Change of Heart
Disclaimer:
Nearly all of this belongs to Mrs J.K. Rowling. See before chapter 1 for details.
Thank yous:
Arwen, thank you again for correcting my mistakes
and suggesting some changes that make the story better.
Akari, grazie for telling me what you think
and always being so supportive.
Nicky, merci for buying the "magical books that started it all",
and for being the perfect sister every girl would like to have.
And, of course, many thanks to you,
the people who read the other chapters and are about to read this one.
You'll find in my bio a link to my Live Journal, where I answered your reviews.
Author notes:
A friend of mine told me I should clarify a little thing:
in spite of the fact that her name is very close to my pen name,
Cybela Adams is not supposed to be me.
I just thought that Cybela would make a very good name for a witch.
This fanfiction is dedicated to Akari (also known as Florian),
for the reasons mentioned before chapter 1.
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Chapter 6 - Peace treaty
It looked just like a pub, except that there was only one table, and no one behind the bar.
"What's this place?" Lily asked, looking around in amazement.
"It's magic," James explained. "It can turn into any kind of room you can imagine. You just have to ask. But please don't tell your friends about it. It's supposed to be secret. Sirius is so proud to have discovered it... He would never forgive me if he knew I came here with you."
He moved a chair forward for her to sit down and she found herself thinking he had very good manners. If only he was always that charming...
"Butterbeer?" he offered, and two glasses appeared on the bar.
"Impressive," Lily admitted. "But what if I prefer pumpink juice?"
The contents of one of the glasses immediately changed. It had now the familiar orange coulour of the Hogwarts students' usual drink.
"Very good service!" Lily commented as James brought the glasses to the table.
"Yes, this room is great, isn't it? Sirius came across it by chance four years ago while he was looking for a place to hide our reserve of Dungboms so Filch wouldn't be able to prove we had some. But then it took us months to find it again. It only shows itself when you need it."
Not knowing what else to say, Lily started asking questions about the room and the use James and his friends had made of it. But the answers she got were quite evasive, so she gave up rather quickly. She did learn an interesting piece of information, though; the Marauders had drawn up a magic map of the school. Unfortunately, its purpose and the exact nature of its magic seemed to be classified with top secret label.
"Do you think it would work if I asked for a Muggle drink?"
She had said that just to break the silence that threatened to drag on endlessly, but James hadn't time to express an opinion; a new glass had appeared in the middle of the table, and the liquid it contained was easily recognizable as Coca-Cola.
James didn't seem to remember why he had wanted to talk to Lily - or, if he did, he clearly couldn't find a way to begin. It was funny to see a boy like him, so used to take girls out or simply chat with them in the corridors, suddenly short of words like a shy 12 or 13 year old at his first date.
"What makes you smile?" he inquired, with a slightly bothered look that was probably supposed to hide a bit of anxiety. "You remind me of Remus when one of us has just said something silly and he's trying not to let us see he's thinking we're kind of uneducated about some subjects..."
Lily gave a little laugh and shook her head, assuring James she hadn't been making fun of him.
"It's only that... Well, in a way, you could take it as a mockery but it was not intended to be, I swear. I was thinking you surely act differently when you're with other girls. And that you said you wanted to talk to me but that now it seems you have nothing to tell me."
"Oh!"
He must have hoped his nervosity didn't show, and now he felt ridiculous - which, Lily knew too well, is particularly horrible for such a proud person.
"Actually, I've got lots to tell you," he assured. "I'm just not sure it's worth doing since..."
He paused for a second, a thoughtful look fixed on her, then asked:
"Why did you accept this date?"
Good question, Lily thought. She hadn't even promised that to Remus...
"It's not exactly as if you had left me a choice!" she joked, once again thankful to humour and irony that always come in so handy when you don't know what to say.
But James didn't seem to find the line funny at all. He said "Haven't I?", looking very sorry...and she thought it was cute. Really. He definitely was cute without the irritating "Quidditch star" air he usually assumed whenever he knew a girl could see him. And, as long as he wasn't trying to impress her, talking with him could be nice. What would have been the use of pretending she hadn't notice that, after all? At least nobody would know... Except him, of course. She had to make up for the involuntary reproach...
"I don't blame you, James. I wasn't really forced to stop ignoring you. And I'm glad I did because..."
Realizing that she was becoming dangerously serious, she turned back to a joking tone that restored immediately a more reasonable distance:
"I've discovered with great stupefaction that you're able to speak to me without looking like you're thinking 'I know you're like the others and it's evident you'll be part of my collection someday'."
She feared for a moment to have gone too far, but he didn't seem to be angry. Only surprised, and even a little shocked.
"I've got too much respect for you to think such a thing!" he exclaimed.
Really?
Lily didn't make any comment out loud, but her slight rise of eyebrows was enough to tell James about her doubts.
"OK, it hasn't always been true," he admitted with a little smile of apology.
"That's just what I thought," Lily said. "And I can't believe you've changed."
"Well, it's quite obvious you're not like the others. First, they like me and you don't."
There was a touch of sadness in his voice, and it didn't escape to Lily. She really had to find something to tell him. Something kind - and without joking, for once.
Just be sincere! She told herself. You don't hate him that much, do you?
"It's not you I dislike, actually. It's just the way you act. You're much more likeable when you're not showing off."
She was becoming too serious again... What if he saw in her words something she hadn't intended to say?
"You are, too," he said, sounding amused but not looking so sure that saying that had been a good idea.
"What?" Lily asked, frowning.
"Much more likeable when you're not looking down on people," James clarified.
For a moment that seemed to stay for a very long time, Lily couldn't say a word. Was it really what he thought of her? That she looked down on people?
"I bet you've got as much pride as I have. Isn't that true?" James insisted.
"Probably," Lily admitted reluctantly.
Actually, it was precisely because of that excessive pride that she felt like protesting in spite of her growing conviction he was right.
"At least I don't show off..." she began hesitantly, without looking at him, after another moment of silence.
"You might do if you were the best Quidditch player in the school and had plenty of admirers!" James remarked.
"...and I don't brag!" Lily finished with much more assurance, looking up in order to search for the mischievous sparkle that would indicate he was only teasing her.
"Who's bragging?" he asked and, since the sparkle was missing, Lily knew he wasn't even conscious of it.
"You just did," she said.
"Me?"
She sighed. Either he was really hopeless or he would have deserved an Oscar - though he surely hadn't a clue of what an Oscar was.
" 'Best Quidditch player in the school' and 'plenty of admirers'..." she quoted. "Doesn't it sound like bragging to you?"
"But it's true!" James exclaimed with a disarming sincerity. "You don't really brag if you're only telling the truth. Or I'm afraid I have to point out that you are as much as a braggart as I am."
"Me?"
That "Me?" had exactly the same tone as his, and she must looked exactly like he had, too.
He burst out laughing.
"See? We're more alike than you think!"
She smiled, because she felt like laughing too, not really knowing why, just at hearing him.
"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" she asked.
"Of course it is!" he assured. "I'm not the kind to denigrate myself, remember?"
"How could I forget?"
Lily suddenly realized she was enjoying herself greatly. It didn't make much sense since James had just told her things she should have taken as unforgivable insults, but she was. And he clearly was, too. As incredible as it seemed, she was starting to think they could get along fine - as friends, of course!
"Now please tell me exactly why you allow yourself to maintain that I'm not better than you!" she ordered, assuming an expression of offended dignity that made James laugh again.
"Let me think... I can't count how many times since 1st year I heard you saying you always had the best marks of your class in primary school, you also managed to let the whole common room know you once got a higher than normal score at a Muggle IQ test, you mentioned casually but loud enough for lots of people to hear that you had passed your 4th year Charm exam without having opened your book and, when one of my admirers defends me from your hating criticism saying I am not only good at Quidditch, you remind her you had as many Optimals as I had in OWLs. Is that enough or should I try to remember some other facts?"
This time his eyes were sparkling more than ever, and his smile attenuated the significance of his words just enough to stop Lily from feeling really insulted - but not from thinking it was another proof of his extraordinary cheek.
"You're exaggerating!" she protested indignantly. "And you're lucky I'm in a good mood because you've got very strange ways to negociate a peace treaty!"
"Good point," James conceded. "I can't deny I'd be disastrous as a diplomat. But you wanted me to tell you what I thought, so I did! Now feel free to do the same."
Lily had no doubt there were also lots of sparkles in her own eyes when she asked, smiling widely:
"Do you want the short list or the long?"
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Since she was so used to recall all of James's faults to her friends, Lily didn't even have to think much to draw up a list that definitely couldn't be the short one. James often interrupted her to defend himself or add a new "accusation" to those he had made before, so the conversation went on for a good hour, constantly bordering on - but never crossing - the line beyond which it would have turned into a quarrel. It was particularly close, though, when Lily mentioned she found extremely irritating James's habit of messing up his hair on purpose...
"Hope you noticed I refrained from doing that today, then!" he replied. "Actually, I wanted to flatten it a bit, but it didn't work. They were already as dishelled as they always are before the end of breakfast - and I swear it wasn't my fault."
Lily frowned, suddenly thinking of something she had nearly forgotten.
"Oh, I believe you!" she assured sarcastically. "It was Chloe's fault, wasn't it?"
James froze, looking very shocked, and Lily thought she had guessed right - which made her feel, again, like hitting both that damned Chloe Jones who allowed herself over-familiar gestures and him who let her as if it was perfectly normal.
It might seem stupid but yes, Lily was jealous, somehow. Especially now, so quickly after having discovered she could really enjoyed talking with James.
"I saw you in the Entrance Hall," she added, as James didn't say a word.
She didn't know exactly what she was expecting him to reply, but she certainly hadn't imagined he would smile, and that lots of sparkles would fill his eyes once again.
"I can't believe it! You're jealous!" he exclaimed, exaggerating his surprise and delight.
"I am not!" Lily protested automatically. "I hate you, remember?"
"That's not what you said earlier," James reminded her. "You said that what you disliked was only the way I acted. And you really look jealous, you know? I would never have thought jealousy could work on you!"
Lily stared at him for an instant.
Those sparkles... And that smile... There were unbearable, in the end. Not exactly unpleasant to see, though... Well, too pleasant to see, actually! Which made them even more unbearable.
"Don't try to make me believe you asked Chloe to help you for some kind of 'making-Lily-jealous' plan," she snapped then, avoiding looking at him again.
"I'm not trying to make you believe anything," James replied. "Actually, if you had looked our way just a minute before, you would have seen Remus instead of her."
"What!"
The strange idea that had come into her mind must show because James rolled his eyes in a half-amused half-offended sort of way.
"I mean he was trying to help me flatten my hair, of course!"
Lily hid her embarrassment behind a little laugh.
Of course, you idiot! She reprimanded herself. But...what about Chloe?
She wasn't sure whether she should ask or not, but James gave the answer before she had decided:
"Then Jones and Summers arrived, they laughed and Summers said we looked like...ehm...well, you see...so Jones took Remus's place in order to 'save our reputation'," he explained, rolling his eyes again at the thought. "As if anyone would really think I..."
"Oh!"
That's all Lily managed to say. She felt so stupid now! She had been so close to make a scene for nothing!
But still, Chloe had no right to touch James... And Mary Ann Summers should have kept her ridiculous comments for herself.
"Now, if you wonder why my hair still doesn't seem to be better done than usual," James went on without appearing to notice her embarrassment, "it's because that silly girl finally thought it was much funnier to mess them up again!"
Lily smiled involuntarily. Silly girl... So James didn't particularly like Chloe, after all! She had absolutely no reason to feel happy about that but she was, she couldn't deny it - and didn't even try to. As long as James couldn't see it, it didn't matter, anyway.
"It's not so bad that way," she said, examining James's hair with a critical eye. "You just wouldn't look like yourself if it was flat."
Then, without letting him time to say anything – and, more importantly, without letting herself time to consider the possibility of showing the same misplaced familiarity as Chloe's -, she went back to the list of his faults.
° ° °
"Anything else?" James asked as calmly and politely as if they had been having a perfectly harmless conversation, with no risk of ruining his hopes of peace treaty.
"Isn't the list long enough already?" Lily replied with an amused smile.
"Oh, it certainly is! I won't be able to remember everything. I should have taken notes!"
They both laughed. Just like friends.
Except that Lily knew James wished they could be much more than that.
He hadn't said anything to remind it to her, though.
Why?
And - more important - why was she starting to think it was...annoying?
She should have been glad he wasn't bothering her with that but, surprisingly, she wasn't. She really must be the weirdest girl in the world.
An awkward silence had fallen as she was thinking.
"You can go back to your friends, if you want," James said eventually. "I won't consider that breaking your promise "
"Staying with you is not such a chore," Lily replied. "And if I left, we'd never know whether I can stand you until the evening!"
He didn't laugh, this time. He even looked rather sad. Lily wished she could guess what was in his mind.
"Are you already tired of being with me?" she asked on that helpful joking tone that had already got her out of embarrass so many times. "In reality it's you who can't stand me, isn't it? You were only trying to make me believe what you wrote in that letter... Why did you write it, by the way?"
Pretending she didn't believe him was not very nice, but it was the only way she had found to mention the letter. And, for some reason, she knew she needed to hear the words, that reading them wasn't enough...
They were no trace of sparkle left in his eyes when he answered her quite tactless question:
"I wrote all that because it's true. And, as stupid as it seems, that's why I don't see where's the interest of staying with you until the evening as we had planned. I managed to make you accept a date, but I can't force you to be happy to be here. So if you don't even believe me..."
He stood up in the clear intention to leave.
Lily didn't take time to think. She grabbed his wist to stop him, shouting "No, wait!", then...
"You forgot something important," she said.
And she kissed him.
Just a little kiss - barely more than a lightly touch of her lips on his - but it was better than all the words she could have found to express what she had only started to understand.
She didn't hate him anymore, so...she liked him - very much.
Yes, it was as simple as that. Actually, what she had called hatred for so long had been nothing more than irritation - not even against him, but against the reflection of her own faults. What she had disliked so much was only to have constantly under her eyes a vivid image of what she could have been if she wasn't doing her best to refrain that excessive pride she was so ashamed of. She couldn't blame him for that. And she no longer did.
James stared at her in shock for a long while. He surely never had imagined that a girl would be able to do such a thing - and Lily less than any other, of course!
His expression of amazement was priceless. Lily doubted that laughing was a good thing to do at a moment like that,but she couldn't help it. She was even enjoying herself too much to feel embarrassed about what she had just done.
"Why..." James began.
But he didn't finish the question. He asked another instead:
"You thought it was part of the contract, didn't you?"
Lily stopped laughing at once.
What was he talking about?
Oh, it must be because she had said he was forgetting something... She had to clarify that point, then.
"I didn't!" she swore. "If it had been just a matter of 'contract', I would have avoided reminding you of it, don't you think?"
He didn't answer, but he seemed to agree.
"Actually, I wanted to tell you two things," she said hesitantly. "First, I believe you - about the letter, I mean. And then..."
She paused. It was harder to tell than she would have thought.
"...then I'm glad it's true."
It took James some seconds to realize what those words meant.
He looked at her almost suspiciously, as to make sure she wasn't making fun of him, and she stared back, hoping her eyes would tell how sincere she had been.
Other seconds passed and they still didn't move at all. It felt like a very long time, though it must not have been, in reality.
Lily wondered whether she should say something. Or, maybe, doing something again.
But she didn't have to turned upside down a second time James's old-fashion ideas of who should kiss the other first; very slowly, as if he still wasn't entirely convinced she would allow him to do, he leaned over her. And their lips met again.
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Now there's only the epilogue left... It's coming soon!