Disclaimer: I DO own Rurouni Kenshin!! I have Volumes 1&3 in my closet!
A Day for Honesty-
He's hurting, and I can't help.
…I want to help so badly.
-
She had left Kenshin at the inn.
"Go and look around. It's a nice day," he had said. He was trying to get rid of her. She knew it, but had showed no sign of knowing. It wasn't her place to be upset, when Kenshin was.
Something in him had changed after their encounter with the thieves. They had turned around and went the back the way they came, back to the crossroads they had encountered earlier.
Ami had been the one to choose the path to the left. It was her fault. If she hadn't chosen to go left, they would have never met those stupid, foolish robbers. She was the one who had made Kenshin this way…
This time, they had taken the right. And Kenshin was silent the whole way.
It's my fault. I chose left.
They came to another town, in much better shape then the last. Kenshin had suggested they go to an inn, this time.
"I'll pay too," she had said, in an almost eager tone. He had given her a smile, but he looked tired. Then he had turned her down. He had done these kinds of things before, but this time it felt worse.
She had wondered why he wanted to stay at an inn. Now she knew. He said he was giving her a chance to explore town, be surrounded by people. But in reality… Kenshin just wanted to be alone. And that's how he was, sitting in their small room, back to the wall. That is how Ami had left him, and that is how he would stay when she came back.
"You lost?"
"Hm?" Ami looked around, her gaze sweeping the crowd, finally settling onto a gruff looking man leaning against the post of one of the stores. She forgot to reply, and continued to stare until he raised an eyebrow.
"Oh, no. Just… thinking."
He continued to give her an odd look, probably wanting her to continue, but Ami did not give any more explanations. As he continued to stare, she felt a throb of annoyance. It wasn't his business!
Why is he trying to butt into things! You don't just ask a person on the street questions like that, she thought, biting her lip, blaming him irrationally. She didn't want to deal with his questioning stare any longer. Giving him a short bow as a farewell, she walked away quickly. She had an errand to run.
-
His re-encounter with the criminals was a shocking blow to his mind. The first time he had been civil to them, almost gently prodding them into the right direction, though they were not much younger than himself. They had pretended to take his advice into consideration, but had thrown it away once he left them.
What if it is that way with everyone?
What if, instead of petty robbers, a more dangerous type of criminal had been allowed a second chance by him? What if he had left, thinking everything was solved, when in truth he was turning his back and letting crimes be committed all over again? Like capturing a wolf, then setting it loose on the chickens.
Can I truly help others without killing?
Perhaps it really is… a weak joke, as Shakkuu-san said.
His eyes widened suddenly, and he hit the wall hard with his fist.
I made that vow, for Tomoe and I. Her death was not a joke! I'll live this way, no matter what. It's too early for jumping to conclusions.
"Besides," he said aloud, "what would Ami-chan say…."
She smiled shyly at him, clutching his sakabatou. "I think I like this sword."
"I do too, de gozaru…"
-
She was back, standing in front of the shop, looking at the man sullenly. She had walked for quite a while down the different stands, searching for a store that would sell pots. After passing many stalls, she finally remembered; that man who had questioned her, he was standing right in front of a pot shop! And so, Ami had to walk all the way back again, even more irritable at the wasted time she had spent searching when the stand had been right there. That man had distracted her from her goal. At her arrival, his eyebrows had risen again.
It's a wonder they don't stay that way, Ami thought irritably. She felt like fool. It was terribly embarrassing to leave someone so rudely then come back later. It made her look foolish.
"What do you want?" the man finally called. "Thought you didn't want to confess."
"You're the pot seller," she mumbled.
"Eh?"
"YOU SELL THE POTS," she said loudly, making the people walking around her look back at her curiously. She blushed only slightly, her irritation overpowering her embarrassment.
"You want a pot?"
"Yes, I do," she said steely, clenching her fists. Didn't he just hear her? She glared at him, and the look was not lost.
"Then quit standing in the middle of the road like a goat struck dumb! Get in!"
Ami blinked in surprise at the outburst and fell back into habit, scurrying into the store obediently.
-
"What kind of pot?"
Ami didn't answer, fingering her money pouch. Her eyes swept across all the cooking ware. She hadn't known there'd be such a variety.
"Do you make these?" she asked eventually. She prodded one of the pots in front of her, and then flicked at it with her nail. It made a sharp clanging sound.
"Some," the man shrugged. He repeated himself. "What kind of pot?"
"I don't know…" she said, half to herself.
"Are you usually so anti-social?"
The question took her by surprise. She felt offended. "No," she protested, frowning at him.
"Then are you usually so temperamental? Probably not, judging from your earlier performance. I guess you're just having quick mood swings, puberty does that to you, you know-"
"What?" she snapped. What in the world was this man talking about? Then she realized he had a point, and tried to soften her next sentence. "I mean… what do you mean, earlier performance?"
The man raised an eyebrow and mimicked her clumsy bow and scurried away. Ami flushed.
"You're the one who's mean," she mumbled. "Can you just sell me a pot, please? Kenshin's alone-"
"Fine. Look, just pick one."
"Do they all work well?"
"Of course!"
"Give me the cheapest," she said.
"Quiet and stingy," the man sighed. He reached past a row and grabbed a pot made of tin. She bit her lip from his remark and took the pot, paying him quickly.
"Keep the change," she said, trying to prove how wrong his remark was.
The man counted the money. "There isn't any." He raised his eyebrows at her again.
What! I thought I had given him more money than what was needed!
"Oh," Ami mumbled. The man patted her on the head.
"You're a weird kid. Are you always striving to please?"
"Hm?" She looked up, startled. "No, I-"
"Excuse me, sir?" a woman's voice rang out. "I'd like to buy this…"
The shop owner gave Ami a look that said don't move and went to tend to his customer. Ami sat down on the table, dumbfounded. Why was this man making so many observations about her? She wasn't really "striving to please", was she? She clutched the pot to her chest.
The man came back after dealing with the buyer and took a seat next to her.
"What do you mean… striving to please," she said after a while, looking down.
"What you're doing now. One moment you're angry, and after I said so, you became docile as a lamb. A remark about cheapness, and you try to be generous."
"That's just being considerate," Ami argued, feeling awkward. Why was she having this conversation with him? But she couldn't just get up and leave now because- It'd be like before. He said it was "mean", and I don't want to do it again, she realized. Did that mean what he said was true? But even so…
"Why does it bother you?" she said finally. "I paid for the pot. Things like this shouldn't bother you. You're not supposed to… what about that other customer? Why aren't you having this conversation with her?"
"I couldn't see anything wrong with her. But something is obviously troubling you, girl. And I want to help. I like to help people."
"Why? Is it to repent?" Ami asked suddenly, and immediately regretted the words. The man gave her an even weirder look than before.
"No," he said finally, and Ami was glad he didn't asset himself to figure out her strange words as well. "It's more of a hobby, actually. My nature. I like to think I'm preventing something."
He gave her a look, different than the others. It was more intense and had a confiding aura.
"My daughter-in-law committed suicide a year ago. I had a feeling something was wrong, but I never spoke to her. I don't think I am preventing death, exactly… but something, at least."
Ami became silent, digesting this information gravely. She could feel his eyes on her, so she spoke her thoughts. "You are repenting," Ami declared. "You feel guilty."
The man shrugged. "If you see it that way, sure."
They sat in silence, Ami's legs swinging slowly over the ground. "Do you think everyone is repenting for something?"
"Possibly. Most may be doing it unconsciously, though." He gave a sigh. "We're straying off topic. What's bothering you?"
Ami became stiff. "It's really nothing. It will get better."
His look said he didn't believe her.
"I just want to help someone too," she admitted. "My…" My what? Explaining what Kenshin was exactly to her would take time, and she tried to find an easier, suitable word. Definitely not father, nor brother.
"My friend," she said finally, strangely unsatisfied with the word, "he's feeling unhappy. I'm not sure how to help, because I don't know too much about it. That's why. He won't speak to me."
"Make him."
She was aghast. "Make him? That's terrible! No!"
"Why not? It's better then him sitting around moping, isn't it?"
"He'll be able to solve it," she snapped suddenly, feeling offended for herself and Kenshin. "He can do things like that. I have complete faith in him."
"Then why were you worrying about it in the first place?"
"STOP!" She jumped down onto the ground, facing him, distressed. "Everything will be fine! He'll make sure it will, and I will too! Don't worry about it!"
He moved to get down and she moved back. "Thank you for your help," she said quickly, biting her lip. "But it will be all right. Thanks for the pot." Before he could grab her, she turned and ran.
"It will be okay!" she shouted back, and even in her distress she tried to avoid running into the other people on the road.
-
Where is Ami?
Kenshin walked around restlessly in the inn's courtyard. It had been more than an hour. If anyone has harmed her… His eyes narrowed. It would be his fault. He had practically ordered her out, judging from the way Ami obeyed him. He walked out of the courtyard to the busy market where Ami should have been. Eyes roving the crowd at the same time trying to be inconspicuous, he found himself clenching his fist, a nervous reaction, wanting to be grasping the hilt of his sword.
Finally, he spotted her black head at the side of the throng and sped up his pace, heading for her. He saw her before she saw him. She had bought a pot of all things, and was walking slowly, head down as if in deep thought. But as he focused on her ki, he saw that she was upset.
He came up to her, calling her name.
"Ami-chan?"
Her head shot up. She calmed down as she laid sight on him, but there was something in her eyes that triggered Kenshin's concern. She smiled quickly, and the look faded.
"What are you doing out here?" Ami asked as they began to walk back to the inn, side by side. "I thought…" Her voice trailed off and she looked forlorn.
Ah, she noticed, Kenshin thought grimly. He looked down at her, saddened that she was so miserable on his behalf.
"I was looking for you. You don't have to worry about me, Ami-chan." He smiled at her, to get his meaning clear. "Children shouldn't have to think about such things." You should be happy.
I'll protect your happiness.
Ami bit her bottom lip, nodding obediently, though still troubled. A child? That's all…?
A knock to the pot she was carrying brought her back to the present. Kenshin had knocked a fist against it.
"Why did you get this?"
"Because… I thought maybe…"
You thought serving him one of your dishes would make him all better? A voice mocked coldly. You are a child.
"Sachi-san said that I should keep practicing cooking," she half-lied. "And I thought… maybe it'd be a treat for both of us. If you ever want to have soup, that is."
"Soup sounds good," Kenshin agreed good-naturedly. "But wouldn't you like some sweets instead?"
"Do you like sweets?" she asked, surprised.
"They are not to my preference," Kenshin admitted.
"Then soup is better," Ami declared. "We don't need sweets."
It's not a matter of need, Kenshin thought. He smiled at her, fondly and disappointedly at the same time. He couldn't tell whether Ami really didn't like sweets or if she was just agreeing with him for the sake of it. But then, Kenshin realized, from what I know of her background, how many times has she even had sweets?
Letting the subject of thought drop from his mind, the pair walked back to the inn. That night, Ami could not sleep.
The girl rose from her futon, turning to sit on her knees as Kenshin watched her. Perhaps he could not sleep also.
Always striving to please-
I just want to please Kenshin, that's all, there isn't anything wrong with that-He doesn't deserve to be argued with-
No one should be argued with by me, I'm not worth it-
Because Hiro-
He left me all alone-
Kenshin-
Force him to talk-
There isn't any way I could do that-"It's quite a change, from sleeping under stars to a roof," Kenshin said quietly.
"I'm missing all the night sounds," Ami whispered.
They watched each other, and Ami wondered if they were outside like they normally were, if the moon would be reflected in their eyes. Relaxing at the thought, her eyes left his and roved around the wooden room, to the wall Kenshin had propped up against earlier in the day. She wanted to go up and lean against it, just as he had. She wondered what it felt like.
"Are you all right now, Kenshin?" she asked, still looking at the wall. She knew Kenshin was now looking at it with her.
"I had deep questions on my mind," he murmured. "Such things cannot be answered overnight."
He watched her back shiver, and she seemed to be hovering.
"However, I have come to a conclusion that will provide a temporary solution. The question may be brought up again in the future, and I will face it then. For now, I will continue to fight this way."
Ami's eyes widened. Then they softened, as she began to understand. "Souka…"
He was being so honest with her. Her heart pounded with pride that he was talking to her this way. Today is a day for honesty, she thought. Yes, it was. Today she had confided to a stranger, and now it was Kenshin's turn. Let us really understand each other, today…
She turned back to him, her eyes deep and understanding.
"You were smiling earlier. Maybe if I hadn't met someone in the marketplace, and talked to them, I would forget about it. But since I did, I won't. Are you really going to put that question away and continue?"
He did not answer right away, and Ami went on.
"You'll probably think about it more later and get confused. And you'll smile at me to make me feel better when I notice. But you know, Kenshin…"
She crept closer to him, stopping at the edge of her futon.
"In the end, I think, if you smile only when it's real and you do mean it, I'll be so much happier. I don't like being fooled. Even if I feel bad for you when you're upset, I think I like it better when I'm really seeing how you feel."
A silence followed after she finished speaking, and Ami felt a fear that she had shattered their relationship with her words.
"That way, I know when to back off and let you think," she whispered, trying to mend her words.
"People are always hiding things from others, Ami," he said finally.
Her breath caught at the absence of "chan". But his tone of voice… maybe it was not because of disapproval. Maybe he was just being more serious with her...
"A person would want to protect his or her loved ones from grief by hiding feelings. You do it as well."
Ami nodded silently. It was true.
"And so, Ami-chan," his voice becoming warmer, "that is a difficult request. But know that when I smile at you, it is because I care for you. I am just trying to spare you my burdens, not because I think you are incompetent at knowing myself."
"Souka," she said again, her voice filling with wonder. She slipped back into her futon.
He cares for me. He does, he does-! As she took a deep breath, she imagined her soul floating up to the night sky. But the ugly wooden ceiling blocked the image.An awkward, heavy silence settled in the room. It felt like something had been left unfinished.
"Kenshin," she asked, trying to break it.
"What is it?"
"Do you like inns?"
"Not very much," he said truthfully. They reminded him of the time he had lived at Kohagi-Ya Inn during his time as a hitokiri. Somehow, the atmosphere of the room right now felt like back then, too.
"Me neither. Let's leave, in the morning…"
"Aa."
"Early?"
"Yes."
"Thank you…"
-
A/N:
I kept writing this at different moods & times… I'm afraid that the style is kind of jerky, now. ((shrug)) But that's what I've been doing, so I guess maybe I shouldn't worry…
Oh! School ends on Thursday! It might as well have ended last Friday, since this week we've just been watching movies in each period. On Sunday, I leave for a 5-week-long trip to China. We're not sure if I will be able to have internet access, so another long update lapse, sorry. However, I'm taking my laptop with me, so maybe I'll at least have a chapter ready to put up when I get back. So sayonara!
Replies:
ZerodotJander: Thank you very much for your compliments! I agree with you, some of the stories that I believe are really good don't get updated very often anymore. I'm glad this is to your liking.
EEevee: Frog skeletons, which reminds me of the frog dissection we just finished in Science. I felt sorry for the poor things, especially since the boys were running around going, "Look! I cut out the heart!" and waving it in people's faces. ;
ShiroiMatsu: "Chinese ppl all the way!" XD Lol, thank you. I'm glad you like this.
the sacred night: I'm sorry you didn't like it as much. Funny thing is, I only came up with the "action" type plots because I thought people would get bored with all the emotional stuff! Thanks for sharing your opinion, now I feel I can skip doing some plots and not feel afraid I'm disappointing everybody.
AnimeAmba: Yes, Ami's a very angsty girl. In the end though, I think it will get better for her. (When I say in the end, that's a looong time from now. Geez, I'm afraid since this is developing so slowly I'll bore everyone before it's finished.) I didn't use your title suggestion because I thought it might be a title I might use later on for another chapter. I finally changed it, though. Now it's "Advice Disregarded". Good about Winter's Thaw.
Meiharu: Lol, you guys. XD "What were you going to do?! Practice your weird voodoo rituals on him??" ((That part cracked me up)).
Haruko: I noticed how I've gotten better too. I actually mentioned you and your review in my English final (hope you don't mind). We were supposed to write an essay about how we've changed academically, and I wrote about writing at ff.net and how I've progressed. I'm sorry you feel the story is dragging. I do know how it's going to end and everything, but I guess I just wanted Ami to have more time with Kenshin before the big split. (Ack, spoiler. But from the summary it's predictable, so...) I'm sort of upset with the whole "split" thing now, though. That happens a lot in RK stories, Kenshin leaving someone and they come back later. So now I feel the plot is just "typical" and unoriginal. But I can't change it, either. ;
MissBehavin: Ami will have to deal with who "Battousai" is later on, but Hiro will be something she keeps to herself. She will talk about it with someone later though, and it won't be Kenshin… many people seem to be interested about how Ami will feel about Kenshin's past. I'm thinking I should try and speed their "quality time" together up a bit so I can get to that sooner, what do you think? And just so you know, if I do do that, the story will still be long, so if not wanting it to end faster is a factor of your choice you can forget that. (Unless you'd like for it to end. :P)
Random Reader: I thank you very much for your interest in Ami and the story. When I do come to that part of the story, I hope you will be satisfied with her reactions. Again, thank you for your interests and I hope you will enjoy the rest to come.