Chapter Five-All I Know is What I feel.
Mical glanced around the room that he had once shared with Jennra briefly many moons ago. The walls were lined with books, all the information and chronicled stories and teachings of the Jedi that he had collected over the years. Crystals and remnants of Jedi artefacts lay next to the books high on their shelves, all that he had managed to save from the many salvagers that had stripped the Enclave bare after the attack on Dantooine by Revans former apprentice, Darth Malak.
He had met Jennra two and a half years ago, when she had come to Dantooine in search of the last few remaining Jedi Masters. He sat down in a chair, and smiled at the memory. She had stood before him, in the ruins of the old library in the sub levels, and he had been singularly struck by her beauty, her natural way with the Force. He loved her from that very moment, and had felt a great pang when he realised that she had not come alone. Her companion was a surly looking dark haired man, whom had looked on him with contempt as he had conversed with Jennra. Mical decided that he would accompany them on their mission; much to the other mans displeasure. Once aboard the Ebon Hawk, Atton had warned him to keep away, and so he had done at first, although it pained him to see them together, laughing and joking with each other. Atton had implied that they were a couple, but despite this, the more time that he spent alone with the Exile, the harder it was for him to fight down his true feelings for her. He tried to, out of respect for what he believed Atton and the Exile had together, but as they had journeyed onwards, Mical found it harder to contain his emotions.
Jennra. He wondered where she was now. Was she safe, was she in danger? He did not know, and the unknowing was a constant ache inside of him. Just before she had left, he told her that he wanted to go after her, to protect her as he had done once before, but she had refused profusely, violently almost. He had thought to follow her, but the demands of the rebuilding of the Jedi Order were not something that he could just walk away from so easily. Jennra had beseeched him that he was the one to make it happen here on Dantooine.
He glanced around the room, frowning as he saw the communication button on the small computer console opposite him flash. He slowly walked towards it, fearing what it meant.
The console light flickered off and on while Mical stared at it, standing silently with his hands clasped behind his back. Outwardly, he exuded an aura of calm, but inwardly his stomach churned. What if it is news? he thought, but I cannot face it if it is not. Hesitantly, he reached out and pushed a button with a nervous finger.
A small blue holovid version of Admiral Carth Onasi appeared, shimmering with lines and static as the image hovered two feet off the console.
"Mical here, Admiral," he said to the image.
"Ah Mical. How goes things at the Enclave?"
"It is going well here. We gain more young people who wish to be instructed in the ways of the Jedi. Some are acceptable, some are not, but I guess that is the way of things. The Order grows daily, and that is imperative to the Orders survival."
"Good. That's really good to hear, Mical, and how are you coping?" the holovid Carth raised an eyebrow.
"I am coping, well enough. It is a most unusual position that I find myself in, with so many wards to look after; and of course, there are the occasional disputes with the settlers. The usual things, such as the amount of Kath hounds roaming the plains…"
"That is not really what I was asking, Mical. How are you coping? It's been just under three years now, hasn't it?" the holovid image laughed sadly, "I should know, it's been seven years since I last heard anything from Revan."
"I am sorry, Admiral. I can appreciate what you must be going through. Time does not make it any easier to bear," he smiled bitterly, "It has been difficult, I will not lie.There have been times when it is hard to go on…the days are just so, empty," he shrugged, "It is at times like these, that it is best to keep yourself busy, your mind occupied. I must confess it is difficult at night though…to feel so alone, and wonder where she is, and if she is safe. But then you know this."
Carth glanced down, "Yes," he whispered, "The years doesn't make it any easier," he ran his hand through his hair, "So you have not received any word of them?" he asked in a low strained voice.
"I have not, I am afraid. Like you, I have heard no word, no sign concerning them both."
The blue image sighed in disappointment. "You will keep me informed, like before?"
"Certainly, Admiral"
"I will be at Telos for the next few months. We are over seeing the reconstruction of some of the planets surface. I do not know what the Ithorians secret is, but they have speeded work up by a ten fold."
"It is the Force that flows through them, and guides them."
Carth chuckled, "I thought you would say something like that! Listen, why don't you come over for a visit? We could use a man of your abilities. Now the Enclave is up and running, there are others there capable of keeping things ticking over."
"I will see what I can do, Admiral. I must confess that maybe a change of scenery would do my heart glad for a while, and I am greatly interested in the Ithorians restructuring. I would very much like to see the planets surface with my own eyes."
"Good, see that you do. Admiral Onasi signing out."
The holovid went blank. Mical sighed and reached across, pushing the button to the off position. Still no news he thought in bitter disappointment.
He pulled up a chair, and sat heavily in it, resting his elbows on his knees. His long fingers pushed through his blonde hair, and he sat silently; allowing himself the pain of his private grief. A lone tear spattered onto his robe, but he did not notice. His thoughts were full of Jennra, his Exile, and the carefree six months that they had spent together before her sudden and abrupt departure. But, he thought miserably to himself, they were not carefree times. She had planned this all along, that she would go alone to face her destiny, to face Revan, for the good or bad that it did the universe.
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"I wonder what he will have to say about this," Atton asked Mira in a low voice as they approached Micals private quarters.
Mira stopped in front of the large wooden door and knocked twice.
"He isn't in. Come on sweetness, lets go," Atton grabbed her by the shoulder.
"Give him a chance, Atton," she hissed through clenched teeth. She knocked again, more loudly "Mical?" she called softly.
Atton rolled his eyes. "I see his attitude with the ladies still leaves a lot to be desired. Eh, since when do you ever keep a lady waiting?" he said innocently.
"And that's why you always fail, Atton," Mira replied smiling.
"Ah, you hurt me…"
"You wish!"
Mira raised her hand to knock at the door again, but paused as the door opened slowly in front of her.
"Damn it!" Atton whispered.
"Yes, Mira, what is the problem?" Mical asked quietly, glancing at the two figures that stood hesitantly in front of him.
"Can we, uh, talk for a minute? Atton has something important he wants to tell you," Mira replied, nudging Atton in the chest with her elbow.
Mical looked across at Atton, "Yes?"
"I would rather not discuss it in the hallway, if it's all the same to you, Mical."
"Of course! Where are my manners? Enter, please do," he moved aside to allow them into the room.
"Nice place. So full of, well, books," Atton whistled as they walked into the room.
"And what is it that I can assist you with?" Mical asked curiously.
"I have something to tell you," Atton replied quietly, without humour in his voice, "see I…I mean, we," he said glancing guiltily at Mira, "are going to search for Jennra. To bring her home."
Mical laughed bitterly. "What? That is something that you cannot do. She is where she wants to be, needs to be," he corrected himself, "Do you think that I have not thought about doing this myself? No, she did this to keep us all from harm. Have you any idea what it must be like for her? This is a ridiculous idea."
"Now look here!" Atton retorted angrily, "All I know is what I feel. And what I'm feeling is bad," he faced the young Jedi square on, "something is going to happen to her…if it hasn't already."
"Do you think that I do not know that already, Atton!" he exclaimed, "she knew the risk, no matter what it meant, or cost to those that she left behind. It is for a greater good that she went. To face Revan, to fight with Revan"
"I think her life is in danger," Atton replied, "unless we do something, I fear that something will happen to her. Something big. Something that could cause big problems for all of us…"
Mical glared at Atton, "What makes you so sure, apart from a feeling?"
"I have been having bad dreams. I can see her, and she is trouble…" Atton pulled up a chair and sat down. "Look, I don't know if you believe me or not, Mical. But, we are going after her anyway. Regardless of what you think."
"Then I am coming with you," Mical replied quietly, "if there is a chance that she can be found, then I want to be there."
Atton opened his mouth to protest and then closed it when he saw the resolute expression on the younger mans face.
Mical glanced away from him, "I have waited three years for news of her," he said softly, "You can not deny me that."
"Good," Mira replied, "So when do we leave?"
"I have to talk to the council regarding this," Mical said as he walked past them to the door, "I will speak with them now."
Atton looked at Mira and sighed, "Great, just great, and how long is this going to take?" he complained loudly.
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Mical felt a nervous trepidation rise within him as he neared the door of the temporary council chamber. He did not know how they were going to handle the news of his departure, but he felt adamant that he was finally doing the right thing, the one thing that he had wanted to do for the last few years. The Order was doing well enough, so he did not feel any great worry about leaving, the only thing that bothered him was the fact that he did not how long he was going to be away. They will cope well enough, he thought; they have to understand that this is something that I must do, if anything for peace of heart. He pushed the door open and walked in.
Juhani narrowed her yellow eyes as he pulled up a chair and sat down, "What is this about, Mical?" she queried.
"I am going to look for the Exile," he replied carefully, "I have been offered passage on the Ebon Hawk."
Visas moved her head to face him, "Are you sure of what you are doing?"
He breathed deeply, "Yes, I am."
"But surely, this is pointless. You do not know where she is. How do you know that you will find her?" Juhani asked in a puzzled voice, "This is a bad idea."
Mical was surprised to see Visas shake her head, "No, Juhani. I disagree, there maybe a chance that she can be found…"
Juhani laughed, "How can you be so sure of that, Miraluka?"
She shook her head slightly, "I have sensed a presence in the Force, and I feel that it may lead to the Exile…"
"When was this?" Mical asked, leaning forward in his chair, "You have not spoken of this before."
"I have only just felt it, like a blur in the Force. It is weak, and I wanted to be sure of it before I spoke, but now I feel that it is relevant," she bowed her head slowly, "I will accompany you, Mical. My life lies with the Exile; I have a debt towards her that I can never repay."
Juhani snorted, "It would appear that this matter has already been decided, against my better judgement." She looked at Visas, "Why do you wish this? You endanger your life on so futile a mission. And Mical, are you sure that you are not allowing personal feelings to mar your vision? A decision like this cannot be undone. I despair what will happen to you."
"I have waited for a long time. If there is a chance, then I wish to be there. Yes, I cannot deny that my feelings are relevant in this, but I will not allow it to colour my judgement…"
"And how would you feel if she has fallen?" Juhani demanded, "What then of your judgement? We cannot afford to lose you. I cannot allow this to happen."
Visas smiled slowly, "But then, Juhani, you speak of judgement, yet you whom were once fallen were redeemed by Revan no less. If she has fallen, then surely she deserves to be redeemed as you once were?" she shook her head, "I cannot believe that the Exile would fall. She is pure in the light, and has great command of the Force. I have faith in her." she replied simply.
Mical sat back, and a small smile touched his lips, "She is right, Juhani. No one is beyond redemption."
Juhani sighed in annoyance, "There is nothing that I can say that will make you both change your minds?" she glanced at Visas and Mical, "then the matter is dealt with." She stood up abruptly, and walked across the room. "I ask you to take heed. You may not even find her. But be aware of what might have happened. Be aware that she may also be dead. Be careful of what you seek, and what you may find."
Visas turned to Mical, "When do we leave?" she inquired softly.
"We leave immediately. Visas, you do not have to come," he said to her gently, "I do not ask you to imperil yourself…"
"You sound like the Exile," Visas smiled, "She said that to me once, a long time ago. I come because I choose too. I owe the Exile my life, and that is something that I hope I can repay. I believe that we have a chance of finding her, Mical."