Of Ramen and Wooden Skates

Rain

The downpour had been on the rampage since midnight, and I cast a worried look at the closed door, wondering if Orochimaru-kun would make it today. I had just recently opened the store, but the storm made it clear that we won't have a lot of customers for that day. I wondered vaguely if I should just close down or something, when I heard the unmistakable clack of skates outside, and the door slid open, revealing my employee, who was currently shaking droplets out of his umbrella.

I smiled at him and he smiled back before flipping his soaked black hair over his shoulder. It had been a week since the Jounin exams, and as expected, Orochimaru-kun attained the rank. His teammates Jiraiya and Tsunade were still Chuunins, but he maintained that they would follow him too soon enough.

"I thought you wouldn't work today." I said as a greeting as I gave him the usual tea.

Orochimaru-kun spared me a scandalized look. "Outrageous!" he said.

I chuckled lightly and gave him a towel. Amazing how his hair could grow back to its original length in so short a span of time. "Here, dry yourself."

"Thank you."

There was a moment of quiet in which we enjoyed ourselves. Lightning flashed, thunder rolled and water spattered, but we were quite warm in our little workplace. Orochimaru-kun took grateful gulps of tea, his golden eyes looking thoughtful.

"Problems?" I asked as I wiped our bowls clean.

He set down his teacup slowly and averted his gaze. He said something.

"Pardon? I didn't catch that, sorry."

He reddened. "I...well...uh...how do you...how...how do you tell a girl...that...that you...l-like her?"

"Say it to her, of course!" I said. I pulled up a chair and sat down, as this was going to be a long conversation. "Although a few subtle hints here and there would be in order before you brook your feelings."

The thoughtful gleam in his eyes shifted to thirst. "What hints?"

It struck me that Konoha's pride, the Serpent summoner Orochimaru, knew so very little about the art of courtship and flirting when in fact he learned over eighty jutsus as an Academy student.

I cleared my throat. "I don't pretend to be Dr. Love, Orochimaru, quite the contrary..."

"Please tell me!" the pleading note in his voice was very hard to miss.

"Well...you might think this one is too traditional, but offering her help with chores is one nice way of letting her know how you feel."

Orochimaru-kun frowned. "I don't think that will work, she can lift a 300-pound box with no problem." And then he realized what he blurted out, so he gasped and clamped his hands over his mouth.

I laughed. "You really like Tsunade-hime, don't you?"

His fingers absent-mindedly traced a heart shape on the counter. "I don't like her. I love her..." he whispered. Then now he sounded desperate. "But...I don't know...I can't tell her...I get tongue twisted every time I want to try and...I don't think she...she likes me."

"Nonsense," I said, waving a hand. "Girls often have this knack of showing you the opposite of what they really feel. That is one of the reasons you court a girl in the first place."

"How do I court her?" Orochimaru-kun asked. "She isn't like an ordinary kunoichi...she behaves like a tomboy most of the time. Hyuuga Hikaru had declared he wanted to court her the other day and she hit him – he's still in ICU 5, I think." He sounded fearful. "I don't want to be on the receiving end of her punches!"

"You have an advantage over your rivals already, Orochimaru-kun. Tell me, how long have you been part of Team...?"

"Team 7. We're Team 7."

"Yes. How long have you three been Team 7?"

There was a slight pause. "Five years."

"And during those five years, I daresay you know Tsunade-hime more than outsiders could ever know her. Think about it. What flowers does she like best?"

"She likes roses. Red roses, but tulips if she could have them."

"What is her favorite food?"

"Tekka maki."

"Her favorite color?"

"Green and pink."

"What makes her happy?"

The sides of Orochimaru-kun's lips twitched. "Winning a jackpot, sake, her brother Nawaki and a good wrestling match."

"What makes her sad?"

"Reminding her of her grandfather and great-uncle's deaths."

"What makes her angry?"

"Call her a 'flat-chested bitch', grope her butt and peep on her while she takes a bath."

"What kinds of panties does she love to wear?"

"Tight-fitting ones made of lace – HEY!"

I laughed so hard that I choked and had to hit my chest several times. Orochimaru-kun glowered at me from his high chair, his cheeks very red.

"See what I mean? You already know a lot about her. I say use these knowledge as tools to make your courting of her easy."

"How?" Orochimaru-kun looked very lost.

"Don't give her a new panty – save that for later when you are more intimate with each other." I winked at him. "Giving her underwear at such an early stage will ruin your chances (and very likely land you in a wooden box six feet underground). Why not take her out for sake or something? Have a good drink, laugh and then wrestle with each other? Or if you have some spare cash, offer to take her to her favorite gambling house. If you could cheat to make her win, then do so."

Orochimaru-kun absorbed everything like a sponge.

"Treat her to her favorite place (of course if you have money; it's extremely distasteful if you let the girl pay for your meal)...and a bouquet of her favorite flowers will always be a good addition. But most of all just be yourself."

He nodded determinedly and was just about to speak when the door opened and a couple of kunoichi arrived with colorful umbrellas. Orochimaru-kun gave an annoyed sigh before rising to take their orders. I watched them carefully out of the corner of my eyes.

The way the kunoichi giggled and eyed him as he took their orders said a great deal about his reputation with them. But inwardly I made a mental note to the pretty girls. Orochimaru-kun already had someone that he liked. I smiled at him knowingly when he returned to me with the customer's orders, and he stuck out his tongue in distaste.

At closing time later that day, he told me he already had a brilliant plan in mind on how to execute his first step in letting Tsunade-hime how he felt.

However, he never had the chance to fulfill his plans because the Great Ninja Wars had begun.