Chapter Twenty Four-Despair

Jennra sat on the hard dusty ground, with her arms wrapped around her knees. The darkness raged a bitter battle in her soul; a battle that she was slowly starting to lose her grip on. Too much had happened, and now in her fragile state of mind, all she could think of was falling. The blackness of the planets nightfall echoed the darkness swirling in her mind. All gone, the thought ran incoherently through her mind, they are all gone. She sympathised with her old mentor, Kreia. Now I know how it feels to be betrayed.

She raised her head and stared into the never ending gloom. Mical-lost and probably dead. The only stabilising presence that she truly relied on, and now he was gone. Atton-fallen to the wayside like so many, many before him. And it was her fault. Both men she loved, one as her life partner, the other like a dear brother. The cruellest blow of all. Her saber lay by her feet, and reluctantly she picked it up, turning the hilt over and over in her hand. What now? She thought bitterly, where do I go?

She flicked the switch on the side of her saber, gazing at the yellow energy blade. Too long have I fought, too much have I gone through-I only want to be at peace. She held the saber at arms length, her eyes narrowing as she pointed the blade to her chest. Heat seared her skin though her thin Jedi tunic and she welcomed the sweet sensation of pain. Another minute, and it will all be over, she thought, smiling as the tears rolled down her cheeks.

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Atton sat on the bedroll in a stupefied silence. Canderous stood over him, his manner and demeanour one of great anger.

"What were you thinking?" he barked roughly, shaking his head and staring down at the brown haired man before him. "I ought to break every bone in your body for what you have done!"

"Thought you Mandalorians approve of that type of thing," Atton replied surly, rising to his feet and standing in front of the irate Mandalorian leader.

Canderous glared at him, his grey eyes glowing hotly, "This is a Jedi matter. Do not liken us to the Jedi, Atton. The two are separate issues, and ways of belief. No, you Jedi are supposed to be above such things, yet look at you, lying in the dirt at my feet…"

"Yeah, well you weren't there. And it is none of your business anyway, Canderous. Should have just let you rot in that temple." The air was knocked out of Atton as he was shoved harshly to his knees in front of Canderous. He looked up as the Mandalorian raised his blaster rifle, the muzzle resting coldly against his forehead. "Do your worst," Atton spat at him.

Canderous regarded him coolly for several seconds, before lowering the blaster. "It is time that you made amends. Get up Atton," he lowered his hand to the Jedi, and pulled him to his feet.

"Amends, Canderous? I think it's gone to far for that," Atton replied sadly.

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Visas knelt on the ground, her veiled head bowed in silent meditation. Mira watched in concern, the Miraluka had been in a mystical state for well over three hours, and she could sense a ripple of unease grow through her. She paced back and forth, her hands gripped tightly behind her back of her dark ballistic jacket.

The camp was a hive of activity; Revan was deep in talks with several Mandalorians, notably Kelborn. Mira distrusted the Mandalorians, and felt uneasy in their company. Oh to be doing something, other than just waiting…she though in agitation. She glanced back down at the blind seer, and in frustration she let a small sigh hiss from between her clenched teeth. Something was wrong, Mira sensed it with a growing unease, and she resisted the strong temptation to shake the Miraluka from her stupor.

The kneeling woman gave out a short quick gasp, her veiled head shooting up in shock to face Mira.

Mira knelt in front of her, "What is it?" she breathed quickly.

"It is the Exile….I fear for her. There is a great darkness around her. She is lost, Mira," she answered the younger woman.

Mira bit her lip, "What do you mean, Visas? What is wrong?"

Visas shook her head slowly, "The Exile is in danger from herself. I…I can feel her pain."

"But what of the others?"

"I cannot see them, nor sense them. I do not know what has happened, only that the Exile is in pain."

"Then we have to go find her," Mira scooped her bedroll into her pack, and glanced around as she felt a hand on her arm.

The seer was shaking her head, "No, Mira. There is nothing that we can do from here. We must have faith that the Exile will save herself."

"And what if she doesn't? What then? We have come all this way just to abandon her?" Mira's eyes glittered like emeralds in the dark, "That doesn't seem right."

"There are a lot of things that do not seem right, but that is how life works. For the injustice of one, all must suffer? The Force works through us all with its mysterious ways. Are we to question why, and what for?"

"Dammit, yes!" Mira hissed, "We don't sit back, and watch-we take action."

"But actions have consequences, whether small or large. And your choices can have a profound effect…"

"So waiting for the Exile to die is a logical choice, one that will have no act or reason, or even consequence Visas? Oh come on, and quit the Jedi philosophy! She is our friend…"

"You will not reach her in time, Mira."

"Then we are damned if we do, or damned if we don't," she ran a hand through her red hair, "I cant stay here any longer…if anyone can find her, then it is me. I will track her."

"Then I will follow you, Mira," Visas rose to her feet smiling at the younger woman, "Inaction serves no one today."

Mira threw her small pack over her shoulder, and stared at the Miraluka in irritation, "Sometimes, I just don't get you, Visas," she complained as they strode out of the camp.

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Atton grumbled as he searched the darkness for a sign of the Exile. Behind him, the Mandalorian was growing impatient with every passing second. He stumbled on the crag and scree of the mountainside, listening to the sound of pebbles as they tumbled down the slight incline he was stood upon.

"Sense her yet?"

"Look, I don't know why you want to find her."

"I don't have to explain myself to you, Atton," Canderous replied gruffly, as he pushed past the Jedi, and ventured up the hillside, "Just use your Force and find her."

"I don't know if I can," Atton replied weakly, "I, ah-I have tried."

"Not hard enough," Canderous spat at him, "Do you want to find her, or is there some reason that you are behaving the way that you are?"

I am afraid of the Force, and what it will mean if we find her, Atton shook his head, fighting down the sense of nausea that threatened him. She has already saved me once, a long time ago-how can I ask forgiveness a second time? "Of course I want to find her. You don't know how I feel." He heard the Mandalorian tut loudly to his right, Space he moves so quickly, Atton though wryly, I didn't even hear him. "This is useless! We could be walking around in circles for the remainder of the night! I…I will try to sense her through the Force."

"You do that," Canderous grunted at him, "And make sure you find her."

Atton glanced over his shoulder at the dark shape that stood silently observing him. Great, so now he's going to watch? He opened himself to the Force, mentally preparing himself for the tentative fingers of darkness that would surely caress his senses. There was none. Atton opened his eyes, and frowned. What's happening? he thought as he slowly shut his eyes against the prevailing dawn light. The Force beckoned to him, silently guiding him across to the right, down the hillside and across the rubble of the terrain. He saw her; a silent figure sat in the dust, the darkness swirled around her like a cloak of treachery. His heart ached at the pain that he knew that he had caused her, and Atton choked back on the torrent of self pity and bitterness that threatened to flood him. Keep my mind open-clean and pure. I wish to right this wrong that I have caused. He looked down at the immobile figure, and in alarm he saw the splash of yellow that flowed around her centre. No, Jennra, don't…don't give up. He sensed the emptiness that welled up inside of her, and tasted the battle that she fought within herself. With an effort, he opened his eyes, and stared across at the Mandalorian with horror.

"What is it, Atton?" Canderous questioned him in concern; his hand resting on the younger mans shoulder. "What did you see?"

"We have to hurry." Without waiting to see if the Mandalorian was following, he tore down the hillside, his feet kicking up sharp stones that dug into his knees as he scrambled down the slight incline. He ran like he had never run before, his breathing sending plumes of steam in to the cool air.

They ran for a while, Canderous easily keeping up with the younger man in front. Dawn broke abruptly, and in the faint morning light, the Mandalorian spied the figure of a dark haired woman sat with her back to them in the dirt.

"Exile?" Atton approached her cautiously. He hissed noisily between his teeth as he saw the saber in her hand, pointing at her chest. "Put the lightsaber down…" he stood some distance from her, his dark eyes wide with fear. "Put the saber down, Jennra." He knew that she had heard him from the way her shoulders tightened, her poise did not alter, and she firmly held the saber in her hand. "Jennra, look, I'm sorry…"

"That's a word you speak an awful lot lately, Atton," she hissed at him without moving. "Go away-leave me. I don't want you anywhere near me."

"I was wrong, Jennra-you don't know how sorry I am for that."

Jennra shook her head slowly, "You? Wrong? Never Atton. You have shown me how it truly is."

Atton glanced at Canderous worriedly, "It isn't too late. It is never too late…"

"That's where you are wrong, flyboy," Jennra replied as she slowly got to her feet and faced him, "You should know that. There is no peace that is a lie. There is only passion-you taught me that. And through my passion I will gain in strength, and through my strength, I will gain power-power over you," she spat at the ground, "and I will defeat you. The Force shall free me, as it will you, Atton." she smiled, and held her hand out to him, "The Force shall free us both, Atton. And you will not care. You will not feel, as I do now."

"No…you are wrong, Jennra. That is the Sith way, not the way of the Jedi."

Jennra laughed bitterly, "And why do you lecture so? You, you who know the ways of the Sith? You who have killed in the name of the Sith? You make me sick with your preaching's. Join me, or die Atton. Come join me on the path that you revealed to me, and I will show you the true way." Her lightsaber pointed at the ground as she held it loosely in her hand.

Atton shook his head, "You have got it all wrong. If you care about Mical, you will turn away from this….this foolishness."

"You don't know how I felt about him, don't you presume to know otherwise! You gave him his fate, Atton-as I will give you yours." She walked across to him, and stood in battle stance, her saber vibrating in her hand as she spun the blade around in a brilliant arc, "Prepare yourself!" She lashed out at him, the saber flashing scant inches away from his face.

Atton reluctantly reached for his saber, activating the energy blade in a swift motion that unleashed the blue brilliance of his blade. He swung it wide, feeling the force of her attack. The blades clashed, sending sparks flying wide into the air.

Jennra swept the blade at his face, smiling as he dodged the blow with a flick of his wrist. She circled him wearily, the blade humming wildly in her hand. "You have improved, Atton," she remarked dryly, as she side stepped the blow he attempted to land on her. She circled him, the blade pulsing in her hand. Jennra flew at him, her face screwed up with hate as she viciously tried to uppercut him. He deftly feinted the blow, twisting his wrist in a high movement; he raced at her, cutting her cheek with the tip of his saber.

Jennra laughed as she paused momentarily, and wiped the thin sliver of blood of her cheek, "You will die for that," she shouted at him, raising her saber and striking his arm. Atton panted as he felt the blade singe through his ribbed jacket, "I don't want to fight you, Jennra."

"Too late for that," she stepped back from him, her face a tight mask of concentration, unaware of the figure of the Mandalorian that stepped silently behind her. She raised her hand, and hurled Atton across the ground with the power of the Force. She walked over to him unhurriedly, as she spun the yellow blade at him, grimacing as he feinted the blow as he lay on his back in the dirt. The blades hummed and sparked loudly as they met, and Jennra bore down on him heavily, her breath hot against his face. Atton pushed at the blade with his, the muscles bulging in his arms, and gaining some leverage, he twisted his body, and rolled out of harms way. He got to his feet, his saber held out before him, "Give this up, Jennra. It isn't too late for you."

She looked at him with disbelief, "Of course it is to late. You took my hope away from me. You betrayed me, and now I can see it in your eyes that you wish to kill me, not that I will let you do that to me. I will not die by your hand Atton. You are to below me for that." She sprang at him slashing him across the chest, "Yield to me, to the dark that I know that has always raged a war in your heart. You are a creature of death, Atton. I have been too naive to see it before."

"No, Jennra. I renounced all that…."

She slashed at him again, frowning as he counteracted the blow, "You renounced nothing! How many times can you fall Atton?"

"I have not fallen, Jennra. And neither have you."

"Damn you, flyboy. Why do you resist?" she summoned the Force, and lifting her open palm to him, she focused her energies. Blue lightening sparkled and dripped from her fingertips, and she raised her hand to him, unleashing bolts of blue energy that rippled their way over him. He cursed silently, and with his blade he counteracted the force of her attack, watching as his saber absorbed the energy. He twisted the blade in his hands, sending the bolts of energy back at her, where she shuddered against the unexpected attack and use of her own Force powers. Angrily, she lashed out at him with her blade, knocking his saber from his hands. She walked towards him, her hands unleashing bolt after bolt of blue energy at him, her face lit in the evil blue glow. "So now you are finished…" the sentence was never completed, as Canderous raised the butt of his rifle, and clubbed the back of her head with it. She fell lifeless to the ground, the Force power dying out in a sharp whiff of angry smelling ozone.

"What took you so long?" Atton complained as he picked his saber gingerly off the ground.

Canderous looked at him, and rolled his eyes, "That's all the thanks I get for saving your worthless Jedi ass?"

"Hey," Atton complained weakly, "I was winning…."

"Could have fooled me, now come on, help me. We must bind her arms together. I don't know about you Jedi, but I do not want to be on the receiving end of anymore of her magic's!"

Atton walked over to the prone body of the Exile, and reaching down, he tore a piece of his shirt, "Will this do?" he asked, gazing up at the Mandalorian.

"Yeah, give me that," Canderous ripped the material and tied it into a thick bond that he lopped about the Jedi woman's wrists. "Turn her over," he barked.

Atton rolled her on to her stomach, and watched as the Mandalorian bound her wrists tightly. "So what now?"

"Now, my little Jedi friend, we go and rescue her love, and see if that will help knock some sense into her thick skull, with no thanks to you," he regarded Atton with dark grey eyes, "You will undo what you started."

Atton looked across at Canderous, "you are right, of course. I will help to amend what I have started." I only hope it is not too late, he thought worriedly.