L-A-I."
"Yes, that's correct," she answered impatiently.
"Good, that's a relief," he exhaled loudly. "Not that I could have done anything about it now anyway, but it's a weight off my mind, let me tell you!"
"Why do you need to know how to spell my name?" she asked suspiciously. She swiveled round to face him directly. "Kirk?"
Proudly he held open his jacket, and she gasped. "Holy Mary Chapin Carpenter," she said weakly. "What- how-"
"I've reinstated my daily bulletin town t-shirts business," he announced. "And it's much more successful this time. I'm making a fortune; I love being an entrepreneur. It's all in the marketing, making the product available to the people-"
"Actually, I think it has more to do with the headline," Rory said in a strangled voice, looking over Lorelai's shoulder.
Lorelai nodded dumbly. "The headline," she repeated, feeling like her head was disconnected from her body. She couldn't stop staring at Kirk's chest- how was that for a disturbing thought- but there, printed on a black background in simple white letters, were the words 'luke and lorelai made out.'
"Guess there was a black-wearing holiday after all," Rory said lamely. "It must be national Lorelai Finally Gets It day."
"Not helping," Lorelai told her through gritted teeth. She forced herself to look at Luke, who was scrubbing the counter like his life depended on it.
"Did you know about this?" she asked in a high, uncontrolled voice.
"Yep," he answered shortly. "Tried to stop him- bought everything he had this morning, but the damn fool just went out and made more."
"So you're single-handedly responsible for the financial success of the luke-and-lorelai-made-out shirts?" she hissed, horrified.
"Not intentionally," he said defensively.
Lorelai tried to look surreptiously around at the other patrons in the diner, who all looked back at her quite unabashedly. Now she realized why everyone had been staring at her on the trip into town; she hadn't really been paying enough attention to figure it out then, but the message was coming through loud and clear now.
"Everyone knows?" she questioned Luke, wide-eyed.
"Everyone knows," he confirmed reluctantly. "I've got a list a mile long of inappropriate and suggestive things that Patty's said to me since she got here twenty minutes ago, and if Patty knows-"
"Everyone knows," Lorelai finished dizzily. "Everyone knows," she repeated, turning to Rory.
"Well, is that really so bad?" Rory asked reasonably. "People were bound to find out eventually- you weren't going to keep it a secret forever."
"Not forever- but twenty-four hours might have been nice!" Lorelai was still stunned; even the sudden loud, apocalyptic-sounding crash that came from the kitchen didn't shake her.
"Oh, no," Luke muttered, shooting a quick, worried glance Lorelai's way before disappearing into the back.
"I need coffee," Lorelai said, shaking her head. Luke was gone, so she marched back behind the counter and poured herself a cup. She downed half of it at once and felt much better- or at least, less likely to have a very public meltdown in the middle of the diner.
"It's going to be okay, Mom," Rory said reassuringly. She held out her own cup. "Coffee for your loving daughter?" she asked sweetly. Automatically Lorelai filled it.
"It's going to be okay," she repeated, taking a deep breath. "Que sera, sera, right? I can't do anything about it, so I'll just have to work with this." She glared at Kirk, who had left the counter and was busy conducting a brisk t-shirt trade at one of the tables. "I'd like to work him," she muttered, vaguely threateningly.
"It's sort of funny, when you think about it," Rory giggled. "I mean, do you think he was sitting out there all night? In the cold, with a pair of binoculars and a telescope?"
"Oh, god, Rory, don't even go there," Lorelai said vehemently. "It's bad enough that Kirk knows- and hence, the entire town- but I really don't want to think about how Kirk knows."
"He's quite the voyeur," Rory commented teasingly, but shut up immediately at her mother's look. "Sorry."
Lorelai grabbed the coffee pot from where she'd left it on the counter and replaced it, then turned around- and smacked directly into Luke. She grabbed onto his arms to regain her balance. He managed to set the two full plates he'd been carrying down before he demanded, "What did I tell you about coming behind the counter?"
"That you're very thankful I do it because you appreciate the help?" she offered hopefully.
"Lorelai…" he said warningly, but broke off before he could finish. He'd just realized that she was still holding him, and that he was standing very, very close to her.
"I, uh," he said, intending it to be some kind of excuse and permission for her to escape, if she wanted to.
She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. Blue, just like hers. "Everyone knows," she whispered. She raised her face slightly. Neither of them noticed the sudden absence of noise in the diner- everyone may have known, but everyone was still watching.
Luke swallowed hard. "Oh, what the hell," he murmured, and let his lips touch hers.
Immediately she slid her arms around his waist and kissed him back, and he pulled her as close as he could, marveling that she let him do this, that she wanted him to do this. After a long moment the sounds of rain managed to penetrate through Lorelai's mind, and slowly it got louder until she realized that it wasn't raining- people were clapping and hooting, and that long, loud, shrill scream was Babette whistling approvingly with two fingers in her mouth. Luke and Lorelai pulled apart, but he didn't let her go.
"Boy, you're good at that," she said breathlessly, leaning her forehead against his. He laughed- she still managed to surprise him, even after all this time. He hugged her gently before clearing his throat and stepping back. He was blushing furiously as he looked round the diner, meeting incredulous stares with determination.
"Hey, this is my diner," he declared loudly. "This is my diner, and I'll kiss anyone I want to in it!"
"And behind the counter, too," Rory murmured mischievously. "I'm positive that the health inspector would have something to say about that."
Luckily Luke didn't hear her, but Lorelai did, and she reached over the counter and smacked her lightly across the forehead. "Shut up, you," she said sternly, but she didn't really mean it, and the threat had absolutely no credibility because she was grinning like an idiot.