B knows elvish. I do not own Grendel, Cole Porter's music, or Dane Cook. Though I love the Burger King Skit. And the "Guess you aren't really superman are yah!" oookay. Enjoy. Review. Eat doughnuts.
"Thank god it stopped raining!" Marina proclaimed loudly. Being trapped indoors for two days straight did not bode well for her precarious mental state—the insides her apartment were testament to that, with bouncy balls littering the floor and the remains of an experiment involving asparagus and the blender spewed over the Formica countertops.
Not bothering to clean up, she stepped over the mess and pulled on some running shorts and a long sleeved green shirt, laced up her trainers, and left for a long run.
A few miles into the nature trail, she had an epiphany (brought on by the fact that the only dvds she owned were the Matrix and LOTR) 'I could run right into Rivendell and not even notice.' Idly she continued at an easy gate, unaware of the shimmer in the air as she ran through onto entirely new terrain.
Brittany struggled to sit up and peered through blearily focused eyes at Virginia who was groping around for something to heave herself to her feet with. She settle for a tree trunk that yelped when she grabbed it. 'what?' Brittany thought, 'trees don't yelp.' It was only when she heard voices surrounding them that she snapped to attention and abruptly stoop up. Virginia's glasses were missing, and the tree trunk she grabbed was someone's backside.
"milady, I would appreciate if you loosened you're your grip on my arse," a dry voice said.
"sooo firm…" Virginia said dreamily, then colored read, "Crap!" she exclaimed, releasing her grip and walking away.
"Rumil!" Brittany yelled, giving a huge hug to the elf, "aren't you supposed to be in Lothlorien by now?"
"aren't you supposed to be in…what was it called…the United States right now?" he retorted.
"I got lost between dimensions, if you care so much, perhaps you could give us directions back? I'm missing Dane Cook."
"It's good to see you again Valnarae!"
"Umm…I thought your name was Brittany?" Virginia ventured timidly, "and umm…care to explain where we are, how, and why?"
"Home," Brittany replied readily, nearly shocked by her own response.
"Actually, we are in Lothlorien," Rumil put in.
"I knew it, you turd! SO , anyways update me on the events of the—how long has it been?" Brittany replied as he shamelessly laughed at her.
"It has been about fifty years," with that he launched into an explanation of the War of the Ring, finishing with the fellowship's visit to Lothlorien. "W have just escorted the fellowship to the Lady's talan, and were patrolling, searching for the creature Gollum, who is believed to be following Frodo Baggins—the ring bearer. I suppose the Lady Galadriel will want to see you, so we should head to the city at once."
Brittany explained this all to a Very Confused Virginia who had a permanently dazed look etched on her face that only morphed slightly to become a dreamy look when the Fellowship was mentioned. So they plodded along, not suitably dressed for a long hike, as both were wearing sandals and Virginia had on a skirt, but eventually they made it into the dwellings, sweating and glaring daggers at the soldiers who commented on the remarkably slow pace that they had kept.
"Oh, go eat some lembas bread," was the best retort either of the disgruntled females could come up with. So, out of breath and swearing never to engage in anything remotely resembling exercise, they collapsed into two wicker-looking chairs under a common pavilion.
"You never did miss lunch, did you?" a teasing voice behind Brittany said.
"Don't speak unless you come bearing water," replied Brittany while Virginia vehemently agreed. A rich voice…"Hey, I know that laugh!" Brittany exclaimed, whirling around to see two identical faces, "Elladan and Elrohir! What in Merlin's name are you doing here!"
"We heard you were in town," they replied, engulfing her in a gigantic hug. Later that day, after updates on the family, training, rangering, newest pranks, Virginia pulled Brit aside and whispered:Why didn't you tell me that they were all hot?"
"Dude—they're all elves—what do you expect? Grendel?" Virginia playfully swatter her with some threat of red jelly beans she had picked up from Marina. Suddenly both let out simultaneous long yawns.
"Shall we have some tea?" Elladan said, motioning a servant over to the fireplace corner that the foursome had taken over.
"Nah, lets go get it ourselves," the girls piped up, with comments about nature's call, and needing to stretch their legs.
While they walked through the moonlit gardens, a mournful song was heard through the trees that removed the lighthearted gaiety of the early evening and sent shivers down a pensive Brittany's spine.
"It almost makes me want to cry," She mused, walking alongside Elladan, who was studiously listening to the melodious chant.
"It is a lament for the gray wizard," he said softly, watching Brittany's face change from interest (she had devoted many computer hours to learning the elvish languages…a possible explanation for her abysmal economics grades,) to uncomprehending shock, and fall into wordless sadness as he opened his arms for her to cry.
Virginia watched this heart wrenching display and turned to Elrohir for an explanation. What she got was an emotional tirade on the life of Gandalf and how he had taught Brittany, mentored her, yadayada. Abruptly, he stopped, "I should take you to your flet," he said, "my grandmother requests your presence in the morning," he took her arm and they amiably walked into the guest areas.
"I am sorry we did not continue on to tea, but perhaps another time? Brittany will have rooms adjoining yours," he motioned to an elegantly decorated sitting room and adjacent bedroom:if you need anything, my brother and I also have rooms on this floor, and there are always people in the halls should you need anything during the night," after explaining a little more and making his excuses, Elrohir left. Restless, Virginia looked about the beautifully arranged room, subtle colors and simple lines made the décor seem elegantly simple, living walls of tree rather than the gaudily ornate metal, stone, and varnished woodwork visible in the modern earth. She bounced on the bed a few times, but disappointed with the lack of bounce, settled down to stare at the ceiling again.
"This is great," she thought sarcastically, "I'm living in Brittany's fanfiction, apparently hold some key to the salvation of the world, I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing, what's happening in really earth, where Brittany is, and I didn't even bring along a book for carry on!" determined to find something to occupy her over-active brain, Virginia hopped out the ground floor window and began strolling the gardens, humming all the while.
Legolas was sitting on his own, attempting to relax, to come to terms with the strange turn-of-events his life had taken, from crown prince of Mirkwood to rough and tumble world-saving force member. Sort of like a choice between sirloin steak and a hamburger, both are good, but one is infinitely better than the other—or would be, if he ate meat. He listened meditatively to the laments, and felt a wave of sorrow weep over him at the fresh thought of Mithrandir's death. But his keen elven ears soon picked up a second voice, very resonate and mellow, that provided a subtle contrast to the breathy chants of Lothlorien's elves. The voice was traveling closer to him and from his tree-top perch he could see a blond head bobbing up and down, occasionally stopping to sin or smell a flower. She was coming up his path now, and he could make out the last line of her song, "let's misbehave!" sung with a dramatic flourish. Unable to help himself, he chuckled at the scene: a young human singing to herself while dancing through the Lady's private gardens at a time well past midnight. She looked about, suspicious of the invasive sound. He sighed, and dropped elegantly down from the tree, "I hope you were not singing to me."
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! People falling from the sky! Alien attack!" She found herself face to face, well, actually chest-to-face, because she was so much shorter than him, with Legolas, "elvish-looking aliens?" Virginia finished, confused. He laughed.
"I could hear you singing, and I was—most entertained. I am curious though, how did a girl come to be wandering these gardens? And at this time of night?"
"I'm not a girl! I'm 23! I can drink alcohol! I can buy porn! I'm…"
"Potty-trained, then, ey?" He smirked. She realized he was kidding, and then proceeded to tell the whole story, as they gradually migrated to a nearby bench.
"…and we thought it was just a story! But now we're here, and you're here and it's just so different and…and…" she paused for breath:I don't know what to do."
He sensed she was troubled about the change in her life, though adrenaline had made it exciting at first, he could see fatigue and fear taking its toll.
"Why don't you tell me about yourself?" was his gentle reply to the displaced girl in front of him. He had felt the Lady probing his mind, and sensed that he'd get a full explanation later. Gradually, the space between yawns became shorter and her eyelids began to droop. Legolas looked at her with awe, he could have talked for hours more about the things like school and malls that she spoke of. But the first rays of dawn peaked through the leaves. He gathered the near asleep maiden in his arms and went in search of her flet.