Disclaimer: NCIS and its characters belong to other, more creative (and richer) people and/or entities, not little ol' me. No copyright infringement is intended, no money is being made.
A/N: This is an Alternate Universe:
Kate is not dead
Ziva is temporarily assigned to NCIS. Ari was stealing the trigger mechanism for Hamas, and was trying to kill Gibbs, but he never went after Kate or any of Gibbs' team. Ziva did eventually believe what her half-brother was doing and killed him. All this happens in the past and is just background, just an explanation of why she's there.
As always, thanks to my beta, Rinkle, who corrects my punctuation, makes helpful suggestions and asks "huh?" when I babble. The inspiration for this story goes to ResearchGeek on TWoP, who suggested a story where Ziva must atttend a Mary Kay convention. It's not exactly that, but the idea set the gears in my little mind awhirring.
Chapter Two
"Nice place," commented Tony, as he wheeled himself through the living room of the house in which they'd be living. He rolled up to the master bedroom and whistled. "Look at this bedroom suite!"
Rolling up to the bed he patted the mattress. "Honey, look, it's a pillowtop mattress." He smiled suggestively at Ziva, who snorted.
"Yes, very nice."
"That's disgusting," huffed Kate. "You two aren't actually going to share a bed, are you?"
"We're supposed to be married," Tony threw back over his shoulder, as he rolled toward the master bathroom.
"Right, I'm sure you'll love it, Tony. Watch his wandering hands, Ziva." Tony stopped and looked back at Kate, his expression hurt. "I'm a perfect gentleman, Kate. This is for show."
"If you're a gentleman, then I'm a lap dancer," Kate shot back.
Tony opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again and silently wheeled into the bathroom.
"That was rather mean," observed Ziva quietly.
Kate snorted. "Tony deserves it. He's such a child. His hormones are out of control."
"He was a perfect gentleman the last time we were undercover as husband and wife." Ziva's voice was calm. "Even when we were both naked. He never looked down, kept eye contact the whole time."
"Maybe he was afraid you'd castrate him. You do come across as slightly menacing." Kate turned and walked back into the living room, with Ziva following close behind.
"Menacing?" Ziva barely kept herself under control.
Kate whirled and faced her. "Perhaps I should have said 'emasculating'."
"Being a strong, confident woman does not make one any less of a woman, or a threat to a man's virility," hissed Ziva.
"Ladies, ladies." Tony had wheeled back into the living room and attempted to stop what looked like the start of a vicious cat fight.
"Let's keep our eyes on the prize," he said as he wheeled in between the two. "Kate, there's another bedroom off the kitchen, that'll be yours. I'll check out the equipment McGee set up in the den and make contact with Gibbs."
Glaring at Ziva, Kate headed toward the kitchen and the other bedroom, while Ziva followed Tony to the den.
"You shouldn't let her talk to you like that, Tony," Ziva fumed. "You may have your faults, but she shows you absolutely no respect."
"Well, Ziva, thank you for your concern," replied Tony, "but Kate's always been like that with me. I deserve a certain amount of it, I know, and I do like to bait her."
"Yes, well, she constantly insults your intelligence and competence. There's no excuse for that."
Tony chuckled. "Feeling a bit protective, are we?" He grinned up at the angry agent, then his expression turned serious. "Really, Ziva, it's okay. Kate has issues with me. She brings out the juvenile in me and I bring out the…"
"Bitch?" Ziva interrupted.
"'Offended liberated woman' in her," corrected Tony with a grin. Ziva laughed, placing a quick kiss on the top of his head. "You're too good-natured, Tony."
"I know," agreed Tony. "It's part of my charm. Confuses the hell out of the bad guys."
Turning to the computer, Tony punched a few keys, bringing up an image of MTAC on the monitor, and one impatient Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
"What the hell took you so long, DiNozzo?" demanded Gibbs.
"Had to get the harem settled, Boss," replied Tony, cheerfully.
Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Report."
Getting down to business, Tony said, "We're settled into the house; sleeping arrangements have been taken care of with a minimal amount of drama; Kate and Ziva have already made contact with the woman next door, a Mrs. Julie Sanders, the local Vera Sue representative; there just happens to be a 'get to know you' event scheduled tomorrow and my lovely wife and sister have been invited to attend."
Gibbs nodded his approval. "Good. You make sure they have their wires on and tape everything that happens."
"Will do, Boss. Anything else?
"Yeah, the three of you be careful. You may be dealing with housewives on your end, but if you attract attention of the actual drug runners you could run into trouble." Gibbs' expression was serious.
Kate walked in on the tail end of the conversation, expressing annoyance that Tony and Ziva hadn't waited for her before contacting Gibbs. "Oh great, did I miss anything?"
"Just checking in, Kate, nothing important," Tony said placatingly.
"You couldn't wait ten minutes for me?" Kate's voice was dripping with sarcasm that sent Ziva's hackles up.
"We haven't been talking to Gibbs for long," Ziva said, stiffening as Kate turned to glare at her.
"Enough!" barked the image of Gibbs on the monitor, silencing the two women. "DiNozzo, McGee's going to send you the backgrounds on the women who sell Vera Sue on the base. Print out the details and split them up with Todd and David. I want you to know those women inside and out."
"Inside and out?" questioned Tony, with a grin. Gibbs just glared from the monitor and cut off the connection.
Chuckling, Tony backed away from the computer. "You heard the man. Let's get to work."
For the third time in the past half hour, Ziva impatiently pulled up the strap to her sundress. A sundress. If her former co-workers in Mossad could see her now, dressed in a yellow sundress with yellow sandals, carrying a straw handbag, smiling woodenly as she tried to make small talk to the airheaded housewives. She glanced down in annoyance at the plate of finger sandwiches that had been handed to her. There wasn't enough food there to satisfy a bird, much less a human being.
Looking across the room she saw Kate chatting with a group of women, laughing and taking sips of her strawberry daiquiri. Ziva snarled to herself. The woman was the All-American girl. She probably would never make it through Mossad training. Ziva took a small amount of satisfaction in that fact, even as she felt a stab of envy at the ease at which Kate made friends.
Kate came up to Ziva and whispered, "Come on, you have to meet someone." She pulled Ziva over to a dark haired woman with the voice of a braying donkey.
"Julie, this is my sister-in-law Tricia," Kate said brightly, elbowing Ziva and miming 'smile'.
"How nice to meet you, Julie," said Ziva, with false sincerity.
"My, you have the most beautiful skin," drawled Julie Sanders, reaching out to touch Ziva's cheek.
"Thank you." Ziva's voice was strained as she used all her control to stop herself from breaking the woman's wrist. "I was blessed with good genes."
"And of course Vera Sue's special moisturizing face cream with llama milk and avocado," added Kate quickly, smiling sweetly at Ziva and ignoring the other agent's glare. "Tricia is absolutely fanatical about her appearance. She spends hours in the bathroom on her skin regimen; my brother is always talking about having two bathrooms so he can get some time in there himself. If only the company had something for her hair, it's so hard to control!"
Julie laughed along with Kate, oblivious to the anger radiating from Ziva.
"Yes, well, Vera Sue is coming out with a line of hair products very soon. Perhaps Tricia would like to be a test subject?"
"Perhaps not," muttered Ziva, wincing as Kate elbowed her again.
"I'm sure Tricia would love that," fawned Kate. "It would be such great fun to be involved in the testing phase of a product. Wouldn't it, Tricia?"
Smiling, Ziva's voice dripped sugar, "Of course it would, absolutely wonderful!"
"Lovely," exclaimed Julie, clapping her hands in delight. "I'll see if I can get your name in the beta program with headquarters." She reached out and fiddled with Ziva's hair, oblivious to the outraged stare of the agent. "It's extremely soft, but so unruly. How unusual."
"Yes," hissed Ziva, "unusual."
"Say! I just got a wonderful idea!" Julie turned to Ziva excitedly. "Why don't we give a demonstration of the llama milk and avocado mask to the ladies, using you as a model?"
Kate squealed in delight. "That would be so perfect!"
Ziva's expression was one of pure horror. "My husband, Fiona's brother, is expecting us…I don't think we have the time…" she sputtered.
"Nonsense," interrupted Kate. "Herbie isn't expecting us for another hour, at least! He's too busy watching his football game, he's probably forgotten we're not there." Kate gleefully pulled Ziva through the room, following in Julie's wake.
Clapping her hands, Julie raised her voice to be heard. "Ladies! Ladies! We have a special treat for you today. We're going to demonstrate how to apply Vera Sue's moisturizing facial mask, and our newest member, Tricia Polson, is going to be our model! Let's give Tricia a warm, Vera Sue welcome!"
"Don't kill anyone, Ziva," Tony's voice crackled through her earpiece.
The other ladies in the room applauded enthusiastically as Julie sat Ziva down on a stool and opened up a jar of cream.
Kate stood back and watched with barely concealed amusement, her arms crossed in front of her chest.
Ziva sat rigidly on the stool as Julie tied her hair back, never even noticing the earpiece, and slathered on a greenish-yellow cream the consistency of yogurt onto her face. The make-up representative talked incessantly, as she applied a thick layer of the smelly substance. Ziva's eyes never left Kate's face, shooting daggers at the now giggling agent. Kate struggled to maintain her composure, her face turning red with the effort.
"You leave the mask on for thirty minutes until it hardens completely," trilled Julie, "but for purposes of demonstration, we'll take it off right away."
"Thank you," murmured Ziva viciously.
"Of course, once it's hardened it won't be this easy to take off," continued Julie, as she wiped the cream off Ziva's face. "You'll have to splash it with water until it softens again, but once it's been watered down it will wipe off easily. Remember to use luke-warm to cool water to remove the remnants of the mask"
Patting Ziva's face dry with a clean towel, Julie made a little dramatic flourish. "And voila! Beautiful, silky soft skin can be yours with only one thirty-minute treatment a week!"
Applause filled the room as Julie curtsied, pulling Ziva off the stool and urging her to do the same. Kate choked on her drink at the sight of Ziva's awkward curtsy.
Julie and Ziva returned to the table where Kate stood. "Wasn't she just a peach?" gushed Julie.
"Yes, she was lovely!" agreed Kate.
Julie turned when she heard her name called and with an apologetic wave to Kate and Ziva, bustled across the room toward a group of tittering women.
Ziva whirled to face Kate, her face red with rage. "What do you think you're doing?" she hissed.
Shrugging nonchalantly, Kate placed a slice of cake on her plate. "Establishing contact with the suspects. Blending in. You should try it yourself, you might get some useful information."
"Oh, you blended me just fine. So, did you get any information?" Ziva demanded.
"As a matter of fact," Kate picked up a grape and popped it into her mouth, chewing carefully, "I did." She was reaching for another grape when Ziva grabbed her wrist.
"What information." Ziva's voice was low and dangerous.
"Let go of my wrist." Kate's voice was just as dangerous. The two women glared at each other until Tony's voice came through their earpieces. "Cut it out," he said firmly. "You're going to attract attention."
"Tell her to let go of my wrist," hissed Kate.
Tony's voice was commanding, brooking no nonsense. "I said cut it out. That's an order!" Ziva reluctantly released Kate's wrist, but the two continued glaring at each other.
"You two better get back here. We need to debrief." Tony was all business and despite their anger, the two agents instinctively responded to the authority in his voice. Saying their goodbyes to the other women, Kate and Ziva headed back to the house.