Yes, as the name implies, this was written on the train on my way to religion summer school. Woohoo! Time to get holy! Totally unpandariffic? Yes. By the sweet little way, I don't own Naruto. If I did I could save all of the Pandas with the truckloads of US money I'd be getting every day. Also, this is VERY out of character.

Much credits to Iscariot, Capty, Bing, Jen-Jen, Largo and Slartibartfast! I love fjords!

For all of you who didn't read through the previous blabbering:

DISCLAIMER'D!: I don't own Naruto (n'duh)

...and now for the real fanfic...

In a cluttered, stylish,urban chic room, the James Bond theme began to play. "Nyar! I, Bond, Itachi Bond, shall get all of the hot ladies and cool Euro Ninja Spy stuffy-thingies! Ph33r m3!. you massive, mass-like...mass! Oh you pathetic unsuspecting fools, blithering idiots, and ugly monkeys!Pwahahahahaaa!" Mr.Itachi Bond, the sexiest Euro Ninja Spy this side of Valhalla, frowned at his mirror . "Something is quite wrong..." How little he did know. Searchign through his clothing (strewn every which way in his beautiful artists loft in Manhattan) he found just what he was looking for: the perfect accessory for any sexy, homicidal bastard! "Yaysies, I found my cuff links!" Mr.Itachi Bond then proceeded to do his happy dance.But what is this! The cuff-links were of a dazzling 24 carat gold inlaid with diamonds and his jacket buttons were...SILVER! "Oh no," he cried, running around frantically in the most adorable chibi way, "I can't wear these!" Quickly, and most suavely (that's not a word is it? No? well, now it is. PANDA! I win the arguement), Mr.Itachi Bond executed a flawless dive roll into his main studio, launched himself into the air to perform a triple axis turn, and landed atop his coffee table in full arabesque with the utmost feline grace. (A/N: Judges? he recieves 3 Gai's and a Lee out of 4 Gai's> Only 3.5? C'mon!) His eyes roamed over the various "furnishings" of his loft: leather round segmented sofas, 52" widescreen plasma tv with surround sound and home theatre system, pile of plushies, bean bag chairs, POCKY, stuff, more stuff, and finally "Yay! I found it!" he squealed. Lifting the Magical Shroud of Mystery TM he spotted The Ark of the Covanent! "There's gotta be cuff links in here!" Itachi opened the golden box releasing blinding rays of pure white light from within it and from the light emerged..."Gasp!" he gasped.

A cloud of mist surrounded the figure and as it subsided a shiny odd-shaped, metallic object appeared; surprisingly it had really pretty black hair. "Hahahhaha! I caught you dressing up again, Itachi!" the figure laughed and clanked as he pointed at Itachi. The Ark of the Covanent, feeling terribly left out and ignored, silently excused himself and signaled to be beamed up to heaven. The subsiding mist created and eerie atmosphere in the room. 'Twas scary, jah. Itachi stared at the figure with the most intense concentration, his eyes full of confuzzleration. "Sasuke? What are you doing here? Why are you wearing a suit of armor? Did you mug Alphonse on the way here? (A/N: Go FMA!) Do you want some pocky?"Sasuke clanked in thought and valiantly replied "I am here because...I am. I don't know why. All that I remember is being abducted by Hilary Duff and just as I was about to escape I was transferred by an ion particle beam to Barbados. I had a turtlethere but I had to put him back becasue his mommy started to bite my leg. Then I swam to a place call Nooyawrk where not nice people yelled at me from yellow checkered cars and called me names and shoved hot dogs down my throat; they tasted like rat piss. Then the Pandas conquered the penguins and took over the world. The end!" Upon finishing his story, Sasuke grinned triumphantly and boasted an air of importance as if he has just discovered the meaning of life. An awkward silence passed between the two, cutting through the subtle traces of mist like a white-hot poker through a cheerleader's eye. It then continued out the door feeling that it had served it's purpose well.

Cicadas chirped in the passing silence, actually that was Sasuke. "Eeeh...ehehehehehehehehWAHHHHHH! I'm a cicada! Well, I'm gonna go eat a teletubby now! Byesieness!" and in a cute little armoured "poof", Sasuke disappeared using Kakahi's signature disappeary poofy move. Staring at the puff of smoke, Itachi sighed, took a deep breath, and prepared himself for a very dramatic moment; he raised his fists defiantly, lifted his eyes towards the heavens and let out a despaired, bellowing cry:

"NOOOOORWAAAAAY! JAAAAH!"

Meanwhile, in Naruto's hole in the ground (or house, whatever you want to call it), many mysteriously mysterious happenings were happening mooooost mysteriously...