Chapter Eleven-Falling (part one)
Atton lay on his bunk, absently playing with the hilt of his light saber. He wondered if he should take his Jedi responsibility more seriously, if he was failing Jennra in some way; after all, it had been her that had believed that he had the makings of a good Jedi. He still was far too quick to anger, and he tried to reign in those feelings as best as he could. His quirky take on life hid his true feelings, much to the annoyance of his companions in the past. He still used the mind trick that he had learned a long time ago-a time when he did unspeakable things in the name of anger, lust and hate. He found it easy to hide his true feelings from others-especially his fellow Jedi companions, and he had taught his technique to Jennra. Just count pazaak cards in your head. Focus on those and use them as a shield to your mind, he had told her once, many years ago in the cockpit of the Ebon hawk. He had always found it very affective, and that was why he had been good at what he had done.
Jennra. Even the thought of her name brought a rush of tortured emotions in him. Atton knew that she had loved Mical, but that didn't stop him from wishing that things were very different.
"She should have been yours."
He sat up in his bunk, as the image of Aliana rose in his mind, "You let her go…for that Jedi half breed? You are a foolish man. She loved you most, not him…"
Atton shook his head, "No, he made her happy."
"You would sacrifice your true happiness for someone else? You are a fool Atton. Always a fool."
"I am not a fool!" he replied angrily.
"Ah, but you are. Can't you see that you are worth far more than him? He laughs at you, Atton. He pity's you. Can you not see the hate in his eyes as he looks at you, the feigned sympathy? He cares not for you, or what will happen to you. He is only concerned with finding her, and when he does…" she laughed musically, "And when he does, he will not need you any more. He will kill you Atton, so that you are no longer a threat to his fragile relationship with the Exile."
Atton shook his head, "No, he wouldn't do that…"
"But he took the woman you love. He pretended to be your friend, but he took her for his own nonetheless."
He stared at the light saber in his hands, slowly turning the hilt.
"You know what it is that you have to do."
Atton nodded his head slowly, his brown eyes staring vacantly across the small room.
"Then kill him. He is not worthy of her love…"
Atton rose from his bed as if in a dream.
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Atton walked quietly into the main hold of the Ebon Hawk, where the tall blonde Jedi was stood staring at the image of a large galaxy map that hovered slightly above the large round console. He had a far away look of concentration on his face. Atton stood there watching him for a while, his narrowed eyes never leaving the younger man.
Mical turned around surprised, "Ah, Atton. I did not hear you come in."
"So," Atton drawled loudly, "what was the deal with you and the Exile?"
Mical stared at him with a surprised and confused look on his boyish face, "Why do you wish to know?" he asked curiously.
Atton shrugged, "No reason really. Just interested, that's all."
Mical turned away from him, to face the large holographic map, "I do not wish to discuss it," he said quietly.
"Well, maybe I wish to discuss it. After all, we are chasing half way across the galaxy for her, any information you may have, could be…well, useful,"
Mical frowned, "Useful? I do not understand…"
"Oh, come on! Give us the dirt. Did you and our fearless Jedi leader…" he asked.
Mical flushed, "Atton, whatever transpired between Jennra and myself is of no concern to you."
"So, you are admitting that something was going on between you, huh? You always did have a thing for her, didn't you? I mean, you were always watching her, hanging on to her every word, following her every move."
"That was over two years ago, Atton. You know that she came to Dantooine with me, and I imagine that you are well aware that she left a few months later."
Atton chuckled, "Yeah, I did hear."
Mical sighed, "What do you want from me, Atton?" he asked wearily.
"You took her away from me. We were doing just fine until you showed up. Seems funny that once you had your way, she left. So yeah, I hold you personally responsible for her leaving. She wouldn't be in danger if it wasn't for you."
Mical glanced at Atton in disbelief, "You really believe that?" he shook his head, "Atton, you have this all wrong."
"Oh yeah? You told me once, that you never thought of her in that way, yet all you were doing was plotting to have her for yourself…"
Mical strode across the room, "I do not have time for this."
Atton walked across and stood in the open doorway, blocking his way to the circular tunnel that led to the dormitory.
"Answer me, Mical," he asked angrily, "If it wasn't for you, she would still be here, safe." He raised a hand to Micals chest and shoved hard against the younger man.
"Atton…" Mical said icily, "you do not know what you are doing." He brushed the creases out of his robe with an irritated motion.
"Yeah, I know what I am doing. I didn't want you here. If I remember correctly, you kind of invited yourself."
Mical stared at him, shaking his head, "If we do find her, then she is going to need all of us, even you, Atton. I cannot understand why you feel the way that you do. I have not done any thing to hurt you."
Atton squared up to the blonde man, "She was the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me. I…I loved her, and you…you took her away from me."
"But you never had a relationship with her, I…I thought that you did once, Atton, and I kept away from her, in respect of what I truly believed that you had. But, it was hard to be around her, and not have feelings for her. I did try though, Atton-you must believe me."
"Don't patronize me," Atton hissed.
Mical shrugged sadly, "Believe what you wish Atton, but it is the truth. If you think anything of her, then you will let this be." He turned away from him, and walked across the room. Outwardly, he appeared calm and collected, but inside his emotions was churning.
The loud hum of a light saber being activated stopped him half way across to the medlab.
He turned slowly, to see Atton advancing on him, his face screwed up with loathing, his blue saber gripped fiercely in both hands.
"Let us finish this, Mical. Let it end here. The better man will win."
"I will not fight you, Atton."
"Then you make it easier for me," Atton replied savagely.
Mical's hand reached down to his saber, and reluctantly, he withdrew it from its pouch at his side. He activated it with a flick of his thumb, absently remembering that Jennra had given him this saber when she had taken him back on the first steps to becoming a Jedi. I miss you Jennra, he thought with a sudden heart wrenching pang, I want you back here with me.
Atton flew at him, and with a flash of silver, Mical deflected the blow. Sparks showered him, but he stood there patiently, his silver saber held loosely in his hand.
"Atton!" he pleaded, "There is no need for this…"
Atton rushed at him again, swinging his blue saber at his head. Mical dodged the blow, and with a flick of his wrist, he sent Atton crashing against the far wall.
"I do not wish to fight you," he said gently.
Atton pushed himself upwards, and with a swift motion of his hand, he sent forth a cascade of blue energy, that crackled and writhed over the young Jedi.
Mical felt the Force rise in him, and he shrugged the energy off himself easily, where it dissipated into the floor. He stood there in a defensive stance, silently watching as Atton came at him again. His silver saber pulsed rhythmically in his bare hand.
"Atton," he called out, "Please stop this…"
"Why?" Atton demanded loudly, "I would kill you for what you have done."
"But, I have done nothing. I want her back as much as you do," he deactivated his saber, holding the hilt loosely in one hand, "I care for her, Atton, as I know that you do. Maybe things have changed," he conceded despondently, "Maybe if we find her, her feelings towards me might have changed. If she cares for you, then I will step back, and I will not stand in your way," he said quietly, "But, I will not fight you over this, Atton." He turned his back on the older man, praying that Atton would come to his senses. He heard footsteps approach him, and he tensed involuntarily.
"Mical…"
He stood still as Atton walked to stand in front of him. He noticed with concern that Atton looked pale and haggard.
"I…I don't know what came over me," Atton apologised in a low voice, "I just saw you and something inside me…" he shook his head slowly as if awakening from a dream.
"It is alright, Atton. These are trying times that we face."
Atton smiled at him regretfully, and slowly extended his hand to him.
Mical accepted the apology, and clasped his hand within Atton's, "We must be strong for when we find her…" He watched as the older man nodded his head in agreement. Silently, he breathed a sigh of relief. But what happens if we do find her? What then? he thought, frowning.
"We should meditate," he said gently.
Atton raised his head, and stared into Micals blue eyes, "If it's all the same to you, Mical, I think I just need some time on my own."
Mical nodded as Atton walked slowly away from him. I think we all need some time on our own, he agreed silently.
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Mical sat on the floor in the star board dormitory cross legged, his arms resting on his knees, his eyes closed. He felt the comforting flow of the Force within him, and he allowed himself the peace and tranquillity that it offered. Tentatively, he extended his thoughts outwards, searching for any sign, or sense of Jennra. His brow furrowed as he felt a dark presence cross him, and he put up a protective barrier in his mind. The dark feeling abated, and withdrew from him slowly. He searched again, but could not sense her within the swirling power of the Force.
He became aware that someone was watching him. He opened his eyes slowly, "Yes?" he asked.
"What happened with you and Atton?"
Mical rose slowly to his feet, glancing across at the doorway. Mira leaned there, a worried look on her face.
"It is nothing, Mira," he replied.
"Well, it didn't look like nothing to me," she said with a concerned look, "It looked plenty to me."
"You saw us?" he queried.
"Yeah," she said, "Look, I'm worried about him."
"I do not know what is troubling him," Mical admitted, "he seems to be in pain…"
"He is concerned for Jennra," Mira replied hesitantly, "As we all are."
"He will not talk to me of it, perhaps he will confide in you?"
Mira held her hands up in front of her, "Whoa…I don't think he'll tell me. I mean, especially about her," she stopped when she saw the distressed look on his face. "I'm sorry, that didn't come out right…"
"It is alright, Mira," Mical replied quietly, "I know how he cares for her."
Mira looked at him, biting the side of her lip, "Yeah, and that's the problem. I think he cares too much for her. Its like he doesn't look at…but hey, I shouldn't be telling you this."
Mical glanced up at her, so she has feelings for him. This makes things a lot more complicated, he thought distractedly, "I do not know what to say to you, or how to advise, Mira. I am at a loss in this matter myself. Perhaps you could talk to master Visas about this."
Mira shook her head, "I would rather that you didn't tell anyone about this, Mical. I don't want him to know," she frowned, "I am unsure of my feelings to tell you the truth. He is just so damned frustrating!"
Mical watched as she stormed out the small room, and raising a hand, he smoothed down his robes. He desperately wished to see Jennra again, but feared the consequences that finding her would bring. With conflicting emotions swirling around inside him, he walked out of the small dormitory.