A/N: Guess who's back? If you guessed Green Flames then you're right. If you guessed another then I'm not sure about your mental ability.

Anyways, it's true this is a new chapter. Hope you like it.

Draco was currently sipping tea in one of his manor's many gardens. I really don't have anything to do, thought Draco to himself. Zabini is being weirder then ever doing Lords knows what. Crabbe and Goyle have no life like me. But as they drink out of the milk carton, I have no life in style. It still amazes me that they know which carton to drink out of. Maybe today I will finally recieve some responses from the letters that I mailed. My father has been unusually quiet. I hope he's not planning to drug me then carry my limb body around and force me to marry a fat muggle lady that has a tattoo that says Bubba on her arm thought Draco with a shudder. My father can be quite weird he thought. I wonder where my letters ended up.

"Son,"

"What is it, father?" asked Draco annoyed by the fact that Lucius would always interrupt him when he was thinking.

"I have been thinking and I found out that it's legal for homosexual couples like you and whoever is your significant other to adopt children. What I thought was that you and your partner can adopt a baby and therefore giving me a grandson. I'm sure that you will be able to find an adequate heir to the Malfoy fortune."

"For the last time father I am not gay!"

"If that is what you believe son,"

"Would you just leave me alone?"

"Touchy,"

Why can't my father get it through his blonde head that I am not gay? thought Draco as he plopped down on a chair with all the grace a Malfoy shows while plopping down in a chair waiting for his father to leave. While Draco was silently counting to ten his owl roused him from his current state of mind.The weirdos actually responded he mused as he untied three letters that were on his owls leg.

"I guess I shall be leaving, seeing that you will want some privacy answering the letters of all your male friends," stated Lucius as he walked out of the garden.

"Father!" shouted Draco as he heard what he said. Might as well read them he thought.

This person must have problems thought Draco. Besides who can be more important then me, and he really does have a problem. I'm good at this guessing thing. How can say that I'm a drug addict, and what is it with everyone thinking I'm queer? I knew it! There's a secret organization that's secret dream is for me, the Great Draco Malfoy, to become gay! Has my father been giving press conferences or something? Draco thought as he read the first letter. He then proceeded to conjour a quill, ink, and some parchment.

Dear Loveless,

Sine you are an important person I will tend to your problem first. I have alot of other cases so I am making a sacrifice for answering yours first. You mentioned that you wanted to be suave to get your 'woman'. Before I can instruct you on the fine points of being suave, I need to know how suave you are now. What would you rate yourself on a scale from one to ten? I will also need a photograph or description of yourself to know if your looks are not the thing that makes girl run away. You should know that girls don't tend to like guys that are hideously ugly. I have narrowed it down that your problem is that you want to get a girl. I guessed right and you need my help. Please write back that's what I'm here for to solve your problems.

Sincerely,

Problem Solver

As Draco finished writing his response for the first letter he decided that he needed a break.

"Dora," said Draco addressing the house elf.

"Yes, Master Draco,"

"If my father asks where I am tell him that I went to Diagon Alley,"

"As you wish, Sir."

With that Draco apparated to Diagon Alley.

Diagon Alley

I might need a book thought Draco as he strutted down Diagon Alley. Flourish & Blotts is too old. Ahh, here we go this is new he thought as he reached a small bookstore, Humpus Bumpus. What a queer name he thought as he stepped inside he saw books on ever inch available on the wall. Draco continued to walk through the aisles when a young woman caught his eye. She had unruly brown hair but a great body and was reaching to place a book on the top shelf. Now, I can't have a damsel in distress can? he thought always being the gentleman.

"Here let me help you," said Draco as he placed the book she wanted on the top shelf.

"Thank y--" the words stopped when she turned around.

"Malfoy?"

"Granger?"

"What are you doing here? I thought by now you and Weasel Boy would have ten children."

"No, Malfoy this store," Hermione said slowly and waved her arms indicating the place they were in, "is mine," she said pointing to herself as if talking to a mentally impaired person, but since it was Draco she knew he wouldn't understand she had to explain things slowly.

"Granger, I am not stupid,"

"Well, you sure had me fooled all these years,"

"Watch it Granger,"

"So, are you going to buy something or not?"

"Yeah, I'll take this magazine..."

"Bloody hell!"

"What? You can't afford it Malfoy?"

"Potter's dead!"

"Don't be thick!" said Hermione, "it just says that Harry has been missing for months now. It's a load of rubbish."

"So, where is Potter?"

"He's away doing this spiritual thing,"

"I always knew he was gay."

"You can leave now,"

"Is that how you treat your customers?"

"Go away, it's on the house."

A few minutes later Draco Malfoy walked out of Granger's store. Then he stopped. I thought Granger was hot! But that was before I knew it was her Draco thought as he continued walking and finally returned to the manor after he bought some icecream trying to make himself feel better and telling himself that he didn't think that Hermione Granger was hot.

Manor

"I thought the first one was a nutter," muttered Draco as he finished reading the second letter.

Dear Juliet,

You want me to change my name? I assure you that am not on drugs and if my parents knew that you said they were on drugs. I am also angered that you think me metally challenged. What about you? They must skipped you when they gave out the creativity genes because you don't have any. You must also be a bit slow to actually think my name is Cupid II. Back to your problem. I need to know a bit more about your family. Also, hom much you care about your Romeo.

Sincerely,

Cupid II

This last letter he answered was a bit harder.

Dear Healer,

Thank you so much for deciding to help me. You are a wonderful person. My surroundings are fine decoration and I'm in a large house. There's also a weird man saying I'm gay. I wonder if that's my name? There are no drugs here. I cannot remember when I lost my memory. If you like I can tell you that I'm very handsome. Once again thank you for helping me.

Yours Truly,

Confused

Draco then called for his owl and told her to deliver the letters. He sat back down and began to read the magazine.

"Father!" yelled Draco.

"Yes, son?"

"What is the meaining of this!" cried Draco as he pointed to an article. Which said:

Lucius Malfoy declares his son gay. Many girls are heartbroken while gay men

everywhere are celebrating. Mr. Malfoy says he fully supports his son. These

are some of the signs that Draco showed that indicated he was gay.

"It is true," stated Lucius as he walked out leaving a purple faced Draco.

A/N: Yea! I updated! Don't know when I will again so enjoy. Hope you like it