"I…I…it's gone."
He couldn't breathe. Gone? All of his happiness was gone. If he had just told her then they could have been at the hospital and put a stop to all of this. Instead, he sat here holding her and trying to hold in his own emotions.
His shirt becomes wetter and wetter as she let the tears roll down her face and onto his shirt. As she want is to go back into time and stop all of this. She takes deep breaths and whispers:
"I'm so sorry."
But he doesn't respond and she pulls away from him. He blames her. And she blames herself. It is her fault. "Please don't be mad at me Luka," she says her voice cracking with every word she utters.
"How can I be mad at you?" He says quietly, not loud enough to break the unbearable silence in the room. Without waiting for her answer, he pulls her back to him and she stays there crying for her baby. A tear breaks the walls he has up and it falls down his face into her golden hair.
There's
a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
But you're just as
far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll
just make them again
If you only try turning around.
There is nothing he can do to drown out his suffering. He's too young to drink and eating a bunch of sweets will only hurt his mother even more.
He was going to be a big brother. Teach his little brother how to skate board. And if it was a girl, he was going to keep his sister safe. Now? Now he doesn't have that chance.
There is no baby.
And it wasn't anyone's fault. Even that stupid driver that had crashed into them didn't cause it. She had already started to lose the baby by the time they got in the car. He can hear her crying downstairs with Luka.
Picking up his math book, he throws it across the room, crashing into the wall and it falls to the floor with a thump, landing wide open.
He needs to blame someone. And he chooses himself.