The song Jude had just sung wasn't technically something she had written recently. She wrote it when her and Tommy were still together but on the verge of calling there relationship quits. Sometimes she wondered, maybe she would have been the one that ended up leaving him but he just got to homeplate first. The thought planted itself in the back of her mind permanently. It never went away.
Tommy shook his head. "Come with me" he said, standing up and smoothing out his clothes.
She stared at him. "I'm not going anywhere with you" she said profoundly.
"NOW" he warned. The tension in his face was undeniable. She wouldn't undermind him. Even if she hated everything about him down to his size 14 pumas he wore.
Jude sighed, which came out as more of a hiss as she passed him and waited for him to fallow.
"Gimme 10 minutes" Tommy said to Kwest, leaving studio A.
Kwest watched his two closest friends leave the room. He shook his head. "Damn hormones" he said, referring to Judes quick and sometimes scary mood changes. "I'm so glad I'm not a chick" he stated, then put his headphones back on and returned to his work.
"Nice song" Tommy said sarcastically once he and Jude were safely hidden in one of the many rooms of G-Major.
"Nice shirt, still shopping at The Piggly Wiggly Tom..."Jude threw back harshly.
"You wanna tell me what the purpose of that song you just sung in there is?" he asked, using his hand to indicate Studio A, which was adjacent to the room they were presently in.
"It's about you..." she hesitated, "and that self-dilusional, stubborn, fat head of yours" Jude finished.
Tommy laughed. Her childlike behavior that he had once adored was now something that turned into one thing he couldn't stand.
"Me, stubborn...self-dilusional" he laughed.
Jude looked very confused. The comment wasn't ment to be a joke or a compliment. It was just something she hoped would tick him off. She was wrong.
"I don't see what's so funny and I don't see why you pulled me out of my work when were obviously not doing anything beneficial. If you think that i'm going to just open up and talk to you and spill my feelings and emotions at your feet, then your seriously mistaken. And stop laughing!" she concluded, taking a breath.
"Ok..ok" Tommy said. He took a few breaths and let out some more huffs of laughter before regaining his composure and taking the situation seriously.
He stood and pulled a chair over in front of Jude and turned it so it's back was facing her. She shifted uncomfortably on the couch she was sitting on. Tommy straddled the chair backwards and stared at her before finally saying something.
"When did you write that? The lyrics were impressive..." he said sincerley.
Why! Why must he give such sweet compliments at a time like this! Of all times! she thought. He might be back in the studio, back in town, back all in all but he's 100 percentnot back in my life. I hate him. Then, now and for as long as I'm alive. I'll never let him back in. I'll never love him again, tell him my secrets, fears, longings. I won't fall down to his feet and praise him as if he's some type of Roman god. I'll stand my ground.
" I wrote it a while ago" she replied.
" When?" he asked again.
Jude rolled her eyes. She exhaled a laugh of hidden pain. "Before you left me" she answered.
Tommy tried to ignore what she had just said. But it was hard. He didn't like hurting her. It wasn't intentional. But somehow he always managed to find a way. Find a way to her breaking point.
"Judging by those lyrics, I wasn't the only one hiding something" he inquired.
"I don't want to discuss this" she said, turning her gaze to look at the corner of the wall.
Staring at walls was what she had come acustom to. Many nights she spent memorizing every vein and capillary crack in the cieling. She used to look so long and so intensely that shapes--tugboat, ladybug, Carrot Top in profile-- would suddenly pop out of the imperfections in the paint. As long as she focused on the wall, she was fine.
"Maybe that's the problem. I've made mistakes and I know I havn't been around...in a while...but we need to talk. It'll make both of us feel better" he said, never averting his eyes from anything but her.
Jude started to drift off. She hadn't blinked in over 5 minutes but her eyes weren't watering and she had no desire to blink anytime soon. She was in a daze.
"We had problems even before you went and did what you did" she stated calmly, loosing herself in that one spot on the sterile, familiar white wall.
Jude had replayed over and over again in her head many days about what she would say if her and Tommy ever had this conversation. She'd have arguments with herself and plan out exactly what she would say to him. And possibly throw at him. But right then, at that moment, she wasn't angry. She was sad. You'd expect her to be going psycotic and full on mental hysteria on him. That's what she figured she would do. But she didn't want to yell at him.
Jude wanted to talk to him. Maybe he was right. Talking about the past might take away some of the pain she was currently feeling in the present. It was worth a try.
"Were you happy with me?" she flat out asked him.
"I...don't know how to answer that Jude. I was happy with our relationship at some point. I don't know what happened" he replied truthfully.
"Huh, interesting. I was happy. I was great! Then you had to go and sleep with some skank!" she exclaimed.
I won't get angry with him she kept telling herself. This isn't working.
"You were going to leave anyway Jude! Weren't you? Weren't you!" he shouted back with equal force.
Jude didn't respond. The shapes in the wall kept getting closer and closer. Her eyes kept getting drawn further and further in. At any point she felt as if she could reach out and touch them.
"Jude!" Tommy excalimed.
It all disappeared.
"I don't know!" she yelled, tearing her eyes off of the wall and literally jumping up into the air.
He watched her red hair whip here and there everytime she jerked her head abruptly. He studied the movement of her body as she twisted, paced and ran from place to place in the room. He stared at her flapping arms as they flew up into the air then came back down to rest peacefully on her hips.
"Maybe I would have left! Maybe I might have found someone new! Maybe I couldn't take you and your stupid fooling around! But it doesn't matter anymore! It doesn't matter! Would you have come after me if I did leave? Huh! I highly doubt it Tom!" she screamed in fury.
"Hey! I didn't sleep around!" she snapped back.
"One woman. That's all it took!" she exclaimed.
"I told you I made a mistake! Can't you just forget about it?" he asked harshly.
Jude wanted to cry. You can't just forget something like that. She couldn't.
"You just don't get it!" she screamed then stomped out of the room and into the nearest bathroom.
Tommy kicked the chair he was just sitting in and it flew across the floor. He cursed to himself and rubbed his head with the heel of his hand.
"Stupid" he muttered.
The bathrooms of G-Major weren't the most comforting places to be. She washed her face with the cold faucet water then slumped to the floor, closing her eyes. In her mind, there was a place where no one could touch her. A place with no pain, no hate and no Tommy. It was as close to perfect as she was ever going to get. Why not create a theme for my perfect little world she thought. A title. The Chronicles Of Jude Harrison; the broken guitar strings, the outdated fashion sense and the smelly (neglected) restroom of G-Major inc. I can just see it now!
The sound of Kurt Cobains voice singing to the melody of "Heart-Shaped Box" echoed in the silence. Jude didn't want to know who it was calling her. It could be Tommy for all she knew. He could be outside the door, calling...luring! she thought frantically.
"I'm loosing it" she said outloud. She took a big breath.
"Hello?" she said into the reciever of her cell phone.
"Jude Elizabeth Harrison! Where the hell were you last night? I went over to your apartment, as planned, to fix you up for your double date with Michael and I and you weren't there! I'm pissed!" Sadie yelled.
Jude exhaleda breath of air she had nonconsciencly known she had been holding in.
"Sadie...sorry. I had other stuff going on" Jude said weakly.
"We had that planned! You can't break off planned events! It's like...like...it's like saying you'll marry a guy then on your wedding day you tell him you've been screwing his brother and your pregnant so you'll have to postpone the wedding till you can get an abortion and thats whenyou can finally say I do!" she screamed.
Jude was completely lost. What the hell does abortions and marriage have to do with her skipping out last night!
"You need to lay off the soaps Sades" Jude replied.
"Whatever! Look I don't appreciate you abandoning me last night. You owe me..." Sadie said, dragging on the "You owe me".
"No I don't. I said sorry. End of discussion" Jude stated, fighting to get up using her free hand, as the other was holding her phone to her ear.
"I'm bringing Scott by in about 10 minutes" Sadie said out of nowhere.
"Who's Scott?" Jude asked annoyed.
"The guy you were SUPPOSED to go out with last night. If you won't go out with him, I'll bring him to you!" she exclaimed.
That's the one problem with Sadie. She's sadly mistaken thinking she's the next Einstien. She doesn't even know how to use a handheld can opener correctly.
"No!" Jude snapped back quickly, "Bad idea! Please no..."she begged.
"Sorry, what? Were breaking up. Jude? Can't hear you..."Sadie said childishly.
"Sadie! Please! This isn't a good idea! Don't bring anyone here right now" Jude pleaded.
"Our connection must be bad" Sadie replied, attempting to make a "fake-disconnection-sound" with a old Snickers wrapper.
"Come on!" Jude exclaimed in frustration.
"I'll be there in 10 minutes" Sadie said sweetly.
Click. She was gone.
Jude took the phone away from her ear slowly then shut it.
"I can't believe her" she said quietly.
In less than 8 minutes her sister would be there with some stranger named Scott. Someone who Jude would have to be nice to so Sadie wouldn't chew her out again. She wasn't scared of Sadie, just annoyed by her.
This "Scott" wasn't an interest of Judes.
In her head she created her very own math problem to reflect how this situation was going to go.
Me + Tommy + a new guy named Scott + one irritated Sadie + a body full of untamed anger The suck, suck, suck, suckiest day of my adult life ever for me to expierence.