Author's note: I was put up to that joke by my friend Jay (love you! ).

Food for thought: Coconuts are non-migratory.

Disclaimer: "Viva la yaoi!" –Bishihuntress.

Enjoy.

He brought Neji to his room? Scowling, Sasuke stepped out of his doorway and strode over to Naruto's closed door. A nagging feeling was tugging at his stomach like a little kid saying, "The bad man's in there! Can we go kick his ass now?" Uncertain of whether or not he should be doing anything, Sasuke slowly opened the door to Naruto's room.

And saw red.

His mind registered only three things. One, Neji was kissing HIS Naruto. Two, Naruto was protesting.

Three. He was going to KILL Neji.

Right. Now.

Blood rushed in his ears as he stalked forward, his fists clenching and unclenching involuntarily. Naruto spotted him, and the boy's lips moved, but Sasuke couldn't hear what he was saying. His eyes were glued to the Hyuuga's face as the other boy looked over at him, annoyance and irritation written plainly on his noble face.

I'll show him a-friggin-nnoyed!

His teeth grinding furiously, Sasuke managed to force the words, "Get. Off. Him," out of his throat. "NOW."

Neji glared at him. "I don't recall this involving you, Uchiha. Leave."

Pleasant little visions of tearing Neji's head off and setting it on fire danced through Sasuke's mind. His voice darkened dangerously.

"Get. Off."

His eyes disdainful, Neji began to dismiss him, turning back to the suspiciously quiet blonde beneath him.

Sasuke swore he heard something snap.

His body moving on its own, Sasuke stormed forward, grabbed a fistful of Neji's hair, yanked hard...

...And planted his fist in Neji's face.

Neji stumbled off the bed and swiped at his lip. With one hand reaching back to touch his scalp, he narrowed his eyes at Sasuke and scowled viciously.

Translation: Game Over.

Before Sasuke could blink, Neji launched himself at him, ramming a fist into Sasuke's gut. The Uchiha doubled over, but he lifted one hand and slammed the heel of his palm into Neji's chin. Straightening, he threw a right hook aimed for Neji's nose.

Dodging the blow, Neji snagged Sasuke's arm, twisted it, and plowed his knee into Sasuke's stomach. Sasuke staggered back, giving Neji just enough time to start smirking before he let out an inhuman growl and tackled him to the floor.

"H-Hey, wait a minute! Guys!"

Naruto's voice went in one ear and out the other as the two rolled on the ground, punches connecting sporadically. Sasuke's world had shrunk to this one asshole and his very pressing need to eliminate him. A fist connected at the corner of his eye, sending stars across Sasuke's vision. Growling, he rolled over, managed to pin one of Neji's arms beneath him, and planted three solid punches in the Hyuuga's immaculate face.

"Guys! Stop it!"

Pushing Sasuke off him, Neji rolled over and slammed his elbow into Sasuke's collarbone. Sasuke let out a gasp of pain, then caught Neji across the cheek with the back of his left fist.

"Are you two listening to me?"

Grunting, Neji kicked at Sasuke, flinging the two of them apart. The two gasped for air, staggering to their feet and preparing to charge at each other again.

"Alright. That does it."

Before Sasuke knew what was happening, a solid fist snagged the front of his shirt, another seized Neji's, and the two boys were hauled out of the room. The two stumbled awkwardly behind the blonde as he pulled them out into the hall, turned, and slammed them against the wall.

"I said STOP IT!"

Sasuke had to fight to get his breath back as he stared at the flushed blonde pinning both him and Neji to the wall. The two stared and panted as Naruto glared at them.

"Are you two insane? Jesus Christ!" Satisfied that their attention was on him, Naruto released them and stepped back. He looked at Neji first. "I think you'd better go. We'll talk about this later."

When Neji lifted an eyebrow at him, Naruto frowned. "But don't think you got away with planting that kiss on me. We're definitely going to discuss it."

Neji frowned at that, then winced lightly at the pull on his injured lip. He gave Naruto a wary look, then turned and silently made his way down the hall.

After watching him leave, Naruto turned back to Sasuke, who was busy mentally throwing daggers and acid at Neji's retreating back. Without saying a word, Naruto closed his door, snagged Sasuke's arm, and pulled the Uchiha towards his room.

Sasuke scowled at him, pulling his arm away. "Why the fuck did you get in my way?"

Naruto stared at him, his expression incredulous. "What, was I supposed to let you and Neji—"

"Don't say his name in front of me!"

"—Beat each other to a pulp in the middle of my floor? Get real!"

Sasuke clenched his fists tightly. "Are you saying that you'd rather I did nothing!"

"I had control of the situation!"

"HE WAS LYING ON TOP OF YOU!"

"IT'S NOT LIKE I WANTED HIM THERE!"

"THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LET HIM INTO YOUR ROOM? DUMBASS!"

"WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE, SASUKE?"

Sasuke's words caught in his throat mid-tirade, and he let out a squawk before closing his mouth. He stared at Naruto as his chest heaved, their faces brought close together by their argument. Naruto's face soured at Sasuke's lack of response.

"Well? Answer the damn question! Why do you care so fucking much about what happens to me, Uchiha!"

Gritting his teeth, Sasuke looked away. "Is it a crime?" he ground out.

"What?"

"Is it a crime!" Incensed again, Sasuke glared at Naruto head-on. "Is it a crime that I care? Is it in your fucking notebook that I'm not allowed to?"

Naruto frowned at that. "I don't write about you, Sasuke."

The raven-haired boy blinked. "What?"

"I don't write about you."

Silence filled the air between them for a long moment as Sasuke digested what he'd been told.

Naruto looked away. "I don't write about you specifically because I don't want to analyze you. I don't want to sit at my desk and try to figure out what makes you tick. You're too...complex, Sasuke."

Sasuke's eyebrows furrowed. Unable to determine if his absence in Naruto's notes was a good sign or a bad one, he remained silent.

"I don't..." Naruto paused. "A lot of the time, I don't get you. You act like you can't stand me, then you leap to my defense, then we're buddies, and then we're right back to being enemies." He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I don't know what to expect from you!"

Sasuke looked away. Maybe I don't know what to expect either, Naruto. You've turned my world upside down. What am I supposed to do?

After a long moment of silence, Sasuke felt Naruto punch him lightly on the arm. Glancing back at him, he was surprised to see a small smile on Naruto's face.

"Look, I'll go get my stuff, and we'll get to work on that damn project. Let's just put everything else on the backburner for now, alright?"

Slowly, Sasuke's lips curled upwards. "Alright."

The next few hours went by uneventfully, dredging up sources and plotting out how their report should go. After about twenty minutes of hovering over Sasuke at the computer, Naruto decided to flop onto the couch and flip through one of the history books they'd collected.

An hour later, the blonde was sound asleep.

Sasuke shook his head at Naruto's sleeping form, the book lying face down on his chest and his lips parted. A small smile on his face, Sasuke debated whether or not to wake the blond idiot up.

I wonder what he has to be so tired about? Upon closer inspection, signs of exhaustion were clear on Naruto's face. Is he stressed about something? Smirking, Sasuke snorted. No way. Naruto doesn't know the meaning of stress.

His smirk was replaced by a contemplative frown. But what is it then?

Unable to come up with a plausible reason, Sasuke quietly stood and slipped out of the room. He padded down the hall in his socks, coming to Naruto's door and testing the lock. It swung open.

Kiba glanced up from his bed, headphones covering his ears. Lifting one away, he lifted an eyebrow at Sasuke.

"Can I help you?"

"I think Naruto left a history book in here that we need," Sasuke stated shortly, beginning to rummage through the mild disaster zone that was Naruto's desk.

"And he couldn't come get it himself because...?"

"He's passed out on my couch." Finding the book, Sasuke turned to leave. "I wonder if he's so tired because of that Horticulture project this morning."

"Horticulture?" Kiba asked as Sasuke headed out the room.

"Naruto doesn't take Horticulture."

Sasuke stopped dead in his tracks. He slowly looked over his shoulder at the spiky-haired brunette behind him.

"What do you mean, Naruto doesn't take Horticulture?"

"He's loaded down with science and humanities courses right now. He isn't taking it." Kiba frowned. "I don't think that's even in his major."

Sasuke said nothing, eventually turning and striding out of the room. Naruto lied to me? What does he have to hide? His eyebrows furrowed. And where the hell was he this morning?

Quietly, Sasuke let himself back into his room, staring at the blonde sprawled on his couch.

What are you hiding from me, Naruto?

Setting the book on his desk, Sasuke moved over to crouch beside Naruto. He wasn't snoring, but he was breathing that deep, slightly loud breath that stops just shy of actual snoring. It was a clear sign that Naruto wasn't just exhausted; the boy sounded like he needed this rest more than anything else right now.

Frowning, Sasuke lifted a hand and ghosted it over Naruto's face, not quite touching the blonde's skin. You say I'm complex, Naruto, but for a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, you're amazingly hard to figure out. His frown increased. I don't know how you feel about me, what you're thinking...I can't tell the difference between when you're joking and when you're serious. What's going on in that mind of yours?

Growing slightly bolder, Sasuke let his fingers slide over Naruto's cheek, pushing back the blonde hair that had fallen over his face. Naruto continued sleeping soundly, so Sasuke allowed his thumb to gently rub back and forth, caressing the odd markings on Naruto's cheek. A sense of possessiveness surged within him.

I won't let anyone take you away from me. I want to know what you're really thinking, what you're really feeling behind that smile, and I don't want anyone else to know it. Sasuke leaned forward, his face inches from Naruto's. I want you to come to me with your problems. I want you to think of me before you fall asleep and after you awake in the morning.

Placing his other hand on Naruto's jaw and cradling the boy's face, Sasuke closed his eyes and planted his lips on Naruto's.

I want you to love me!

Waves of tingling heat swept through him at the feel of Naruto's soft lips against his own. Inhaling sharply through his nose and reveling at the intoxicating scent that filled his senses, Sasuke gently moved his lips upon Naruto's, capturing and recapturing the boy's lips between his own. A hint of Naruto's taste snuck into Sasuke's mouth, and heat began to pool in his stomach.

Swallowing, Sasuke shifted closer, leaning a little of his weight on Naruto's chest. Nipping at Naruto's lips, he felt them give way beneath him, and he instinctively took advantage. Slipping his tongue into Naruto's mouth, Sasuke gripped the blonde's hair and pushed closer, a craving for more of the boy's flavor coiling tightly within him. He explored Naruto's mouth with bold strokes of his tongue, reveling in the friction of Naruto's tongue against his own.

A tightening in Sasuke's groin made him shift even more of his weight upon the blonde's chest. Sasuke's world narrowed for the second time that day, all of his senses focused on getting more of Naruto, of consuming him...

Letting out a soft noise of pleasure, Sasuke changed the angle of his attack, his eyelids lifting slightly to gaze down at the blonde with smoky eyes.

A pair of blue eyes was staring back at him.

Freezing, Sasuke's eyes flew wide as he stared into Naruto's half-lidded gaze. Swallowing hard, Sasuke pulled back and stared down at the blonde. Naruto blinked slowly, his face impassive.

"Why did you do that?" Naruto asked slowly, his voice low. His eyes remained at that half-mast state as he stared unflinchingly at the brunette.

Sasuke's face went pale. "I..." What am I supposed to say? Because I'm attracted to you? Because I like you? No reason, you just looked tasty?

Naruto waited patiently as Sasuke struggled with a response. After a minute, he made a low noise deep in his throat.

"Until you can answer that question, don't do it again," he stated firmly. With that, he rolled onto the side away from Sasuke. A second later, he mumbled, "What is it with you guys and kissing me?"

A few seconds later, Naruto was almost-snoring again.

Sasuke sat at Naruto's side, blinking in confusion and surprise. He...what kind of reaction was that?

"...Naruto?" Frowning, Sasuke stood and peered into the blonde's face. "Naruto?"

No response.

Utterly lost, Sasuke rubbed the back of his head. If I didn't know better...I'd say that he was asleep through all of that. His frown growing, he shook the blonde's shoulder.

"Naruto! Wake up!"

"Mmph? Wha?" Lifting his head, Naruto blinked blearily at him. "Whadya want, Sasuke?"

Sasuke just stared at him. "Naruto...were you asleep just now?"

The blonde glowered at him. "I was until just now, you asshole." Waving a hand, he shooed Sasuke away. "Now go 'way. 'M tired."

And, just as before, Naruto went right back to sleep.

After a long moment, Sasuke decided not to press his luck and returned to his desk, flipping through the books with little hope of actually concentrating.

Was he really asleep?

About two hours later, Naruto stirred on the couch. The boy sat up, stretched his hands up over his head and yawned mightily. Rubbing his eyes, he looked at Sasuke.

"How long was I out?"

Sasuke glanced over at him (though he was fully aware of every movement Naruto had made). "About two and a half hours."

Naruto grunted. "Sorry, man. I didn't realize I was so tired." He stood, stretching again. "Want me to take a turn at the computer?"

"If you want to." Gathering his notes, Sasuke abandoned the seat and let Naruto flop gracelessly into it. He watched as Naruto shook his head as though trying to wake himself up more, then lean forward and frown at the computer screen with vaguely unfocused eyes.

"...Do you have trouble waking up, Naruto?"

He grunted. "Only when I'm really tired. I'll sleep through anything." Smiling sheepishly, he ran a hand through his hair and looked up at Sasuke. "I once managed to get up, get all the way to class, and still not wake up until it was over."

"And you...looked awake?"

He chuckled lightly, turning back to the computer. "Yeah, apparently. Kiba calls it the half-lidded gaze of doom." He shook his head. "I'll probably walk into a moving bus next time."

Sasuke looked away. So he really WAS asleep...? A large part of him was relieved, since that meant that Naruto didn't know that Sasuke had kissed him.

Another part of him was frustrated for the same reason.

After a second, Naruto turned to look at him. "Why do you ask, anyway? Did I 'wake up' or something?"

Sasuke hesitated. "Yes..." he slowly replied. "Once."

Naruto chuckled at the expression on Sasuke's face. "What, did I say something weird or embarrassing?"

Sasuke smiled lightly. "No, not exactly."

"Then what did I do?" His interest caught, he turned to face Sasuke. "I can tell by your expression that I did something."

Sasuke coughed into his hand. "Nothing."

Naruto lifted an eyebrow. "Nothing?"

"That's what I said."

Clearly unconvinced, Naruto turned back to the computer screen. "I'll wheedle it out of you eventually, you know."

Sasuke smirked, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. "I doubt that."

You're remarkable, Naruto. You truly are.

That evening, Naruto returned to his room. He kicked the door shut, unintentionally waking Kiba from the light doze he'd been in. Naruto smiled apologetically.

"Sorry, man. I didn't realize you were here."

Kiba grunted, resettling himself on his bed. "Your boyfriend was in here earlier."

Naruto blinked at him in surprise. "What?"

"Sasuke. He came in while you were sleeping on his couch."

"Oh. Why didn't you say so?" Naruto asked, slight irritation coloring his voice. "What did he want?"

"A book or some stupid thing." Kiba snorted abruptly. "He said something about you taking Horticulture, though. You!"

Naruto froze. "Kiba."

"What?"

"What did you tell Sasuke?"

The boy looked curiously at Naruto. "I told him you weren't taking it. How he could believe that you of all people would muddle around with plants for any extended period of time..."

Kiba trailed off when Naruto let out a hearty groan, sat on the edge of his bed, and buried his face in his hands.

"Naruto?"

"Dammit, he bought that story, too." He looked up, his expression annoyed. "Thanks a bunch, Kiba."

"...Wait. You told him you were taking it?" He blinked when Naruto just glowered at him. "Why?"

"None of your beeswax," the blonde grumbled. Moving over to his desk, Naruto pulled out his notebook and started writing. Curious, Kiba sat up.

"What are you writing about now?"

"Well, given what you just told me, a lot officially happened today." Naruto frowned as he wrote. "I should get it down."

Kiba nodded, then flopped down on his stomach across his bed, his arms and legs hanging off the sides.

"So, how'd your chat with Neji go?"

Naruto stilled, then looked over at him. "How'd you know about that?"

"Oh, please. I've roomed with you for how long now? There's no way you'd let Neji get in a smacker without confronting him over it."

To Kiba's surprise, Naruto turned bright red and looked away. He sat up immediately.

"Naruto, what happened this time?"

Naruto coughed into his hand. "Nothing. Really."

"You're a horrible liar." Kiba placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder and leaned forward to peer into his face. Naruto was the color of a tomato...something that very rarely happened. Straightening, he shook his head.

"What, did he push you down and have his way with you or something?" He started to laugh, but Naruto's flinch cut him off. "No way. You're kidding me. In our room?"

"Nothing like that happened, Kiba! Sheesh!" Mortified, Naruto stared at the floor. "Just the...pushing me down part."

"And you let him? Are those muscles for show?"

"I wasn't expecting it!" Naruto snapped. "How the hell was I supposed to know he was going to..." He trailed off, then looked away and grimaced. "Ok, so I should've known something like that was going to happen. That doesn't mean I'm going to let it happen again."

Kiba patted him on the arm. "You keep telling yourself that, buddy."

Naruto gave him a sour look before turning back to his notebook. Gnawing on his pencil, he sighed.

I wonder what I'm going to tell Sasuke next time. He already knows I lied, but he didn't bring it up. He grimaced. If he wasn't suspicious before, he is now.

After a moment, he closed his notebook. He won't find out. I'll make sure of it.

With a gentle smirk, Naruto pulled out his homework and got started.

I'll just have you muddle about in the dark for a while...Sasuke-kun.

Author's note: Hmmm, was Naruto-kun asleep? Not sure...and don't count Neji out just yet. He's a very determined boy. Review!