Unavailable
Disclaimer: No, sadly I do not own anything Supernatural related... I just wish I did.
Summary: Dean's thoughts during his argument with Sam at the beginning of Asylum. Dean's POV.
Spoilers: Just Asylum, possibly a little Home.
Pairings: None.
Author's note: Italics represent speech. Anything else is Dean's thought
This is my first Supernatural fic, and the first fic I've written in quite a while so give me a break, huh? Be nice. That means no flames. Alright, here we go...
"You know he could be dead for all we know."
I could almost hear his defeat. It was filling the room. But it wasn't his defeat that made me mad and disconcerted, it was the lack of caring whether Dad was dead or not that made me choke.
"Don't say that. He's not dead he's-he's..."
I trailed off not knowing what else to say. Guess it didn't matter because Sammy finished it for me.
"He's what? He's hiding? He's busy?"
No, he's...what's the word I'm looking for...oh yeah...unavailable.
I couldn't believe it when I finally found my stupid phone and the first thing I see happens to be exactly what I was thinking. I almost laughed out loud. Damn phone took the words right out of my head. Or maybe Sam is sending his own thoughts through the phone now. That thought causes me to smile a little. Sammy, my little psychic.
I realize that Sammy's probably getting a little suspicious of my silence so I say the first thing that comes to my mind.
"I don't believe it"
'Course Sammy has no idea what I'm really trying to say and there is no way in hell I'm going to tell him.
"What?"
What? Well, I could answer him truthfully. I could tell him that I don't really think that Dad is coming back but there is no way in hell I'm going to tell him that because if Sammy found that out then he wouldn't have any reason left to hope.
Even if his hope is simply based on finding Dad just to yell at him for leaving us... leaving me.
No, I need him to have hope. That way he won't figure out what I truly think and leave me just like Dad did.
And he would leave, I know that now. I think the only reason he's stuck around this long is because he thinks I have all the answers. But I know the truth.
Truth is that I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore than he does. But damned if I'm ever going to let that little fact slip. Then he really wouldn't have any reason to stay. Then I would be just as lost as he is.
You see, corny as it sounds, Sammy keeps me together. Keeps me whole. And I think, deep down, Sammy knows that I keep him together too. We need each other. Fire and water. We can destroy each other just as easily as we balance each other out.
Sammy's got his false hope and I have the ability to give it to him. And nothing is going to ruin that.
Nothing.