"She's like the wind through my tree…"
I gazed at her, only 12 years old, as she carefully tiptoed her way through the trees, jumping slightly whenever a twig cracked below her weight. I heard her heavy breathing, as she twitched at any sign of movement and glanced suspiciously at her surroundings.
"She rides the night next to me…"
I approached her, and stood along side her. I heard her breathing clearer. Her eyes are wide. I slipped my hand into hers to let her know that I was there.
"She leads me through moonlight…"
She didn't pull away as usual, but she squeezed my hand in return. It may have been my imagination, but I was sure I saw the beginnings of a smile flicker across her face.
Another twig cracked below her, and she jumped again.
"Only to burn me with the sun…"
She pulled her hand away, as if she had just been woken up. The smile, real or imaginary, was there no longer, and the scowls and fear were back in its place.
"She's taken my heart…"
I knew it was wrong to think about your sister in the way that I had been for years. At first, I tried to abolish my feelings. After a while, I knew I could not force myself to do so.
"But she doesn't know what she's done…"
I learned to push my feelings to the back of my mind, to ignore them. Shannon did not know how I felt, and I wanted to keep it that way. I wanted to tell her everything, and hold her, and never let go.
"Feel her breath on my face…"
Shannon was terrified. I could see it in her eyes. However much she tried to act otherwise, I could see it. I approached her once more, and made her stop walking. I could feel her warm breath on my face. She did not attempt to push me away, so I pulled her into an embrace.
"Her body close to me…"
We were so close together I could feel her heart beat. I whispered comforting words in her ear. Her breathing began to slow down slightly, for which I was relieved.
"Can't look in her eyes…"
I knew what I was feeling was wrong. That is why I could not meet her eye, after she pulled away, and began to head on through the wood.
"She's out of my league…"
Even though she was my sister, she barely ever talked to me. If we were not related then she would never even give me a second glance. Yet I still yearned for her, and no sensible thoughts could rid me of my twisted emotions.
"Just a fool to believe I have anything she needs…"
She was fine the rest of the way back. When we made it out of the darkness, back to our parents, she acted as if nothing had happened. She did not even give me any recognition.
"She's like the wind."
She can turn off her emotions easily. It is all a game to her. I wish I could do the same.
"I look in the mirror and all I see…"
As I tiptoed along carefully, just as she had done a few years ago in the woods, I tried to make as little sound as possible. I did not understand why I kept torturing myself, by slipping into her room every night, and watching her sleep. As I approached her again, my eye was caught by a mirror on her desk.
"Is a young old man with only a dream…"
I grimaced as I saw my reflection. I wondered what this must look like to someone else. I sickened myself, yet I could not keep away from her. I could never be with her, mother and 'father' would never allow it. Shannon would hate me forever if she found out.
"Am I just fooling myself that she'll stop the pain…"
I often worried that Shannon would wake up while I was here. If she did, she would never speak to me again. She did not love me the way I loved her. She probably did not even love me the way she was supposed to. You could never tell with Shannon.
"Living without her, I'd go insane…"
I kept trying to stop my late night visits. The fear of being found out was too much to cope with. I did not know what I would do without Shannon in my life. When she entered it, my life finally felt like it had meaning. Even though I was only 10 at the time, I knew she was special, and I knew my life would never be the same again…
"Feel her breath on my face…"
I crouched down next to her bed, her face inches from mine. I watched her chest move in time with her barely audible breaths. I felt her breath, warm on my cheek, as I had done all those years ago.
"Her body close to me…"
I would have been so easy to lean over, and gently brush those beautiful lips against my own. I could never bring myself to do it. It was Shannon. My sister Shannon.
"Can't look in her eyes…"
Every morning after that, I could never meet her eyes. She began to wonder if she had done something wrong. Secretly, I was glad she had noticed me at all.
"She's out of my league…"
I saw the guys that she used to date. I saw the ways they looked at her. They did not love her. Not the way I loved Shannon. They were nothing like me. Any faith I ever had evaporated which each new boyfriend. I rarely dated. I doubted Shannon would notice, or care, and couldn't bear to lie to people like that.
"Just a fool to believe I have anything she needs…"
She was always so confident and secure. That was one of the things I loved about her. Yet, I sometimes wished she were more vulnerable, and then I could have taken care of her. She did not need anything from me. She did not want anything from me.
"She's like the wind."
At school, she never said a word to me. She did not even acknowledge my existence. She was ever changing, she could not be read.
"Feel your breath on my face…"
She came into my hotel room. I did not know what she wanted. I had not even seen her much recently. She was 20 now, and lived away from us since her father died. After I found out about her schemes, I did not know what to do anymore. She whispered things to me, but I refused to take the bait.
"Your body close to me…"
We were right up against each other. I asked her to stop, but she kissed me anyway. I felt trapped, but those feelings washed away a little more with every kiss.
"Can't look in your eyes…"
I tried to resist her, but I could not. I did not know why she was doing this. Eventually, I gave in, and she led me away, to places I could not even have dreamt of.
"You're out of my league…"
All along, I thought that she never knew I was there. Yet she knew more than that. She knew I loved her. I was nothing like any of the boyfriends I had paid to stay away from her. She was nothing like me.
"Just a fool to believe I have anything you need…"
After it was all over, she tried to act as if nothing had happened. She told me to do the same. I could not believe she could do that. I could not believe her. How could she change, just like that? I wished I could do the same, but by the way she was acting, nothing had changed, so all I had to do was follow her lead.
"You're like the wind."