Edmund woke in the middle of the night. It was a habit he had never been able to break: at three AM his eyes would fly open. If he was lucky, he'd be able to go back to sleep. Mostly though, in Narnia or in England, he was alone with his thoughts until the dawn. When his eyes opened that night he knew he was not going back to sleep, and he turned onto his side with a lot of sighing and rustling of the sheets. He looked around the room that was bathed in a moonlight far more mystical than the pragmatic surroundings of a country cottage. When his eyes fell on Peter's bed, he saw that Lucy was in a tight little ball at the foot, her hand curled around the knob of the wardrobe. He was simultaneously touched by her steadfast confidence and annoyed. Lucy was so good. She was always happy, she always believed. She worked to make everyone else happy and never had cross words for anyone. Everyone loved Lucy. Whenever he had a row with her when they were growing up, Peter defended her. On the Dawn Treader he and Caspian had almost come to blows a couple of times. It didn't matter that he was right; Caspian never fought with Lucy. He only said "I know exactly what you mean," when Lucy said something. Edmund punched his pillow down and rolled over to his other side. No one knows exactly what I mean, he thought sulkily.
He was better in the morning; at least he was able to get over such moments now. Peter walked with a swing in his step, packing things at random and talking a lot about when they used to set off for battle. The thing was, Peter and Edmund rarely went together. At first they did, when they were ferreting out the remnants of the White Witch's army, but when the giants appeared on the Northern frontier Edmund saw that it was wiser not to go. He wanted to very much; he wanted his share in the glory. He wanted to fight with Peter. But as much as he could hold his own in battle, Peter felt the need to protect him, and even when they had laid out careful strategies the night before, Peter risked them all to defend Edmund whenever he thought his brother was in danger. It was a beautiful sentiment in a way, but it irritated Edmund, because of course he was going to be in mortal danger. That was what battles were about.
In the end, Edmund helped laid out the battle plans in the war cabinets at Cair Paravel and Peter rode off under the standard. Then most often Edmund would be left wandering the castle idly, listening to the small quarrels of the happy Narnians or idly spinning astrolabes in the Chamber of Instruments. He gave up the glory because it was the wise thing to do, and because of that everyone invoked Peter's name when they talked of the Golden Age of Narnia.
And so while Peter was striding around the room as if he were going to usher in another Golden Age for Narnia, Edmund was thinking. Last night everything had seemed so easy and so obvious. Now Edmund was starting to worry about the details. Would his friend lend him the uniforms? Would he and Peter really get away with breaking and entering? If they did get caught, how would they explain themselves? The thought of standing there and telling a stern-faced bobby that they were looking for rings to send them to another world was alarming, but at the same time it made Edmund snicker.
Peter and Edmund bid everyone farewell at the train station. Lucy was staying behind with Jill and Eustace, who were about to go back to school. Edmund could see in her eyes that she wanted to relive Narnia in peace, without having to worry about Susan, and he understood.
He wrung hands with Eustace and the Professor, and he gave Jill a rather awkward kiss on the cheek. Peter had done this with very sure movements, but Edmund felt much more at odds about it. Besides, he was rather getting the idea that Jill might be developing a crush on him, though one could never be too sure about girls. But he turned from Jill to hug Lucy who said "Get the rings and come back safe to us," as she hugged him tight. "Come back safe to us." That was what she always said when they parted, whether he was going to school or to battle. He knew she only ever said it to him; she had another whispered message for Peter, and this secret confidence was what made him love his sister just as much as everyone else. Even if he did sometimes resent her perfection.
Then the conductor called for all aboard and Edmund and Peter hopped on. The train pulled away from the platform, and they leaned out the door together, waving their caps to the party collected on the platform. Edmund watched and waved and saw Lucy doing the same until the train went round a bend and the platform disappeared behind him.
"Two and a half hours to London," Edmund muttered as they looked for an empty compartment, banging their suitcases down the corridor. "Then we'll arrive in Victoria and we have to get on the Tube…we should be home by teatime."
"Excellent," Peter said. "There'll be time enough for you to ring up your friend tonight."
"Right." Edmund swallowed. He was beginning to get nervous without really knowing why. The details were troublesome, but he was pretty sure it would all work out in the end. Perhaps it was the excitement of a mission for Narnia, but that didn't answer all of Edmund's worries. Something else was around the bend, and the fact that he couldn't say what was the most troubling of all.