Walk away and I stumble

Chapter nine

Harry

I am surprised to find you writing to me, however unsurprised at the reason, Severus, unfortunately hasn't changed from what you have told me, still as selfish as ever. From your letter I can say that he does in fact 'care' for you.

However I am not sure how far the stretches, it does say something that he was pretending to play happy families with you, it was more that what he did for me.

You are very right when you say that Kayla and Jonathan should have contact if they chose to do so, Jonathan also now has two other siblings from my current marriage to someone I believe you know, Neville Longbottom.

They are Sarah, nine and Jessica five. As for your invitation for tea tomorrow afternoon, we would be delighted to come, the five of us are greatly looking forward to it, Neville is especially ecstatic about catching up with his old school friend whereas I find it an honour to be invited to the home of Harry Potter.

All the best, Ian and Neville Longbottom.

Harry read the letter with slight happiness growing inside of him, he was disappointed that the letter hadn't come yesterday so that he could have shown it to Severus; however he was gone, maybe for good this time.

He hated the fact that they had argued but he knew that they couldn't keep on pretending, just as Ian had said, they weren't really a happy family however much Harry had liked to think that maybe they were.

If for nothing else then for Kayla he couldn't go on pretending, not any more, of course he wanted the perfect life but he couldn't have that, at least not with Severus acting in the way that he did and Voldemort breathing down his neck, however he wasn't about to sacrifice his daughters happiness.

Severus meanwhile was sat hunched over the bar at the Hogshead drinking his own body weight in alcohol plus some. He had been in there since the fight had happened, Poppy had returned of course to Hogwarts but Severus couldn't go back there.

This had been the only wizarding bar that would allow him through the door, with all the deatheater rumours flying about he wasn't surprised. Fire whiskey after fire whiskey was knocked back and they just kept on coming,

He had lost Harry, he hadn't walked out, he had been thrown out and therefore couldn't go back. As this thought crossed his mind he downed another drink, and then another and then another until he couldn't have stood up straight even if he had wanted to.

The bar man, being Albus' brother gave him a floo and asked him to come and collect his potions professor from the pub floor.

When Dumbledore did finally arrive an hour later Severus was shouting drunkenly at the top of his voice that he had lost the one person that he had ever truly loved, that losing Harry was the worst possible choice that he could ever have made.

Albus took him back to Hogwarts and sat him in the great hall before summoning a potion to clear the alcohol from his system, once this had been done or rather forced down his throat the headmaster sat opposite his potions professor and asked a perfectly sane and understandable question but it was a question that caused the professor to break down into tears for the first time in he didn't know how many years, it had been so long.

"Tell me what drove you to this Severus?"

Through the never ending tears Severus Snape managed to get out two words. "Harry Potter." And through these two uttered words Albus understood everything.

"You could not show your love to him"

"No, I could not and it hurt him so much, I could see it as each day passed and I wanted so much to return the love that he felt for me."

"You cannot force love upon yourself Severus, if love is meant to be there then it will grow in time." Dumbledore said wisely, "I know that I am not your most favourite person right now but I have come to believe that Harry was not supposed to mother a child, he must do what is right and fight."

Severus head snapped up and fixed the headmaster with an icy stare, "I refuse to be your way to Harry, Albus, I may not be able to show him that I love him but he deserves more than that … more than me."

"I am not using you to get to Harry, no one has ever been able to get through to that stubborn boy and I doubt anyone ever will, he will have that child …"

"Kayla, her name is Kayla" Severus interrupted.

"Alright, Harry will have Kayla whether I like it or not and she will have great power … power that the …" Dumbledore paused realising something, "Here is what I suggest you do Severus, whether you listen to me is up to you." Snape nodded "Far be it for me to help you stand in the way of my goals but I suggest that you talk to him, tell him about your past, about Ian, Jonathan and even Nathan if you must but make him understand."

"I believe that you are up to something headmaster and it involves my child and Harry, I will not leave here until you tell me."

"It is only a thought of mine and has to be thought though, a theory that has to be tested if you will but fear not, Harry is powerful and he is strong, nothing will come near him if he does not wish it to do so. Do not worry, let an old man go about his day, do not fuss Severus."

"I still do not trust you, Harry doesn't either, why do you think that he is hiding from you and now hiding from me, it is because he cannot trust us, Ron and Hermione have gone off and practically forgotten about him because now they know that he is there and is able bodied enough to fight they don't seem to give a damn any longer."

"Now Severus, do you not think that a little uncalled for?"

"No, I don't Albus because it is the truth, the truth may hurt but that is what it is there for, for Harry trust and friendship and love is everything, lose one and you lose it all. He is the most special person in the world, unique and beautiful; he can see the good in everyone even when they cannot see it in themselves."

"I don't think that I am the one that needs to hear this Severus, I think that you need to get a good nights sleep and then tomorrow evening go and see him, tell him pretty much what you just told me, if he is the same person that I know then he will, if he truly loves you then he will."

"I wish that that were true Albus but Harry knows that I am not capable of love, he needs someone who can love him with a passion."

"Believe it or not Severus you are capable of such a love you just don't know it yet, but as I say you must talk to him, tell him why you find it hard to open your heart and he will understand, however for the moment I must retire to my bed, I expect you to resume your teaching position tomorrow Severus, your classes have already fallen behind."

The following morning and Harry was in the kitchen baking muffins and cookies, making sausage rolls and other little snack foods for his guests. By the time they arrived the table was spread with a delicious selection of food for them all.

Harry opened the door to them and welcomed them to his home; he hugged Neville, shook Ian's hand and then moved on to the children. "You must be Jonathan," Harry said smiling at the little boy.

"Yeah, that's me, my dad told me all about you, did you really kill a basilisk when you were my age?"

"I did indeed young man, now who are these two beautiful little girls?" Harry asked kneeling down to their level, the girls who had obviously heard his story edged back looking at him with puppy dog eyes.

"This is Jessica and Sarah" Ian said pointing to each, "They are normally as mad as a box of frogs but they're just shy today."

"It's okay, come on through, Severus isn't here so we've got a while to talk." Harry said ushering them all through into the reception room.

"Did he not want to see us?" Ian asked Harry quietly once the children were out of earshot.

"It's slightly more complicated than that, he actually didn't know you were coming round, you see we had a fight a couple of nights ago and I kicked him out, I haven't heard from him since, I think it may be over between us."

"Well if you kicked him out rather than him leaving then there is a high chance that he will return to you, maybe you'll be the one to break him."

"I don't know if I can cope with him any more, he needs about as much attention as Kayla's going to need when she's born, how am I supposed to cope with him as well as a new born baby?"

"As I hear it that is not your only problem, however such sorrowful topics should not be addressed here or now, not in front of the children, Severus doesn't know what he is missing by leaving you, he is a very foolish man."

"I thing that I have come to understand that, I am sorry about how he treated you all those years ago but you have a son who is the most amazing little boy and two beautiful little girls. Neville is a very lucky man to have found you, I hope that you two are very happy together."

"We are happy, I just wish that you could be the same, whether with Severus or with someone who won't mess you around as much as he will."

The rest of the afternoon was spent pleasantly enough with conversation and laughter, Neville it turned out was holding a big secret that he revealed to Harry only just as they were about to leave, that for the first time in his and Ian's relationship he was carrying their baby.

"Congratulations Neville, you two make a great couple and even better parents, I'm so happy for you, don't lose touch okay."

"We promise, thank you for acknowledging Jonathan it means so much to him and so much to us." Neville said as he gave his friend one last hug as everyone piled out of the front door. "Take care of yourself Harry and your little one."

"You too Neville, you two are the future, I think it is about time that I created a future that was brighter for our children than the one that awaits for them now."

"What do you mean Harry?"

"We have taken on the wars of our fathers, I refuse to have them do the same, I'm going to end it once and for all, no more running and no more hiding, it was the five of you that made me realise that I can't hide from my destiny."

"But what will happen to Kayla if you go off to fight Voldemort, surely that would kill her."

"I don't plan on going to fight him heavily pregnant and hormonal Neville, I may look that stupid but I do have a few ounce of brains," Harry joked, "I plan to challenge him to a duel just me and him after the baby is born."

"Who will take care of your daughter?"

"That is why tomorrow I will have to talk to Severus, if he will not take into consideration our daughters future and my duty to the rest of the wizarding world then he isn't fit to parent, and if that happens then before I go to fight I am going to make sure that she has the best family possible to take care of her."

"I always admired your bravery Harry, even in school, I never understood it but that didn't stop me from admiring it, never before have I met someone who would give up everything that they have even their child who is the most precious thing in the world to them, and they give it all up for something that they don't even have to care about."

"Thanks Neville, you make me sound so much braver than I actually am, if I had a choice in the matter then this wouldn't be what I would chose to do but it is something that I must for all our sakes, now go and take care of our family, you deserve that and more."

Once that Neville, Ian and the children had gone and Harry had cleaned up the house the doorbell rang, upon opening it he saw a muggle man smiling at him holding a bunch of mixed flowers including red and white roses and white lilies.

"Delivery for a Mr Potter?"

"I am he; do you know who sent them?" Harry asked as he signed the paper thrust in front of him.

"No idea but there is a card attached, maybe it says there, have a good evening Mr Potter."

"You too, Harry said absent-mindedly as he shut the door and went to retrieve the card that was indeed attached to the roses.

Of the themes that men have known,

One supremely stands alone,

Love is the theme, love is supreme,

Bright as the sun it glows,

I am telling all around,

In my heart love is found,

Harry didn't need the brain of a genius to figure out who had sent these; it wasn't exactly hard to guess. Harry placed the beautiful arrangement of flowers in a vase and put them in pride of place upon the mantle piece.

He was just stood admiring them when the doorbell rang again, this time a witch stood there smiling at him, behind her a giant chocolate swan that Harry doubted found ever fit in the house and was so beautifully sculpted that he couldn't even think about eating it anyway.

"Delivery for a Mr Harry Potter?"

"I am he, is there a message?" he asked as he signed the paper to show that it had been delivered.

"I believe that there is, here you go dear, you are one lucky man, enjoy." She said before walking off, Harry opened the envelope and read.

Love is patient

Love is kind

Love does not brag

Love does not insist on its own way

Love bears all things

Love never ends

Love does not annoy

Love is not proud

Love is not arrogant or rude

Love is not irritable or resentful

Love endures all things

Love to me, is you, I am truly sorry.

"I am sorry" A voice said from the garden gate, Harry jumped, the voice had startled him out of his trance like state.

"Severus, why did you send these things?"

"Because I should never have treated you in such a cruel way Harry and I look for your forgiveness even though I do not deserve it."

"What made you change your mind?"

"Sometimes laughter can solve the problem … sometimes a brave and true heart can save the day … sometimes someone who refuses to give in can free a trapped soul … and sometimes the sweetest of smiles can melt the coldest of hearts."

"Do you expect that I'm just going to take you back after everything that you put me through after chocolate and flowers, you think that will make everything better again?"

"No I do not think that it will make everything better but I'm hoping that you will let me inside and we can talk about it, I'm willing to explain why and tell you a little about my past."

"Then you had better come inside and talk then, but your not staying unless you want to sleep on the sofa, I won't have you pretending that everything is fine, not like before, I won't play happy families unless you truly mean it."

"Did my words mean nothing to you?"

"They are just words Severus, I need you to tell me but you came here for a different reason, you came here to tell me something else."

"Yes, I came to tell you about my past, about Ian, Jonathan and even Nathan who I believe you have never before heard of."

"No, that part of your past was concealed from me."

"Then let me enlighten you." Severus said settling himself down in the living room and conjuring a cup of tea for himself. "Nathan was the first man that I ever truly loved." He began.

Okay, it's been longer than I hoped but I found this chapter hard to write and I've been super busy Christmas shopping and such, not to mention getting in contact with my birth family that I've been seperated from for the past eighteen years of my life but I will hopefully update quicker next time. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Don't forget to review xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx