Chapter Twenty Three-Lies, Mandalorians and Belief
"He isn't coming back, Jennra," Atton said in irritation, "How long are we going to sit here and wait?"
"Hush, Atton. It's not like Bao-dur to just leave…"
"Yeah, well face up to it, he's gone."
Jennra glared at him, "You don't know that…"
He reached out to her, taking her hands in his, "Look, I'm sorry…I can't begin to understand what you are going through, but we have to leave," urgency prickled his voice.
She sighed as she pulled her heavy pack of the ground, "I suppose you are right, I just don't like to leave him."
Atton laughed harshly, "Well, he didn't think of you when he left, did he?"
Jennra frowned at him, he is meaning Mical, not Bao-dur, she thought with a flash of intuition. She stood in front of him, resting her hands defiantly on her hips, gazing at him steadfastly, "You are wrong, Atton. You know it's not like that at all. He will return." She pulled her pack over shoulder, and bent down to retrieve Mical's.
"Huh, I don't know why your taking that," Atton scoffed loudly.
She glanced at him, frowning, and threw it over her shoulder along with hers, "We need it for the medical kit." I am not leaving any part of Mical here. He can have it back when I find him. She ignored the fresh sense of pain that threatened to tear through her.
"Yeah. Well alright, let's get going," he replied gruffly.
She stood, and gazed across the camp one last time, Bao, where are you? She followed Atton out of the small camp, and turned north.
They walked in silence for a while, trudging with the heat of the sun burning against their skin. Jennra glanced at Atton at her side, his face was covered with perspiration, and he clutched at his side from time to time. He had put back on his blood stained shirt, and she thought the red stood out like an accusation. There was a look of determination set on his face. Jennra opened herself to the Force, and tried to read him, damn him and his mind tricks, she thought in annoyance, as she came up against a blank.
"Trying to get into my head, Jennra?" Atton inquired humoursly, "thought you had gone past all that."
"I know you are hiding something from me, Atton," she answered, watching him carefully.
Atton looked away from her, staring across the craggy terrain, "And what do you think you I'm hiding?"
"Well, I know your injuries are causing you pain…"
He laughed deeply, raising his arms in the air, "Yeah, alright…you got me."
She placed her hand against his arm, "Come on, you need fresh kolto on your wounds." she stopped, and reached into Mical's pack, pulling out a wad of kolto wraps. "Where's it hurting-your side?"
Atton nodded, and she went across to him, stooping slightly, and lifted the hem of his shirt, "Well, its looking a lot better, Atton." The blackness of the skin was starting to fade, and fresh pink skin peeked from underneath.
He glanced down at the top of her head, staring at the rich dark brown tresses that fell past her ears. His hand reached out, and hovered just above her head; the temptation to touch her grew strong inside of him.
Jennra noticed his shadow across the ground, and bent down onto her knees, out of his reach. She opened a wrap, and quickly pressed it against his skin. "There, that should do," she stood up quickly and stepped back from him, smiling. She handed him a few kolto wraps, "Take these, Atton; you should be able to apply them yourself."
He took them from her, stuffing them into his jacket pocket, "Thanks," he said gruffly.
Jennra smiled at him wanly, her thoughts full of Mical. Please let him be alright…oh Mical, she thought with a hope that she didn't feel. She knew the depths of their sadistic natures. Spare him….please…I would rather face it myself, than him. She thought of the vision that she had, and she felt the tears slip uneasily from her eyes.
"Jennra, are you okay?"
She gazed into Atton's brown eyes, "I'm sorry…I was just thinking," she shook her head, trying to dispel the image in her mind, and absently, she wiped at her eyes, brushing the tears away.
"Oh, it's just…well; you looked like you were crying."
Jennra picked the pack up, and smiled at him, "I'm fine, Atton. Come on, we are near to the Mandalore, I can sense him."
They resumed their walk, Atton glancing across at her every now and then. They walked up a steep incline, dislodging loose stones and kicking up small whirls of dust with their feet.
"They seemed very close," Atton said quietly.
"Pardon?"
"Oh, it's nothing, Jennra, just thinking out loud."
She smiled at him inquisitively, "Care to share?"
"It's not my place to tell. Really, I shouldn't have said anything. Just forget it."
"Atton! You can't just say something like that, then not tell me…what is it?"
Atton stopped walking, and glanced at her, "It's just that they did seem to be quite friendly," he shrugged his shoulders, "Listen, forget I said anything."
Jennra exhaled noisily between her teeth, "If there's something you have to tell me, I would appreciate you doing so."
Atton reached down, and took her hand within his, "Well…when we were on the Ebon Hawk, Mical and Visas spent a lot of time together…"
"They were probably just meditating, you know," she laughed gently.
He raised his eyes to the sky, "I guess so. But from what I saw, it looked a lot more than just meditating. Look, Jennra, I am only telling you this out of concern, as a friend. I wanted to mention it to you before…"
"I don't believe you," she whispered.
"I'm sorry, kiddo. I know that you have some big 'hero' image of him in your mind, but people change. And you have been gone for a long time. Men have needs you know, Jennra."
She glanced away from him, her lip trembling, "I think you're wrong…" Although, it does seem strange that she has been avoiding me.
"Have you been faithful to him?" Atton turned her face towards him, and she read the curiosity in his eyes.
"Y...yes,"
"You're lying. Look its not such a bad thing if you have, I mean he has obviously done it to you."
"Dammit, Atton! I have been faithful to him, there has been no-one. Do you think that I would hook up with one of the Mandalorians, or maybe even a Sith?" she spat at him angrily. Bralor…
"Would it matter if you have?" he asked, stepping closer to her.
She glanced up into his wide brown eyes, shaking her head. "There has been no-one, Atton."
"You don't sound so sure of yourself. Look, I'm sorry for upsetting you; I know this must be hard to take. But you have to face up to the truth. He hasn't been as innocent as he likes to make out. I…ah, I watched him when we were on the ship, they were always together, she practically never left his side, that is until you showed up. I guess he thinks he can have it both ways."
Jennra bowed her head, feeling the tears fall on her cheeks. Is it true? She felt Atton's hand against the back of her head, and she glanced up at him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, drawing her close to him.
She rested her head against his chest, a rapid stream of tears falling. She felt his arms go about her, pressing her to him. Atton buried his face in her hair, "I am so sorry, Jennra," he whispered smiling.
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There was a time when I thought something might have happened with Bralor. We were close; we spent a lot of time together on patrols. But he always knew how I felt about Mical-he knew that I loved him. He wanted more from me that I could give him, I told him, and he understood. Did he love me? Hell, I don't know…I guess he did in a way-Mandalorians are so hard to judge, and are not very sentimental. Although there were the times that he held me, comforted me when I felt that I couldn't go on. He was a friend, and I loved him that way, but unfaithful? No, never. I have always held onto what Mical and I shared together. Oh Mical, I wish you were here with me now. I cannot bear to think of what is happening to you. I never went back for Bralor-and I don't know if he lives, poor, brave Bralor. And now, you are gone from me…Jennra frowned, But Visas? Can it be true? She looked across at Atton, who was walking steadily at her side, his saber held tightly in his hand. But he came back for me, didn't he? It was Atton that persuaded everyone to come…She sighed in confusion as the thoughts poured through her.
"Are you sure it's this way?" Atton asked, staring at the hill that rose in front of them.
She glanced at him, glad of the distraction from her thoughts. "I think so," she closed her eyes, and brought the Force up, feeling it swirl around her darkly. A temple appeared before her eyes, and she glimpsed inside it, sensing the wounded Mandalorian. Her eyes snapped open, and she grasped his arm tightly, "Yes, I can feel him. He is there, we are so close."
Atton nodded slowly, "Well, alright…not like I'm one to question your judgement."
Jennra scrambled up the steep hillside, unmindful of the thorns that scratched at her.
"You okay, Jennra?"
"Yeah, why do you ask?" she replied irritably, if one more person asks me that…
"Hey, I'm on your side, remember?"
She turned and read the truth in his eyes, "Sorry, Atton. I just want to find the Mandalore," although I seem to be forgetting why it is so important.
He took her hand in his, and she smiled at him. "We're nearly there, come on!" he tugged her to the top of the hill with him. Below was the large shape of the temple, blended into the craggy hillside just below them.
She looked at him, and saw the grim determination in his eyes. He grinned at her, as he saw her watching him. She unhooked her saber, and gripped it tightly, "Let's go find the Mandalore!" she whispered loudly.
They scrambled down the hill, jumping the last several feet. Loose rubble and stones drifted under their feet. Jennra approached the large stone door cautiously, "Be prepared Atton. We don't know what we may find…" She pushed the door open, and stepped inside, her sabers yellow beam glowing brightly in the sudden gloom. Atton followed after her, his hand on her shoulder; his saber clenched in his fist.
Jennra felt the dark whisper at her, touching her mind tentatively. Atton's hand on her shoulder reassured her, and she took strength from his presence, as she had done from Mical, once.
"He betrayed you Exile. His love for you was but a shallow thing."
"Atton?"
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Did you just say something?" she asked him quietly.
He stood close to her, "No, I didn't say anything."
"The love he shared with the Miraluka is a strong bond. She at least was there for him, when you turned your back on him…"
"I did not turn my back on him!" she hissed out loud, staring angrily around the small room.
"Jennra?" Atton asked worriedly, "What's going on?"
"You have been betrayed before, Exile. How does it feel again… does it taste bitter? Does it make you angry? Savour the feeling-nurture it. It is already growing inside you. Just listen…"
"No, I will not listen anymore!" she raised her hands and covered her ears.
"Ah revenge…you wish it, it is stirring in your heart. Listen to its voice, its reasoning is true. You want to strike back, take what is yours. It can happen…you can make it happen. Be at peace Exile, embrace your true self; your hatred, your loathing. You can be free."
Jennra moaned out loud, "N…no…I wont…" sweat prickled her brow, mingling with the tears that fell softly down her cheeks. "Go away!"
She stumbled across the room, pushing Atton from her as he chased after her.
"You cannot hide your true self, Exile. Become what you were meant to be. What you were always meant to be."
Jennra slumped to the ground, throwing her pack away from her, "I can't do this anymore, Atton," she said, as unbidden tears slid down her cheek. Damn you, Mical.
"Jennra?" Atton knelt by her side, his hand on her shoulder, "Come on, get up!" he pulled her to her feet. Reaching out, he touched her cheek softly, frowning as he felt her tears.
Abruptly, she shoved him hard in the chest, watching his lip curl with anger, as he staggered beneath her blow. "I DON'T WANT TOO! Don't you understand?" Her hand flickered to her lightsaber; the blade glowed brightly, and she watched it hypnotically, its broad yellow beam shining brightly as she swung it in a low arc.
"Yes, you feel it. Take your revenge, Exile."
She shook her head, groaning loudly in despair, "GO AWAY!"
Atton rushed to her side, "Jennra…please, stop this…" He pulled her roughly against him, holding her head tightly to his chest, knocking the saber from her hand. He felt her sag against him, and they fell to their knees on the hard ground.
"Ah, Atton. So you now have what you wanted. Does it feel good?"
"Get the space away from me," he hissed, "You have caused this….you. Is this the revenge that you plotted?"
"I plotted nothing Atton. This is what you wished for. I only hope your choices make you happy, for you must live with the consequences."
"Damn you, Aliana!" he hissed viciously.
Jennra glanced up at him, "Atton?" she whispered.
He knelt by her, "I'm here baby. Hush…." he pulled her to him, brushing her dark hair from her face. She gazed up at him in confusion, her face damp from the tears that she had unknowingly shed. "You are tired, Jennra….that's all." She sighed against his chest, her eyes closing. Atton stared down at her, shaking her slightly, trying to rouse her. "Jennra? Come on, wake up. We have to find the Mandalorian. You said yourself that we are close."
She sat up slowly, blinking her eyes rapidly in confusion, "Atton? What happened?"
"I…I'm not sure. Maybe it's this temple," he leant over her, his hand smoothing the hair on top of her head.
Jennra glanced up at him, and pushed him away, "The Mandalore…yes, we need to find him." She absently picked her saber up, staring at the hilt frowning.
Atton walked away from her, and headed across the small room, "Hey, there's some steps here."
She strode over to him, peering over his shoulder, "Well, it looks like that's the way we go" she said tiredly. She shoved past him, and descended down the steps, unmindful of the rough walls as it scraped against the skin of her hand.
She paused on the bottom step, "He is down there," she whispered, "can you sense him, Atton?" She turned her head, and glanced at him over her shoulder. "Come on," she hissed as she jumped down the last step, and ran out into the vast room.
"Hell," Atton shouted, and sprinted after her, his saber glowing brightly, "Wait up, Jennra-you don't know what's here!"
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Canderous stared up in the gloom, his eyes narrowing as he saw the two figures approach him hurriedly. He lifted the blaster, and pointed it at them, "Don't come any closer, or I'll blast you…"
"Mandalore?"
He frowned as he heard the soft feminine voice, "Revan?" he grunted.
"No, it's the Exile," Jennra replied breathlessly.
"Did she send you?"
Jennra shook her head in the dark, "No."
"Crap! So she doesn't know?"
She knelt by the large Mandalorian, flipping open Mical's pack, and tugging the medical kit out of it, "You are hurt?"
Canderous reached out, and gripped her arm forcefully, pulling her to him. She gasped as she saw his bare face; his grey eyes regarded her with a bright intensity. He stared at her, "Ah, Exile," then he released his painful grip on her arm, "thought you were dead."
Jennra tossed her head defiantly, "I hate to disappoint you, Mandalore," she retorted as she examined his wounds. She slapped some kolto on to his bruised chest, "You need Force healing…"
"I don't want your magic's used on me," he said aggressively.
"Now hold on," Atton pushed his way across to the Mandalorian, "Give her a break, alright? We are here to help you," you stupid Mandalorian thug.
Jennra glanced up at him, "Atton, I will need you to help me with the healing…"
"Yeah, just tell me what you want me to do," he replied softly.
She beckoned him to her, and pointed at the floor, "Sit, Atton." She watched as he did as she requested. "Now focus yourself….bring the Force up within yourself."
Atton closed his eyes, and felt the Force surge within him.
"Imagine his wounds…" she ran her hand over Canderous' chest, ignoring his protests. "Can you feel…?"
"Yes," Atton murmured.
"Focus on the wounds knitting themselves together. The inner wounds healing themselves, the ruptured tissue as it pulls together…the blood as it circulates through the restored tissue…Now feel the bruising. It is slowly fading; the crushed blood vessels are restored…." She suddenly sagged against the Mandalorians chest, as she felt the Force drain from her. "It is done," she whispered wearily.
Atton opened his eyes slowly, and gazed across at the dark haired woman slumped across the Mandalorians chest. "Jennra," he murmured, pulling her away from Canderous, noting that the Mandalorian was already looking better. She slumped loosely in his arms, and he rose, cradling her against his chest.
He glanced down at the Mandalore, "You can make your own way out? We will be just outside. I have to take of her…"
Canderous stood up and stretched slowly, feeling the strength flow through his body. "That's some woman you have there."
"Yeah, I know," Atton replied smiling.
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It was twilight as Atton staggered out of the temple with the Jedi clasped tightly in his arms. He strode from the temple, looking for a discreet place in which to make a temporary camp. He laid her gently on the ground, and went back into the dark depths of the temple to retrieve her pack.
Canderous was waiting for him in the dark, sighing sadly as he surveyed his ruined armour.
Atton pushed past him, picking her pack of the ground. He stopped as he heard the Mandalorian address him.
"So, Atton, what exactly are you up to?"
"I don't know what you mean, Mandalore."
He laughed deeply, "I may not be a Jedi, or have the magic's that you use, but intuition tells me that you are up to no good."
"Hey, as much as I would like to chew the fat with you, I have to get back to her. Unless you haven't noticed-she isn't well," Atton replied harshly.
Canderous strolled up to him, and leant across, prodding him in the chest with one finger, "You hurt her, Atton, and you will have me to answer to. The Exile is highly thought of with us Mandalorians."
Atton laughed, pushing the Canderous' hand away, "I don't know what you mean. I have no intention of hurting her. She needs me. She's been through a lot…"
Canderous raised an eyebrow, "Are you sure its you that she needs? She's a lot tougher than what you think. She has fought at our side for over two years."
"Look, I don't have to explain myself to you. Alright?"
The Mandalorian shrugged, "Whatever. I have to salvage some armour anyway," he drawled, his eyes glittering in the dark.
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Atton knelt on the hard ground, tugging the bedroll out of Mical's pack, she looks so pale, he thought glancing at her sadly. He laid it out on the ground, and rolled her gently into it, watching as she stirred slightly in her sleep. He leant across her, and kissed her cheek softly.
Jennra smiled as she felt the lips against her skin. She stretched sleepily in the bedroll, her eyes moving rapidly under her eyelids as she slept.
Atton slipped under the blanket with her, propping himself up on his elbow as he watched her. He reached out, and caressed her cheek with one hand, brushing the loose hair from her neck.
She smiled as she slept.
She stood just outside the cockpit, listening to them arguing, again. The voices were muffled, but she could clearly hear the anger in Atton's voice, and the pleading in Mical's. She stepped back as Mical walked out of the small room, the indignation that he felt oozing out of him, into the Force. He paused as he saw her, his cheeks reddening slightly.
"Something going on that you should tell me about, Disciple?"
He shook his head, a little too forcefully, she thought. "No, there is nothing wrong. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, I thought I heard you two arguing,"
He frowned, his eyebrows knitting together, "Atton was trying to teach me how to play pazaak." He glanced away from her guiltily.
"Were you any good?" she asked him playfully.
"What do you mean?" he asked quickly, "Oh, the pazaak…" he said in an after thought, "no, not really." He smiled at her, "I am needed in the medlab, if you will excuse me?"
Jennra nodded, "Yes, of course," she watched as he walked away, "Disciple?" she called after him. She smiled as he stopped at the entrance to the main hold.
"What is wrong, Exile?"
She ran up to him, "Can we talk?"
He turned and looked at her, and she read the surprise in his eyes, "What is that you wish to discuss?"
She glanced around them, "Not here. Come outside with me."
Jennra stood someway away from the ship; the long grass of Dxun reaching half way up her thighs. Rain drizzled, sparkling brightly in her hair. She watched as Mical walked up to her, confusion on his face.
"I heard you and Atton arguing," she watched as his face coloured slightly, "and I know it wasn't about pazaak."
He sighed deeply, glancing down at his hands.
"Care to tell me what is really going on?" she asked him gently.
"Atton seems to be of the understanding that I have feelings for you," he replied nervously.
Jennra stared at him intently, "And do you?"
"Well, no. That would be inappropriate," he glanced over her shoulder, not looking at her face, "Is that all, Exile?"
She stepped closer to him, "So you have no feelings for me at all?"
"Yes," he replied quickly, "Of course I do have feelings…"
"But, you just said that you didn't."
Mical stared at her helplessly, then glanced back at the ship; "It is raining, we really ought to go back…" he stopped as he felt her hand on his arm.
"What are you afraid of, Disciple?"
He sighed again, "I know that you and Atton have a relationship…"
She stared at him incredulously, "What?"
"….I have told him that I will not stand in his way. He knows this, but he still gets angry with me," he shrugged his shoulders, "I do not understand what the problem is."
"Hold on. You told him that you wouldn't…"
Mical stared at her, and swallowed quickly, "Exile…"
"Jennra."
"Jennra, I…ah…."
She stood closer to him, and placed her hands against his chest. Standing on tiptoe, she kissed his lips softly, smiling as she felt his hesitation. His arms went about her slowly, and he smiled shyly, "I did not know," he murmured, as he leant down and kissed her.
Jennra sighed in her sleep, her hands reaching out to the man at her side. Atton smiled, and leaning across her, he brushed his lips sensuously across hers, his hand gripping her shoulder lightly. She moved towards him, and he kissed her deeply, his hands pulling her tight to him. She responded to his kiss fervently, her arms sliding up and around his neck, pulling him to her. Atton sighed deeply, tugging at her tunic.
She moved her lips against his, "Mical…" she breathed softly against him.
Atton froze momentarily. He looked down at the woman in his arms and then slowly, he ran his hand through her hair, kissing her hard on the lips. He felt a strange, curious sensation grow about him, and he frowned as he felt her open the Force about them. He sensed the first tremulous touching of power flow through him, and he gasped at the intensity of it. The Force rippled through him, and in horror, he saw the depth of her feelings for Mical laid bare before him. He saw him through her eyes, witnessing the man that she loved; his gentleness, compassion, loyalty, the sure love that she knew he felt; all things that Atton thought were a weakness in him. But seeing him like this, made him understand why she loved him like she did.
He shook his head in denial, no….I cannot take this…she did this to me once…opened me to the power of the Force. I can't bear it, Aliana!
The Force flowed through him intensely, stirring feelings of regret, lost love and passion. He pushed himself away from her, gripping his head tightly between his hands, "No!" he shouted.
Jennra sighed in her dreams. Suddenly she became aware of the stream of darkness that flooded through her, through the Force. Feelings of hate, loathing and lust echoed strongly about her. She cried out loud, "Mical?"and the stream of Force power stopped abruptly. She sat up, confusion shining brightly in her eyes. Jennra gazed at the man sat close to her in the bedroll; "Atton?" she whispered questioningly, "did you…?" He turned his head and stared at her miserably, "I'm sorry," he said softly, "Jennra, please forgive me…" She stared at him with horror and shoved him fearfully away from her, anguish etched across her face.
Jennra pushed herself out of the bedroll, her hand grasping at her lightsaber. Her eyes glowed luminously as she stared at him, then she stumbled to her feet, and sprinted away from him, across the camp and out into the waiting night.