In darkness she is all I see
I think about the person inside the warm, small, chubby body that's pressed up against me. I've never met someone like her before. I probably will never meet someone like her again. She's so INTENSE. Her happiness is sheer ecstasy. Her sadness is the ultimate in depression. She throws herself so fully into everything she does. Feelings are there to be felt and life is for the living. I marvel at her energy, the way that, when she's not depressed, she radiates life. And she's no dumb cookie either.
Since I've met her, she's been with me through good times and bad. And when the depression overcomes me, when I'm swiftly losing myself, when the Octopus is sucking me into his pernicious clutches, she's there for me, in the most intimate of ways that she could be there. She's there in my mind, not my thinking of her, but her actually IN my mind, fighting for me, trying to keep the evil out to let me return back to myself. In those moments, my darkest hours, she is all that exists outside of the omnipresence that threatens to drive me mad.
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on sunday morning
And I never want to leave
I'm glad she's here with me, in my bed, snuggled up to me, intertwined in my actuators. To love, and be loved, and feel love like this is something that I never expected to do after Rosie's death. It is surely not unwelcome. This moment, all the moments we have like this, are so special. I never want them to end. If I could take a moment, make it stop, keep it frozen in time, it's the moments like this that I would want to capture and keep and stay in for the rest of eternity.
Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
I shift to roll over. She untangles herself from my extra appendages. I roll over and look at her, stroking her cheek. "You are so special to me, you know that?" I ask. She smiles and nods. Is that a bit of pink I see in her cheeks? Yes. Her blushing makes me blush.
I say nothing, and slowly start unbuttoning the front of her flannel PJs. She just looks at me. I haven't been this bold with her before. She's not fighting me off, so that must be a good sign. I finish with the buttons and slowly remove her top. She's holding her breath. Literally. With her assistance her pants are removed as well. She lays there, naked and exposed. And yet she's not shy or trying to cover herself. She's so comfortable in her body. She has lectured to me before about how we all have bodies and it's nothing to be ashamed of, but I was raised traditionally and do not know her bohemian ways. And this time, it's different. I'm not feeling ashamed to look at her. Was Adam ashamed to look at Eve?
I run my hands over her every curve. Sometimes my touch is light as a feather, sometimes I press a little harder. She seems to be quite ticklish sometimes. I have to be careful that my touches caress her instead of torment her. Luckily when they're too soft she squirms a bit. I smile at her squirming and her warm flesh underneath my large hands, my dexterous fingers. She is so SMOOTH. And I feel like I'm sculpting clay, with the way her body responds to my stroke, my gentle touch.
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather still together when it ends
She's on top of me now. We're kissing and touching and caressing each other. Her hand through my messy hair, my hands on her ample hips, us exploring each others bodies as lovers do. She's such a joy, such a treasure to have in my life. I move under her, she shifts on top of me. We switch positions, lay on our sides. I move left, she moves right to follow. She rolls on her back, I'm on top of her. We move and roll and tumble in bed, kissing and licking, sucking and caressing. Fingers, shoulders, legs, elbows, lips and toes. The rain has stopped and the sun is starting to peek through the clouds but we don't notice. We're too absorbed in each other.