At the party in Misato's house, It occurred to Hikari that Shinji wasn't sitting with them. Holding Pen Pen on her lap as the party was in full swing, she looked around the apartment out of curiosity to see where he went.

Her eyes found him in the kitchen. Seeing Shinji there with an apron on and obviously at work, she was suddenly self conscious about how she was just sitting. She shook her head; she was a guest. She could relax for once.

Misato cupped her hand. "Hey! Shinji! Another beer!"

Asuka chimed in, "Cola for me!"

Toji and Kensuke had opinions too. "A water!" "Beer!"

Toji looked at Kensuke. "The hell? You're underage! You can't have a beer!"

"I'm feeling adventurous!"

Toji turned to Misato, "He can't have a beer!"

Asuka, arms crossed, uttered, "the jock is the reasonable one now? I must be dreaming."

Hikari had bounced her eyes between the speakers, but now they fell on Shinji again. The boy was interrupting dinner prep in order to bring everyone drinks.

Asuka nudged Hikari. "Hey."

"Huh?"

"You want anything?" Asuka asked her.

"Uh… no, I'm fine." Hikari answered. She glanced back at Shinji in the kitchen.

Common burdens

Norsehound

The festivities rose and fell as dinner, then cake, was presented to the guests. For the joint birthday between Misato and Asuka, gifts were exchanged and merriment was made.

Kaji and Ritsuko arrived late, but made up for it with their gifts. For both birthday girls their spirits were lifted. The malaise at the end of the year was put on suspension.

With the party sweeping its people up in the fun, only Hikari had a lingering thought for how withdrawn Shinji had become. He was little more than a waiter now, supplying drinks and removing plates but not being involved. Nobody seemed to care.

Near the end of the night a game sprang up over bidding to see which of the birthday girls could kiss Kaji. Hikari slipped away then, quietly making her way into the kitchen where Shinji was working alone on dishes from making dinner and dessert. Her eyes spotted a plate of dinner on the table, half eaten.

"Ikari," She asked quietly, "Could you use a hand?"

Shinji glanced up at her. "Class rep!" He greeted, then turned back to washing. "No, I can manage."

Hikari looked at the pile of dishes. "Are you sure?"

Shinji smiled and was about to dismiss her when Misato called, "Shinji! Bring us birthday ladies more beer!"

"C-coming!" Shinji replied, glancing at Hikari but performing the request. When Shinji returned, Hikari had an apron she was putting on herself. To him she asked, "Do you want to wash or dry?"

"U-um… what do you prefer?"

She smiled. "Why don't you dry for a change to give your hands a break?"

"Okay." Shinji said and grabbed the towel to stand at the ready. Hikari started after more of the cookware. She could feel Shinji's uneasiness.

He uttered, "U-um… are you sure you don't want to…"

"I dont like loud parties." Hikari interrupted him as she focused on the dishes. "I always feel out of place when I'm in one. So," she glanced at Shinji, "don't worry about it, Ikari." Looking back at the dishes she went on, "I think right now I would rather feel useful."

Shinji looked beyond the door frame into the living room where Toji was making his case for why HE should be kissed instead. Shinji asked, "What are they doing?"

"A stupid game." Hikari replied as she batted away her loneliness. Feeling she owed Shinji more of a response, she clarified, "Asuka and Miss Misato are playing a game to see who can kiss Mr. Kaji." Her hand gripped the handle of the faucet for a forceful turn. "As you can suppose, I don't care about that."

"I-it would make Asuka pretty happy to have support, maybe?" Shinji said, half-musing.

"Hmm." Hikari replied, dismissive. "I would rather spend my time helping you."

Hikari knew that if she stayed beside Asuka, nothing would result but awkwardness on Hikari's part. Cheering Asuka on in her desire to kiss the much older Kaji was inappropriate, and the redhead didn't seem to concern herself with her more suitablep partner in Shinji. Asuka only seemed to care about his capacity as a waiter. Hikari knew trying to direct Asuka at Shinji would spoil the mood, and she certainly didn't want Asuka's lips anywhere near Toji.

Also on Hikari's mind was seeing Toji be incredibly animated to get close to Misato, and the comparison with herself was inevitable. How could plain pigtails class rep Hikari compete with a fun adult woman like Misato Katsuragi? Hikari's hands ground the sponge against the pot she was working on. Finishing it, she sighed deeply and handed it to Shinji to dry.

Shinji saw her discomfort. His head lowered as he grappled between pity for her and the slick uneasiness of facing her emotional distress. His hands slowed as he wiped the pot. He swallowed his nervousness while looking at her from behind. In that moment he mapped Hikari against the other girls he had known.

Asuka, in this situation, was explosive. Asking her anything personal would be met with fireworks and derision, rather than speak of her real problems. She wouldn't tell him anything.

Ayanami… Rei… would respond to his ask with confusion and vacancy. Rei was a mystery to him and, it seemed, to herself as well.

Misato was evasive on certain topics, forceful on others. If he opened up to her it would mean teasing, but also never getting a straight answer about her real feelings. She often changed the subject and pushed the questioning back on him.

What did he know of Hikari Horaki, the class rep?

"W-welll… thank you for the help." Shinji said and swallowed again, "A-are you… okay?"

Hikari's hands paused and the pigtails girl looked at him. She smiled. "Thank you for asking Ikari." She turned back to the dishes and lied, "I'll be okay." She grabbed one of the long serving spoons Shinji had used and plunged it into the water. "I just wanted a change of pace, and helping you is something I know how to do."

Shinji blinked at her phrasing. He caught that she wasn't okay now, but that she might be after a time. It matched his own feelings he was having over making dinner. He could sympathize with her meaning. "I… I don't like navigating people either so… I also stick to things I know."

Hikari glanced at him and they locked eyes. She smirked at him then resumed washing. "It's not that I can't do new things or anything like that, just that doing familiar things means less to think about. Easier."

Shinji nodded and added, "It means there's less of a chance of messing up, though." Shinji lowered his head, "And Less likely that you will disappoint someone."

"Yes." Hikari said softly as her hands ran under the water.

The shouting and fun started ending around 9 pm, which was concluding as the birthday girls were fighting over a high score in Asuka's new gaming system. People were getting tired.

The apartment was trashed, especially in the living room. Cans of drinks and beers littered the place, and various snack containers were stacked on the floor.

Shinji, peering into this scene, nevertheless smiled a little seeing Asuka and Misato side by side gaming together. It was a big change from the weeks of animosity that had been building between them.

Kaji moved then to check his watch. "Well kids, it's time for this man to leave."

"Whaaha?" A clearly buzzed Misato slurred, "you gonna stay the night, Ka-ji!"

Asuka added, "Yeah Ka-ji!" Asuka, who had beer on the sly herself, crooned, "You gotta stay!"

Kaji stood then. "Nope, I'm afraid I have some responsibilities tomorrow." He stepped over the pillows and the discarded gift boxes to approach the passed out Ritsuko, "And Rit-chan needs a ride home."

Both women abandoned thier controllers to glomp on to Kaji's arms. Asuka toned, "No, stay Kaji!"

Misato toned, "You can't do that thing tomorrow! I won't let you!"

Shinji ventured into the room as this was going on to collect trash. Kensuke and Toji dove on the game that the girls abandoned and started to play. Kensuke turned his head, "Hey Shinji! Can you get us a couple of drinks?"

Shinji collected a couple of cans. "Uh, we're almost out. I think we have one left."

Kensuke and Toji glared at one another, then both declared, "Victor gets the colaaaaa!"

Shinji sighed as he left the room with a burden of cans. In the kitchen, Hikari was closing off a trash bag. She deflated a little when she saw the cluster in Shinji's grip. "Ikari, you really need a can crusher."

Shinji blinked. "A what?"

"It can compact these cans so they take up less space." Hikari answered him as she puffed out another trash bag.

As Shinji tossed the cans in a trash bag, Doctor Akagi started trudging through the room, one hand rubbing her face. "Goodnight Shinji and…" she blinked.

"Hikari Horaki, ma'am" Hikari replied with a bow.

Ritsuko stared for a moment, then turned back for the door. "Yeah. Goodnight."

Ritsuko continued trudging and Shinji looked at Hikari to gauge her reaction. He saw the slight frown on her face and the distant look in her eyes and read it for the disappointment it was. After a moment the girl just turned back to getting another trash bag ready.

That's when Kaji staggered into the kitchen with Asuka and Misato under each arm. "Ladies," he said, "I'm almost spent. I've given so much of me to both of you today. Now I have to go home to sleep."

Asuka moaned first. "Nooo we got plenty of room and spare cots." Her head snapped to Shinji. "Idiot Shinji! Go get the spare cot!"

Shinji blinked, startled over whether he should obey or not.

Misato, tipsy as she was, wasn't as playful. "No Ryoji, you stay here tonight. Don't go out."

Kajo chuckled softly. "But I have to drive Rit-chan home. I'm her designated driver."

"She can crash in our place too." Misato grumbled. She snuggled Kaji's arm. "As long as you stay."

A loud cheer rang from the living room just then, making Asuka turn her head to see the stooges playing on her system. "HEY!" She barked and left Kaji's arm, "DON'T TOUCH THAT!"

Shinji turned his head back to Misato and Kaji as the two moved to the door. Misato was saying to Kaji, "I know where you're going tomorrow and i don't want you to do it."

They disappeared into the entry hall. Hikari said, "I'm going to use the bathroom. If you can start gathering any leftover plates, we can wash them and clean up in the living room."

"Okay." Shinji replied with a nod, then turned to look into the living room. As he entered he saw the rising argument blowing up between Toji and Asuka.

Toji was speaking, "You and Misato weren't using it. Unattended systems are free game. That's the rule."

"That's dumb." Asuka replied with her arms crossed, "A dumb rule made by an idiot who doesn't have the restraint to not touch other people's things."

Toji grumbled, "Why don't you just go back to groveling over Kaji? You were happy ignoring us for that."

Asuka's face went red with rage. "GET OUT!" She pointed at the door.

Toji glared angrily at her. Kensuke spoke then, "Hey, it is her system, Toji. She wants to break it in herself..."

When that did nothing for the tension, Kensuke stammered, "H-how about we go back to my place? We got more games there anyway. And you can spend the night."

Toji dropped the controller as he stood. "Sounds good to me. No stupid dibs rule there."

Kensuke stood with him and followed. Asuka, hands on hips, nudged the controllers close to the game system with her foot. Seeing Shinji watch, she barked, "What are you looking at?"

"N-nothing! I was… just cleaning up." Shinji said and cast his eyes around the ruined living room. He stopped at seeing Pen Pen laying down with his head in a bag of chips. He hoped the bird hadn't suffocated.

Hikari, meanwhile, had emerged from the bathroom just in time for Toji to pass. "Ah! Suzuhara, Shinji can use your help cleaning the living room."

Toji stopped and half turned with a glowering expression. Kensuke came up to her and uttered, "He and Soryu almost came to blows, i'm getting him outta here."

Hikari shook her head. "No, we're guests and we need to help with cleaning. Suzuhara, go back in there and-"

She stopped as Toji ignored her and just kept walking. Hikari was too dumbfounded to blast at him, caught between her indignation of being blown off and her dismay at being dismissed so coldly by her crush. Kensuke stepped around her, "Sorry." He hissed.

Hikari watched them disappear down the hall just as Asuka came up behind her. "Good riddance." The redhead said as she moved into the bathroom, "Selfish ape."

Hikari was left alone in the kitchen. Her head drooped.

Slowly she walked to the sink to stand in front of it. Some way or another it always seemed she was in front of one, so it felt natural to be standing there. Maybe that's what motivated her to get up and help Shinji at last.

She felt just as ignored then as she saw him hours ago.

Just then she heard careful stepping of feet and turned around. She blinked with surprise at seeing Shinji walking in with just about every dish from the living room precariously held in his hands. She held her breath and stepped aside as Shinji stepped gently to the sink.

He landed the mass on the counter, but as he let go some of the cups went flying. "Woah!" Shinji yipped amid the clattering.

None of it was glass at least, allowing Hikari to just laugh at the spectacle. "You almost had it, Ikari."

Shinji started to pick up the dropped glasses when Asuka came out of the bathroom and yawned loudly. Looking up she said, "You're still here Hikari? I thought you would chase after the stooges."

"I'm helping Shinji clean up." Hikari replied. She stared at Asuka with a silent request to help, also.

Asuka's eyes went from her to Shinji crawling on the floor collecting cups. She half turned away to the living room, "Just let Shinji deal with that later. Come on, do you want to try playing the game?"

Hikari replied, "I don't know if I'd be any good, it looks intense."

Asuka considered Shinji. "What about you?"

"Huh? Well, I'd rather get this taken care of tonight." He smiled a little at her. "Maybe we can play tomorrow, after school?"

Asuka returned a wicked smile to Shinji. "Okay, that's a deal." She yawned, started walking for the hall, and said. "I'm going to bed then."

"Asuka?" Shinji said as he stood up.

"Yeah?"

"Did you have fun today?"

Asuka averted her eyes briefly before glancing at him as she started down the hall. "Yeah I had fun. 'Night." She said with a dismissive air and vanished from sight.

"G-goodnight, Asuka." Shinji said in a crestfallen tone.

Hikari had been watching the exchange.

Shinji bent down to collect more of the cups and when he faced Hikari she had a sympathetic look. Shinji averted his eyes as he set the cups on the counter and Hikari started washing. Neither acknowledged aloud Shinji's disappointment at Asuka's flippant answer.

After a while Shinji asked her, "Did… did you have fun?"

"Yes!" Hikari replied out of habit.

"Really?"

Hikari let the water run a little before she allowed herself to admit, "No."

"M-me neither." Shinji said and glanced around. "There was just too much to do."

"And nobody to help you." Hikari said as she kept washing cups.

Shinji shook his head. "I couldn't ask Miss Misato or Asuka for help. E-even if it wasn't their birthdays…. I… I can handle it on my own. I shouldn't have to bother anyone else."

Hikari's eyes half closed sadly. "I tell myself the same thing. One day I'll admit to myself that it isn't true."

Shinji glanced at her. "Do… do you do a lot for your family, too?"

Hikari's pace slowed. "I cook meals for my family and do the housework because nobody else is home during the day. My father is a salaryman, and when my older sister isn't in college she's working to help us make ends meet. My younger sister can't be bothered to do housework no matter how much I argue."

Hikari slamming the plastic cup on the counter beside Shinji betrayed the frustration churning beneath the class rep's serene face and sad smile.

Shinji stared at the cup, thinking over what she said, then looked at Hikari. "It's… it's the same here. I do everything."

"I saw the chore chart." Hikari said. It made Shinji glance at the refrigerator where it was posted. Hikari stopped the sink to ask quietly, "Nobody ever says thank you, do they?"

"M-miss Misato, sometimes, after I cook. Asuka… just… says what could be done better."

"Nobody ever thanks me." Hikari replied, "not my family, not my friends, not my classmates."

Shinji took a cup from her, saying, "I guess I just don't expect any thanks, so… I don't miss it."

"It would be nice to hear though, wouldn't it?"

Shinji thought about the times he received praise. "Yes."

Feeling the same, Hikari found herself nodding. "You and I are alike in many ways, Ikari. I'm glad I know i'm not the only one living this kind of existence."

Shinji considered her again and realized this was someone he could talk to, and understand. "S-same, class rep."

The sink stopped. "You can call me Hikari."

"T-then… call me Shinji."

Hikari turned around from the sink to look at Shinji. In spite of himself, he smiled a little. Hikari then rubbed her shoulders. "Is it me or is it getting cold in here?"

Both Shinji and Hikari had to be gentle when lowering Misato back to her cot. It reminded Shinji of the last time he helped Kaji get her to her mattress, on that night a couple of months ago when Asuka kissed him out of boredom.

Shinji gently closed the door, then said, "I hope she'll be alright. I wonder why she was passed out with the door open."

Hikari said, "It looked like she had been crying."

"Maybe it had something to do with Mr. Kaji." Shinji replied.

The two of them looked at the trashed living room they found themselves in. Though most of the dishes were gone, garbage still littered the place.

Hikari said, "I'll get a trash bag."

"U-um," Shinji said, "Don't you want to go home? It's already pretty late."

"Not until this place is clean again." Hikari replied as she walked into the kitchen.

The two picked up the room in silence at first. It was 10pm and the stillness of the night had seeped into the apartment. Hikari took the broom to sweep up crumbs and debris while Shinji piled the trash bags in the entry hall to take out later. It was 10:41 when Hikari finally called home.

"I'm ready to be picked up… I helped out with clean up, this place was trashed… what? I thought my instructions were clear… did you talk to Nozomi? I went over it with her in case you didn't find my note. Oh… ohhhh," she sighed, "Okay. Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it when I get home. Just come and get me, I know it's late. Thank you Kodama."

The click of the receiver in the quiet room rang a little louder than it should have. Hikari stood by the phone for a moment, transfixed by the realization that there was still more to do when she got home. It was going to be another late, thankless night.

Shinji was standing in the entry into the kitchen and had heard the conversation. He walked to the table. "Do you want some water… while we wait?"

Hikari raised her head skyward as she faced the wall. Then lowered it again as she accepted that she could not have a moment with her new friend. "I should be waiting on the street for my sister to pick me up."

Shinji glanced at the way to the living room and the way to where his roommates were. Then he turned to her, "W-wait, if it's this late… I should wait with you. You shouldn't be out there by yourself."

Hikari smiled with gratitude. "I'd like that. Thank you Shinji."

Key in pocket, and with a couple of Shinji's sweaters, the two left the apartment and went down the elevator. Shinji cleared his throat and said, "Uh, thank you for helping. It would have taken me all day tomorrow to do all of that."

"You're welcome." Hikari replied and took a breath to sigh out, "It will take me a few days to make up the chores I skipped today."

Shinji hesitated before offering, "U-um… would you want… my help? It only seems fair…"

"You don't have to do that." Hikari said as the elevator opened, "Believe it or not, getting to know you is compensation enough."

"O-oh, really?" Shinji replied, surprised.

"Mmh!" The girl answered.

They later sat on the pavement in the dark together to wait.

Hikari said after a moment, "Thank you, Shinji, for listening to me complain about unimportant things."

"Y-you're welcome!" Shinji replied.

Both of them sat in silence for another moment. Hikari's thumbs orbited one another for a moment as she considered a feeling. Her jaw worked, about to ask a question, but she swallowed and said, "Can… can I ask you something?"

"Uh, sure."

"How…" Hikari's thumbs cycled again, "How do you… stay sane, doing everything?"

Shinji looked at her, "What do you mean?"

"You don't seem bothered by doing everything for Miss Misato and Asuka." Hikari asked him without turning to face him. She slid her knees together a little, crunching in. "There are some days I'm so busy… I wonder… if there's anything to look forward to. It's… it's hard."

Shinji stared at her for a moment before dipping his head. What stopped him from giving one of his simple, noncommittal answers this time was because he also had that thought on occasion. Yes there was Eva, but with trying to avoid hurting anyone as much as possible, he had wondered where it would end.

Sharing this feeling with her allowed him to inch past his anxiety over talking about such things. It also helped that she was the only person in Tokyo-3, besides Kaji, who broached the subject of emotions in order to discuss them.

He clenched his hands before answering, "I… I just take it one day at a time, I guess." Clenching his hands again he arrived at a conclusion he didn't consider before blurting it out, "As long as I could remember, I've just been focused on surviving each day. I… I guess I don't have any hopes, really, so I'm never disappointed."

Hikari frowned. "That's regrettable… but I understand it."

"You do?" Shinji asked her, surprised. It was the first time anyone had expressed to Shinji acknowledging anything in his experience. He had also expected her to judge him, as Asuka would have, for this kind of sentiment.

Hikari nodded. "Surviving each day is all I can do, every day. When I take little breaks like this it just means I have to pay for it later. Honestly, between that and not really having fun at things like this, I wonder if I really should bother."

Shinji glanced at her and hesitated, before saying, "I-i think Asuka appreciated having you here. More friends of hers, I mean."

"Maybe…" she said. Hikari's thumbs orbited again. She wanted to ask him if he liked getting to know her, but she couldn't think of a way to phrase it without it being awkward.

Besides, even if she acknowledged a growing attraction to Shinji she was sure she was feeling now, there was one big problem. "I think… Asuka really appreciates the work you put into her party."

Shinji turned his head again. "Oh! Did she say something to you?"

Hikari hesitated before forcing herself to say it. "She likes you, you know."

Shinji didn't say anything at first. He looked away for a moment before saying, "That's not a funny joke. You… you see the way she… she…"

"She doesn't care about any other boy in the school. She always leans on you, even if she won't admit it." Hikari wilted a little further. Even if it was out of line for her to say, this was the nobler thing to do than betray her best friend. "She could choose anyone else to depend on. She chooses you."

They were quiet for another moment before Shinji uttered, "I… I wish she could tell me that herself. Why does she have to be so mean?"

"I don't know." Hikari replied, "but what I do know is that you're special to her."

Silence again hung between the two of them. Hikari was just starting to regret ever talking to Shinji when he said, "Thank you… for… telling me."

"It's not really my place to say it, but I thought you deserved to know." Hikari replied without looking at him.

A thought nagged at Shinji.,"w-why do you think that?"

A bolt of fear stabbed at her. She turned her head to look into his eyes, realizing then that perhaps she'd be forced to admit her own growing feelings from this night after all.

She opened her mouth, but they were interrupted by the lights of a boxy hatchback van pulling into the parking lot. It was Kodama.

They both stood. Hikari took off Shinji's sweater and handed it back to him. "Thank you, Shinji."

Shinji took the garment and said nothing. Hikari paused by him for a moment, then said, "Well, goodnight." She bowed, "Thank you for hosting."

She turned around and took steps to the car.

In Shinji's mind the comparison again of all the women he knew in his life flashed before his thinking. Hikari still stood out. "H-hikari!" He said and stepped forward.

Her silhouette was half hidden by the car's lights.

Shinji bowed to her. "I'm grateful you came today. Please come again!"

Shinji couldn't see her reaction, but he heard her say, "You're welcome." Before entering the car.

Shinji waited for the car to move off and return to the roads of Tokyo-3. When the quiet of the night was restored, he made his way back up to the apartment. He went through the door, prepared for bed, then went to his room.

He paused there, looking at Asuka's doorway. Mixed feelings tumbled in his brain now that he knew she liked him. But she didn't know that he knew, would it jeopardize Asuka's friendship with Hikari if Shinji knew? It was complicated.

As he lay in the bed of the darkened room while midnight swirled around him, he closed his eyes to sleep.

His last thought before losing consciousness was wishing that Hikari had confessed it was she with a crush on him, not Asuka. It would have made much more sense to him.

Fin.

A/n: this little spur of the moment thing hung for months while I tried to figure out what the discussion in the parking lot would look like.

I can't imagine what successive chapters look like beyond this point, and I'm as much a Hikashin fan as much as I am an Asushin fan, so this could go either way.

This takes place near Asuka and Misato's birthdays in December. We can infer Shinji wasn't trapped in unit 01 for that long, and this joint party was planned in part to celebrate.

The thing Misato is worried about is knowing Kaji will meet his fate to an assassin the following day. I leave it to your imagination if anything changes.