Red sat on the side of the bed and watched the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with sleep. He watched the slow intake of her breath. The way she curled up on her side and nuzzled her face against his pillow, the way her sandy blonde hair pooled around the pillow. He watched her with both regret and selfishness. He wanted nothing more then to curl up with her and forget everything that he had seen, and yet, he didn't want to hurt her or darken her mind with what he did, what he was.
He knew that he should leave her, let her go find someone young and innocent, someone who would be there for her 24/7. Someone her own age who wouldn't be gone close to two hundred days a year, someone who wouldn't miss her graduation.
But, he couldn't do it. Everything she embodied was everything he wanted. He had wanted someone strong who would not play twenty questions with him when he was home, she didn't. He wanted someone who had their head on straight and she did. He wanted someone to concentrate on him, his loyalties were split a dozen ways and he wanted someone to take care of him, and she did. Red could not bring himself to give her up. He knew it was selfish and he didn't care.
He watched her sleep with every intention of letting her remain in her peaceful slumber.
For the hours he had watched her he had been content. Safe from the horrors he had just survived. Safe from the investigation into the actions he and his team had taken. Red was even safe from the phone which was unplugged.
Yet, he didn't want to be alone any longer.
He realized just how needy and selfish his behavior was when he began to trace a scar on her bare calf. Waking her up to keep him company was on his mind as something juvenile, yet he didn't care, and he hated that about himself.
In no hurry to wake her up he watched her slowly wake and enjoyed it. He enjoyed the way her body slowly began to move underneath the sheets she had hogged. The way her eyes began to flutter and concentrate on him as if he were all that mattered in the world. Granted, they were alone in the bedroom, alone except for the snoring dog in the living room, the focus of her eyes fell upon Red alone.
Olivia lifted her head from the pillow and blinked twice, "Hmmm?"
In a whisper Red told her, "I'm cold."
Half awake she nodded, the house was hotter then hell itself from the lack of power. It was July and someone had run into a power pole. Deep down Olivia knew it was a different type of cold, even in her daze.
But, she patted the bed beside her, "Come here, baby."
The older, stronger, and far more powerful man listened. He crawled over to where she patted and dropped onto the damp mattress that she lay upon. Ignorant of their sweat dampened skin Red moved closer to her, wanting warmth that he had been without for a long time.
Red looked into her sleepy warm eyes as she wrapped her arms around him. In her house, her arms, and her bed it was all about him. When he left the house he had a ex-wife to make happy, a job to devote all his energy toward, two children he adored and wanted to give the world, and then there were the parents who had decided to move south to take a more active role in their son's life. It left him feeling cold and empty.
When she ran her hands over his strong tanned arms, wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him close, she gave everything back to him. With slow sensual strokes she caressed his skin and massaged his scalp. She placed gentle kisses upon his skin and less gentle kisses upon his lips. She never prodded she always let him talk, she let him tell her what he wanted and what he needed to tell her.
Red just pulled her even closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and watched her sleepy eyes. Wanting even more. Knowing she would take care of him and give him whatever he needed or wanted. Softly he confessed, "I want to tell you something."
The sleep faded further from her eyes, "What's that?"
Red chewed his lip. Her fingers traced over the healing wound upon his cheek while she waited. Feeling not only safe in his strong arms, but also complete. Not only giving but receiving in a way she had never felt before with a male.
It was different with Red.
He wasn't family, he wasn't her BFF complete with charm necklace, he was someone very different then anything she had before in her life. Red was her lover, boyfriend, companion, friend, confidant and advisor. He treated her as an equal but more importantly as a woman. He brought out a side of her that had been long hidden.
Patiently she listened as he told her bits and pieces, things she put together like a puzzle. With either common sense or what she had heard from Naval Wives, daughters, and girlfriends. She listened as he told her who was gone from the team, what he had seen, and done. She wiped the hot wet tears from his eyes and kissed him repeatedly. To comfort and encourage him.
"They'll be four funerals for all of them…I'm going to them all."
"I know," she whispered unable to get closer to comfort him, unable to stop his pain and frustration.
She had seen the bruises when he came earlier that night. She had seen the look of absolute devastation in his blue eyes. There was little she could do other then be there for him.
Softly Red asked, "What am I going to do?"
She reached up and softly stroked her temple with her thumb, her other fingers toyed with the curls in his trim hair. "You'll get a week or so leave during the investigation. You'll get to talk to a Navy head shrink. They'll either separate your team now…or put more members on it…you'll be strong like always."
Red nodded, he knew once he left the house he would be strong. When he stepped out of the house he was again a Seal, a Special Forces Soldier. But she never looked at him like that. Not even when she was inches away from him in bed.
He needed to her to say that, hear her tell him that he was strong.
"I love you," she whispered.
A small smile tugged at his lips.
The smile completed Olivia, it told her that she had comforted him enough. It was a small fleeting smile that vanished. She inched forward and kissed him. At first it was slow, hesitant, testing. He responded and deepened the kiss, wanting it as much as he wanted her. Wanted to not only feel but also feel alive. He wanted to give as much as he received.
At first it was slow. Neither wanted to move in a way that would separate them, even if it were to finish undressing what little they had on.
The kiss slowly grew from soft kisses, tender and slow. Meant to do little more then comfort and soothe. At first his lips moved against hers, then tasted hers, and then they began to encourage her exploration of his own. Her voice came in a soft gasp, "Are you…are you up for this? Tonight?"
There were no juvenile jokes about bodily organs and their functions, or any smart answers about obvious arousal that they both knew the other was obviously aware of.
Instead he nodded, "Yeah. I need this, I need you…tonight…now."
Olivia placed a tender kiss upon his lips and let him take over. She let him gently push her onto her back and ease himself over her, making sure not to hurt her. Aware that he was capable of physically hurting her without realizing it.
She traced her fingers over his face and drew herself up to kiss him, once her lips connected with his her hands fell. They traced around his trim waist, testing the hot skin and obvious muscle beneath the skin.
The kiss grew deeper, quickly, and intense until he broke it and began to kiss her neck. Wanting to feel and taste her, wanting to hold her. There was a deeper connection Red wanted and was after, it was much deeper then animalistic passion. There would be no tearing off clothes in the heat of the moment. He wanted to go slow and savor everything. He wanted to savor the things he might not have got to if someone's aim was better, or he was a second slower. He wasn't in the mood for a quickie.
"Liv," he breathed against her ear, kissing the damp skin of her neck.
A whimper came from her throat in response. Unable to pull her hands out from under his t-shirt. The edges of her short nails intentionally caught his skin, sending tremors through him, at that Red pulled the shirt from over his head and simply threw it.
It ended up landing on the dresser, knocking over glass perfume bottles and tubes of scented cream. Neither of them cared. The little clothing that they wore was too much, it had to come off, nothing mattered but shedding the clothes.
Again, Red whispered, "Liv…baby…take off your shirt…now."
A smile crossed her face as he sat up and helped. His fingers pulled at the nightshirt she had on, she held her arms up, and he pulled it off in a matter of seconds and tossed it over his shoulder.
Red looked over her and admired her nude form. His blue eyes took in her smooth skin, her curves and the little tattoo that was usually hidden a few inches beneath the waist of her pants. Her delicate fingers tugged at his thin cotton scrubs pants. She pulled the drawstrings and told him, "These need to come off."
Red nodded in silent agreement.
Without climbing off her he maneuvered and got the pants off. The sound of nails on tile floor caught Red's attention, he glanced over his shoulder and threw the pants at the slightly open door, shutting the bedroom door.
Olivia propped herself up and began to kiss his sculpted stomach, broad chest, and strong shoulders. The tip of her tongue began to trace a faint scar underneath his collarbone and resulted in Red's quick intake of breath. His fingers slid into her loose hair and held her close. Her lips moved over a dark purple bruise on his chest lightly, yet, he still felt the gentle touch on his very tender skin.
Her warm brown eyes looked up at him, "How'd this happen?"
Honestly he answered, "I don't remember."
Her teeth lightly scraped down over his skin and another gasp came from Red when she bit the sensitive skin of his nipple. His grip on her hair tightened when she traced her tongue around the responsive skin.
It was too much for him. Too much teasing, he didn't want that, he wasn't in the mood for it. He just wanted her plain and simple. He pushed her back down on the bed and crawled over her, until he was eye to eye above her, on his hands and knees. She traced her fingertips across his stomach and felt the muscles tighten.
The little touch almost drove him over the edge.
Olivia could see it in his eyes. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him close, until there was nothing between the two of them. Red sank into her in one smooth motion. A groan he couldn't contain escaped from his lips. The sensations were too much, too powerful. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of him, the feeling of being filled so completely.
When he stayed still, unable to move, she slowly began to move her hips. It was all the encouragement he needed even though she didn't stop moving, it only brought more pleasure when he began to move.
In a groan he managed to hiss, "I love you…you know I love you right…I love you."
She leaned up and kissed his lips, once, it was a small kiss. A gentle kiss. But he followed her back down onto the bed, unable to stop kissing her, unable to let go, afraid to let go. She felt, saw, and sensed it so she took his face in her hands and made him look in her eyes, "Red, baby, let me take care of you tonight."
Unable to speak he nodded.
Very gently and slowly she rolled them both onto their sides, and then more until Red was beneath her. She placed both her hands on his chest and gently kissed him.
She took his hands and laid them on her thighs.
When she began to move he was unable to think about what had happened in Africa, his guilt over his selfishness, or even what would happen the next day.