Chapter Fourteen Beating Hearts, True Confessions

The ginger haired woman stared deep into the spectacles of the brilliantly dressed man sitting across from her. She shifted her weight uncomfortably as he stared back at her; she could tell that he must have been thinking about a million things because that was the way her face went when she was deep in thought. She looked at James with an accusatory glance; had he been planning this meeting? Did he wish to show off her faults like an animal at the circus or zoo? Whatever, she thought.

James looked away, not meeting her eyes; she felt betrayed and hurt. To think… That didn't matter anymore, what mattered was what this man thought. She tried hard to remember him…Dumble-window? Dumble-deer? She recognized him too, his mystical voice made her head go dizzy and her face red from frustration. His eyes took her into a whirl of memories and even more unanswered questions.

"Lily, Miss Evans, people have been worried about you," He smiled at her, his eyes twinkling with mischief. He oddly reminded her of a child—of course the beard diminished the thought. "It is alright if you can't remember me, don't strain. I was the head of your school, well I still am but you don't go there anymore. Ha, I believe I'm getting tongue-tied, but so far do you understand? Okay good, well our school was under attack. Voldemort was using great powers to bring down the school, unspeakable things of course but one can assume. Grave things were happening; horrible things were happening. Soon even the professors were turning against each other. It was not one of the highlights of Hogwarts History."

Lily knew little about the story, it hurt to remember but she had to try. She remembered James…he saved her, didn't he? She remembered how secure she felt with her hand pressed against his, locked, for safety. She felt like a foolish girl remembering that, she felt her face flush as soon as she looked down at her hands.

"Sir, I appreciate this and everything, but these are all parts I know and somewhat remember. You, if you are so great and powerful, why couldn't you just pick me up from the floor and gain some responsibility and let everyone know I was okay?" Lily asked boldly. To be frank, she wasn't very appreciative towards Professor Dumbledore, she scarcely remembered him and he never helped her when he could.

James felt a jolt of guilt, he never told Lily that Professor Dumbledore knew where she had been and never once told anybody.

Professor Dumbledore's face remained expressionless but you could see in his eyes that he was amused by her, "You weren't there anymore."

James was suddenly very interested in the story that would explain all his failed attempts at saving her when he had the time turner but where did she go.

"After it happened, I heard cries from people, I made my way as fast as I could but it was too late, you weren't there. I didn't pay much attention to it afterwards although it stayed put in my mind; I figured someone must have summoned you. Until I heard that a Lily Evans never checked in the train. I saw James at the station," His expression was very momentous and grim at this point. His rich voice was now a deep low.

"Something didn't seem right. Severus Snape had his hands on his face but he wasn't crying—he seemed confused about somewhat. He later consoled me that everything was going to be alright. I started sending out papers. People. Even looked myself. I later heard that someone checked in a ginger haired girl at Mungos Hospital with a strange form of amnesia. But what tugged at my brain was that they didn't think it came from a head injury, they were speaking of craft and spells. I had them hushed to secrecy. Someone had a plan for you Miss Evans and my inquisitiveness was dying to inquire about where it would take you. You were in fates hand, I watched you, trying to reason any strange things that happened around you. At the same time, James was facing trials at court—accusations and warrants were being represented so I knew something was not right. I frequently wondered what made of the rest of your lot and nothing good was happening to none of you. Ava was accused of using an unforgivable curse at her job, causing her to lose it, Star's death was brought by a death eater, Annabelle grew sick, Peter's another story entirely—danger has been in your path since the moment all of you left Hogwarts. You were no longer safe."

James hand tightened around his armrests, his knuckles turned white. Lily took notice and put her hand over his in an unfussy way.

"What tugged at my beard was that Severus seemed to disappear and reappear every once in a while. Every time with some new personality change; it seemed to me he was changing—to something we're not ready for. Appeared at your hearing, did he? Tried to cause you harm, did he? I wouldn't call that a coincidence but one must not throw accusations and assumptions in the air. So the noble side of me stayed quiet but my other side longed to follow him, to keep him close to know of his doings. A year and a half had passed and you, Miss Evans, were slowly crawling out of the cacoon you were in. I had to get you as far away from there as possible, but let me tell you, I needed little magic with that since you were already desperate to leave. You seemed fine when I first saw you, a little lonely and sad, not the witch I was used to seeing with all this confidence. No, a change had happened in everything."

"In your school years, you and Severus had what seemed a harmless relationship. You glowed around him and everything seemed alright for the most part. He had a deep love for you Miss Evans; a love so deep could make a man lose himself. This is all, out of my assumption and little evidence had guided me to believe this. It was clear to all his affection for you. He was lost in you as you with him but he depended on you, like air. And just one day he stopped seeing you, he stopped speaking to you—from what I hear and just couldn't handle being with you. When you keep a fire on for a long time, it can either burn out or burn up. Something burned in Severus Snape's mind that night, causing him to leave what mattered to him the most. Some say he would mutter things in his sleep. My guess is that wherever you are, he's nearby for he was never able to part with you in his mind and to keep you away from James, he didn't tell the hospital that you were Lily just made it seem like he found some poor girl on the street. I don't know how he got you over to the hospital. He found the opportunity and fought for it."

Lily's lips tightened and felt somewhat lightheaded, "I-I-I don't know what to say, sir. All this is too much for me. I can honestly say, I wish with all my heart that I had the smarts not to believe you but I can't help it."

James, by this point, couldn't handle it. He stood up abruptly and took a few steps back, "Lily—I don't know what to say but, I can't be here anymore. Excuse me sir, goodbye." He stormed out of the room without hesitation.

"That was very dramatic," fumed Lily her eyes darkening a sudden. "Actually, more like cowardly. I hope he doesn't expect me to follow him because he's bloody insane." She didn't mean it but she had to lash her anger at someone.

Sirius sat there, alone in his oversized manor, well there was Ms. Potter but…he still felt alone. He needed a woman. Warmth or a touch would make his nerves go into a wreck. Maybe if he just went out for a while he could meet someone and lead his thoughts away… He took a sudden drag from the fag he been smoking. He knew he couldn't forget her or keep his mind off her so why try. Sure, she didn't love him and he didn't love her but that didn't stop him in the past. Okay, that was a lie, he loved her. He truly, positively adored that girl but he was almost positive that she hated him. She had a good reason, he was a bloody dumbarse to keep around and never treated her the way she should have been but he was in grade school! He was a boy, what did he know about treating a woman? At the time, nothing. Now, well, he thought, still nothing but still a little bit more than he did before.

He took another hesitant drag. He released the air, hoping it would make a strange form so he would have something else to think about.

"Smoking kills, you know."

"Hi Ava," He said handing her a fag. "How was your day?"

Her smile flinched but she remained high spirited, "I've had better, I admit."

"Feel like..?

"Nah."

"You sure?"

"Yup."

"Good, I suck at advice giving."

"Well, actually…" She started, heaving a sigh.

"Are we really going to do this…?" He said, putting out a fag and lighting another one.

"You're right never mind, but have you ever felt guilty for hating someone who's making your friend happy?"

He glanced at her, maybe she understood what he felt, "No, I can't say I have."

She gave him a bewildered look, "Really? Oh, I feel lame now for even bringing it up but you're one hundred percent okay with Ash and her wedding?"

He smirked at her; she had such an immature heart without harm. How he loathed her. "We had a good run, but do you really expect me to force her to be with me? I am not that guy. Besides, I'm not going to chase after someone who has made up their mind about me. I am not that guy."

Ava's eyes grew wide with admiration, or what he assumed was admiration or maybe it was envy. He couldn't tell.

He rolled his eyes at her, moments like these made him bitter.

What if he was that guy that he read in stories? The guy that stood up at weddings to declare his love? The guy that wrote poems and ran across the country to tell the girl he loved her? He wasn't that bloke, he couldn't even try.

Lily couldn't speak to anyone as she walked down the streets of France. Her lungs were frozen stiff, her heart was broken in two and she had the biggest headache of all. How could James just sit there?

How could he leave? She was ashamed at herself, she lost herself. She wasn't going to stop being who she was; she was going to be the girl that she used to be. The girl that smiled laughed and was happy. The girl that James knew; not this gloomy, confused girl that brought everyone down. She knew who she was where she came from—now she had to just put the pieces together and get her life straight.

But what she wanted more then anything was to find Severus just to spit in his face and ask what was so wrong with him that he had to take her life off her hands.

She was blocks away from James flat, she didn't know whether to stay put, run inside from the cold or turn back and go off to a new place and start a new life. The last part was a bit impulsive but it wouldn't hurt to forget her old life.

She had a productive talk with Professor Dumbledore, not a good one, a productive one. It helped her put things into perspective.

She finally reached the bench where James usually went to go think at, she stared at it questionably. It was an odd bench…silver with a gleam, even at night. She reached out her hand to touch it, just a little touch—maybe she would see what James saw in it.

Her hand was hesitant as—

"Lily!" She jerked her hand away, like it had been struck with lightning. She looked around to find the person who called her name.

Of course, she thought, James.

He stood outside his flat, hands in pockets, waiting for her to inch closer so he could say—or do—something. He looked tired and weak in his flannel shirt, which was opened just a little bit to reveal his smooth chest. He tilted his head to the side and gave her a weak smile. His messy hair was more in disarray than it usually was. He was in jeans and socks.

She heaved a sigh and made her way towards him. He wouldn't meet her eyes.

"Come on," She said to him, just those two simple words. Come on. He looked at her bewildered and took a step forward. She moved her head back to show him to come towards her.

He did, but he didn't stand by her, he started to bury his head into her neck, hugging her. She held him there, not knowing what to do—he didn't move. She felt her neck get wet, from his tears. They weren't exaggerated sobs—just little tears that glittered apologetically.

She put her hand on his neck where she could feel his heart—boom boom—in synchronized beats as hers…

She finally took his hand in hers, and led him inside.

He patiently waited for her in his bed, just staring at her. No, they hadn't done anything. She was making him soup. It had been an hour since they had come back from outside.

"Here you go, eat it when you're ready." She smiled meekly and turned around to go back to bed.

"Lily—will you stay with me tonight?" His face was a bright pink as he asked her. She hesitantly nodded her head.

She lay next to him, not opening her eyes…she was scared that if she opened her eyes, it wouldn't be real.

She felt his hand reach from hers…he placed it on his heart and kept his other hand on hers. Feeling their hearts beat harmonized.

A/N:

Long time, I know. I plan to wrap this up with three more chapters. Three. Long. Chapters. Constructive Criticism. NO FLAMING.