Lily had run all the way up to the Astronomy Tower after the incident with James and Severus. She had always found that looking up at the stars at night was comforting to her, and just like when she was at school she went headed up there to calm herself down.

She couldn't believe that James was already causing trouble with Severus. She hadn't ever loved Snape, but she did care about him. Poor Severus, all he had ever wanted was her love, when she could only offer him friendship.

She remembered it well, how they would compete in potions class. He normally was the top student, but Lily had started gaining and gaining on him. He was always jealous because Slughorn would favor her. Snape would torment her over being part of the "Slug Club" as he loved calling it. One day they were paired up for a major project that would determine their grade that year. It was then that they had become friends.

They spent weeks researching the potion, and eventually, through trial and error they came up with new ways to brew potions, and shortcuts. They had written all of it in the margins of their potions books, then during one particularly disastrous class where a Slytherin student stirred a potion the wrong way the books had gone flying everywhere, and were nowhere to be found. Lily thought it was tragic. They had spent so much time working on it, and then it was ruined in the blink of an eye.

She pulled herself from her thoughts and stared out the window when she heard Remus' lonely cry out in the woods.

I almost became a werewolf tonight.

The thought was too much to bear. What would've happened if she had been bitten? Who would have taken care of Harry then? James certainly couldn't be a single parent. They really did need to figure out Harry's godparents quickly, who knew what would happen in these times, they could be dead tomorrow.

Especially with the prophecy.

That was another scary thought. She didn't know exactly what it meant, but she knew it was bad. She wished that it could be about another family, she and James already had so much to deal with. With the supposed upcoming wedding and the baby they really had too many problems to handle. Lily hated herself whenever the thought popped into her head, but however much she loved Harry, sometimes she just wished he had never happened. Things wouldn't be so difficult then. She and James could have time to work on their relationship, and their upcoming wedding.

She felt tears prickling her eyes as she heard the door open a crack.

"Lily?"

It was James. She didn't say anything, but attempted to wipe her eyes before he came in and noticed that she had been crying.

He came in a few moments later with Harry sleeping peacefully in his arms. He walked over to Lily and sat under the window with her, then lit the closest torch, so that they weren't in complete darkness.

With the light shining down, Lily could see Harry perfectly, only his head was poking out of the blankets, and she examined him. He was so little. He didn't really look like either of them yet, except his eyes, and the jet black hair that was already unruly. Some of the hair was poking out of the blankets and she brushed it aside. If you didn't look at his hair, and his eyes were closed, he just looked like a baby, it didn't even seem like hers. She knew that if she didn't have a way to identify him, he would be lost in a daycare center, or a nursery.

At this thought she started crying again.

"What's wrong?" James asked suddenly.

"It's not supposed to be like this, James," she sniffled.

"What do you mean? You've got me, and you've got Harry. What could be wrong? I though that this is what you wanted."

"It was-is, just I don't feel, James. I don't feel like his mother, I'm supposed to have all these motherly feelings, overwhelming love and I don't. Sometimes I even think about how we'd be better off without him," she sobbed.

For once in his life, James didn't have a response. He just wrapped his arm around her and let her cry.

Harry woke up then, and James watched him stare at Lily. He looked…sad, almost.

Suddenly, Lily saw him. She couldn't bear him staring at her, so she got up and ran. She ran all the way to Gryffindor Tower. Sirius was sitting on the couch, and tried to stop her, but she darted up the Girls' staircase too quickly for him.

She collapsed on her old bed, still sobbing, but glad to not have to deal with James, not now.

Lily fell asleep that night, only because she was too tired from crying.

James and Harry stayed the night in the Astronomy Tower. He couldn't believe Lily. How could she not feel anything for their son? Did she not understand that he needed her? They both did

When he woke up that morning he knew that something was off. Harry had not cried once during the night, and that was not normal. Not under any circumstances, not at his age.

He picked the baby up and noticed that he was awake, but not making much noise, the only sign of movement was his eyes. They followed James' every move. He heard a small rumbling noise and realized that Harry had not eaten since early yesterday evening!

He quickly conjured up a bottle for Harry, but when he tried to feed it to him, the infant wouldn't drink. This made James very angry, and he almost ran all the way to Gryffindor Tower. How could Lily do this?

Lily woke up the next morning to the sound of James yelling at her. He sounded extremely angry, which was very unlike him. She got up and opened her door a crack, to try and hear what exactly he was saying.

"LILY GET DOWN HERE NOW, OUR SON IS STARVING!" she heard.

Lily didn't want to have to see James or the baby now, "MAKE HIM A BOTTLE" she yelled back down, just as loudly.

"I already tried, and he refuses to drink," James said, she could hear that he was nervous.

Lily ignored him. If Harry was hungry enough he would drink from a bottle, wouldn't he? He wouldn't starve himself.

"DAMN YOU LILY! WHY DON'T YOU COME DOWN HERE AND LOOK AT HIM?" he yelled up.

She finally went down the stairs. When she got to Harry she couldn't believe how sickly he looked. He was pale and he wouldn't move. Her heart broke at the sight of him, her flesh and blood. She was killing him with every minute she was wasting not feeding.

James glared at her. His look made her cry again.

Sirius had no clue what was going on. All of sudden he glared at Lily too, and with one last disgusted look he headed up the stairs.

Lily held out her arms for her child, and felt how hot he was. He was burning up.

"He's dehydrated," she managed to whisper, before heading over to the couch where she sat before the fire and breastfed her baby. She felt like such a horrible person now.

"I'm a horrible mother," she said feebly as she watched Harry pull away. He seemed a bit better now, but they were going to have to watch him.

James didn't say anything, but held his arms out for the baby. Lily reluctantly handed him over.

"I'll get you when he's hungry again," he replied icily and headed up the stairs. Lily followed a few minutes later but was thrown off the stairs. Apparently they had cursed it to throw her off.

James sat on his bed with Harry in his lap. Sirius was sitting on the other end. James didn't know what he felt. He was so confused about Lily.

"How could she not love him?" he asked Sirius.

Sirius shrugged.

"He's so helpless, and yet she wishes that he were gone"

"I think she just needs time, James. My mother was always depressed after Regulus was born, I think it might be common, although she turned out to like him a lot better," Sirius replied.

"I just wish that I could help her, she seemed so lost last night," James whispered. He knew he was about to start crying if he said another word.

"I think she'll come around after this little episode,"

Harry cooed.

"I hope so," James muttered.

Author's Note: Sorry for the extremely long wait. I was computerless for a month. Sorry for the length, but it seemed like a good place to stop. Please, feel free to flame me for how long it took. I look forward to hearing from some of you again!