Disclaimer: I DO own Rurouni Kenshin! I have Volume 1 in my closet! XD
Not Without You
It had been raining for the past few days, but today it seemed, was an exception. The ground was damp, but quickly drying from the sun. The sudden good weather was not the only thing different. There was a change in position today, from the two rurouni.
Instead of Ami faithfully a few paces behind, she was walking in front of him today. One of the kimono Sachi had packed was being put to use; Ami had put on the patterned robe for protection from the cold air of the previous night and had not bothered to tie it. Her peasant shirt and short pants were plainly visible underneath the open robe, and there was a funny bounce to her step as she hitched up the kimono so that the long skirt would not drag in the mud.
Kenshin watched all this with a pleasant smile on his face, enjoying the peaceful atmosphere. He let his mind wander, but was brought quickly back as he heard a splash and a dismayed cry from Ami.
"Aiya!!" she wailed quickly. The ground had tricked her. She had put her foot down on the supposedly firm ground, only to have it sink a few centimeters. She pulled out her foot with a loud smacking sound as the sole of her sandal pulled apart from the wetness, and kicked hard to sling the mud off of her foot and sandal. She sidestepped to firm ground and spun around, facing Kenshin expectantly.
"It's all right," Kenshin smiled. "I do that all the time."
Ami's eyes narrowed in doubt and her eyes immediately swept down to his feet to scan his tabi, but Kenshin swept past her before she could get a good glimpse. "There's water nearby," he called over his shoulder. "We can go there if you want to wash it off."
"Really?" She asked, forgetting about her suspicions. "Did you see it?"
"I heard it."
Ami blinked in confusion, but kept silent. If Kenshin said so, then that was that. She trusted his instinct, and a few minutes later, Kenshin led them off the road into the brush, where indeed a small stream was waiting for them.
Ami smiled at her good fortune and dumped her pack onto the grass, sliding off the kimono as she ran down to the stream. She slowed down as she reached the bank and then dunked her dirty foot into the water, kicking to dislodge the particles. When she was satisfied, she stepped out and turned to Kenshin, smiling admiringly.
"I didn't hear anything at all! Did you learn how to hear that well? Or is it just because your senses are really… good…" her voice became softer after the word "senses".
His senses are really good-In order to be a spy-
He could hear the villagers gossiping those few times-
Hiro-She paused, breathing heavily in recognition, connections running through her head.
"Ami-chan?" Kenshin walked carefully towards her, brows furrowed in concern. Her head snapped up and she gazed at him, lips gently parted in a puzzled expression. Then she smiled and shook her head.
"It's nothing."
Kenshin relaxed, seeing her carefree smile. His eyes roved up and down her body, noticing the dirtiness of her knees and clothes. Though he kept his relaxed posture, he frowned inside.
A little more than half a week, and already she has regained her appearance as a peasant, he thought. When they were staying at the Kamashi's, Ami was always so clean, skin polished, hair untangled, wearing proper clothes, and the beautiful little girl she was out in the open. But now…anyone who bothered to glance at her would see a small raggedy pauper. He disliked the thought.
"Why don't you wash up?" Kenshin suggested. "We can take a break."
Ami eyed him quizzically, wondering why he was suddenly so concerned about her hygiene. She looked down at herself with a more criticizing eye and noticed what she had overlooked before. Dirt on her knees and hands…she flushed, embarrassed at herself. Was she making Kenshin ashamed? Without a word, she slipped out of her sandals and waded into the stream as Kenshin turned his back and started to unload his pack.
Ami hadn't told Kenshin, but the water was quite cold; it still wasn't spring yet, after all. She shivered as she splashed water onto her knees and arms, rubbing briskly. She squatted down, not letting her pants touch the water, and dunked her head into the stream.
It's COLD, was Ami's first thought as the chilly water surrounded her face. I'm stupid, was the second.
"Ami!" Kenshin yelled, surprised, spinning around as he heard the splash. Ami heard the cry and quickly pulled herself out of the water, blinking to clear up her sight and feeling quite foolish.
Baka, she thought to herself miserably as she stared at the ground, combing quickly through her wet tangled hair with her fingers. This probably isn't what he meant at all! Maybe he just wanted me to wash my hands or something! Now I might get sick and slow us down! True to her thoughts, she sneezed.
Kenshin was at a loss, staring at her dumbly. Oh, you idiot! He thought to himself. What were you thinking? It's still winter, and you told her to wash?! He motioned Ami to come closer, already searching for something for her to change into or dry with. But still…I didn't think she would've have taken it so literally… he cursed at himself. Of course she would have! She's Ami!
He seized the kimono that Ami had been wearing earlier and held it out to her. "You can dry yourself with this," he said. Ami took it, but made no move to use it.
"But it's too fancy! I can't get it wet-"
"We can always wash it later, Ami-chan," he said in a tired voice. "Laundry isn't a problem, but your health is."
She blushed at the rebuke and stared at the ground, obeying his command. Kenshin sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. We wouldn't have such problems were we still at the Kamashi estate… Images of Ami enjoying herself there flashed through his mind. Would it have been better…to leave her there? He felt slightly sick at the thought.
~*~
They ate in silence, both preoccupied with their thoughts. Ami bit into the sweet rolls Sachi had made. She smiled at the memory of the woman, the memory tinged with confusion still lingering over the woman's strange moments. Like how upset she had been the last couple of days they stayed…
Still bent over her food, Ami took a quick glance at Kenshin. She admired how the sun glinted off of his hair… her smile grew wider, suppressing a giggle as she quickly turned back to her sweet roll. She remembered the earlier thought she had had, about Kenshin and senses. It was a stupid thought; there wasn't any way it could be true….
'Hiro had good senses, and he was a spy. If Kenshin has good senses…does that mean he could've been a spy?'
She almost shook her head. It was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. Hiro had always been quiet. But Kenshin…. he smiled, he laughed, he could even become angry. He was too warm a person to be a spy. She couldn't imagine him slinking down an alleyway at night, watching people without ever being caught. Ami was about to try and imagine Hiro in such a position, but suddenly realized how she might be insulting him, in a way.
True, Ami could not recall a time when he had laughed, and his smiles were so few, but that didn't mean he was emotionless! And to think that warm people could not be spies…was she saying that Hiro was cold? Even if Hiro's eyes were a shade of blue that made you think of ice, and his face seemed to be always set in a serious expression, didn't mean… Ami closed her eyes and shook her head, as if hoping to shake the thoughts out of her mind. She whispered an apology to her brother with her mind, and tried to concentrate on other matters.
Finished with the sweet roll, she glanced once more at Kenshin, who seemed deep in thought. She could inquire after him, but Ami didn't want to disrupt his privacy. His thoughts were his own, after all.
~*~
The next day was sunny again, and Ami was perfectly well, thankfully. They were taking a wilder trail, and she ran energetically along the high grasses. The sun reflected brilliantly off of her hair.
As Ami pushed her way through the tall grass, her mind jumped back to focus on Kenshin. He was still deep in thought…and she was still reluctant to question him. Was it something to do with her? Perhaps she was displeasing him in some way… Ami was unhappy at the thought. She pushed through the brush quicker, ignoring the scratches she was getting on her legs.
Hours later, they stopped for a rest. Sitting on the ground across from each other, Kenshin wordlessly held out some food to her. But to his surprise, she refused, shaking her head.
I'm not going to stand by like this anymore! I don't want to intrude…but…"Kenshin?"
He blinked, slowly sitting back, withdrawing his hand. "What is it? Is there something you wish to tell me?"
She bit her lip. Isn't there something you'd like to tell me? She thought. "I…I was just…" She lost her nerve, eyes flickering to the side. She tried to force herself to look at his face. "You…seem to be thinking about something."
His eyes clouded over again, and Ami felt her heart drop a notch. "You know," she said desperately, "you can tell me anything, Kenshin! I'd never breathe a word, to no one-"
Kenshin couldn't help it. He smiled at her, amused by her earnest tone. Ami broke off at the sign of his smile, flushing, but a growing feeling of triumph aroused in her at shaking him loose from his mood.
"I'm sorry," said Kenshin. He paused, trying to find a way to say his thoughts. "I was wondering…if you miss the Kamashi estate."
"Miss the estate…?" she repeated, slightly confused at this information. "Yes, I miss Domon-san and Sachi-san, if that's what you mean…"
"Would you have liked," Kenshin said, carefully choosing his words, "to stay there?"
Ami frowned, heart beginning to pound painfully. What was he trying to say?
"St-stay?" she asked, voice high from her tenseness. "Longer?"
"Stay there. Live with them."
The painful feeling spread from her chest to her throat. She could have choked. It was amazing how his words were affecting her body. Fighting off the numbness, she got up on her knees and crawled closer towards him until their faces were a finger's length away. She was unconsciously urging him to look into her eyes and see the answer there.
They froze, Ami breathing heavily, and finally, she whispered, "No. Never. Not without you." The tension was somehow released with these words, and Ami leaned back, away from him. "Not without you." She whispered again, barely audible. She stiffened again, realizing how her words might affect him.
I don't want to be a burden…I don't want him to feel obligated to take care of me… I want him to want me to be with him…
"If you wanted me to, I would stay." She tried to relax and give the impression that she didn't care. "Just tell me. That's all you would need to do."
Her breath caught as Kenshin leaned forward and placed his hand on her head, fingers intertwining with the deep black strands. Her eyes focused on the ground, heat prickling from her body as she felt the weight and warmth from Kenshin's palm.
"I was wondering whether or not you'd be more comfortable in a home like theirs," he said. Ami could feel his breath above her. "But it seems you are happier with me." He leaned back, drawing his hand away from her. Heart beating rapidly, Ami dared to look up into his face. Her breath caught once more; he was smiling fully, eyes closed in trust. "And if that is the case…I would like it if you were to stay with me. Your happiness is what matters, de gozaru."
Her breathing wasn't as painful as before. A deep happiness swelled up inside her, and she smiled back, strangely feeling like crying. I know what this is… I love… It must be you… Her eyes radiated her adoration, and she had to keep herself from reaching out to grab his hand, wanting to feel his warmth again.
"Your happiness is what matters, de gozaru."
"You make me happy," she wanted to say.
Always.
And then a growl erupted from her stomach, and the spell was broken. Ami blushed a deep crimson and she looked away, holding her abdomen as if to block its insistent noises. Kenshin smiled as he once again extended food to her.
This time she took it.
~*~
Author's Notes:
Oh my goodness! I actually updated! _'' I think my muse is dying. I need to find a new one. Unlike most events, I actually had planned an encounter like this after Ami and Kenshin departed from their first host. It got the basic point across (Ami giving a sign she'd rather stay with him), however, the scene turned out pretty different emotional wise.
In my daydreamed encounter, Ami remained perfectly cheerful throughout it all, and after she says that she wants to stay with Kenshin, Kenshin becomes happy too. But now that I'm writing all this out I've developed Ami's character a lot more, so then I deduced that she may not act so cheery during an ordeal of Kenshin questioning her happiness. It was also surprising that she acknowledged she had such deep feelings for Kenshin so early…X_X'' It's so strange how these things turn out without my intentions.
Anyway, about next chappy… I want to see how many days I can squeeze into it. I mean, if each chapter is a couple of days, this fic is going to end up pretty darn long. O_o' Heh. Well, hopefully I'll be able to write quicker.
Review Replies:
Haruko: KA… you know, sometimes I wish it would turn out that way. The thing about writing stories with OCs as main characters is that there are so many different paths you could take with them! Possibilities are endless! But for this version I've already chosen a path, so other endings are up for imagination. :P And thanks again for your kind comments about Ami…makes me feel proud of her in a strange way. ^_^'
Maeve Riannon: Yup, fantasies of COOKING for him. That's Ami for you. ^^' And about that fanart I was going to draw for you… x_x I swear, I'll try and finish & scan it soon! Mostly the scanning part that's the problem… not sure if my Dad will let me use his. Well, thank you for checking out my writing. I'm very honored. J
Meiharu: Thanks for the compliment! I'm glad you enjoyed. ^_^
EEevee: I've never cooked a real dish by myself, so I wouldn't know whether I have skill or not. Most likely no. And whaddaya know, I've seen Grave of the Fireflies too! Except it was in Chinese, so I didn't understand most of it… so frustrating not being able to understand your own language. ^^' Embaressing too.
AnimeAmba: Writer's block… *hands you a jackhammer to tear it down* I hate that thing. So troublesome… Well, you know I'll be patiently waiting for you to get inspiration. ^^
MissBehavin: Yeah, ff.net has been having some problems lately… So the Sachi and Ami interactions were satisfactory? Excellent! I was afraid it would seem like a very awkward "sob sob" moment.
the sacred night: Yeah, I like them wandering better too. Not so many characters to deal with… ^^' lazy me. And I'm so glad you liked Ami's cooking wish. ^_^ I was happy to read your comments.