If i owned anyone I would be using a jggernaught to collect my bank balance in, Instead I have a Halifax saving account with which has the total sum of 5 english Pounds in it, last time i checked I was a 13 year old brunette as a pose to a 30 sumthing blonde named Joanne Kathleen Rowling.
So in a sum up I own No one...
-----------------Why did i fall for your charms?--------------------
After another gruelling hour in our Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson I made my way to my History of Magic class. Sandy pushed past me, face stone cold. I couldn't just let her be in a mood with me, I had to do something.
"Sandy" I called out to her, reaching out and grabbing her arm abruptly, making her rebound into my chest and knock me to the floor. She looked down at me with the same stony expression, but her eyes told me just how sorry she was.
"Here" She mumbled, thrusting a hand at me to grab.
"Thanks" I said as I took it and was helped up.
"Sure" She said, walking hastily away.
"Sandy! Hey Sandy!" I called after her but she was too far away to hear. I felt my gut twist at the thought of having one of my best friends this angry with me. Not even the petty arguments I have with Daisy can compare to this. "She hates me" I whined to Alice who had linked my arm and was dragging me through the corridor at lightning speed to avoid a detention from Binns.
"No she doesn't" Alice said agitatedly, as the only thing I had said for that whole 5 minutes on our way to class was 'she hates me'.
"But she does" I wailed, sobbing into my hands.
"Look Lily she doesn't hate you ok? She doesn't, she's just a little pissed off, it's probably her time of the month or something" Alice said, dropping my arm and rubbing her temples.
"She does" I whispered trying to keep it low enough for her not to here. She screamed in frustration and ran off, leaving me standing there on my own. "Yeah well…go away!" I yelled pathetically after her.
"Well, well Evans, looks like you're a bit of a loner aren't you?" Sirius smirked, leaning against the wall.
"I would rather be a loner than a filthy man whore" I snarled.
"Now, now Evans, what a temper you have, I was only making a simple observation"
"Well I know exactly where to stick that observation" I growled.
"Ok, ok I get it. Sheesh, no need to throw a tantrum" He said backing away.
"Die Black, just DIE!" I screeched down the corridor. He was running now, like I was a dragon and my fiery breath had tickled his rear and made him run like mad. I liked this concept and wondered if you could become an animagus dragon. I strolled into the class room just before the lesson started. I was so consumed in thought I bumped into a desk backwards and toppled over it, landing backwards, with my legs sticking up, on a chair. My skirt fell down to my waist and my girl boxers were on full view to the whole class. Most burst out laughing but some felt the teeniest bit of sympathy for me and tried to pick me up from the chair. Hannah was one of them and so was Jenny. Alice, Daisy and Sandy on the other hand were among those who laughed. I scowled as a few hands pulled me into a correct sitting position on the chair. The laughter had died down but there was still the occasional snigger heard through the lesson. I was so glad the Marauders weren't here; I don't think I would ever be able to live it down if they were. Then again it was an even worse feeling to know I had made a complete twit of myself in front of none other than Richard Jenner.
"Hey Lily, you ok" He asked me as we left the classroom together for lunch.
"Yeah I'm fine" I said, blushing a tremendous shade of pink.
"That was a big fall you had" He chuckled and I could feel my cheeks growing hotter.
"Yeah" I mumbled.
"Oh look I'm sorry, me and my big mouth, I'm sorry" He said looking at me with guilty eyes.
"No that's fine" I said smiling a little.
"You have a very pretty smile you know" He said, looking at me, his head tilted to one side. I blushed an even brighter red.
"Thanks"
"And you look extremely beautiful when you blush as well" He sounded about 5 years old saying this but it was so sweet of him I couldn't help smiling.
"You know Richard, you're a pretty smooth talker" I said raising an eyebrow and skipping along down the corridor like a 70's school kid, Oh yeah durr, I was!
"Not really, you just an easy person to compliment, seeing as there's so much to compliment on" My face turned such a violent crimson that I could feel my skin burn.
"Well flattery gets you everywhere with Lily Evans" I smirked, but inside of me I felt as though I had been kicked in the stomach repeatedly over and over again. But why?
"Lily can I talk to you for a sec?" Hannah strolled up to me and tugged hard on my arm.
"But Hannah I-"
"Great, thanks babe" She said in a bubbly and girly voice that was such an obvious put on.
"Hannah what is it?"
"What the hell do you think you're doing Lily?" She asked in a harsh whisper.
"What do you mean?"
"You know, with Richard, I thought you said you didn't like him"
"Well that doesn't mean I can't talk to him does it?" I asked getting annoyed at the way she was treating the whole situation.
"Lily if you liked him you should have just told me"
"Well maybe I do Hannah, but I promised him to you, like I always do, I'm always the one you guys walk over!"
"That's not true Lily and you know it" She said shaking her head.
"Are you really sure about that Hannah? Care to bet on it, because I wouldn't say no to a few extra sickles in my pocket"
"How do we walk all over you Lily?" She asked.
"Well have you ever noticed that I'm everyone's go to girl?"
"Well yeah I suppose, but that's a good thing surely"
"Not really Hannah because it means I'm always the one having to clean up the mess and heart break, all ways me having to listen, all ways me having to put up with everyone in a spiteful mood with me" She looked taken aback by this, but didn't say anything. "And sometimes Hannah it's just all too much, I never complain though, because that just wouldn't be right would it? No, but sometimes I just feel so lonely, you must understand, like no one is listening to me, but I'm listening to everyone else"
"Lily I never knew you felt that way" She said quietly.
"That's the point Hannah, because if you did it would mean you would have had to listen to me" I said in a quite spiteful tone.
"Look Lily, I'm very sorry, but if that's the way you're going to be about it I don't think I'll bother" She said turning to leave.
"No Hannah, don't leave me" I said quickly, grabbing onto her arm.
"Lily, I told you, I'm not going to talk to you when you're in this mood"
"I'm sorry Hannah, I'm sorry, but I really like him" She looked at me blankly, then let her lips curl into a smile.
"Well then Lils, you better go for it, and don't take no for an answer"
"Oh Midnight!" I flung my arms round her neck and hugged her, she hugged me back laughing. Her nickname was Midnight, because that was the colour of her hair and eyes.
"Just tell him that if he hurts you I'll shoot his balls off" I laughed. I was so glad to have a friend like her, despite all the crap I had just moaned about.
"Erm Lily, do you want to go to lunch now?" Richard asked nervously, scratching the back of his head. He must have hung around for a while.
"Sure Richard, can Hannah come too?"
"Yeah sure she can" I linked arms with Hannah and we walked down the corridor together, the three of us.
After Lunch I had 2 free periods. I wondered whether I should study, or doss around in the common room. I chose to doss…something very unusual for me.
I flopped down on the sofa and pulled my knees to my chest. Singing softly to myself I wondered just how, exactly, I could get Richard to ask me on a date. He seemed to like me a little, but maybe I was just getting too carried away, he was probably just being friendly. I looked up when I heard the portrait door swing open and Remus step into the common room.
"Lily" He said nodding his head at me.
"Hi Remus" I said flashing him a small smile.
He came and sat beside me, sighing as he fell onto the soft and warm cushion.
We sat in silence for a minute before finally speaking.
"So you like James then?" He asked turning his head towards me.
"No, why would you think that?" I said quickly, his eyes were filled with a pool of kindness and warmth, I should have been able to open up to him, but there was nothing to open up about. I liked Richard…didn't I?
"Lily, I know you like the back of my hand"
"Well, maybe you just don't know your hand very well then" I said, turning away from his gaze, an evident blush was arising on my cheeks.
"Then why are you so embarrassed about it?"
"Because I think it was a ludicrous and disgusting suggestion" I snapped.
"Then why do you find it so hard to answer? A simple yes or no would have been fine, but you're making a big deal out of it. Don't worry Lily, I think I have my answer" He stood up and gave me a small wave before exiting the room. I gaped after him in awe. What had just happened? Before I could even attempt to answer the portrait had swung open once again and this time in stepped James Potter.
"Lily" He said cheerfully, on spotting me.
"Potter" I said dreamily, wait not dreamily, no definitely NOT dreamily.
"Well that was probably the warmest welcome I've ever received from you Lily, are you feeling alright?" He asked, in a genuinely concerned voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine…just fine" I said a little hotly, disappointed in myself for letting myself think about him in a way I really didn't want to. "I have to go" I said quickly making a stand and making my way hurriedly towards the staircase.
"Lily" He said, reaching out and grabbing my arm.
"Get off me Potter" I said, getting anxious.
"I just want to talk to you, remember last time we had a free period together"
"I do remember Potter, and that's exactly why I want you to get off me" I pulled away from his grip and scurried to my dorm, closing the door behind me and sliding down onto a heap on the floor. Silent tears rolled down my cheeks. I was so confused. Here was a guy I really liked, seeming to genuinely like me back and all I could think about was stupid Potter and his fat head. I fell onto my bed and rolled straight off because of a sad imbalance that I had caused. I banged my elbow hard on the floor and I screamed in agony. It was NOT a good day for me.
"Lily? Lily is that you?" Sandy pushed open the door and stepped into the dorm.
"I…yeah it's me" I winced, as I put some pressure on my grazed arm.
"What's the matter?" She asked, looking at me lying on the floor, then quickly looking away.
"I fell off the bed" I groaned, standing up.
"Oh, well…I hope you're ok"
"No you don't" I mumbled.
"What was that?"
"I said…never mind" I sighed and sat back down on my bed.
"Oh Lily, I'm sorry" She whispered, not looking at me.
"Are you really Sandy? Or are you sorry on a level basis that we're not talking? Because I know us making friends again will have nothing to do with whether you get back together with Sirius or not"
"Lily…I don't want to argue with you, but I like him, don't you understand?"
"Would you like him if he was good looking?" I shot at her.
"Yes"
"Would you really?"
"No…but that's not the point"
"That's exactly the point Sandy, beauty is only skin deep"
"Would you like James if he looked like Richard?"
"Yes, I mean no, I mean…what kind of a question is that?"
"A valid one, now answer it"
"I don't like Richard just because he's good looking"
"Then why do you like him Lily, because by the looks of it you never even spoke to him before the other day"
"I did so speak to him before! I asked him to pass me some leeches in potions once" I said all defiantly.
"Oh whoopdie doo" She said sarcastically, hands on hips.
"Look Sandy, I wish you would stop being so sour"
"No Lily, you wish I would do what you want!"
"No I don't Sandy; I'm just looking out for you"
"Well Lily, just don't ok! Just don't!" She screamed throwing her hands up in the air and charging through the door, slamming it forcefully behind her and making me flinch.
"You'll regret it when I don't" I roared at the vibrating door that had itself been shaken by that terrible ordeal. "I promise you will" I whispered, tears forming in the corners of my eyes again.
-----------------------------------
Later that day I made my way effortlessly down stairs to the common room. I was instantly surround by noise and wanted straight away to crawl back into bed away from everyone else.
"Lily!" James made his was towards me looking very chuffed. "Lily, you'll never guess, the first Hogwarts trip is next week, next Saturday"
"That's interesting" I said stubbornly.
"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go?"
"Sure"
"Really?"
"Yeah I'll go, just not with you" I said turning to leave.
"I'll take that as a maybe then" He said hopefully, sounding as though his joy hadn't faltered one bit.
"Maybes such a strong word, I would say more of a no, but you can always dream Potter" I rushed out of the common room as fast as my little, fat legs would carry me. I felt a sudden rush of guilt, mixed with a feeling of self loathing. Why wouldn't I let myself be happy? I knew Potter was exactly what I needed, but he was a user…he would use me, abuse me, then toss me to the side. I couldn't let him do that; I might have to go all emo and drown myself in the lake if he did.
"Lily?" An inquisitive voice asked me from behind. I span round.
"Who else has hair the colour of molten lava?" I asked rolling my eyes.
"Hey, what's up, you look awful" She said looking me over.
"Well thanks a bunch Jenny; you've really made my day you have"
"Sorry I didn't mean any offence" She said quickly, hurt flashing across her features.
"No I'm sorry Jenny; I've just had a really bad day is all"
"Do you need a hug?" She asked wrapping her arms round me and hugging me close.
"It wouldn't hurt" I whimpered, on the verge of tears.
One of my best friends hated me; I rejected the one guy who had always loved me, again, and I ached all over from the many injuries I had caused myself that day, I was tired, I was lonely despite being around people and I was hating myself more now than ever. Being Lily Evans sucked.
Sorry I took so long to update, I suck like that sometimes...I hope you like this chappie :D
This is EmO-pEaNuT-bUtTeR-cUp over and out
To the BAKERY!