WARNING! LANGUAGE IS BAD IN THIS FIC! I DON'T THINK IT'S BAD ENOUGH TO RAISE THE RATING, BUT IT'S NOT ALL THAT GOOD, JUST THE SAME. I HOPE I DIDN'T DO IT EXCESSIVELY, BUT I THINK I DID ENOUGH TO GET THE POINT ACROSS. PLEASE DON'T READ IF IT WILL OFFEND YOU TOO MUCH. I'LL TRY TO MAKE AN EDITED VERSION OF IT LATER FOR THOSE WHO ARE OFFENDED.
Thank you.
Jak
A/N: Some people have been complaining that the romance between Zuko and Katara is rushed. I agree wholeheartedly. There are, of course, reasons for this.
1. I loathe romance, with the fire hot intensity of a thousand suns. If I didn't love the pairing so much, I'd never write romance. Ever.
2. I'm on crack. (not, just seeing if you were paying any attention)
3. I'm a humorist by nature, so I'm going to focus on that more than romance.
4. If I took the time out to develop the romance like it deserves, this story would be much longer (and crappier) than I intend it to be. So go read Rashaka's or RedNovember's (and several other people's, I'm sure) romance between Zuko and Katara, and come to me for the funny. (BTW, this story only has two-to-four chapters left in it, just to warn you.)
5. I wouldn't know, but I've been told, true romance actually happens like that. Like, you take one look at a person and BAM! You're in love. I myself have never experienced it, so I wouldn't know to be painfully honest.
This chapter is longer than I expected it, which is why it took me so long to write. Likewise, the next chapter will probably be very short, as we are nearing the end of this fic. I'm not fully happy with this chapter, but I'll leave that up to you guys to decide whether it's good or not. Sorry, but I hope I made up for it. Enjoy!
Chapter Four: Rumor ControlHikari, in all her twenty-one years of glory, had a hangover.
It was odd, being hung-over. It was like the direct opposite of the drunken joy she had experienced last night, only much harsher, because she could feel her stomach doing flip-flops and her head being beaten against a brick wall.
She turned around and smiled. Still asleep (and not hung-over), was Hikari's newest roommate/prisoner on the ship, Katara. She was curled up in a ball peacefully hugging one of the girls' pillows.
You know, for a waterbender, she's awfully sweet. Hikari mused. Who else would have actually tried to get to know the only five girls onboard? Because honestly, last night was some of the most fun Hikari had had in a long time. And to think, Xia was so convinced that Katara was just using them as an escape route! Yet, here she was, looking as though she hadn't move since where they left her.
You know, maybe it wouldn't be so bad for her and Prince Zuko to get married. Hikari thought oddly. Maybe we could still braid each other's hair if she lived in the Fire Nation.
The only problem, she added mentally, is that she hates Prince Zuko with a passion. Ah well, can't win them all.
At that thought, Hikari vaguely remembered a conversation she had with the waterbender really late last night.
"I think he likes you."
"I think I like him, too."
Thus, Hikari's hangover went from really, really bad, to really, really worse.
Best tell Jee. She thought as she rolled out of bed. But as she got dressed and headed towards Jee, she couldn't help but wonder if, maybe, it would be all right after all.
XXX
MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE…
"Hey, Aang, what are you doing?" Sokka asked, with an unexpected yawn.
"Stopping." Aang said, pulling Appa's reins tightly. "We, as well as Appa, are going to collapse from exhaustion if we don't get some rest."
"Rest!" Sokka yelled. "We can't stop to rest! Those firebenders have my baby sister!"
"Dude, they aren't going to hurt her." Aang mumbled.
"How do you know, Mr. High-and-Mighty Avatar?" Sokka grumbled.
"Don't you read fanfiction? They never hurt her! Well, not really. I mean, sometimes they do, but….Ah, crap! Just forget it! All we have to do is wait until she and Zuko to fall in love, then burst in and rescue her."
"…" Sokka looked quite clueless.
Aang sighed. "Just trust me, alright?" He said as he landed Appa on the island.
As soon as the boy's landed, Prince Zuko's ship passed them by. Neither of the boys was aware of this fact, else this story would be much shorter. Momo, of course, knew it was Prince Zuko's ship. Heck, he even waved at it.
"Momo, quit waving at the water, it's getting on my nerves."
Stupid humans.
XXX
BACK TO THE CIRCUS…
Jee spit out his tea.
Again.
Really, it was starting to annoy him. He should stop it.
But seriously, people should stop surprising so early in the morning.
Especially when they brought bad news.
"She said what?" Jee growled, fire burning in his eyes.
Hikari held her head in her hands, rubbing her temples harshly. "I have a hangover, can I go back to bed now?"
"That's what Jiro says every morning, and I'm going to tell you the same thing I tell him: No, you may certainly not! Now, tell me what she said." Jee commanded.
"My head really, really hurts." Hikari ignored him.
"TELL ME WHAT SHE SAID, DAMNIT!"
"What who said?" Shen said, walking in on the two arguing. He grabbed a glass out of the cupboard and poured himself some tea, taking a seat beside Jee.
"Katara, our lovely waterbender." Hikari answered Shen.
"Yeah, now what did she say!" Jee pestered.
"You spoke with her?" Shen asked, ignoring Jee.
Hikari giggled. "Didn't you hear? She bunked with us girls last night, we had a sleep over."
Jee growled. "So I've heard. TELL ME WHAT WAS SAID!"
Shen smiled. "Really? I was wondering why all the guys kept sneaking out last night."
"Tell me what she said."
Hikari smiled. "Yep, they tried to ruin our party, but we stopped them."
"Tell me what she said."
Shen grinned. "I bet that was amusing. I can hardly imagine Xia or, oh, what's her name…Akiko, yes, I can hardly imagine them partying."
"Tell me what she said."
"You'll be amazed at what a little booze can do."
"Tell me what she said."
"Where did you get booze?"
"Tell me what she said."
"Jiro."
"Tell me what she said, please."
Shen raised his eyebrow. "I bet that didn't go over well."
"Goddamnit, Hikari, tell me what she said!"
Hikari smiled mischievously. "Actually, it went over quite well, as I haven't seen him or Akiko at all this morning."
"TELL ME!"
"Really! Well, I'll be damned…Akiko and Jiro…never saw it coming. "
"Please tell me what she said, Hikari." Jee asked, his last nerves fraying.
"I know! Who knew Akiko was a closet alcoholic as well?"
"For the love of Agni, tell me!"
"She is! Wow, I never knew!"
"Okay, now you two are just doing this to piss me off, tell me what she said and you two can go on gossiping, alright?" Jee snarled.
Hikari looked at Jee pointedly. "You're being very rude, you know that."
"Bull shit. Now tell me."
"Hmp!" Hikari told him. "Just for that, you can wait to find out." And she walked out of the room, looking for something to cure her hangover with.
Jee glared at Shen, as though it was all Shen's fault. "What?" Shen asked.
Jee hit him.
XXX
For the first time in nearly twenty years, Jiro woke up without a hangover.
(Then the apocalypse came and we all died. The end.)
Jiro yawned. (Or not.) He rolled over and put his arm around his beloved, taking in her sweet, sweet scent once more. How had he gone for so long without her? It was like waking up as a whole different person. The sun was up; the birds were chirping…he could even hear Jee try to drown himself in the background, which made for such a wonderful morning already. The only thing that would be better would be if Prince Zuko were drowning himself as well so Jiro wouldn't have to listen to his constant bickering, but then Jiro would be out of a job.
Great Agni, life was beautiful, wasn't it?
Around that time, Akiko came into the room in nothing but a towel. "You gonna to hug that whiskey, or are you going to share it with me?" She asked, pointing to the bottle in his grasp, barely holding up her towel as it was.
He undid the corkscrew as soon as Akiko sat on the bed, taking in the sweet smell of both of his beloveds.
Gods, life was wonderful. All of creation was beautiful and sacred once again, just like it had been when he was a child before alcohol had influenced him so greatly…
"Hey, Jiro, you up yet? Jee wanted to know, he wants to have some sort of meeting…OH MY GOD!" Taro, sweet, innocent, young Taro, yelled. "OH MY GOD!"
"Shut up Taro." Jiro growled as Akiko giggled and stole his booze.
"MY EYES! MY YOUNG AND INNOCENT EYES!"
Never mind, Jiro thought. I take that back. All of humanity stinks. Life sucks.
XXX
"So, what are we doing?" Jiro asked at the crowded room. "Is this an intervention? Finally! I was beginning to wonder if you guys were going to let me drink myself to death." He said pulling up a chair. "The truth is, I drink because I'm too scared to kill myself by tradition means. I'm sure with the help of my friends I'll recover in no time…"
"You…seriously?" Daisuke asked, bewildered.
Jiro grinned. "Fuck no. I'm just seeing if I can---"
"Better question is: who cares? Anyway, we have more important things to worry about at the moment." Jee said in his commanding voice. "We have to do something about Prince Zuko and the Waterbender."
"---Distract Jee at all." Jiro frowned. "What happened between them?" he asked, confused.
"We think they like each other." Hikari supplemented.
"Really? I thought we were trying to, you know, get them apart."
"We are." Shen yelled. "But it hasn't worked."
"In fact," Daisuke added. "It's almost like they've backfired completely. The more we try to get them apart---"
"The closer they get." Taro finished. He then glared at Jiro. "And I'm still afraid I'm going to go blind after what I saw this morning."
Jiro rolled his eyes. "Ever hear of knocking, twerp?"
"Enough!" Jee interrupted, his left eye twitching. "All this means is that we're going to have to try harder!"
"How?" Shen asked.
"Ooh! I know---we can lock them in the same room together!" Jee glared at the genius that said that. "Or, uh, not?"
"We're trying to break them up, not get them together." Taro growled.
"Oh." The person in question said. "Why?"
"Because the end of the world will happen if they get together!" Daisuke yelled.
The guy raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"
Jee frowned. "Okay, who the hell are you?" He asked, peering at the stranger in the room.
"Private Kenshin, forty-ninth division, sir. I was on my way to the bathroom---" The new guy explained before Jee cut him off.
"Just get the hell out of here, Kenshin." Jee brushed him off. Kenshin turned his head.
"But know I want to know---"
"GET OUT!" Seven voices echoed, kicking Kenshin out. Suddenly, Kenshin felt like he was in high school again, and he had just been kicked out by all the cool kids and forced to sit at the geek table at lunch, again.
Well, we'll see about that. Kenshin thought evilly as he walked out of the room, laughing manically.
Shen blinked at the door. "That was random."
"When hasn't it been?" Daisuke asked. "Ever since that Waterbender joined us, things have been crazy."
Jiro grinned. "I suggest we kill her. Her spleen would look great on my bedroom wall---"
Hikari screamed. "No! We can't do that! That's horrible!" She then hit Jiro upside the head.
"I was only joking!"
"But you do bring up a good point." Jee said, rubbing his chin. "We need to get rid of the Waterbender."
"Poisoning?" Taro suggested.
"Nah, we tried it. It backfired, remember?" Jee said. "Any other suggestions?"
"Let's take her liver." Jiro commented. "Lord knows mine's going to fail one of these days, and I'd like to have another handy just in case."
Hikari hit him. "We aren't taking her liver!"
"Why the hell not---OW!"
Jee frowned. "No, we don't need to kill her, that would only cause trouble for us, not to mention we aren't savages. No, we need to get rid of her a different way."
"Who says we have to get rid of her?" Daisuke added. "Maybe we can just get rid of Prince Zuko?"
Taro gapped. "That's treason!"
"Maybe we don't have to get rid of either of them." Hikari noted. "Maybe, we just need to make them not like each other any more."
"That's what we've been trying, dear, and it hasn't worked." Shen told her.
Hikari smirked. "Well, not if we go with my plan."
"What plan?" Taro spit out. "The only thing you're good at is gossiping."
To his surprise, Hikari grinned. "Exactly."
XXX
Katara and Akiko were sitting in their bunks, Katara braiding Akiko's hair while the two girls chitchatted. This was rare—ever sense last night, Akiko had suddenly not become such a recluse as before. Apparently, this was Jiro's influence, but Katara wasn't going to say anything.
"And then we had fiery smex, and it was great." Akiko said with a lovesick sigh. Katara giggled as she twisted another piece of hair in Akiko's braid. Around that time, Hikari came into the room, with a sad look on her face.
"What's wrong, Hikari?" Katara asked, noticing the poor girl being upset.
"It-t's nothing, Katara." Hikari lied. Katara frowned.
"Okay, now I definitely know there is something wrong with you." Katara said, concerned.
"It's just---I've been hearing…things." Hikari looked down, playing with her fingers as if they were extremely interesting.
Katara raised her eyebrow. "What sort of things?" She glared.
Hikari fidgeted. "Rumors, mostly."
"About what?" Katara asked curiously.
"You, mainly. And Prince Zuko." Katara's face fell. She could almost hear what Hikari was about to say. Someone saw them last night. Someone must have thought that she and the Prince were, she didn't know, together maybe? That wasn't true, of course, but it certainly made Katara's face red thinking about it.
"What did they say, Hikari?" Katara wanted to know, now.
Hikari shifted her feet nervously. "Well…" She then blushed furiously, and mumbled. "princezukocalledyouawhore."
Katara blinked. "What?"
Hikari let out a breath she'd been holding in. "Prince Zuko called you a whore."
Katara's face fell. "He said---what?"
"Well, indirectly, at least. He was talking about how you traveled with two boys, and you probably---uh, you know."
"Had fiery—er, watery, no, steamysmex!" Akiko added, smiling.
Katara had reached a boiling point. That asshole! She was going to kill him, very slowly and in the most painful manner possible. And to think, she almost liked a guy like him! How wrong she was!
"For one thing, Sokka is my brother, and Aang is underaged. Number two, there is no way I would dishonor myself before marriage!" She said, outraged. "Where is that man? I'm going to go give him a piece of my mind…" She trembled, her fists balled up angrily.
Hikari looked at Katara, acting surprised. "He's in a meeting. He'll be there all day."
Katara rolled up her sleeves, her eyes blazing with anger. "Then I suppose I'll just have to wait for that ungrateful brat then, won't I?"
XXX
Jiro, as expected, handled the situation with the delicacy of a dead cat.
"Hey, Prince Zuko, you should do something about that Waterbender chick. She's been talking about you behind your back."
Zuko rolled his eyes. "And?"
"She said you were a jerky asshole who cared about nothing except for himself and deserved to rot in hell, for all she cared." Jiro said.
"What!" Zuko growled. "She said that?"
Jiro nodded.
"That—that peasant!" He roared. He was not a selfish jerky asshole, thank you very much! He had even helped her! He could have thrown her back into her nasty smelling cell (it still stunk even though the boys cleaned it), but no, he let her stay in the girl's quarters, even after she drugged his crew and tried to escape! Gods, he had thought she was attractive, too!
"She also said you had the ugliest damn scar, ever."
Oh, it was so personal, now.
"Where the hell is that water-witch?" He growled, resorting back to name calling for his prisoner. "I'm going to go give that woman a piece of my mind!"
Iroh frowned as he petted Mookie. "That---surprises me, that Katara would say that."
Don't call her Katara! Zuko growled in his mind. She's stupid waterwitch and peasant, damnit!
"Even still, you can't figure why she did so until after the meeting, Prince Zuko. Would you care for some tea?"
It was the longest meeting Zuko ever had to endure in his entire life.
XXX
"So, do they not like each other?" Hikari asked Daisuke quietly in the hall.
"I'll be surprised if they ever look at each other in the eye ever again." Daisuke laughed. "At least one of our plans didn't backfire completely in our faces."
Hikari grinned. "And it was my plan, of course."
"Yeah, it was brillant." Daisuke commented. "But I'm not surprised. You're brillant too, Hikari."
She blushed. "You think so?"
"Your perfect, Hikari! Your beautiful and smart and clever…"
She blushed harder. "Really? I don't think I'm all that pretty or clever…"
Daisuke grinned. "But you are, Hikari. Your perfect. To me, at least."
She leaned in closer to him. "I think your rather perfect myself, Daisuke."
The two were not seen for the rest of the night.
XXX
Katara was tapping her foot on the iron boards of the ship, trying to keep her cool as hard as she could. The waves around the ship we're growing steadily around her, and she was trying her hardest to not let them explode, at least until Zuko showed his cowardly face.
Zuko, likewise, was having a hard enough time in the meeting keeping his cool. The cat had unexplainably caught on fire twice since Jiro had told him was Katara said, and if he didn't control it, they would be having Princess Mookie for supper.
Both of them had never been more relieved when the meeting was finally over and they could meet face-to-face.
"So, you decided to show your face, did you, peasant?" Zuko growled at her on the deck, the two of them alone as the rest of the crew had already gone to bed.
"Your one to talk, scarface." Katara insulted. Zuko's blood boiled.
"What the hell is your problem, water witch? I could have treated you a lot worse, you know!" He roared. "You ignorant, pitiful excuse of a waterbender…"
"My problem," Katara yelled. "Is you!" The ship began rocking as the waves around her flourished. "What selfish, arrogant, pathetic noble do you think you are, calling me a whore? I'll have you know, I'd never dishonor myself---"
Zuko blinked. "I never called you a whore."
Katara's eyes blazed. "Don't lie! Hikari told me what you said!"
"I didn't say anything about you," Zuko answered, honestly. "You were the one who said something about me."
Katara's mouth gapped open. "No I didn't! You did!"
Zuko frowned. "Wait, if neither of us said anything about the other…"
"…why did they tell us you did?" Katara added her own curiosity to Zuko's.
"You know, the crew has been acting rather strange since you came here. I thought it was just me, but apparently not." Zuko commented.
Katara scowled. "That's not my fault."
"I never said it was." Zuko said quietly. "But it still brings up the question of why they are acting so strange."
A sudden and strange thought occurred to Katara. It sent her into a fit of giggles.
"What?" Zuko asked temperamentally.
"It's crazy, but they're almost acting like they're trying to break us up or something." She giggled.
Zuko gawked at her. "There's not even an 'us' to break up! Why would they do that?"
She just giggled.
Zuko paused. "Well, I guess that makes sense…I just don't get where they would get that idea."
Katara smiled. "Maybe it's because we're together oh so often."
Zuko smiled as well, playing along with Katara's game. "Maybe it's because of all that great sexual tension we have."
She stepped closer. "Maybe it's because of all the pretty babies we'd make."
This earned a chuckle out of Zuko. "So true." He laughed. It was a pleasant sound—Katara had never really heard it before, and if she had, she must not have been paying enough attention to it.
"Not to mention opposites attract." He said, his gold eyes peering deeply into her own. Did all firebenders have such pretty eyes? She didn't know---all she could see were his, and that was enough.
When did he get so close? Or when did it go so warm? It had just been an innocent conversation, and yet, here she, his warm breath tingling her skin, and she was sorely tempted to close the space between them.
She closed her eyes softly, as did he, and together they moved just a bit closer to one another, until…
"OH MY GOD!"
It was ruined.
Someone was going to die, that much was sure.
XXX
:End:
Ooh, a cliffie! I'm evil, I know. :) I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, (mainly because I cannot write romance without occular bleeding occuring), but it does what it's suppose to, and I suppose that's enough.
I'll hope to have the next chapter soon, so don't worry!
Also, brownie points: One line is from jessieheart on LJ, and another is from Penny Arcade. Whoever spots it gets an imaginary cookie.
Jak